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Basketball Illuminati

Author: Tom Haberstroh & Amin Elhassan

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Tired of agenda-driven basketball talk that only offers glimpses of the truth? Wish there was a place you could get the full picture? Basketball Illuminati offers you salvation. Go behind the scenes with exclusive analysis previously restricted from the general public. Fearless NBA Insiders Amin Elhassan and Tom Haberstroh peel back the curtain on why things happen in the NBA.

87 Episodes
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While the rest of the league has been working on bulking up and getting in shape, Media Day has us in our feelings thanks to Jimmy Butler's new look. Damian Lillard to Milwaukee, Jrue Holiday to Boston, everyone but Tyler Herro to Portland... It was a busy weekend. Meanwhile, Nikola Jokic clocks back in to work. The voice of Basketball Illuminati himself Pablo Torre is here to share how he found out about the inciting phrase from Jordan Poole that elicited the infamous Draymond Green punch. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Tough Guy Talk

Tough Guy Talk

2023-09-2743:28

Dwyane Wade has started a campaign to tell every other superstar player that they were the reason he called and asked LeBron to take his talents to South Beach. The Warriors finally solved their depth issues... By bringing in renowned bleeping tough guy Rodney McGruder instead of Juan Toscano Anderson? Finally, limited fake Tim Bontemps Did His Own Research, surveying league insiders about who's gonna win the title, while Amin has some inconvenient insight into that investigation. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
September to Remember

September to Remember

2023-09-2042:51

An intrepid Twitter researcher @OtownNBA compiled a list of players that have racked up the most 'Bang!' calls by Mike Breen in the last decade. As the Damian Lillard saga drags on towards training camp, the Illuminati look back at the greatest September trades in history, including an NBA Finals loser bringing in a star that propelled them to a title. Then Tom Did His Own Research on which cities in the NBA had the highest and lowest participation rate by star players, meaning how likely they are to play when they come to town. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
NBAARP

NBAARP

2023-09-1354:56

The day after Novak Djokovic celebrated his 24th title and honored Kobe Bryant with a Mamba Forever shirt, Aaron Rodgers tore his achilles wearing the number 8. What is going on in NY? The league's competition committee is incorporating a new fine system to govern star player rest, however there are a plethora of exceptions, which we are calling the NBA Acceptable Rest Protocol. Team USA came up short of the bronze medal against Canada, so Tom Did His Own Research and put together 4 teams worth of players that could compete with Anthony Edwards and company. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Andre Drummond makes a bold proclamation about his career and hall of fame status, so the Illumination digs into the numbers behind his claim. Despite a brief hitch in their giddyup against Lithuania, Team USA rolled Italy in the FIBA quarterfinals, and there might be a motivational factor hiding in plain sight. Finally, back at the end of May, we brought on a Truth Teller that connected the dots on Referee Eric Lewis' burner account. Lo and behold, three months later, he retired and vanished into the wind. What happened? Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
World Champions

World Champions

2023-08-3048:23

Paul George has thrown his proverbial hat in the ring, so the Illuminati compares his Chucky Barkley impression to Kenan Thompson and Aries Spears. Sprinter Noah Lyles incites the wrath of the NBA comments section, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson is the Kobe of Jordan, and Rudy Gobert takes accountability for France being eliminated from the FIBA World Cup. Tom Does His Own Research on last year's Ref Score, which teams were assigned the most experienced referees and predicts which team jump up for in the upcoming season. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The New York Dicks

The New York Dicks

2023-08-2347:27

A former NBA social media employee took to Facebook to air his grievances and promote his new consulting business after asking how to log out of the official NBA account. The James Harden saga continues with a healthy hundred thousand dollar fine from the association, but DA Amin Elhassan takes the case to defend him in Illuminati Court. Finally, do the NY Knicks have a serious grievance with a former employee bringing alleged proprietary information to the Toronto Raptors and breaking the code, or are they just being dicks about it? Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Kyrie Irving is back in a big way, driving content on all segments of this show, and revealing his sworn fealty to a lord by wearing a certain number. Amin reports back from his experience at the Hall of Fame induction this past weekend, and tries to share credit with Curt Gowdy Media Award winner Marc Spears. James Harden broke the code on his dissatisfaction with the 76ers by calling Daryl Morey a liar, so we decode what Daryl was lying about and where this situation is headed. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Mid Level Bread

Mid Level Bread

2023-08-0940:561

Tom has started a new Substack, The Finder, and we want you to find out why. Kevin Garnett is wondering where the all the mid level bread is located, so we head to the Illuminati bakery to prove that there's a lot more out there than you might think. Paolo Banchero is suiting for Team USA in this FIBA World Cup, and Amin unveils the truth of why he left Italy's national team behind in a quite inconvenient fashion. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Leveraging Value

