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The main topic we explore on the podcast, in many different ways, is change. How can we come to understand ourselves better, let go of who we were, and become who we wish to be? In this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by meditation teacher and former Zen monastic Caverly Morgan. They discuss how we can release our conditioning, identify the inner voice that leads to change, and get to the heart of who we are.About Our Guest: Caverly is a meditation teacher, author, and the founder of Peace in Schools - a nonprofit which created the nation's first for-credit mindfulness class in public high schools. Her practice began in 1995, and has included eight years of training in a silent Zen monastery. She’s also the author of the wonderful new book The Heart of Who We Are: Realizing Freedom Together.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:55: Caverly’s path to Zen3:30: Truth and freedom7:20: Chop wood, carry water8:30: Why it’s okay to have a “conventional” path to enlightenment9:35: The voice that says “is this all there is?”12:25: Distinguishing our conditioning from what we really want15:40: What supports us in exercising our will21:20: Resistance, preference, and willingness23:25: Responding to “should”29:10: Our will and our ego35:30: Making room for our own nurturing voice37:35: Practical ways to listen to the heart40:40: Awakening together47:20: Coming home to our own being at the simplest level50:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and you can join over a million people using the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.
Before becoming the “Buddhist brain guy” Dr. Rick spent over 30 years working in private practice as a couples counselor and family therapist. Today we’re leaning on that experience, and learning what we can do to build healthier, happier, and more fulfilling relationships.Today’s episode was based on Rick’s new book Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love. Follow this link if you’d like to order it.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction and Rick’s upcoming book3:20: The importance of deliberate action in making a relationship 5:50: 6 practical steps from Rick’s new book10:05: The relationship we have with ourselves13:10: When others don’t want the same thing18:50: Rick’s recurring observations in relationship counseling25:00: Balancing intimacy and autonomy, and asserting what you want30:50: Staying on topic and establishing thorough agreements36:25: Sticking to our needs without alienating others37:45: Tolerating discomfort40:20: Getting to truth with others41:40: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors: This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and you can join over a million people using the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.
We often know what we “should” do, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to do it. Today Dr. Rick and Forrest are joined by Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman and Dr. Jordyn Feingold to explore how we can learn to consistently choose our best selves, overcome barriers to growth, and fully actualize ourselves.About our Guests: Scott is a cognitive scientist, humanistic psychologist, professor at Columbia University, host of the popular Psychology Podcast, and the author of 10 books, including Transcend: The New Science of Self-Actualization. Jordyn is a resident physician in psychiatry, a well-being researcher, and a positive psychology practitioner. Together, they’re the authors of the recently released Choose Growth: A Workbook for Transcending Trauma, Fear, and Self-Doubt.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:40: Why the title Choose Growth?3:50: Balancing growth and discomfort7:20: The value of social support12:00: Growth from positive experiences14:15: Mindset15:40: 8 ways to choose growth16:35: Building self-esteem and distinguishing it from narcissism24:55: Becoming a transcender29:25: Transcending dichotomies34:15: Practicing self-compassion 36:50: The underlying ground41:30: Creativity and healing46:00: Daily positive medicine for collective growth50:15: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Being Well is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.
Why Don't We Get Better?

Why Don't We Get Better?

