Adulting with Autism

Are you exhausted from trying to be everything to everyone—and still feeling like it's not enough? In this episode of Adulting With Autism, host April talks with Ruth Hirshberg, former social worker and creator of Grounding with Ruth, about the real root cause behind chronic burnout and people-pleasing: core beliefs about worth. Ruth shares how a Crohn's disease diagnosis forced her to face the truth she'd been avoiding—you can't perform your way to peace. Together, we unpack why "just set boundaries" and "just do self-care" often fails, especially for high achievers, perfectionists, and neurodivergent adults who learned early that being useful was the safest way to belong. Ruth brings an honest, no-fluff approach—calling out toxic positivity and wellness-industry nonsense—and offers practical tools rooted in social work, breathwork, and meditation to build internal safety and sustainable self-worth. In this episode, we cover: What people-pleasing actually is (and why it's not just "being nice") Why boundaries don't stick if you don't believe you're allowed to have needs The hidden beliefs that keep high-achievers trapped in burnout Self-worth vs. productivity: separating value from output Nervous system regulation that doesn't cost money (breathwork you can do anywhere) Meditation for exhausted or traumatized people (starting small, safely, and realistically) Toxic positivity and why "good vibes only" makes healing harder Community as a tool for healing shame and isolation Connect with Ruth Hirshberg: Website: https://groundingwithruth.com Instagram/Facebook: @groundingwithruth Facebook Group: The Enough Project Podcast: Inspired Questions (interviews + guided meditations)

What if your burnout isn't a planner problem—it's a masking problem? In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Ron Sosa (neuro-inclusive leadership coach) breaks down what he actually helps leaders do: find who they are under the mask, reduce cognitive load, stop repeating burnout cycles, and lead in ways that are more sustainable—for neurodivergent brains and the teams they support. Ron shares his own "roller coaster" career path—from 24 years in veterinary medicine (customer service → vet assistant → practice manager → ownership) into learning & development and leadership coaching. He opens up about being diagnosed with ADHD in his early 20s, then receiving a preliminary autism diagnosis in his 30s, and how community connection completely changed what he thought autism "looked like" (including the iconic sensory sock story). We go deep on why so many autistic/ADHD adults keep overriding body signals until the nervous system is already on fire—and why the fix isn't simply "better time management." Ron explains how masking shows up in everyday work moments (even monitoring facial expressions on Zoom), how to tell stress vs. burnout, and why a neuro-inclusive workplace is often "quietly beautiful" because people are thriving without constant conflict, resentment, or quiet quitting. This episode is a permission slip to stop performing leadership—and start designing it. In this episode, we cover: What a neuro-inclusive leadership coach actually does (and why it matters) ADHD + autism diagnosis later in life: identity, belonging, and reframing stereotypes Sensory overwhelm and the "sock story" (and why feet can be a whole thing) "Burnout isn't a time management thing": masking → cognitive load → exhaustion The warning signs we ignore most: hunger, bathroom needs, chest tightness, early dysregulation cues Stress vs. burnout: why burnout feels like "exhaustion in your bones" "Stop performing leadership and start designing it": rebuilding work systems for humans Safety & disclosure: why unmasking isn't always safe (and how to advocate without saying it directly) Decision fatigue supports: partnerships at home/work that reduce daily load Energy protection systems: identify your peak energy, build around your rhythm, and plan recovery Boundaries without guilt: working with the inner critic instead of shame The workplace rule Ron wants to throw out: the rigid one-hour lunch break (micro-breaks instead) Find Ron Sosa (from the episode): Website / book / podcast / coaching: SYN.me (Ron mentions syn-apt) Podcast: Left Unattended Neuro-inclusive leadership resources + blogs via his site

If you could read like a fifth-grader in kindergarten—but couldn't explain what you just read—what would school (and self-esteem) feel like? In this episode of Adulting With Autism, Jason Dietrich shares what it's like to grow up with hyperlexia (an autism profile often marked by advanced word reading paired with reading comprehension struggles). Jason talks about being identified around age five, the impact of unsupportive teachers and even a misleading evaluation, and the moment things began to change when educators finally saw his strengths—especially in hands-on STEM learning. Now a communications specialist and hyperlexia-informed educator, Jason explains why STEM/STEAM can be a powerful fit for many neurodivergent minds: pattern recognition, visual thinking, building systems, and learning by doing—not just memorizing. He also shares how podcasting and video editing became a communication "bridge," and how turning down the noise of constant tech/social media can support executive functioning and stress. Jason also takes us inside his aerospace journey—from teaching middle school STEM to building real connections through the Virginia Space Flight Academy at Wallops Island (coding, drones, robotics, rocketry), and collaborating on a game-based learning module (using Bloxels) that focused on creativity, feedback, and critical thinking—without grades defining students. Whether you're a student who "loves science but hates math," a young adult who feels behind, or a neurodivergent professional navigating advocacy at work, this conversation is a roadmap for taking the next step—even if your path is all zigzags. In this episode, we cover: What hyperlexia is (and why reading ≠ comprehension) Reframing hyperlexia/autism as a superpower, not a limitation Why hands-on STEM works when textbooks and rote learning don't Patterns, visual thinking, and "outside-the-box" problem-solving in STEAM Using podcasting as a lower-anxiety communication tool Executive functioning support: guided meditation, alone time, and taking breaks from social media STEM pathways that can be neurodivergent-friendly—and how to spot toxic environments Career entry points without a perfect resume: LinkedIn, events, courses (Udemy), connections "It's not too late": Jason's GPS "recalculating route" reframe for anyone restarting in their 20s–60s How to stay connected to STEM if math isn't your jam Where to find Jason: PodMatch profile https://podmatch.com/guestdetail/1685297633761x250364355579694180 LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/jason-dietrich-science/

