Absolutely Not

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is finally able to make a HUGE announcement: she’s coming to Netflix baby! That’s right, her new comedy special, The Son I Never Had, is coming to a couch near you on October 17th. In the midst of the celebration she’s still taking time to hit the Absolutely Not Line to show some much-needed love to the theaters teachers, draw the hard line between making new friends and borderline stalking, and whether or not you should shoot your shot at a new sky boo.Episode Sponsors:Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order.Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domaine using code ABSOLUTELYVisit in-store or online at Brooklinen.com and use code absolutelysnot for $20 off your online order of $100 or more.Try AG1 and get a free 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkag1.com/absolutelyThis episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhep.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way of being your best self.Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutelyProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast - Heather is back with friend of the pod, Jared Freid. They talk about his hilarious new Netflix special, 37 and Single, and Jared gives some sage dating advice on the proper way to hook your friends up, the best time of day to go out and find the right guy and more to get you prepped for the season.Episode Sponsors:Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutelyRight now, Modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutelyTry AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELYThe Fits Everybody collection and more perfect-fit essentials are available now at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75.Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely Shop all my favorites at loveamika.com/ABSOLUTELY and get 20% off your order.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's jumps into the Instagram DMs to answer your burning questions, and talk through a dab of trauma. She also hits the hotline to prove once again that she may not always have the answers, but she'll always figure it out.Episode Sponsors:Head to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELY. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and enter the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Visit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Deolola on instagram to learn more.Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee off your next order.Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely, plus, you get FREE shipping.Treat yourself to the best shapewear on the market and save 20% off at honeylove.com/absolutelyProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is home from her Tour-de-America. Her feet may be swollen, but she's got a real pep in her step after being dressed down by a large woman selling Wiener's in Chicago. She hits the hotline to answer questions like "what to do if you find out your mother-in-law has an alter ego in the bedroom?" and how to fall out of love with your Catholic priest.Episode Sponsors:If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELYRight now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely.Download the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee off your next order.Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food plus free shipping at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutelyRight now, modern Fertility is offering my listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutelyRight now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutelyProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off of surviving the usual Vegas madness during her stop at Wynn, and back in the LA studio to do the work right after surviving Hurricane Hilary. She may or may not be spiraling, but that doesn't stop her from hitting the Absolutely-Not-Line to discuss how let your setbacks be the setup for a comeback, why it just might be time to get a job at SpaceX, and the art of restaurant gaslighting.Episode Sponsors:Right now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutelyThe perfect time to upgrade your sleep routine is now! Shop 15% off in-store at Brooklinen.comRight now, Modern Fertility is offering our listeners $20 off the test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutelyHead to Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off (up to $10 value) when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDash.Upgrade your closet this summer with Quince. Right now, to go Quince.com/absolutely to get free shipping and 365-day returns on your next order.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather shares a personal idea she's been tinkering with for a minute, that will set your ovaries on fire. She hits the Absolutely-Not-Line to discuss How to treat your elders, the ultimate fighting technique and why dudes everywhere are communicating via android and walking around naked in their homes. But in the meantime... "Imma go Eat!"Episode Sponsors:Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/absolutely. Plus, you get FREE shipping!If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELYDownload the Drizly app or go to Drizly.com and use code ABSOLUTELY to receive $5 off or $0 delivery fee* off your next order.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lume Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeodorant.comTreat yourself to the best shape wear on the market and save 20% Off at honeylove.com/ABSOSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with her dear friend, Brian Kelly AKA The Points Guy, to talk everything from the surrogate journey and being a dad, to the truth about being a boss, and how to finesse those sky miles and credit card points.Episode Sponsors:Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you to Nutrafol.com and use the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT.Right now, Ibotta is offering our my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely.Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off up to $10 value, when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDashHead to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain using code ABSOLUTELYThe Fits Everybody collection and more perfect-fit essentials are available now at SKIMS.com. Plus, get free shipping on orders over $75. After you place your order, be sure to let them know I sent you! Select "podcast" in the survey and be sure to select my show in the dropdown menu that follows.Visit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Delola on instagram to learn more! Please enjoy responsibly.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather discusses how the Aliens have arrived, why summer reading was absolute bullshit, why women tennis players need more money and really rounds it out answering your Voicemails about life. We have a caller let us know her husband asks for sex at the most inopportune times, but don't worry, we will beat him at his own game, literally! Episode Sponsors:Right now, Ibotta is offering my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register.Get $20 off your fertility test when you go to ModernFertility.com/absolutelyRight now, BÉIS is offering my listeners 15% off your first purchase when you go to BeisTravel.com/absolutelyVisit DelolaLife.com to find a store near you that carries Della and follow @Delola on instagram to learn more.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