2023-01-0256:392

This is the podcast’s five-year anniversary, and over that time I’ve submerged myself in psychology, self-help, and personal growth content - and as a result I’ve changed in many important ways. At the same time, some things have been very hard to change. It's surprising how even after learning so much I still often  feel like I’m pushing the same old rocks up the same old hills. On today’s episode I’m joined by Dr. Rick Hanson to explore why we struggle to get better, how much change is realistically possible, what makes real change hard, the hidden barriers to lasting change, and what we can do to overcome them.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction3:55: Why do you want to change?4:50: Four fundamental strategies7:00: Three common issues9:20: Effort, skillfulness, and luck12:40: People’s autonomy about whether they want to change or not13:50: “Tailwinds” to help yourself17:30: Secondary gains, avoiding change, and naming payoffs and costs24:15: Levity and affection for yourself27:15: Starting by owning that we choose our behavior30:10: Resistance and the parts of us that don’t want to change34:00: Framing, starting with benefits, and absolving shame39:35: Tactics vs. Strategies42:30: Celebrating small change, aiming for big healing46:40: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year’s sale is going on now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:This podcast is sponsored by BetterHelp, and you can join over a million people using the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
We’ve come to the end of another year, and it’s a good time to take stock and consider how we’d like to grow and change during our next trip around the sun. In this episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on what supports us and what holds us back from reinventing ourselves and becoming all we wish to be. They talk about how they’d like to change over the next year, different approaches to new year’s resolutions, do a little digging around in Forrest’s psyche, and highlight a few practical things we can do to support our growth. New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year’s sale is going on now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:55: Different frameworks around goals and intentions6:15: Forrest’s goal: more freedom, less constraint8:50: Integrating the mundane and the profound11:35: What supports us in changing? What constrains us?13:35: Mentors, and other sources of encouragement22:00: Reverting to old patterns when returning to old environments28:00: Self-acceptance makes change possible29:45: “Trim tabs” and other forms of psychological leverage35:30: Diligence, effort, and consistency37:50: Addressing deficits and reassuring yourself40:30: Relaxing around inevitability41:40: Embracing the joy of possibility and change46:35: RecapSponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
We think of stress as “bad” for you, but what if some forms of stress could actually help us grow and change for the better? On today’s episode Forrest and Dr. Rick are joined by Dr. Elissa Epel, a psychologist and leading stress researcher, to explore the science behind the stress response. They talk about the different forms of stress, what separates “good” stress from “bad” stress, how we can take advantage of good stress, and dealing with existential forms of stress like the climate crisis. About our Guest: Elissa Epel is a psychologist, bestselling author, and a Professor and Vice Chair in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco. Her research focuses on stress, well-being, and optimal aging. She’s also the best-selling co-author of The Telomere Effect, and her newest book is The Stress Prescription: Seven Days to More Joy and Ease.New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. It’s currently 40% off, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:10: Toxic stress vs. hormetic stress6:30: Challenge orientation vs. threat response11:35: Simple anchoring practices and their effects17:00: Autophagy19:00: Practical consequences of different forms of stress25:25: Distinguishing physiological from psychological stress31:00: Comfort with uncertainty and shared existential concerns40:20: The future of the planet and its inequities42:40: RecapSponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
Criticism is an unavoidable part of life. But even though we’re all going to be criticized from time to time, many of us spend much of our lives living in fear of criticism. Then, on the flip side, we’re all critics ourselves. We’ve all been in situations that aren’t quite what we want them to be – so we need to either do something to change them or accept them as they are. On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest focus on how we can get better at receiving and giving criticism, learn to accept what lies outside of our control, and avoid the “mood of complaint.”New Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. It’s currently 50% off, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction and critiques of the podcast4:45: Where we place our attention8:00: Two kinds of complaint8:55: Self-righteousness and identifying with our complaints11:25: What do we hope to accomplish by complaining?13:15: Sharing experience vs. asserting information18:35: Developing relationships where your vulnerability is welcome24:45: Projecting your unclear desires on other people28:10: How to respond to negative feedback and manage your reactions32:00: Releasing attachment to changing others and responding to trolls39:00: Complaints come from emotional dissatisfaction43:45: Recap Sponsors:Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