Trigger note: sudden cardiac arrest, medical trauma, anxiety, PTSD responses. What happens when you're "the strong one"… and your body forces you to stop? In this powerful episode of Adulting With Autism, Jeff Luther—dad of three, entrepreneur, speaker, executive coach, and athlete—shares the moment that changed everything: June 12, 2021, when he collapsed during a CrossFit workout in front of his 16-year-old son, went about eight minutes without pulse or breath, and was shocked three times with an AED before waking up. Jeff later received a diagnosis of ARVC (Arrhythmogenic Right Ventricular Cardiomyopathy) and was told exercise was off the table if he wanted to live. But the hardest part wasn't only the diagnosis—it was what came after: fear, denial, anger, and the crushing mental spiral of what if. Jeff opens up about the dark place he hit, how trauma changed his relationship with control, and why "life is short" didn't feel inspiring—it felt heavy. We talk about what helped him climb out: micro-steps, 30-second reps, and a gratitude practice that started with tiny, almost absurd wins (like being grateful for a computer mouse) and grew into a mindset that rebuilt his life—without pretending the pain didn't happen. Jeff also shares a raw parenting moment: realizing he was asking his son "Are you okay?" questions he already knew the answer to—because the real answer would require action. He explains how he learned to ask the hard questions, get his son support, and redefine what resilience actually looks like. In this episode, you'll learn: What it's like to experience sudden cardiac arrest and wake up to a new reality The fear loop of "what if"—and how to walk it down without gaslighting yourself Why "rest is okay, quitting isn't" became Jeff's anchor The 30-second rule: how tiny actions rebuild confidence after burnout/health chaos Executive functioning-friendly routines: make your bed + "one plant a day" How trauma shows up in parenting (sirens, hypervigilance, avoidance) and what helped A powerful reframe: "What if I'm not a burden? What if I'm someone's happiness?" Why we "find what we're looking for" (confirmation bias) and how to challenge it gently Find Jeff Luther: LinkedIn: Jeff Luther Instagram: @jeffluther (as stated) Website: JeffLuther.com (includes a complimentary coaching call sign-up, while available)

Coach Willie Blake joins Adulting With Autism to talk about what high performance really looks like for dyslexic and neurodivergent adults—without hustle culture, perfectionism, or burnout. Willie shares how growing up with dyslexia shaped his confidence at school, work, and in relationships—and why "trying to hide and catch up" eventually stops working. We unpack his simple, practical framework for getting unstuck: the Pick One Theory and the 2% Rule—small daily actions that build momentum, clarity, and self-trust (even when you're overwhelmed, overstimulated, or stuck in analysis paralysis). If you've been battling overthinking, imposter syndrome, time blindness, or shame around needing accommodations/tools, this episode will help you reframe what's happening and take the next step—without changing your whole life overnight. Explore the new website: AdultingWithAutism.com In this episode, we cover: Dyslexia at work: confidence, clarity, and using your "dyslexic edge" How to stop second-guessing and start moving (even with low energy) "Pick One Theory": why one tab beats 10 tabs The 2% Rule: consistency > perfection Turning "What if I fail?" into "What if it works out?" Imposter syndrome: why you're not a fraud—you're on day one Accommodations as tools (not weakness) for neurodivergent brains Find Willie Blake: CoachWillieBlake.com If this episode helped, follow/subscribe, leave a review, and share it with a friend who needs a "pick one" reminder today.