Leveraging Value

2023-08-0258:15

Anthony Edwards is changing his jersey number, causing us to dip back into our numerology bag of tricks to interpret the significance. Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson are out while Doc Rivers and Doris Burke are in as ESPN shakes up their NBA Finals commentator team. Admiral of the IllumiNavy and Economics Professor Scott Kaplan joins the show to discuss his paper discussing 'The Distributional Impact of Maximum- and Minimum-Level Contracts on Player Compensation' Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In the doldrums of the summer, we turn back the clock in an interview with the legendary heckler Robin Ficker, although he objects to that term. Way back on January 25th, in our 'Stan Spittin' episode, we discussed the legacy of the Washington Bullets fan who stood toe to toe with Michael Jordan from his seat behind the visitor's bench. Now the 80 year old Maryland resident joins us on the podcast to share his therapeutic methods, the one player that was immune to his efforts and how David Stern targeted him personally. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Height Fraud

Height Fraud

2023-07-1958:36

LeBron James has changed his number from 6 to 23 out of respect for Bill Russell in the midst of un-retiring out of respect for Michael Jordan. Joel 'Troel' Embiid had some curious comments at the Uninterrupted Film Festival, is he possibly in an empire state of mind? Victor Wembenyama is deflating his height from 7'5" to 7'3", and he's not the only athlete to do so. You won't want to Skip this segment. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Ballsack Sports has evolved to another level, tricking players into believing their own fake stats. Tom contextualizes Victor Wembenyama's Summer League performance by doing his own research on other star debuts. Jeff Teague has become a storytelling podcaster and Gilbert Arenas put Zion Williamson on the spot about his weight. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Source Loyalty Program

Source Loyalty Program

2023-07-0655:17

Free Agency is underway, complete with a splash of Trade Demands to keep things interesting. Read these reports with a cautious third eye, Illumination, in order to parse the true machinations at play. Does your favorite news breaker have a rewards program depending on how many miles their sources accrue? We break down all the loyalty tiers. A new Amateur NBA Analyst also threw his hat into the ring. Is it a ghost of free agency past, or a new bloke from across the pond? Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Draft Gradeys

Draft Gradeys

2023-06-2858:571

Victor Wembenyama has a direct line to the Universe thanks to a wide open third eye. Brandon Miller is a Hornet after some buzz moved the betting lines, and Fat Joe really wants us to know he likes Dick from Kansas. Jake Fischer of Yahoo Sports returns as Truth Teller to give us the inside track on the upcoming free agent frenzy, teams afraid of the second apron and Dame scenarios. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Scooting Drills

Scooting Drills

2023-06-2101:14:071

Last Friday's news dump going into the weekend included a 25 game suspension for Ja Morant and the finalized sale of the Charlotte Hornets. The Bartelstein family celebrated Father's Day in a very public way this year as Bradley Beal was traded to Phoenix, while a shadow GM is taking the Suns in a different direction. Brandon Payne of Accelerate Basketball returns to the program to give us the scoop on Scoot Henderson's training and workout with Steph Curry before this year's draft. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Nikola Jok-Ish

Nikola Jok-Ish

2023-06-1459:121

Ja and Zion, the crown jewels of the 2019 draft, have been attracting attention off the court for all the wrong reasons. Is that draft cursed? What about 2nd overall picks? Denver has climbed to the mountaintop due to Nikola Jokic's workmanlike effort, as the Heat sink back to sea level and a summer of Damian Lillard rumors. Tom did his own research on Wake Forest journeyman and folk hero Ish Smith, using this Nuggets championship as an opportunity to leave no stone unturned. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Untrained Eyes

Untrained Eyes

2023-06-0749:24

Kyrie Irving is hitting the recruiting trail, trying to lure LeBron to join him and Luka in Dallas, but if you've had your third eye open for a while, you already knew that. Amin continues to search for the mythical Jokic brothers and the Illumination Loves the adjustments the Heat have made so far in this series. Finally, take a trip to Research Town, where Tom digs into Erik Spoelstra's comments about Nikola Jokic, hoping to train your eyes to see Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
What About Bob?

What About Bob?

2023-05-3101:12:11

The Finals are here, the Heat made history that the Celtics fell just short of, and there's a mysterious blackout at the new LeBatard Show HQ. Is it all connected? Bob Myers tenure in Golden State has come to an end, albeit a month earlier than anticipated. What's next for the championship architect, and who will fill the void in his absence? Finally, a Truth Teller emerges to share with us how he exposed NBA official Eric Lewis' burner account CuttliffBlair to the masses. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The French Connection

The French Connection

2023-05-2451:53

A script for this year's NBA playoffs got leaked onto the internet... Or was that all simply part of the script? Victor Wembenyama is headed to San Antonio, just as the Illuminarmy Generals predicted, as we take you through the eurosteps that led Wemby to the Spurs. Tom did his own research on Jimmy Butler's flagrant disregard for technical fouls, while Rudy Gobert has returned from the darkness. Subscribe to Basketball Illuminati! On Apple or Spotify Merch: Shirt - Hoodie - Tank - Hat - Beanie Email us: basketballilluminati@gmail.com Twitter: @bballilluminati Instagram: @basketballilluminati Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Comments (5)

Shysta McNasty

23:00. Bill Simmons!

Apr 6th
Reply

Shysta McNasty

Do you own research!

Mar 11th
Reply

Shysta McNasty

01:07:00. End the draft!

Jun 28th
Reply

Amir Salih

🤙🏾

Mar 9th
Reply

william larkin

completely different than any other NBA pod. great analysis presented in a cool format. give it a listen.

Feb 23rd
Reply
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