“All the time I work with dying people, and only a few of them know they are dying.” On this episode of Being Well, Soto Zen teacher Sensei Koshin Paley Ellison joins Forrest and Rick to explore living, dying, and personal practice in the midst of our beautiful, challenging, messy lives.   About our Guest: Sensei Koshin is an author, Zen teacher, Jungian psychotherapist, and co-founder of the New York Zen Center for Contemplative Care. He began his formal Zen training in 1987 and completed six years of training at the Jungian Psychoanalytic Association. His most recent book is Untangled: Walking the Eightfold Path to Clarity, Courage, and Compassion.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:40: Koshin’s got game3:20: The privilege of witnessing the dying process11:25: Difficult emotions that come up when considering death 16:00: Entanglement vs. spaciousness28:30: Windows of acceptance, and the things we don’t want to accept33:15: Compassionate presence37:55: How Jungian training has influenced Koshin’s contemplative practice42:35: What Koshin is still untangling, and the ground of being48:30: Appreciating being alive51:45: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. It’s currently 50% off, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Being Well is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
We’re living in an anxious time, and part of the reason we’re anxious is because there are very real challenges we face both individually and collectively. But we’re also affected by the natural tendencies of the brain, which is easily influenced by fear and threat. On this episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on how we can see threats clearly and be the “right amount” of concerned. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:20: Why is it hard for us to see threats without excessive worry?3:35: Transcending evolutionary influences toward fear6:30: The last time Rick took LSD10:45: Discerning what’s valuable in our anxieties, and leaving the rest15:45: Forrest’s apartment fire story17:35: Disagreements in evaluating a threat between people21:55: Probability of risk25:00: Practical techniques to assess threats with more clarity29:30: Existential acceptance33:30: Help for anxiety about anxiety37:15: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Wondrium helps you learn anything! Right now, Wondrium is offering our listeners 50% OFF their first three months. Sign up today at wondrium.com/beingwell.Being Well is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
These days couples often shoot for 50/50 in their relationships: an even split of responsibilities in the home or at work. But 50/50 often leads to fights over fairness, and this fixation on fairness can be the death of many relationships.On this episode of Being Well, Forrest and Dr. Rick are joined by Nate and Kaley Klemp to explore how we can build fun, fulfilling, and truly equitable relationships. Topics include Nate and Kaley’s early relationship struggles, different models of relationship, breaking out of old patterns, and how we can manage situations where one partner really is contributing significantly more than the other.About our Guests: Kaley Klemp is an executive coach and expert on small-group dynamics, and Nate Klemp is a bestselling author and founding partner at Mindful, one of the world's largest mindfulness media and training companies. Together, they’re the co-authors of The 80/80 Marriage: A New Model for a Happier, Stronger Relationship. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:45: Nate and Kaley’s personal relationship as a basis for their work5:30: Three different models of relationship9:30: Two pillars to 80/80 - mindset and structure12:20: How a 50/50 dynamic caused problems for Nate and Kaley 19:20: The conscious or unconscious division of roles21:30: Gratitude and generosity25:40: Parenting, shared success, and being on a team32:15: Getting your partner’s buy-in, reveal and request39:50: Underlying beliefs and power imbalances44:20: Creating structure (and data) to have difficult conversations49:30: Distinguishing a reluctant partner from an unwilling partner52:05: Key skills that distinguish successful couples56:10: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Wondrium helps you learn anything! Right now, Wondrium is offering our listeners 50% OFF their first three months. Sign up today at wondrium.com/beingwell.Being Well is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription. Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