Many autistic young adults are handed a confusing, media-driven version of sex and intimacy—then expected to "just know" their own bodies, boundaries, consent language, and relationship skills… often while navigating sensory differences and a lifetime of being misunderstood. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April sits down with Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers—retired professor, marriage & family therapist, sex therapist, and medical family therapist—about what autistic adults actually need to build safer, more satisfying intimacy: self-understanding, shame-free education, clear consent, and relationships rooted in trust rather than "shoulds." This is a compassionate, practical conversation about sexual self-knowledge, healing sexual shame, and creating intimacy that works with neurodivergent bodies and nervous systems. In this episode, you'll learn: Why the starting point is you: understanding your sensory preferences around touch (what feels safe, desired, and consensual) learning how to communicate what you like/don't like—and how to listen to a partner's needs co-creating touch that works for both people (instead of guessing or performing) How society "throws people to the wolves" on sexuality: kids (including autistic kids) often learn from media, not developmentally appropriate guidance entertainment ≠ real-life sexual health or real intimacy What sexual shame is—and how to recognize it shame forms when natural curiosity/behavior is met with anger, disgust, humiliation, or silence the internal message becomes: "Something is fundamentally wrong with me." Dr. Tina's research-based definition of sexual shame (2017): a visceral (body-based) feeling of humiliation/disgust toward one's body and identity as a sexual being internalized beliefs of being abnormal, inferior, unworthy harm to trust, communication, and emotional/physical intimacy fear/uncertainty about your right to make safety decisions and express boundaries Early signs shame may be "driving the bus": chronic self-criticism about your body, desires, or neurodivergence apologizing for your needs, shrinking yourself, "slinking back" feeling unsafe saying no—or feeling punished when you do Dr. Tina's framework for healing sexual shame: MESS (Model for Erasing Sexual Shame) Frame: rebuild sex education (often from the ground up, by age/developmental stage) Name: tell your story with safe people; reduce isolation and normalize what happened Claim: claim your body as good; retrain "not enough" messaging from culture/consumerism Aim: create a new legacy—live with more confidence, language, and self-respect Sustaining intimacy "over the long haul" (including neurodivergent couples): long-term relationships require ongoing growth ("grow up, show up, shape up") intimacy dies when partners stop feeling seen/considered and start running parallel lives Navigating mismatched desire + sensory sensitivities without making it "I'm bad at relationships" separating orgasm/sexual release from intimacy and bonding building a menu of connection options (touch/no touch, naked cuddling, tub time, one-way touch, etc.) shifting the goal from "a script we must follow" to "we both feel more bonded and safe afterward" Consent and boundary skill-building as a practice: giving yourself permission to like what you like and not like what you don't like practicing language such as: "Thank you for the invitation, but no." Community considerations: why communities that center explicit consent and boundaries can be safer for practicing communication why "vanilla culture" often contains unspoken expectations and boundary violations Family systems, divorce, and change: what matters most is being resourced—safe community, shared knowledge, and consistent support preparing autistic adults for transitions with honest communication, scaffolding, and validation One tiny step when you feel sexually shut down: start with self-acceptance and honest, non-performative communication (especially in partnerships) releasing "shoulds" and building a support system that helps you critique harmful cultural scripts Where to find Dr. Tina + resources: Website: TinaShermerSellers.com Instagram: @drtinashameless Books: Sex, God, and the Conservative Church: Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy Shameless Parenting: Everything You Need to Raise Shame-Free, Confident Kids and Heal Your Shame Too If you can't afford the books: DM her—she offers promo codes for audio versions to help people access resources.

What if you're not "too much," not "lazy," not "a broken neurotypical"… but a perfectly valid autistic/ADHD creative? In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Angie Dixon, author of The Leonardo Trait, who spent 20 years writing a book on "profound creativity"—then learned in her 50s that she's autistic (after an ADHD diagnosis in her 20s). That late diagnosis changed everything: the book, the meaning of her life story, and her relationship to masking, hustle culture, burnout, and multi‑passionate creativity. This episode is for anyone who "collects passions like stray cats," swings between hyperfocus and shutdown, or has been pressured to "pick a lane." In this episode, you'll learn: Angie's diagnosis journey: ADHD diagnosis in her mid‑20s autism diagnosis in her mid‑50s realizing she'd been writing the "wrong book" for 18 years—because she didn't yet have the language for neurodivergent creativity The "instruction manual vs warranty card" feeling: being the "weird kid," outsider dynamics, and learning to "perform being a person" how masking can show up as overworking and chasing success (hustle as camouflage) The reframe that changes everything: "I'm not a broken neurotypical person. I'm a perfect autistic person." finding neurodivergent community and the relief of being understood (including sensory validation like a "two‑degree margin of comfort") What the Leonardo Trait is: multi‑passionate creators who spiral through interests rather than moving in a straight line why starting lots of things (and not finishing all of them) can be a feature—not a flaw why Leonardo da Vinci is the model: big ideas, many starts, real output, non-linear life Practical strategies for a multi‑passionate life that still pays bills: keep "maps" for future-you: notes on where you stopped and what comes next project logs for materials/tools/details (so you can re-enter a project without friction) Autistic burnout (not "typical burnout"): warning signs Angie ignored: exhaustion, loss of interest, pushing through 80-hour weeks why autistic burnout can feel physiological and identity-shaking recovery: rest + changing the conditions that caused it (not just "taking a weekend") examples of "stepping down" work intensity to recover (role changes that reduce load) Unmasking in real life (especially for younger adults): why "full feral rainbow unmasking" isn't always realistic or safe at 22 Angie's approach: unmask 5%—one small, repeatable change (like letting your humor show with one trusted person) Non-linear productivity designed for autistic energy patterns: organizing tasks by low / medium / high energy (not just priority) building momentum by starting with an "interest spark," then sliding into boring tasks using timers/alarms in a way that fits your brain (and why Pomodoro doesn't work for everyone) Angie's anti-hustle rules (realistic and disability-aware): delegate/pay for what drains you (when possible) cap working hours and limit simultaneous big projects some tasks can be deleted, not optimized (e.g., "I don't do social media") Choosing projects: "Can I do it?" vs "Is it a YES?" Angie's filter: If someone else does it, would I be fine? if yes, it's not your yes—save your energy for what you'd regret not doing Restarting creativity after it was "beat out of you": return to what you loved in early childhood (kindergarten clues) permission to choose forms that fit you now (e.g., abstract painting instead of "learn to draw first") What Angie hopes happens after someone feels seen: take one action toward being more yourself—at home, in art, in community, or by naming your needs Angie's "tool + challenge" for listeners: Practical tool: find one small way to be more yourself where you are "Feral rainbow" challenge: throw off one part of the mask that's choking you most—safely, intentionally, and on your timeline Where to find Angie: Website: ProfoundCreativity.com The Leonardo Trait release date mentioned: January 27

