Messy Family Podcast : Catholic Conversations on Marriage and Family

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.  Genesis 2:24   Summary Unity between man and woman was God’s original plan, but the Fall not only broke our relationship with God, it also broke our relationship with each other.  But the good news is that Jesus has given us grace in the sacrament of Matrimony so we can have a oneness in marriage that would be impossible otherwise!  With unity, couples can handle anything life dishes out. Without it, even the easy things will seem hard. Couples need to constantly be striving for unity, because if spouses aren’t intentional, those marriages will drift apart!  In this podcast, we will give you three tools - honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability - that you can use to start moving towards your spouse.  We need to intentionally use these tools to work towards the greater unity within the gift of marriage that God has for us.     Key Takeaways All couples must strive for unity - if you float along, you will drift apart Unity was what we were made for, but the fall introduced distrust into the male/female relationships There are three things you can do to move towards unity:  honoring, forgiveness, and vulnerability On the scale of Affirmation/Criticism, choose to honor your spouse, even publicly to build them up On the scale of Resentment/Forgiveness, choose to forgive them instead of being resentful of their shortcomings On the scale of Detachment/Intimacy we need to choose vulnerability and openness to our spouse.    Couple Discussion Questions On a scale of 1-10, how are we doing in our unity? In which of the three areas can we do better?  Which one of these three areas is the most challenging for me?  Why do I think that is?     Resources Free Mini-Marriage Retreat:  https://messyfamilyproject.org/guide/mini-marriage-check-in/ Register for the Family Board Meeting!  https://messyfamilyproject.org/course/family-board-meeting/ Easter Webinar Register here…. www.Catholiccouplesgetaway.com  

Vices are our disordered way of fulfilling our God-given good desires.    Summary So many of us thought we were good people till we had kids, right?  This is because kids expose our weaknesses and we need to be aware of them in order to overcome them.  Listen in as we reveal Satan’s plan for you and lay out God’s great plan of using our rightly ordered desires to develop virtues and live according to His plan.   The desires that God has put in our hearts for dignity, communion, justice, and peace are all good, but when we try to fulfill them on our own, they can lead to vice, or repeated bad habits.  We do this because we are all fallen, wounded people!  But the good news is that we just need to tap into learning how to satisfy those desires in the best way, which is what God intended for us.  This is a snapshot from our video series we are doing for our Cana90 Fellowship this year.  In that series, each vice gets its own video where we break it down and show how we as parents are particularly susceptible to falling into it.  Join the Fellowship here for the rest of the series!    Key Takeaways Vices are our disordered desires.  Every vice has a longing or desire behind it and a corresponding virtue to help overcome it.  Parents struggle with vices in particular ways that may not have been evident before they had kids.   Envy is the longing for Dignity and it comes from the fear that we will not be seen, known, and acknowledged.  We get this from our Heavenly Father!  Sloth is the longing for Peace and it causes us to choose a “fake peace” that comes from ignoring problems instead of working through them.    Couple Discussion Questions Where do I struggle to act?  What situations would I rather ignore than deal with? Write down some ideas.  Try them each day one at a time.  What is one thing I can do to make this room/situation/gathering better? How can I be proactive?  Think of when someone else was kind to you.  How did it make you feel?  List 25 things you can do to make the lives of others around you more pleasant   References Bishop Barron’s series on the Seven Deadly Sins https://www.wofdigital.org/seven-deadly-sins-seven-lively-virtues Broken Gods by Dr. Gregory Popcak https://amazon.com/dp/B00N6PETQ2?ref=KC_GS_GB_US Cana90 Fellowship  https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/

