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Help Me Be Me
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Help Me Be Me

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Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, coach/author/all-around happy person, and these are the tools that work for me in my life. For all of my offerings you can check out What I share on this show is my personal opinion. It's not a diagnosis for treatment or a substitute for professional help. If you're suffering, please reach out to your local emergency services or call 9-1-1. Music theme created by

278 Episodes
The energy inside creates what you see outside. What are you putting out to the world with your energy? That’s coming right back into you, creating your life experience. Something I’ve been doing lately to really self-examine and rise about my own smallness, is what I’ll call turning inward. When I hate on something or criticize a person in my mind, I do a turnaround: I look at that reaction and examine it like it is targeted at myself, so I can feel what I am creating. If you find yourself being critical, it’s usually coming from fear and judgement in you that is hurtful all-around. The reason to do this process of turning things inward is everyone wins! You win: your life and happiness benefit but also the world wins. Not to mention, it creates a totally different world via your perception. This is an episode for anyone who wants to grow in the direction of more whole, less needy and less insecure. Growth is a great project to have, and one that is lifelong. It’s something we can do incrementally – with super tiny but deliberate thought-hacks. Regardless, make sure you’re always giving yourself mental space to focus for yourself for growth. In your capacity, in your compassion, in your maturity. Sending love to all of you and if you’d like to support our sponsor this week while becoming a better person, check out Headspace! Headspace has helped me and more than 100 million people worldwide. They can help you too! For a limited time, all of you can try Headspace free for 30 days by going to You won’t find this offer anywhere else! This is not something they normally do. Check out The Byron Katie book I mentioned in this episode can be found here:  And to find more of my work or make a donation you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is an episode that creates a very gentle initiation of a change in your life. A change of lifestyle, a change of perspective, a change of overall bar, and ultimately a change of epic and wonderful proportions. It’s all about getting on the level with yourself and then getting all the ducks in a row. I look at this as the first stage of building momentum toward something big and great like a paradigm shift.   This is about getting literal about something you want to change: really visualizing it while also letting go of the energy of struggle. Struggles that result from fear or the struggles that result from impatience and muscling toward a goal.   This is aimed at allowing you to set (a seemingly) lofty goal and then “getting right with yourself.” By that I mean really looking at where you are and what needs to be done.   When you can state an intention from a place of truth and full transparency, everything aligns. The key in this is really meaning and letting go of how it will happen or if it will happen. Just saying “I choose this.” It starts with that. What will you choose?    Support our sponsors and check out: When it comes to investing in an outfit that’ll last, we choose Jenni Kayne. For a limited time our listeners get 15% off their entire order. Go to and use the code HELPMEBEME to get 15% off. Get twenty percent off your first order by going to or use promo code HELPME at checkout for 20% off your first order. Here’s the quit smoking book "Alan Carr’s Easy Way" – if you’re addicted to something, read it or any of the other Alan Carr editions. If you already read it and didn't quit, read it again! I had to read it a few times.   And here are the episodes I mentioned on boundary setting:     And here’s a great book all about staying curious and pursuing your own excellence – I can’t stop recommending it!! It’s “The Artist’s Way.”   For more of my work or to make a donation you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Never forget that change is possible and at any point in time. This is an episode for anyone who is feeling a bit stagnant or perhaps uninspired, so-so, bored, or stuck. I think sometimes when we get depressed we don’t even notice. Because in your conscious mind, you can easily distract and get into your phone, the limitless options on streaming, or busy yourself with work. If you’re unsure, you can look to your behavior as a way to discern whether or not you are happy and thriving. Are you not interested in doing much? Are you neutral on many things? Do you feel like a blank piece of paper? If you are happy and thriving, you will feel your aliveness: you feel energized and ready to go when you wake up. It’s like a feeling of excitement for life. If you’d like to get more of that, this is an episode for you. With this episode, I really wanted to paint the picture of how change can happen. It can happen today. It doesn’t need to be hard, but when we get into grooves of feeling hopeless we think that it’s too hard. We start to focus on the wrong things – suddenly we are looking down at our feet saying, “I don’t like where they’re standing.” This kind of thinking is just wasted energy. Look at where you want to go. Let’s tune the engine! To support of sponsor this week, please checkout and download Headspace! The best meditation app ever! You can go to to get Headspace free for 30 days! For more of my work and to make a donation you can go to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Roles! What do I mean by that: I mean unspoken hierarchies, relational patterns, engrained and felt archetypes that our family, friends and coworkers reinforce and we reinforce in how we interact with them. This episode is a bit meta. What do I mean by that? It looks at implied and non-verbal communication that creates a lot of the feelings and manifestations in your person via your relationships. So much of communication is non-verbal and implied with tone, delivery, physical cues, subtext, or plays off contextual meaning. We are reading our “place” in a particular situation at the same time as we are dictating our place by how we set boundaries, what we tolerate and how we react to others. This episode is not about dissecting how those situations occur – it’s more a reflection exercise for you to examine the role you have taken on in any given relationship and consider whether or not you want to shift it. We control so much with how we