If you’re the kind of person who listens to mental health podcasts, you’re more likely than average to get pulled into an impromptu “helping role” with your family and friends. Sometimes we seek out these roles, but they can also be uncomfortable or one-sided. And sometimes we get stuck playing a role for someone else that we never wanted in the first place.On this episode of Being Well, Forrest and Dr. Rick use this situation as a way in to exploring the various roles we play in life, and the profound impact those often unconscious roles have on us. They talk about relationship models, how we select our roles, how familiar roles can keep us trapped in old patterns, enactments and triangulation, and how we can exit unhealthy systems.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:50: The hazards of accidentally becoming a friend’s therapist6:45: Objectivity, professionalism, and not needing to be liked11:00: The roles we take on and how they shape us16:45: Why we choose certain roles, and being crippled by our strengths21:00: Enactments25:15: Splitting30:10: When someone else pushes you into a role35:10: Triangulation48:10: Deep listening and a lesson from Carl Rogers51:10: Practical tips for drawing boundaries in your roles with others59:40: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Wondrium helps you learn anything! Right now, Wondrium is offering our listeners 50% OFF their first three months. Sign up today at wondrium.com/beingwell.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
It’s one thing to feel good about what we do, and another to feel truly worthy from the inside out. When we increase our self-worth it allows us to take our needs more seriously, get on our own side, and change our lives for the better. On this episode of Being Well, Rick and Forrest explore how we can develop a more durable sense of self-worth. They talk about self-worth vs. self-esteem, what causes people to lack self-worth, Rick’s personal story of developing a true sense of worthiness, and why more self-worth probably won’t turn you into a narcissistic a**hole.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:00: The value of self-worth2:50: Will improving my self-worth turn me into a narcissist?5:45: What makes people more likely to struggle with self-worth?6:50: Distinguishing self-worth from self-esteem9:30: Rick’s own journey to a better sense of self-worth14:55: Inner attacker, inner nurturer, and the beleaguered self.19:15: The process of building up your nurturing parts27:20: Investigating negative stories we tell ourselves30:55: Mutual rapport and being loving33:40: Social aspects of developing self worth, and why therapy works36:50: Non-social aspects38:20: Relating to yourself from a less ego-oriented perspective44:40: Vulnerability and tenderness in our interactions with others46:05: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Wondrium helps you learn anything! Right now, Wondrium is offering our listeners 50% OFF their first three months. Sign up today at wondrium.com/beingwell.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
Diego Perez, widely known by his pen name Yung Pueblo, joins Forrest to explore how we can deepen our personal practice, refine the mind, break old patterns, relax the self, and feel lighter than we were before.This was one of my absolute favorite conversations I’ve had on the podcast, and being with Diego was a real pleasure. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.About our Guest: Diego Perez is a poet, meditator, and New York Times bestselling author widely known through his pen name Yung Pueblo. His writing focuses on how we can grow and change for the better, create healthy relationships, and come to truly know ourselves. His newest book is Lighter: Let Go of the Past, Connect with the Present, and Expand the Future.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction0:55: Why the name Yung Pueblo?2:35: What holds most people back from growth4:35: Habits Diego struggled with and the logical basis of coping mechanisms9:15: Moments of insight in learning Vipassana Meditation11:40: Finding stability in the gradual separation from the ‘self’20:30: Stories others have told us about ourselves26:50: What has helped Diego find a flexible sense of identity?28:55: Relationships as a process not a person31:20: Diego’s personal meditation and creative practice34:15: The benefits of a pen name and healthy detachment from your work40:00: Benefits and pitfalls of social media42:50: Forrest’s meditation practice, and the positive aspects of difficult emotions48:25: What Diego would tell his younger self.50:30: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Wondrium helps you learn anything! Right now, Wondrium is offering our listeners 50% OFF their first three months. Sign up today at wondrium.com/beingwell.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
How to Forgive Yourself