A problem with disrespect from a child always goes back to a dysfunction in the parent-child relationship.   Summary When our sweet children enter the teen years and adolescence is upon them, something happens that tends to cause parents stress and dismay - back talk and disrespect.  Some of this is immaturity on the part of the child and some is simply lack of training in relationships.  It is our job as parents to teach our children how to express their feelings, disagree, and even debate while maintaining an attitude of respect towards us and therefore, other people in their lives.  The family is the training ground for life!  In this podcast we will give you some perspective on the struggles teens have, tell you what NOT to do and explain the Three C’s of responding to a mouthy teen.  Listen in!   Key Takeaways A disrespectful child is, simply put, someone no one wants to be around. But the good news is that parents can change this!  We can help our child become someone we not just love, but like.   Yelling, punishing, taking things personally, and debating with your teen does not work.  Avoid these reactions.  Tweens and teens need us to guide them on acceptable ways of speaking to others.  This will help them be successful in many areas of life.  CONTROL YOURSELF - If you are triggered by your teen and fly off the handle, ask yourself why and get your emotional life in order.  CONSEQUENCES - It is our responsibility to help them see what happens when they don’t control their tongue.  The world’s consequences will be much harder than ours!  COACH - We need to point our teens towards adulthood so they can see we are not treating them as a child, we are teaching them how to be an adult.  Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with the way that our children speak to us?  Can we identify areas of difficulty with them?  What would be a quick, acceptable consequence for our child’s disrespect?  Which one of us would be best to talk to them about this?  How can we coach our child to do better?    Links: Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

A husband and wife may disagree on many things, but they must absolutely agree on this: to never, ever give up.   Summary When we did our listener survey, you asked for interviews of regular families who have raised children through to adulthood with grace and courage.  Well, we have a treat for you!  A few years ago we met Brian and Joanna Simpson of London ONT who have run the Family Foundations Institute for the past 25  years.  They also have 9 children and over 35 grandchildren and they are a witness to the goodness of God despite difficulty and heartache.  In this episode, they tell some of their story, but also give wisdom to young families on what should be the most important things in your home and how to create a home focused on God and loving each other.  We really enjoyed our time with them and we know you will too!   Key Takeaways Forgiveness in the family is key - modeling it for the children with them and with your spouse.  The husband as the head of the household is the one who carries the responsibility in the family, not only authority.  Wise spouses realize that the best decisions are done together in unity.  When tragedy and suffering happens in the family, as it inevitably will, God can still be present and make something truly beautiful out of it when we trust Him.  Personal prayer and trust in God’s love for you is key to building a family of faith and prayer.   When our conflict stays in the dark, the Evil One has more power. It is best to be honest and vulnerable, even if you don’t do it perfectly, because then you can work to actively build unity.     Couple Discussion Questions What things are important to us in our household and how are we communicating that?   How do we support each other in our roles as husband and wife/mom and dad in the family?    Resources:  Family Foundations Institute https://famfi.ca/ Link to Cana90 https://messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Link to Beloved Event https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved  