choose to dance in a set of given rhythms. So this is an invitation to examine the relationships in which you play a role that is not bringing out your best, most joyful and positive self. Maybe it’s in your family of origin. Maybe it’s at work with your coworkers. Maybe it’s in your new family unit. Or a friend group. Regardless we can change everything just with how we covet and respect ourselves! To read more about how family systems work/manifest, you can check out these books: For more about setting boundaries you can check out For some studies around eating disorders and the interactivity of family dynamics you can check out For more of my work and to make a donation you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Becoming the expert on you. There’s an optimal range of functioning that we want to stay within in order to enjoy our lives and bring all of our selves “into the room.” When we get tipped in the direction of feeling too hurried or too sluggish, that is something that we can learn to recognize and then regulate– just like that dial that turns the heat up or down in your home. Why? Because the truth is – everything can be simple and your body can remain calm. No matter the situation, it will happen one minute at a time. We are only in the moment we are living right now and to approach that from a place of serenity will allow us to honor our truth at any given time. I hope you enjoy this and for more of my work you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is for anyone who struggles with thoughts that are self-critical and deactivating. Our goal with this episode is beginning to teach ourselves to not attach or engage with the thoughts that aren’t serving us, and more importantly – stopping ourselves in the process of scripting out narratives that create negative future outcomes. This is really about practicing non-reactivity and non-judgment in the face of thoughts or feelings. And to do that we have to recognize when it’s happening to us and rehearse a new process. We can retrain our brain and reset the grooves that have set in. A lot of the pain we experience in life is the pain we tell ourselves to feel - including when it comes to feeling bad about ourselves. This was a request – I hope it helps and sending much love! For more of my work and to make a donation you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Let’s start this year by reminding ourselves that we can have so much joy and fun and vibrance. And let’s also take stock of the things we love, and also the things we want to work on with a bit of focused energy. In Tibetan the word Karma translates to action – seed – results. With this idea of planting seeds that eventually bloom into results, I wanted to invite you to reflect on your year past and scan areas for possible growth. The goal of this episode is to journal and reflect so we can be more intentional, conscious and compassionate as we bring about the year to come. What will you grow with your actions? I invite you to grow more inspiration, love, intimacy, and health and success in your life.   For more of my work and to make a donation, you can head to   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
I would love to introduce "Sorta Awesome" a women's lifestyle podcast geared towards listeners who want to stay current on all things awesome, including culture, media and trending conversations! Each episode of Sorta Awesome begins with the Awesome of the Week. Meg and her co-host share a recent discovery that makes life easier, better or more sparkly. From there, the show delves into topics that are as varied as the team itself! Sorta Awesome on Apple Podcasts- Sorta Awesome on Spotify Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is for anyone who obsesses about the thoughts and feelings of others, clinging, feeling anxious and being unable to be yourself. This is targeted at those who are in bad relationship loops but it will also help if this is something that comes up in familial relationships. I thought it was a good refresher for the holidays because a lot of stuff comes up this time of year.   This habit has a lot to do with codependency and relationship reliance because it’s a need to get validation from another person – to hear specific words from them that you are not hearing. It’s also something that comes about when we have a habit of controlling others, often due to fear and uncertainty during childhood. Regardless what we can do to help ourselves is recognize this is happening and come back into ourselves.   That is the key: working on us for us, holding our own hand as we move through the pain. So here are some tools to come back to yourself and ground so you can come back to reality.   For more of my work and to make a donation, head to xo   To get your StoryWorth subscription for your loved ones this year, head to   To get your Nutrafol head to and use promocode HELPMEBEME   Happy Holidays friends! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Life is temporary – and that is kind of a beautiful thing. I recall as a child thinking that was so intensely and overwhelmingly sad. I almost couldn’t comprehend it. And now I can and I see it as a beautiful part of this experience.   I think a lot of people don’t think about that part of life because it’s too far off or too painful to think about, and because of that we don’t curate our experiences in the way we might if it was more top of mind. Meaning we spend a lot of time in the doing. The pursuing. The distractions. The stuff that doesn’t matter. Often it takes a loss to see how short and temporary life is and how quickly it goes by, to put things in perspective.   So as you move through this life experience, what can we do? We can first become aware. Make it a goal – an intention– to appreciate, value, slow down, be present. Enjoy. And we can be thoughtful in the experiences we curate and the time we invest.   The goal of this episode is to allow yourself the opportunity to take stock of your priorities and the relationships that have great meaning in your life. Maybe that means changing your relationship to a parent or elder for the better. Maybe it means investing your time differently. Or simply appreciating those in your life a bit more.   I’d like this to be a happy and positive episode. Not a downer. Hopefully this allows you to reflect and re-enter an old relationship, anew.   This has been a request quite a few times and it’s also something I have been thinking a lot about. Aging parents, losing loved ones recently. I hope you enjoy it and so so sorry for the background noise! I had to record outside because of sick kids at home.   