How to Forgive Yourself

2022-10-2401:01:384

We all make mistakes in life. When we do it's important to take appropriate responsibility, feel the "wince," and make amends as we can. But after we've done that...then what? Many people find it easier to forgive others than they do to truly forgive themselves, and it's not uncommon to be burdened by excessive shame and guilt that has outlived its expiration date.On this episode Dr. Rick and Forrest explore forgiveness, including how we can forgive ourselves. This includes common myths and misunderstandings about forgiveness, the difference between healthy and unhealthy forms of shame and remorse, coming to terms with what we've done, and a roadmap to achieving (self-)forgiveness. Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:05: Assumptions, approval, and what forgiveness is and is not7:45: What does healthy remorse look like?10:00: Forrest exploring a dream about appropriate remorse13:00: Our internalized justice system17:00: More on dreams and internal parts24:25: Aspects of unhealthy remorse27:30: How to move through a recurring cycle of shame and unhealthy remorse32:30: Proportionality, defensiveness, intention, and owning your mistakes41:00: Clean pain and dirty pain46:55: Some concrete practices51:40: RecapSupport the Podcast: We're on Patreon! For just the cost of a cup of coffee a month you can support the show, and receive a variety of bonuses in return.Sponsors:Listen to Season 2 of Turning Points from Boston Globe Media wherever you get your podcasts!Access over 30 at-home lab tests from Everlywell, and head to everlywell.com/beingwell for twenty percent off your next test.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, the author of The Body Keeps the Score, joins Rick and Forrest to explore how trauma keeps us stuck, and how we can use imagination, self-expression, and creativity to break away from those old patterns. Along the way they talk about using somatic and non-cognitive interventions, internalized abuse, the value of a developmental perspective, using psychedelics for complex trauma, some of the problems with modern psychiatry, and how we can cultivate an equitable, flexible, and compassionate approach to treatment.About Our Guest: Bessel van der Kolk is a professor of Psychiatry at the Boston University School of Medicine and president of the Trauma Research Foundation in Brookline, Massachusetts. He’s also the bestselling author of The Body Keeps the Score, which is one of the most influential modern books in the field. Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:15: Imagination and aspirational thinking in healing trauma4:55: Creativity and cultural context6:10: Where a sense of agency begins8:40: Why people internalize abuse16:30: The many practices for redefining past traumas  22:10: The state of psychedelic research and the importance of patient care29:15: The need for new approaches to diagnosis and treatment34:00: Issues with the DSM-5 and the need to integrate interpersonal processes38:50: What counts as trauma? Collective trauma?42:25: The need for cooperative strategies confronting trauma in pro-social movements45:15: What helps people resource themselves to create change?51:45: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
On this episode of Being Well, Rick and Forrest answer questions from listeners. They explore what they’re still working on in their relationship, how we can disengage from obsessive thoughts and old patterns, Rick’s thoughts on psychedelics and how they can be used with discernment, their views on whether human nature is innately cooperative or competitive, and much more.If you’d like to ask a question to be answered on the show, send us an email at contact@beingwellpodcast.com or support us on Patreon.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:10: What do Rick and Forrest still find challenging in their relationship?8:40: What to do with obsessive thoughts17:00: What to do when old patterns creep up26:35: Rick’s thoughts on taking psychedelics with intention outside of therapy35:05: Respect for indigenous tradition around psychedelic plant use37:00: Interpretation, discernment, and drugs as telescopes42:45: Compassionate justice vs. holding and controlling47:50: How do we get the ideas we have about the world?53:25: RecapSponsors:Green Chef makes eating well easy with plans to fit every lifestyle. Order organic, environmentally conscious meal kits at GreenChef.com/beingwell135 and use code beingwell135 to get $135 off across five boxes - and your first box ships free!Access over 30 at-home lab tests from Everlywell, and head to everlywell.com/beingwell for twenty percent off your next test.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.MDbio is a plant-based medicine company with natural products that address sleep, anxiety, pain, and immunity. Get your FREE 10-count sample pack by going to mdbiowellness.com and entering the promo code BEINGWELL at checkout!Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
In 2016 Jason Kander was a rising star in the Democratic Party. After narrowly losing the race to become one of Missouri’s Senators, he began laying the groundwork for a Presidential run. Jason unexpectedly pivoted to declaring his candidacy for the 2019 Kansas City mayoral election, and quickly became the clear favorite. Three months into that campaign he ended his candidacy and stepped back from public life after revealing that he had suffered from PTSD and depression after serving as an intelligence officer in Afghanistan in 2006 and 2007On today’s episode of Being Well, Jason joins Forrest to talk about his personal journey recovering from PTSD, the impact of his time serving in Afghanistan, imposter syndrome and shame, having a mental health challenge in public, and what we can do to better support veterans. About our Guest: Jason is a former Missouri Secretary of State and member of the Missouri state legislature. He’s current the President of National Expansion at Veterans Community Project, a non-profit organization dedicated to fighting veteran suicide and homelessness. He’s also the host of Majority 54, a popular political podcast, and the author of Invisible Storm: A Soldier’s Memoir of Politics and PTSD. If you're in crisis, are thinking about suicide, or are concerned about a loved one, please call 1-800-273-8255. The Lifeline network is available 24/7 across the United States.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:45: Jason’s experience coming to accept having PTSD3:45: Symptoms5:50: How the military (mostly doesn't) address PTSD8:00: Chronic stress, public perception, feelings of failure, and uncertainty of recovery13:40: Jason’s Veterans Affairs (VA) experience15:40: Veteran's Community Project and other resources for veterans20:00: Therapeutic practices Jason did27:50: Physical sensations associated with PTSD31:40: Imposter syndrome related to being a combat veteran33:05: Working through shame and comparison36:15: How Jason’s view of therapy progressed through the process42:30: What Jason would do differently for his mental health if he ran for office again47:05: More on Veterans Community Project and their tiny house program51:50: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Access over 30 at-home lab tests from Everlywell, and head to everlywell.com/beingwell for twenty percent off your next test.Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.MDbio is a plant-based medicine company with natural products that address sleep, anxiety, pain, and immunity. Get your FREE 10-count sample pack by going to mdbiowellness.com and entering the promo code BEINGWELL at checkout!Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