Today's episode is personal. My son just turned 24, and I'm reflecting on what success really looks like—especially for autistic and neurodivergent young adults. After a difficult first semester filled with housing issues, stress, and academic setbacks, he found his footing. And now? He's on track to make the Dean's List. But this episode isn't about grades. It's about redefining success. If you're: struggling with school or life direction feeling behind compared to others transitioning into adulthood raising an autistic young adult This episode is for you. We talk about: why success is NOT comparison what progress actually looks like in real life why young adulthood now extends into your 30s the pressure to "have it all together" by 25 and why taking your time is not failure Success is not a timeline. Success is what YOU define it to be. If my son can rebuild after a difficult semester, advocate for himself, and keep going—you can too. Happy 24th birthday, Z. I couldn't be more proud. 🎙️ Keep fierce. Keep focused. Keep adulting with autism.

"Trauma-informed" gets misunderstood fast—people assume it means sharing personal stories, crying at work, or lowering standards. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Jennifer, founder of The Expert Talk, a corporate training company that helps organizations build trauma-informed practices and cultures of belonging—the felt sense of belonging, not the kind that's just written on a wall. This conversation is especially relevant for autistic/ADHD young adults entering the workforce who are trying to find (or create) environments that feel safe, predictable, and sustainable. In this episode, you'll learn: What "trauma-informed" actually means (and what it doesn't): it's not about telling your story at work it's a lens: assume everyone has a story and lead with care, clarity, and respect Why trauma isn't only "big events"—it's also nervous system responses to overwhelm, threat, and uncertainty The core shift in mindset at work: from "What's wrong with this person?" to "What might be happening for this person?" What a regulated (safer) workplace tends to look like: predictability + transparency clear communication consistent follow-through respect for boundaries choice where possible less masking to be accepted "Trauma-organized" workplaces: how systems can trigger dysregulation even without "bad people" Jennifer's hand model of the brain (a simple visual you can use anywhere): regulated state = access to executive functioning (communication, memory, decision-making) dysregulated state = "flipped lid," operating from emotional survival responses Why scripts and "best practices" fail when someone is dysregulated: you might agree to anything just to escape ("flight mode") then forget what you agreed to because you couldn't process it in the moment How autistic/ADHD strengths show up best when you feel safe: pattern recognition, deep focus, direct honesty plus a practical concept: creating "islands of safety" within your sphere of influence A message to leaders: being trauma-informed is not lowering standards it's having hard conversations with clarity staying steady without making reactions personal reducing power struggles that come from mutual dysregulation Entrepreneurship + nervous system reality: why starting a business takes "audacity and delusion" it takes longer, costs more, and requires learning you can't predict the importance of mentors and entrepreneurial community to reduce shame and isolation Self-care vs self-leadership: "bubble baths" = survival care (helps short-term) real self-care = boundaries, energy management, and the "sacred pause" before reacting How Jennifer catches old patterns (people-pleasing/overworking): frequent body/nervous system check-ins noticing "my lid is flapping in the breeze" taking 15–20 minutes to reset and communicating needs clearly Reframing "too sensitive": sensitivity as data, not a defect building safety through micro-boundaries (small, doable boundaries that retrain your nervous system) Resources + where to find Jennifer: Website: theexperttalk.com (two E's, two T's) Free guides (including nervous system work at work) "Language to Leave Behind" resource (phrases that don't land / don't build connection) Blog + online courses (regulation, boundaries, conflict navigation, feedback)