For more of my work and to make a donation, you can head to xo   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Tools and insights for those who have dreams but are unable to take action toward them. This is about how to work with fear of success and fear in general. And most importantly looking at what is holding you back. Because when we don’t act the goal isn’t to force ourselves to act when we’re not ready. (Like, this is not about being pro-impulse. Because often there are real factors in our ambivalence.) The goal is to begin to understand why you are not acting so you can take the right steps.   This is for anyone who has an inkling that they’d like to do something and they cannot for the life of them get themselves to even try. It might be a job. It might be as simple as making a TikTok. (That’s my weird fear.) Or maybe you are absolutely SURE that something is meant for you, like you are mid-screenplay – but you watch yourself repeatedly be inactive on this front. Or you don’t even know where to start – and so you don’t.   Maybe it’s not even that explicit – maybe it’s just a general sense of procrastination. Or something weirder – like a general sense of resent or distaste for those who are successful at something in particular.  That is because you are a magnet for this thing: you are reacting to it because it exists inside you! So use that feedback and take a listen.   This is life school, remember? We are here to grow. Let’s give this little seed some water. Small changes evoke massive, life-changing ones!   Here are the two links I mention: Dr. Stutz’s website with more of his tools plus more about the Netflix doc “Stutz” that I mention:   And the book, “The Artist’s Way” that I love:   For more of my work and to make a donation, you can head to and to check out my very first TikTok’s (gulp) you can find me at   Xo!   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is for anyone who has a relationship with someone or has to have interaction with someone who does not respect their right to basic human kindness, respect, personal space, or maintain healthy boundaries. This might show up as a person who insults you. Who picks at you, mocks you, targets you by belittling you. Maybe they make you are crazy for the way you do something. For the words you choose. For some habit you keep. For the way you exist or some random thing. Whatever it is, it’s confusing and hurtful. It also might make you start to question whether or not you are crazy. That my friends is the definition of gaslighting. And it may happen to you in a casual circumstance in your life. It can happen in any intimate relationship and it can happen in any environment, and don’t worry– you’re not crazy. The other name for this is ‘The war on words’ – that’s my term for someone starting to spin you in a web of conflict. So as soon as you try and pin them down, they jump to the next topic or the next one. And you can’t seem to solve the conflict – it only seems to get bigger. If this rings any bells, I want to acknowledge that confronting a person who is angry and violent can be extremely dangerous – so if that is true for you please speak with someone at this resource and form a plan: For the rest of the links I mention in this episode, here’s the one about escaping a relationship with a narcissist: Here’s one link to Gabor Maté’s site about the connection between anger suppression and disease (he has a lot of great books, though a lot of them are downers haha): Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Let’s regenerate a bit of that energy and perspective when we are feeling optimal, excited and at the top of our game. This state is also when we are the wisest and most capable of seeing reality for what it is. The energy shift I’m talking about is the difference between clapping along with the camp counselors as they sing songs, and rolling your eyes at them. I think we all have both of those people inside us and we have to choose to lean toward that perspective of “yes-and” –this is how we create lives full of excitement, positivity, friendship and inspiration.   This is an episode aimed at curating an energy of optimism and shininess – because, truly we dictate our worth with how we present in the world. Meaning if we feel less optimal, more lazy, more down, more pessimistic, our energetic presence suffers. We make very different decisions, have very different conversations, and with that different opportunities arise. Our ability to command a room and bring a powerful, positive feeling to ourselves and others, also gets reduced. So let’s shift our energy, together! Sending love and smiles. For more of my work head to xo DISCLAIMER! There’s like 200 different construction projects happening around me while I’m recording and it sucks. I am so sorry– hopefully it will end before my next record.  And here’s the book I mentioned (The Four Agreements). It’s short and a good stocking-stuffer for anyone who hasn’t read it. (If that’s even possible.)   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Hi friends! This is a preview of a podcast from our friends at TED Audio Collective: ReThinking with Adam Grant. In this episode, organizational psychologist Adam interviews Olympic medalist Allyson on finding motivation, bouncing back from failures, and learning to appreciate successes. If you’d like to hear more from leading thinkers and creators, follow ReThinking wherever you get your podcasts. Each week, Adam dives into the minds of interesting people to learn the unique ways they think and find practices we can all apply in our daily lives to live a little better. This season, the show features guests like bestselling author Celeste Ng, Oscar-winning actor Reese Witherspoon, and death-defying rock climber Alex Honnold. Enjoy!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is an episode for anyone who is spending a whole lot of time and energy fixated on the habits, thoughts, or faults of a person they have a relationship with. Maybe that is a partner, parent, friend or a sibling. Regardless, this relationship is lopsided: you do all the things and they do not. Let’s say you are a caregiver type: you know how to make others function better than they know how to function, solo. But that also means you end up annoyed and exhausted. This is an episode tailored around stepping back from the energy and habit of being controlling – because despite how it feels, we really do have a choice. It’s hard to see that if you are in a relationship with someone who is using, depressed, or needy. But truly – when you step back, new opportunities open up. We can let go of all the struggle that we create for ourselves – and get such relief, instantly. What we often forget is that to be overly fixated on the thoughts, feelings, faults or ways of another person really robs us of our own enjoyment of life. It also robs the other person of the dignity of making their own