On the previous episode of Being Well, we talked about how to identify our wants and needs...but identifying our needs is just the first step. After that comes the tricky business of coming to terms with those needs, and communicating them effectively to other people.In this episode, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson explore best practices for claiming and expressing our needs. This includes how to navigate shame and inhibition, make effective agreements, be considerate of the person on the receiving end of our wants, and become more skillful at negotiation and repair. Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:05: Getting real about meeting our needs.7:10: Suppressing needs due to self-worth challenges8:35: Patience, making your offering, and tipping points11:45: Inhibition, and negotiating our needs with other people15:50: Non-Violent Communication and “Wise Speech” models26:30: The need for multiple cycles of communication28:20: Expecting defeat, and two big moments of pain32:10: Keeping agreements37:45: Confidence in the ability to repair39:35: Considering the person on the receiving end of your communication43:00: Generosity45:15: Questions to ask when feeling uncertain about how to express a need49:30: Death by a thousand cuts, and facing discomfort52:10: Asking others, “What else do you want from me?”54:30: Recap Support the Podcast: We're now on Patreon! If you'd like to support the podcast, follow this link.Sponsors:Listen to Season 2 of Turning Points from Boston Globe Media wherever you get your podcasts!Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.MDbio is a plant-based medicine company with natural products that address sleep, anxiety, pain, and immunity. Get your FREE 10-count sample pack by going to mdbiowellness.com and entering the promo code BEINGWELL at checkout!Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
Everyone has needs, but many people find it difficult to identify what authentically matters to them. Even when we can identify them, shame or fear often stops us from expressing those needs to others or taking the practical steps that would help us achieve them.Meeting our needs is a major source of well-being, and people who can identify their needs are more likely to get them met. On today’s episode of Being Well, Dr. Rick and Forrest Hanson focus on how to look inside, and figure out what you really need. They discuss different frameworks for categorizing our needs, what to do when we are confused by our desires, and how to get in touch with what you really want.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction2:05: Common features among people who struggle to name their desires7:05: Three basic steps to relate to wants and needs8:00: Different frameworks for categorizing wants and needs21:00: What helped Rick get in touch with his own wants and needs?28:00: An experiential exercise35:10: Why addressing your needs and wants is not just naval gazing38:40: Forrest’s suggestions based on his own experience45:25: What to do when what we want is probably not best for us51:40: Creating a personal manifesto54:30: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
Renowned physician Dr. Gabor Maté joins Rick and Forrest to explore the many problems for our bodies and minds that arise out of our modern culture, and what we can do to meet our needs, heal ourselves, and become more whole. They discuss our increasing separation from one another, issues with aspects of the medical model, the true nature of addiction, the developmental needs of children, the myth of “normal,” and recovering from traumatic experiences.About Our Guest: Dr. Gabor Maté is one of the world’s leading experts on trauma, addiction, and childhood development. His work has had an enormous impact on how we understand the interactions between our internal world and the world around us, and he is the bestselling author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts, Scattered Minds, and his newest book The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness & Healing in a Toxic Culture.Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.Key Topics:0:00: Introduction1:55: What Gabor means by a toxic culture4:25: Interpersonal biology - our physiology is modulated by our relationships7:10: What components are needed for a healthy culture?11:55: Examples of toxic culture’s impact on people’s behavior15:20: Addiction21:00: How and when to distinguish degrees of trauma27:05: Where and when to express healthy anger33:10: How turning against the self manifests as illness 36:45: What supports people in returning to their authentic nature?40:00: Psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy, and creating a sacred context41:45: Grief, integration, and letting go44:55: Gabor’s relationship with his children48:25: Five kinds of compassion, disillusionment, and truth51:20: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it necessary?53:25: RecapNew Course From Rick! Learn the lessons of a lifetime in the new and improved Foundations of Wellbeing 2.0 program. This yearlong, online program teaches you how to grow the 12 key inner strengths that lead to lasting wellbeing during difficult times. Our New Year's sale is running now, and you can use the code BeingWell25 to get an additional 25% off the purchase price.Sponsors:Bombas designed their socks, shirts, and underwear to be the clothes you can’t wait to put on every day. Visit bombas.com/beingwell and use code beingwell for 20% off. Join over a million people using BetterHelp, the world’s largest online counseling platform. Visit betterhelp.com/beingwell for 10% off your first month!Want to sleep better? Try the Calm app! Visit calm.com/beingwell for 40% off a premium subscription.Connect with the show:Subscribe on iTunesFollow Forrest on YouTubeFollow us on InstagramFollow Forrest on InstagramFollow Rick on FacebookFollow Forrest on FacebookVisit Forrest's website
Comments (29)