Summary Have you ever wanted to stop yelling at your kids?  Be more courteous to your spouse?  Or be more orderly at home?  Enter Super Habits!  These are not just new things for you to learn to do, these are life-changing actions that will make you happier, healthier and more successful in many areas.  In this interview, we spoke to Dr. Andrew Abela, author of the book Super Habits and his wife Kathleen who explained to us how to apply this book to family life.  They gave us some great insights and showed us how Super Habits can be the answer to what we all need in our parenting and marriages.  And the best part is that these habits are already present in us, we just need to activate them.  Listen in!    Key Takeaways Every virtue is a habit anyone can cultivate, not just a characteristic or personality trait.  We can all grow and change.  All new habits create new neurological pathways in our brains, but the advantage of Super Habits is that these are pathways that are native to us already, we already have the “muscles”; we just need to use them.  Super habits do three things - they make us happier, healthier, and they have a positive effect on multiple areas of our lives.    St. Thomas Aquinas has the best system of organizing the virtues! We all need fluency in the language of virtues.  All growth in Super Habits is slow and steady so keep going!  Virtue happens when we channel our desires correctly - not squash them.  Growth in Super Habits is the answer to “helicopter” or “bulldozer” parenting  We need to be aware of the full range of virtues for the full flourishing of the human person.    Couple Discussion Questions In what ways have we already developed some Super Habits?  How did we do that?  What Super Habit will help us in our parenting?  How can we support each other in cultivating it?   Resources Superhabits Book, Sophia Press: sophiainstitute.com/product/super-habits/ Andrew Abela on Linked In: www.linkedin.com/in/deanabela Superhabits on Substack: superhabit.substack.com/ Cana90 - messyfamilyproject.org/programs/cana90/ Beloved Event - arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Eph 6:4 In this episode of the Messy Family Podcast, hosts Mike and Alicia Hernon celebrate their 10th year of the podcast and introduce the new studio, setting the stage for a discussion on fatherhood and leadership in the home. They emphasize that while fathers are called by God to lead, many struggle to understand what that truly means in a world that often undermines their role. True leadership is not about domination but about serving, sacrificing, and guiding with love, following Christ’s example. A father’s success is measured by the unity in his marriage and family, and when discord arises, it signals a need to recalibrate leadership. Mike and Alicia challenge men to overcome passivity, a struggle rooted in Adam’s sin, and to step up, protect, and guide their families with intentional love. Practical steps for dads include pursuing their wives first, taking initiative in family life, loving sacrificially, and leading with unity in mind. They highlight research showing that a father’s presence has a profound impact on his children’s faith, success, and well-being. While many men feel incompetent in the home, undervalue their influence, or struggle with passivity, Mike and Alicia encourage them to embrace the God-given mission of fatherhood with confidence, knowing that great men and strong fathers are desperately needed today.   Key Takeaways Husbands are called to lead in the home because this is how God is going to make them holy and you were created to give first to be able to receive. You know you are leading when there is unity, when you are challenged, and when your wife feels safe. Men need to go in to battle and fight against the tendency to be passive or to avoid what they do not feel competent at. Never doubt how important you are in the life of your wife and children - they need you!   Couple Discussion Questions Are we happy with our roles of leading our family right now? How are we doing? How can I (wife) support you (husband) in leading our family?   For more information on this and other topics visit: https://www.messyfamilyproject.org/

Families don’t just have a mission, they ARE a mission!    Summary When we hear “missionary” many of us automatically think of a single person serving in a third world country.  Then we think, “not me!”  But the reality is that all Catholics are called by their baptism to spread the good news of Jesus throughout the world.  We do that first and foremost in our homes, through the pastoral care of our spouse and children, but there are other ways we can spread the Good News to the world. In this podcast, we interview Tim and Maggie Glemkowski, parents with a heart for mission.  Tim most recently led the National Eucharistic Congress and continues to serve as the executive director of Amazing Parish.  He and Maggie share their story of the struggles they have gone through with their calling and the faithfulness of God through it all.  Their understanding of how to be a family on mission for others is inspiring and encouraging.  Listen in!    Links: Interested in taking your family on a mission trip?  Contact the Family Mission Experience at www.soltfme.org

Summary Since 2018 we have been doing surveys of our listeners to find out who you are, how we can serve you more, and what your needs are.  We have never shared this information with our listeners until now!  Over the years we have had thousands of listeners take this survey and it's interesting to see what has remained the same and what has changed.  We thought it would be encouraging to you to hear that you are not alone!  The struggles that you have told us about are shared by other moms and dads too.  Listen in as we talk about the make-up of most of our listeners, what they told us, and what plans are for the future.  There were also some questions that came up in the survey that we responded to as well.      Links Last call for the survey!  Closing Jan 31, 2025  https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T59LDRY   UK Tour - if you are interested in joining us for any events check out our page here!   www.messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025  