"You can be your authentic self at work." A lot of autistic young adults were told that—and then hit the real world: code-switching, tone policing, vague bias, and pressure to mask just to keep a paycheck. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Nadine Jones—attorney, former head of legal for a multi‑billion‑dollar corporation, consultant, and mom of a child on the spectrum—about what corporate America actually looks like for neurodivergent employees… and how to protect yourself while still building a life. This is a practical, no-fluff conversation about safety, strategy, and what to do when inclusion exists on paper but not in practice. In this episode, you'll learn: Why Nadine believes corporate America isn't ready for the wave of neurodivergent talent (but will have to adapt) The real question of "code-switching": should employees adapt—or should companies learn to accommodate? How direct autistic communication gets misread as rude or insubordinate, and what leaders can do to distinguish style vs "poor fit" vs bias Disclosure realities: why some people don't disclose (and what that means: being held to neurotypical standards) how disclosure can create legal protection under the ADA once you're employed why disclosure during applications can feel like a catch‑22 What "accommodations" can look like in real life: breaks, lighting, processing time, communication clarity, tools/tech supports A story-based look at "quirky" coworkers (knitting to self-regulate, jumping into conversations) and how teams can learn to accommodate instead of judging The family/community education gap (including cultural dynamics) and why "little" supports (yes, even dino nuggets) can prevent major meltdowns and increase belonging How to spot workplace microaggressions: harsher tone toward you vs others exclusion from meetings only negative feedback / no praise different standards depending on "who submits the work" How to document discrimination so you have options: write it down immediately (contemporaneous notes carry more weight) track dates, times, quotes, witnesses, patterns why "but did you document it?" is the legal department's first question A hard truth about HR: HR protects the organization, not you—how to think about HR strategically What companies often get wrong about DEI: why DEI survives when it's tied to business outcomes and the bottom line what happens when it's treated as a "checkbox" or only as social good Practical guidance for the "paycheck vs safety" dilemma: how to quietly job search how to reset your nervous system on weekends when to choose peace over the paycheck severance/COBRA considerations and creating a buffer when you can Connect with Nadine: LinkedIn: Nadine Jones / General Counsel Support Services Email: nadine.jones@gcsupportservice.com (no "s" on service) IG/TikTok: GC Support Insights (handle may appear as @gcsupportinsights) Facebook: General Counsel Support Services If you're entering the workforce and you want both dignity and stability, this episode gives you language, legal reality, and next steps.

Mindfulness isn't "clear your mind," sit perfectly still, and magically become calm. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Dr. Holly Rogers—psychiatrist and long-time leader in college student mental health—about what mindfulness actually is, why Gen Z is experiencing such high anxiety, and how neurodivergent young adults can use mindfulness to prevent overwhelm without turning it into another performance task. Dr. Rogers developed a mindfulness curriculum for college students that's now taught at 300+ colleges worldwide, and she breaks it down in a way that makes sense for real life: busy brains, sensory differences, burnout cycles, and "I tried it and it didn't work." In this episode, you'll learn: Why young adulthood is uniquely stressful: uncertainty, constant transitions, and major life decisions How technology can leave us over-connected online and under-connected in real life (and what that does to the nervous system) What mindfulness is: present-moment awareness with friendly curiosity (not self-judgment) What mindfulness is not: stopping thoughts, forcing stillness, or "doing it perfectly" Why apps alone rarely create a lasting practice for beginners—and why community + a live teacher improves follow-through The "minimum effective dose": research suggests 10 minutes/day can make a meaningful difference What mindfulness helps with: sleep, anxiety, emotion regulation, resilience, and creating a pause between feeling and reacting Alternative entry points for neurodivergent people: anchors using sound, sight, or breath movement-based options what to do if interoceptive awareness (body sensing) is hard A burnout-friendly model: comfort zone → stretch zone → overwhelm how mindfulness helps you notice when you're approaching overwhelm early enough to reset Purpose without pressure: avoiding "purpose paralysis" and living with purpose through integrity, kindness, attention, and connection Reframing non-linear timelines: "it takes as long as it takes," and self-criticism makes everything harder For anyone who thinks they "failed" at mindfulness: you didn't fail—your first method just didn't fit yet Resources mentioned: Website + free guided meditations + programs: MIEA.com Free online meditation community: Dr. Rogers' Wednesday Meditation Circle (1st & 3rd Wednesdays) Books: The Mindful 20-Something (2nd edition coming soon) and Mindfulness for the Next Generation If your nervous system is fried from school, work, social navigation, or autistic burnout—and "mindfulness" sounds like a scam—this episode gives you a realistic starting point.