Clare Tyler

You guys are the absolute best. Seriously. Any ONE of these episodes or any of the Hanson's material can really be life changing. Pure gold. Thank you.

Jan 19th
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Sean Moore

Great episode. Very helpful. You know at my current age, 58, i feel that if podcasts like this were available I'd be much more happy today and wouldn't have side stepped a lot of challenges.

Dec 14th
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Sean Moore

Just another idea. 25 yrs back it was all Men are from Mars Women are from Venus. I'll write the next couples book. One line on one page, Just Be Nice.

Nov 21st
Reply

Alan Czechowski

Amazing! this hit home!

Sep 12th
Reply

Sean Moore

Great episode.. Thanks

Jul 25th
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Allison Elder

LOVED this episode. Thank you to you both, but especially Elizabeth for her vulnerability in sharing her personal story. It helps and gives the rest of us courage to share our stories! We can learn so much from one another when we break down the walls and share. Thank you so much!

Jun 23rd
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Allison Elder

First time listening. Thank you so much for your efforts!

Feb 16th
Reply

S Roy

This is one of my favorites! Beautiful dialogue on an important topic. Thank you!

Feb 7th
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S Roy

You two are so solid and always engaging. I love the pacing, tone, curiosity, and beautiful father/son dialogue every single time. Thank you for your thoughtful and consistent creations. Love, love, love!

Feb 7th
Reply

S Roy

you always provide value in your discussions and i feel that this topic is very relevant today. thank you very much for this content. fantastic!

Nov 30th
Reply

S Roy

Each podcast is consistently full of excellent material and I appreciate the Hansons' commitment to helping us rewire our brains to become more kind, loving, and compassionate human beings towards others and ourselves. I also enjoy the summary at the end of each podcast. Thank you for the hard work you put in on our behalves.

Oct 25th
Reply

Riri

A thorough show about psychology. Thank you very much!

Jul 14th
Reply (2)

Anna-Marie

A gentle and loving look at our layers of being that have been shaped by our contact with the world. Lovely holding and exploration of "our original source". Thank you

Jun 26th
Reply

Saffron Berridge

Thank you, this was a lovely meditation and I like the idea of some additional shorter episodes

Nov 30th
Reply

Tiina Mosse

Wonderful listening as always!

Aug 22nd
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Katie Elizabeth

First time listening to the show! I have to say that I was super impressed with the host and his on-point insightful questions/responses. Dr. Alfie is a super hero. Her work is outstanding! I gained so much knowledge from listening to her interview and highly suggest it to those working in counseling, psychiatry, and social work.

Aug 12th
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Thomas Badilla

I really enjoyed this episode. The concepts were easy to understand.

Aug 3rd
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D S

Bye, bye.

Jun 7th
Reply

English with Sarvy

enjoyed this episode like hell

Mar 11th
Reply

English with Sarvy

enjoyed so much. thanks.

Mar 10th
Reply
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