    On this episode the Absolutely Not Podcast Heather is back from her whirlwind week abroad after stalking down Harry Styles in italy. She sweat it out in the bathrooms at the Firenze Outlets, ate her weight in salami and handed out band aids to the youth at the music festival. SHE'S BACK BABY!!!! Episode Sponsors:If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/absolutelySwitch to the better razor and show your skin you care with Athena Club! Get started today by shopping in-store at Target stores nationwide - just head to the shaving aisle to find the Razor Kit, Cloud Shave Foam, Wax Strips, and Razor Refills.Order now for stress-free back-to-school shopping! Use promo code absolutely to get 50% off up to $10 value, when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery or retail stores on DoorDash.This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at BetterHelp.com/absolutely and get on your way to being your best self.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather catches up with the queen of ADHD herself, Robin McMahan, her mother. They discuss goals, linen, and how to get back at your ex. Robin bitches and complains that Heather is being a brat, and Heather tries to explain to Robin she needs to drink more water! Never a dull moment with the boomers! Episode Sponsors:Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch go to Squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10%off your first purchase of a website or domain.Take the first step to visibly thicker, healthier hair. For a limited time, Nutrafol is offering my listeners ten dollars off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you go to Nutrafol.com and ender promo code ABSOLUTELYNOTRight now, Ibotta is offering my listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code absolutely when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play store and download the FREE Ibotta app and use code absolutely.This episode is sponsored by/brought to you by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/ABSOLUTELY and get on your way to being your best self.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is back from a trip in frigid cold California with a sweaty undercarriage and anxiety to boot! Mercury must be in retrograde because technology is failing us and the voicemails on the Absolutely Not line were insane! One woman is getting scammed on a wedding registry while another is getting pranked by members of One Direction!Episode Sponsors:If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELYControl Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get $5 off your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code ABSOLUTELY at lumedeoderant.com/a/ABSOLUTELY! #lumepodRight now, BÉIS (base) is offering our listeners 15% off your first purchase by visiting BEISTRAVEL.com/absolutelyProduced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast,  Heather interviews rising country music star, Logan Crosby. They discuss what it takes to write a country song, how to become a star and Logan confesses his affection for older women. Thats right lady- He's a cutie with a soulful voice looking for a lady who know's how to make a pie and do her own taxes. PURRRRRRRR. Logan is such a delight and has Heatherrolling with laughter as they attempt to write to Bangers, that are sure to hit the top 10 charts! Episode Sponsor:Check out Squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, go to www.squarespace.com/ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.”Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

     On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather is speedballing on a steroid pack post being humbled in the Hampton's and getting Rejected-then accepted at the most exclusive club on a pond in Montauk. She hangout with cool German porn stars and a chick with a lazy eye! So much fun in the cool kids club!! Heather also hits the "Absolutely NOT line" and answers questions about what to do if you know your gynecologists from High School, should you be upset if your ex rebound with an old broad and how to get your DONG pounced on! That and so much more!Episode Sponsors:If you want to take ownership of your health, try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 Free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase at drinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELYSwitch to the better razor and show your skin you care with Athena Club. Get started with Athena Club today by shopping in-store at Target nationwide.Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

   On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is fresh off the high and the hangover of her Radio City Performance- there was an epic afterparty and the next day was even wilder. Heather headed to the Hamptons post-show for some R+R but quickly realized its a scam out EAST! She brings on her travel buddy, co-founder of her favorite brand, Show Me Your Mumu, Cammy Miller. They discuss ZILLENIALS, QUIET LUXURY and why you couldn't pay either of them 250k to go check out the Titanic. Episode Sponsors:New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for ten percent off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of fifty dollars. Offer ends June 30th, 2023. See terms at Etsy dot com slash terms. For home, style, and gifts shop Etsy.com. Etsy has it!Head to squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather shares the excitement, joy and fear she has rolling into one of the biggest nights of her life- Playing Radio City Music Hall. She takes a stroll down memory lane, and recalls the last time she attended a show there, Jeff had Diarrhea the whole time! FUN FOR EVERYONE!!! She also hits the Absolutely Not line- and answers loads of questions like "is too much CBD technically drugs?. How do I  work a google cal? and Beyhive dick in Europe is it a yay or nay?   Episode Sponsors:   If you want to take ownership of your health, try AH1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free AG1 travel packs with your first purchase at DrinkAG1.com/ABSOLUTELY   You can grow thicker, healthier hair AND support our show by going to Nutrafol.com and entering the promo code ABSOLUTELYNOT to save ten dollars off your first month’s subscription –this offer is only available to US customers for a limited time.   Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.   Produced by Dear Media    See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather is back from her shows in Dallas with a hangover and general marital agitation. She is trying to save her Jute rugs from being destroyed by Mac, while also trying to train Jeff. She hits the hotline to answer questions such as "What if I called a man I slept with, Orzo?" And "how should I  feel If a stripper had the same perfume as me?" That and more!    Episode Sponsors:   Head to Squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Control Body Odor ANYWHERE with @lumedeoderant and get $5 off of your Starter Pack (that's over 40% off) with promo code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeoderant.com/ABSOLUTELY   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