mistakes. Caveat: this is not for you to listen to if you are a caregiver to a dependent, like a child. For more of my work and to make a donation, head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is my interview with the amazing author/speaker, Byron Katie. I wanted to do this interview because I feel that her process is powerful but simple and it very much enables individuals to practice disengaging from thoughts that are not helpful and/or cause a lot of pain and perpetuate dysfunctional behavior. We discuss her process for breaking free of thoughts that keep us trapped in loops of reaction. We also discuss how these thoughts are self-inflicted and the idea that pain is something that is predominantly created by ourselves, in our minds. TRIGGER WARNING: we discuss topics such as being the victim of a physical violation, so please avoid if this is a topic too sensitive for you. Byron Katie is the creator of “The Work” and practices “The 4 Questions of Inquiry” as well as “The Judge Your Neighbor Worksheet” which is found at the link below. To check out Byron Katie’s app plus download her free worksheets, head to: For more of my work, you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Shame is one of the most damaging feelings because of how it defines us to us. This is a request and it’s for anyone who has shameful memories that cause them pain, a person who has changed their life and made amends but cannot seem to let go of the shame. I can relate! Know that it takes time, education, support, context, and also the light that comes from processing something. I think when we can own something and talk about it, it stops owning us and therefore it no longer defines us. What I express in this episode is my personal path to letting go of shame. A lot of it still lingers around the most upsetting memories. I literally can’t even say what I’ve done on this show because that is how potent it is – I have tried and edited it out because I cannot bear for that to be circulating in the world. So that tells you something. Shame is SUPER INTENSE! I think of myself as having done a lot of work. So take heart and move through it at your own pace, don't be angry with yourself if it takes a bit longer on some things. Warning: this is not for you if you have self-harmed in the last 3 months, if you are suffering from psychosis, or you are suicidal or homicidal. For more of my work and to make a donation, head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
For anyone who is dealing with a friend or family member (or anyone, really) who feels you are critical, rude, insensitive or always in the wrong. And when this happens, you are baffled...   Projection is powerful. What we see we believe but most of it is created by our inner world. The reason I’m doing this episode is because projection is also a major factor in how someone charts their course in life. So if that person is self-loathing, unhappy, insecure and angry – they will be making decisions based on this set of feelings – including as it relates to their relationship with others. That person may choose to cut off contact with you, feel offended by you, or think of you as insulting them in the most average of situations. In other worlds, all they can see is how they feel inside. Regardless of how irrational, they see their reasoning as valid, and this is like a welcome escape from their inner world. Because it’s out there! Not me. It’s them.   This episode has tools for setting boundaries with a person like this – and also tools for orienting yourself in the face of this.   For more of my work and to make a donation, head to   The two articles I mention in this episode are here: Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is for anyone who with a tendency toward a lack perspective – maybe you default to a survival mode of unconscious “doing” and because of that your life is somewhat based in “not enough” / a sense of being less-than. This is a recipe to help you transition out of that. The motivation for this episode is I have always had a fear/lack perspective and a desire for safety, which was underlying many of my decisions in adult life. I think this is also something interwoven into confidence/self-love issues. So take note if that seems true for you. It may show up as being risk-adverse. Or subtly resisting powerful roles in your life. Or perhaps in the way you date: choosing people who have serious issues.   This is all about getting into that state of inner “shine.” Feeling fully alive and present and living your life from this energy, as an intentional practice. Not just “checking the boxes, doing the things and keeping up” but shining from the inside out.   What does shine energy feel like? Bounty. Joy. Love and energy – like “I can run the whole way down the trail.” Like “I am a kid again and there is no such thing as gravity or fatigue.” But not just in a physical sense. In a view of the world, sense.   Here’s the book I am reading (and liking) that I mentioned called The Enlightenment Project:   Here’s Martha Beck’s podcast “The Gathering Pod” that I mentioned:   To make a donation or see more of my work, head to ! xo   Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
This is for anyone considering attending couples counseling and you are unsure of what to look for or perhaps you are hesitant about going because you don’t know if it will be effective. This is also for if you are in fight loops and your conflicts are not being solved and things are being heightened. If you find that you are both throwing out intense ultimatums and yet both staying in the relationship, it’s definitely worth trying – and also shopping for the right person who brings out the deeper emotional truths in both of you. If you haven’t done it before – this is my opinion as a married person: Why you’re doing it as well as what happens while you’re there.   I also think a lot of people believe, “I’m doing everything right and my partner is doing everything wrong.” And they go to couples counseling not knowing what the goal is or expecting the counselor to tell their partner, “You are wrong and you should listen to everything your partner is saying.” And so I wanted to give you my two cents on how to approach couples counseling in the hopes that it will allow you to get something better out of it. So this may help you identify a goal for yourself in therapy – with your partner, so you can curate that result.   I think of a couples counselor as a translator in many ways. They are also containers for the deeper feelings to be revealed so that both can shift behavior toward love and or decisions that are loving. Take what helps and leave the rest! Sending love.   For more of my work you can head to xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit
Comments (17)