Ever go from "fine" to flooded in seconds—tight chest, racing thoughts, defensive tone—and then say things you regret? That's not a character flaw. It's a brain hijack. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Diane McDowell, relationship coach (therapist-trained) and creator of the Brain to Heart Code, about what happens when your survival brain decides your partner is "dangerous"—and how to interrupt the hijack before it blows up your relationship. This one is especially relevant for autistic and neurodivergent adults who live in the "preemptive flinch," scan constantly for threat, and mask as calm on the outside while shutting down internally. In this episode, you'll learn: What a brain hijack is (and why a slow text reply or a sigh can feel like a tiger chasing you) Diane's 3-part model: End the hijack Create safety that lasts Return to you (honesty, self-trust, speaking your truth) Why communication skills and "mindset work" fail when you're dysregulated: your prefrontal cortex goes offline The most common hijack signals: chest pressure, changed breathing, clenched jaw/shoulders, racing thoughts, believing your story is 100% true The "blue hair" rule: why defensiveness often shows up when you fear there's a smidge of truth (and how to use that as information) How to shift from reacting to curiosity (self-curious + other-curious), including Diane's "sentence stems" to keep your tone grounded How to work with bracing (and why focusing on "what do I need?" helps more than looping on "why am I like this?") A micro-practice for rewiring: rehearse skills 5x/day (wake up, meals, bedtime) so you can access them when activated What self-leadership means in conflict: stop spending your "brain juice" trying to control someone else—lead your nervous system instead Why "self-sabotage" is often your body overprotecting (like an overzealous guard dog)—and how to soothe it without shame How to speak your truth without demanding an apology, plus Diane's reframe on when apologies matter Partner support without becoming a therapist: code words, noticing cues, time-outs, and not "shooting" each other mid-hijack Boundaries that actually work: self-action boundaries ("If you yell, I will leave the room/house/end the call") A core reframe for shame: you are 100% lovable, valuable, and worthy—and relationships improve when you stop performing to prove it Free resources + quiz + mini-class: EmotionalSafetyCo.com (Free Resources tab) If you've ever thought "I'm too reactive to be loved," this episode is your reminder: you're not broken—you're hijacked. And you can learn to come back to yourself.

If KPIs, OKRs, and vague performance reviews make you feel like you're constantly proving yourself—and still never "doing it right"—this episode will click. April is joined by Radhika Dutt (electrical engineer, startup builder, author of Radical Product Thinking, and an ADHD-identified leader) to unpack why goals and targets often backfire, crush curiosity, and fuel burnout—especially for neurodivergent brains that thrive on meaning, pattern-finding, and problem-solving. Instead of "hit this number," Radhika introduces a different way to work (and lead): puzzle setting + puzzle solving, using her OLA framework—a practical method you can apply in corporate, healthcare, education, and everyday life. In this episode, you'll learn: What OKRs and KPIs actually are—and why they often create performance theater instead of real progress How target culture trains people to hide "bad numbers," making leaders the last to know when something is wrong Why goal systems get gamed (the Microsoft support-queue example) and how that destroys morale for people who care about quality The emotional cost of performance culture: masking, burnout, and losing intrinsic motivation The shift that helps neurodivergent people thrive: move from goal-setting to puzzle-setting How to set a strong puzzle using the 3 O's: Observation (what's happening) Open Questions (what we genuinely don't know yet) Objective (the puzzle summary) How to solve puzzles without binary "pass/fail" thinking using 3 questions: How well did it work? What did we learn? What will we try next? How to respond to vague performance feedback by turning it into a puzzle you can clarify and act on (including an OT/healthcare example) Why psychological safety is required for this approach—and how leaders can model it without "shooting the messenger" What the performance trap looks like at work and in personal life (chasing the next target → fast track to burnout) When goals do work: repetitive tasks (reps at the gym) vs complex work that needs exploration (puzzles) Radhika also shares real outcomes from puzzle-led work (including growth and churn improvement) and why it's okay—and necessary—to ask open questions you don't yet have answers to. Free toolkit + framework: Radhika's OLA (Observe, Hypothesize, Learn, Adapt) resource (link in show notes) Connect with Radhika: LinkedIn (link in show notes) Upcoming book: releasing ~2027 (Radhika welcomes listener stories using the framework) If you're tired of performing and ready to problem-solve like your brain actually wants to—this one's for you.