      On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast- Heather breaks down her weekend in the NATH EAST. She describes the absolute savage tour Robin took her on around Bahstan's Lil Italy, and how she would leave Jeff for a union theater guy in a heartbeat. She has been on the hot trail of Taylor Swift and wants no drama from the fans. She also hits the hotline for some outrageous Voicemails.    Episode Sponsors:   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D and 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY.   The world’s most famous matriarchy is back for the most intimate look yet inside the family empire. Don’t miss season 3 of The Kardashians, new episodes Thursdays, only on Hulu.   Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY. Plus, you get FREE shipping.   New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for ten percent off your first purchase. Maximum discount value of fifty dollars. Offer ends June 30th, 2023. For home, style, and gifts shop Etsy.com. Etsy has it!   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

  On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather sits down with friend and hilarious comedian, Adam Ray. They discuss how they both got their start in Show biz in the 6th grade because they we're chubby children. Take a walk down memory lane- to remember the good ole' days of high School theater and frat/sorority life. Discuss how a good chicken salad sammie will make you want to sit on someone's face and how much they love to feel pure joy with their dogs.   To celebrate May, Mental Health Awareness Month, and to celebrate every step you take towards a better, richer, fuller life, Talkspace is offering every listener of this podcast $100 off your first month with Talkspace. Just go to Talkspace.com/ABSOLUTELY   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Try 21Seeds Infused Tequila for easy & delicious cocktails! Visit 21seeds.com to find 21Seeds near you. Enjoy Responsibly. 21Seeds. Diageo, New York, NY.   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

 On this episode of the Absolutely Not Podcast, Heather's back is out but her attitude has returned. She's learning hard lessons like "everyone's an asshole", "if you dont have a core, you're body will shut down" and "Dont get stabbed in Pittsburgh"-  She hits the hotline to try to make sense of why dentists ask you questions with their hands in your mouth and more!    Episode Sponsors:   Grab your Liquid I.V. in bulknation wide at Costco, or you can get 20% off when you go to LIQUIDIV.com and use code ABSOLUTELY at checkout.   Check out squarespace.com/absolutely for a free trial, and when you’re ready to launch, use OFFER CODE: ABSOLUTELY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavor that you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Get 50% off your first box of fresh, healthy food at TheFarmersDog.com/ABSOLUTELY Plus, you get free shipping.   As a special offer for listeners, new customers get $5 off a Lame Starter Pack with code ABSOLUTELY at LumeDeoderant.com   Your Memorial Day Sale is coming soon! Shop 20% off in-store or online at Brooklinen.com   Produced by Dear Media        See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

On this bonus episode of the Absolutely Not podcast- Heather sits down with Jordana and Jared, hosts of the "U Up?" podcast, to talk about why couples pranks might be the worst side of TikTok, teach Jared maybe too much about feminine hygiene, and break down everything from relationships to why it just might be too late to save the turtles.   Episode Sponsors:   Shop jackets, jewelry, furniture, art, and more, made for all budgets and any occasion on Etsy. New to Etsy? Use the code NEW for 10% off your first purchase.   If you're looking for an easier way to take supplements, Athletic Greens is giving you a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D AND 5 free travel packs with your first purchase at AthleticGreens.com/ABSOLUTELY   Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP popcorn brings you a BOOM of bold, craveable flavorthat you can enjoy at any time, on any occasion –whether you're on the go or unwinding at home. You can try Angie’s BOOMCHICKAPOP for yourself by visiting www.boomchickapop.com   Produced by Dear MediaSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.