Elizabeth Crane

Hey I just wanted to say that I needed this exact podcast so much. I absolutely love your interpretation of things, how you share them and your tips and tools you share with us. I hope you continue this podcast because I need it so much! None of the other podcasts I’ve tried have come close to touching my soul as this one has. Peace and love to you! -Sincerely, Happy Listener

Sep 20th


If being fat is your worst fear in life...what an amazing, privileged life you have. Not worried about family dying, losing your home or access to medicine, how you will afford to eat, about war, or bombing. Just fat. That's the worst. That's really why it's a disorder. Priorities go out the window.

Oct 5th

Susanne McIlwain Hatton

I’ve done the burial ritual if you will, on letting go of a relationship The break up left me feeling like I could never get up from the floor again. 18 months later and a betrothal to another woman 3 days before my birthday, I went to every spot that was special or significant and collected either a rock ,a bottle cap even a dead leaf(which was significant) and I put it all in a box. I buried it, I said goodbye and it was a peace like I had never felt before The peace that washed over me was visible and visceral and I walked back down the hill with a smile on my face. The night before I did this I had a dream about a black and white butterfly He was majestic and beautiful and glided in front of me so slowly When I woke up , I knew it was time it was my sign to move on

Aug 27th

Diana nersisyan

This podcast is incredible. You’re like talking to moi.

Sep 2nd

Lisa Eve

gifted healer... her voice is so calming.

Jul 19th

Susanne McIlwain Hatton

I love this. Initially listened for myself but saving it for my friend as well. Thank you.

Apr 24th

Ana Julia Fishman

really Great pod cast, voice, and insight, honesty

Feb 24th

Authentictalks 2.0

I love this podcast! No one can be me better than me. There is lots of good info & although I host a podcast I listen to many. Thank you for doing what you do.

Feb 17th


This is my mother. She and my father terrorised our small family as we were growing up. I seem to attract narcissists everywhere I go.

Feb 16th

Rara Avis

this was fantastic. very wise.

Feb 10th


EP 119 such a great episode! I've read 'Lost Connections' and you really hit on some core themes. Also recommendation if you want to watch your spending is an app called 'Mint' by intuit, it's free and helped me see some spending areas I was blind to, plus it helps you categorize and adjust what you're budgeting for. Thank you so much for this podcast, it's awesome!

Jan 30th
Reply (1)


Great podcast, really appreciate the depth you go into, the insight you have on the topics, and the list of things to get us thinking and working through things. Great content and podcaster!! :)

Jan 29th

Val Specht

Love this podcast!

Jan 22nd

Death Doula ☠

The best therapy session I've ever had. #gratitude #safeplace 🤗

Jan 20th


Thank you, needed the tough love

Nov 3rd

Victoria Mbaluka

Thank you

Mar 28th
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