Turning 18 doesn't flip an "independent adult" switch—especially for autistic young adults. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Dr. Jack Hinman, Psy.D. from Engage (Southern Utah) about what actually helps autistic young adults move toward adulthood without losing autonomy, burning out, or getting stuck at home. Dr. Jack breaks down why the transition from high school → "real life" often feels like a cliff, how parents can shift from control to influence, and what supports matter most when young adults are building real-world skills. In this episode, you'll hear: Why "if you met one autistic person, you met one autistic person" matters in support planning The idea of bandwidth: sensory bandwidth, demand bandwidth, and social bandwidth—and why respecting it changes everything Emerging adulthood as a longer runway (18–30+) and why interdependence is often the real goal How to help parents stop treating adult kids like kids—without abandoning them What goes wrong when autistic young adults have a bad therapy experience (and how to re-enter therapy slowly) How to make therapy fit the person: pacing, reducing demand (even 15-minute family sessions), side-by-side seating, and meeting in less intense settings Transition planning that actually works: building independence in small reps (menus, phone calls, scheduling, money habits) What to do when a young adult is chronically online: start with empathy, name the belonging need it meets, and build bridges to structured offline connection College readiness reality check: high school scaffolding hides skill gaps—start smaller (community college, high-interest classes, EF coaching/tutoring) Dating while living at home: shift from "control" to relationship-based influence and keep connection close Reframing anxiety: you can't grow without it—validate + normalize instead of treating anxiety as failure A practical first step for moving out: make a 1–10 list and start with the easiest "number 1" action today If you're a young adult who wants independence—or a parent trying to support it without micromanaging—this episode gives you language, frameworks, and next steps that don't rely on shame. Learn more: engagelifenow.com Dr. Jack on LinkedIn: Jack Hinman

"Be yourself at work"… unless that part of you is autistic, ADHD, anxious, too direct, too emotional, or needs something different. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, April talks with Pasha Marlowe (she/they)—therapist (32+ years), coach to neurodivergent adults and couples, and author of Creating Cultures of Neuro Inclusion—about what real neuroinclusion looks like in workplaces, families, and community. This conversation is practical and validating, especially if you don't feel safe disclosing a diagnosis (or you don't have one), but you still need support to function and avoid burnout. In this episode, you'll learn: What neuroinclusion actually means (it's not just "neurodivergent-friendly"—it's collaboration between all neurotypes) Why leaders are losing people: it's often not "work ethic," it's lack of respect, agency, autonomy, and psychological safety The RESPECT Framework: a simple "user manual" approach to talk about needs/preferences without requiring diagnosis or disclosure How to write a one-page "how my brain & body work" guide (without turning it into a 10-page autobiography) The difference between being told you belong vs neuro-belonging: belonging to yourself first (even in ableist spaces) A powerful reframe for people-pleasers: "Disappoint others before you disappoint yourself." Why "fix-the-person" workplace solutions fail—and how overworking in the first 30/60/90 days can lead to exploitation and burnout How leaders can hold hard conversations when someone is labeled "too direct," "difficult," or "emotional" (hint: set expectations before conflict) Workplace red flags for fake neuroinclusion: disorder-first language, functioning labels, sloppy "neurodiverse individuals," euphemisms, and excluding mental health from the neurodivergent umbrella How to advocate using universal design language (e.g., "the flickering lights are disabling" / "I need captions to absorb the content") without outing yourself If you're exhausted from masking all day, Pasha also shares how to talk to people at home about why you "crash" after work—and how to find spaces where you can actually unmask and be understood. Pasha's book: Creating Cultures of Neuro Inclusion (paperback/Kindle/Audible) Website: PashaMarlowe.com Email: pasha@pashamarlowe.com Social: TikTok/IG @neuroqueercoach | LinkedIn/Facebook: Pasha Marlowe

If you've ever said "I know better… so why do I keep doing this?"—this episode is for you. April sits down with Brian DesRoches, a psychotherapist with 35+ years of experience, to unpack what's actually happening when we get triggered, people-please, shut down, avoid hard conversations, or spiral into self-blame. Brian breaks down a powerful reframe: your brain doesn't "hate change"—it has emotional immunity to change when change feels unsafe. In other words, many self-defeating patterns aren't personality flaws… they're protective emotional learnings your nervous system is still running, often from long ago. In this episode, you'll learn: The difference between normal stress, anxiety, and being triggered (and why they're often lumped together) Why triggers are essentially threat predictions—"the feeling of what will happen" How behaviors like withdrawal, avoidance, people-pleasing, sarcasm, over-drinking, and perfectionism can be protective (not "brokenness") The neuroscience of memory reconsolidation—and why insight alone often doesn't create change What it means to "update" an old emotional learning at the synaptic level (vs just coping after you're activated) A practical starting point: do a trigger inventory, identify one pattern, notice body signals, and name the feared outcome Why feedback/authority situations can feel so intense for autistic people: the threat of being seen How to find the right support: look for experiential therapy and ask about memory reconsolidation-informed approaches This conversation is validating, practical, and hopeful: you're not lazy, dramatic, or defective—your brain is protecting you. And yes, you can update what it learned. Brian's website: BrianDeRoche.com (Books available on Amazon / by order at bookstores; includes a supplemental set of client stories.) If you found this episode helpful, follow the show and share it with someone stuck in a loop of self-blame.

What if "adulting" isn't failing—it's just doing life without the tools your brain actually needs? In this episode of Adulting With Autism, host April talks with Natalie Diggins—technologist and author of The Autistic Adults Toolbox—about practical, real-world systems that make autistic life more manageable without shame, fluff, or forced positivity. Natalie shares why she built a "toolbox" in the first place (starting with the moment she couldn't even find a template to tell a surgeon what she needed), and how autistic adults can stop reinventing the wheel—at work, in relationships, in social situations, and during burnout. In this episode, you'll learn: How to anticipate sensory overload instead of just enduring it (Natalie's simple day-by-day framework) The three times disclosure can make sense: helping someone, trust/intimacy, or the "thermonuclear option" How to plan for holidays and parties by protecting your "sensory calories" (before/during/after strategies + finding quiet spaces) The difference between meltdowns and tantrums, and how to explain meltdowns to a partner How Natalie spots burnout early with a "hurricane warning system"—plus her written down plan for recovery A minimalist executive-functioning setup: the "Top 3" notepad rule (when apps are too much) Relationship communication that works: shifting to "I want / I need" language and making needs understandable across neurotypes If you've ever felt "too much," "too sensitive," or like you're behind in life—this conversation is a reminder: you're not broken. You need tools. Find Natalie's book: The Autistic Adults Toolbox (online or at your local bookstore) If you liked this episode, follow/subscribe and share it with someone who needs practical supports—not pressure.

If you're ambitious, high-performing, and secretly exhausted—this episode is for you. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, we talk with Carol Enneking, former corporate VP in Talent and Leadership and author of The Rebalancing Act, about redefining success in a way that doesn't cost your health, relationships, or sense of self. Carol shares what she saw inside high-performance culture: many of the most "successful" people were also the most depleted. Together we unpack why "balance" isn't a stable destination, how to rebalance in real life, and how autistic and neurodivergent adults can navigate burnout, sensory load, and masking—without sacrificing ambition. In this episode, we cover: Why high performers often achieve more while enjoying it less "Balance" vs rebalancing (and why balance is basically a myth) Boundaries for ambitious people: when to dial it up vs dial it back People pleasing + perfectionism: how to loosen your grip without doing sloppy work Burnout signs (physical + cognitive) and why time can prevent escalation How to redefine success using values, legacy, and intentional choices A healthier relationship with failure: "failed" vs "I am a failure" Practical questions to stop spiraling: best case, worst case, likely outcome Connect with Carol: Website: carolenneking.com Book: The Rebalancing Act (wherever books are sold)

If you're an autistic or ADHD adult struggling with clutter, executive dysfunction, burnout, or decision fatigue, this episode of Adulting with Autism is for you. Professional Organizer and Life Organizing Strategist Takilla Combs (founder of Xtreme Audacity Organized Solutions) breaks down why organization isn't about pretty bins, Pinterest pantries, or perfect routines—it's about building sustainable systems that support how you actually live. We talk about how clutter can be physical, mental, emotional, and operational, why high performers can look "together" at work while feeling overwhelmed at home, and how to create flexible routines that work for neurodivergent brains—without shame or perfectionism. In this episode, you'll learn: Why clutter often starts as brain clutter and shows up in your environment The real reason "motivation" and quick productivity hacks don't stick Takilla's S.Y.S.T.E.M. framework: clutter costs Space, Time, Energy, Money How to build routines around your natural rhythms (and adjust as life changes) What to do when your systems fall apart due to mental health dips or a busy season A simple approach to paper clutter: handle what's already open first, one pile at a time Guest: Takilla Combs — Life Organizing Strategist + Professional Organizer Website: https://extremeaudacity.com (starts with X) Podcast: The Organized Life with Takilla Renee Social: @extremeaudacity | @takillarenee If this helped, follow Adulting with Autism, leave a review, and share this episode with someone navigating ADHD, autism, executive functioning challenges, or overwhelm.

Pressure can be motivating… or it can be a fast track to overwhelm—especially for autistic and ADHD adults. In this episode of Adulting With Autism, we talk with Michael Dugan, corporate trainer with 20+ years experience and 20,000+ hours teaching performance under pressure, and author of Turning Snowflakes to Diamonds: Turning Pressure Into Power in an Age of AI. Michael shares his Becoming Diamond framework and explains emotional mastery in everyday language. We explore how to distinguish growth pressure from harmful overwhelm, how to set boundaries that protect your nervous system, and practical, repeatable tools for emotional regulation. In this episode, we cover: Pressure vs overload: what's "growth" and what's too much Emotional mastery (what it actually is—and what it isn't) The Swiss Army Knife method: Body, Breath, Brain The ART process: Accept, Release, Transform Breath and body cues for calming the nervous system Staying grounded in a world of AI, uncertainty, and information overload How attention shapes your state (and how to "bookend" your day) Where to find Michael: Book: Turning Snowflakes to Diamonds (Amazon / Audible) Online: Michael Timothy Dugan (YouTube + socials)