“Catholic parenting is above all a work of grace” - Fr. Carter Griffin We often say there is no manual for being a parent, but this book comes pretty close!  In this podcast, we interview the author of Forming Families, Forming Saints Fr. Carter Griffin.  Fr. Griffin has worked for years forming young men into priests in the seminary setting.  In doing so, he saw many similarities between what he was doing with young men and what parents were doing at home.  The four pillars of formation in the seminary - human, intellectual, spiritual, and apostolic - can be applied in the family as well! In both settings, ultimately God is the one who does the transforming in people’s lives, but He does choose to use us in the process. We believe this book is a valuable resource for parents that they will be able to refer to again and again.     Key Concepts Parents are proxies. God is the ultimate shaper of their hearts and minds, but He chooses to use us in the lives of our children In the past decade or so there has been an emphasis on the importance of childhood and parenting on a person’s life.  This knowledge is good, but it also has put an incredible amount of pressure on parents to “do it right”.  The four pillars of seminary formation - Human, Spiritual, Intellectual, and Apostolic can be applied for parents forming children within the home.   The most successful parents create an environment of trust in the home through continual dialogue with their children while sending the message that they don’t just love their kids, but they like them too!  Parents need to know they are not alone! There are many other families working alongside you and we have a great cloud of witnesses cheering us on.  Couple Discussion Consider the four pillars that Fr. Griffith describes.  How is our child doing in each of these?  Can we make a goal for them in each area?  Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility of parenting?  How can we rely on God more for the grace that we need and for the grace that our children need?   Resources Father’s book:  Forming Families, Forming Saints: https://stpaulcenter.com/product/forming-families-forming-saints/ Find out more about our UK tour in March - https://messyfamilyproject.org/uk-tour-2025/ Event in New Jersey with Array of Hope - Beloved https://arrayofhope.regfox.com/beloved

At the beginning of 2025 we want to challenge parents to step back and reassess their approach to family life by diving into 10 Things to Stop Doing in 2025.  Are you focusing too much on your kids? Caught up in the frantic pace of life? Trying to "fix" your spouse or juggle it all? Let us give you some heartfelt encouragement to let go of habits that create stress, disconnection, and overwhelm. We guarantee this episode is packed with insights that will inspire you to parent with purpose and peace. Let’s start the year by simplifying, slowing down, and focusing on what really matters!  Listen in and get ready to share and bookmark this episode to listen to again and again!   Free Family Board Meeting Webinar: https://messyfamilyproject.org/fbm-webinar/

“Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself. I mean do not be disheartened by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage” - St. Francis deSales   Summary What God asks of us as parents is beyond our ability.  We are all in need of God’s grace and that comes through prayer! Now, before you think, “I do not have time for prayer….” take a pause and listen to this episode.  First, remember, we have been there! We had 3 kids under 3, 7 kids under 10 and then 10 under 16!  We know that the crazy pace of life can make us feel like we can never catch our breath.  That being said, we must persevere through the different seasons of life and make sure that we are consistently connected to the source of all life.  Listen in to find ways of “sneaking in” prayer throughout your day, what you may have to let go of, and what you should be able to accomplish. Do not lose heart!  Prayer is not only possible, but it is essential for us to live the life God is calling each of us to.    Key Takeaways The spiritual responsibility of our home lies with parents and it always has. They are essential because they are the first witnesses of the faith to their children.   You cannot be an effective parent without prayer Take advantage of all types of prayer, but we usually need to work the most on prayer of contemplation.  This is where we grow in relationship with God in a personal way.  If we need to grow it is going to cost us.  There is no easy button.  There are seasons in life, and our devotion needs to match it.   Take advantage of the seasons of the year to start fresh!    Couple Discussion Questions What type of prayer are we taking advantage of right now?  How well are we doing it?  How can we support each other in growing in our prayer life?  Resources MFP180 Monks, Parents, and Prayer Our webpage with resources on prayer  

Kids will not always remember what you say, they will remember how they felt.     Summary We have talked about the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s being the “Momolympics”, a time when there are tons of things to buy, make, prepare, plan, and basically the happiness of your children all depends on you (at least we feel that way!) How can parents embrace the holidays with children with grace and excitement?  How can we keep in mind what is truly important for our family?  In this episode we give some principles, but also LOTS of practical advice as we look back on all the different holidays we have had with our large family.  Things look different now for us, but we can see in hindsight what worked well for us, and what was unnecessarily stressful!  This is an amazing time of year and when you have kids the happy times are even more joy-filled, but the tough times can be really exhausting.  We are here for you as you work to be intentional, even if you are a messy family!    Key Takeaways The more you plan in advance the less rushed you are going to be. This will help you simplify so you can focus on what really matters.   Keep in mind the order of your family culture!  Spiritual life of the home, marriage, relationships, developing gifts and then the operations of the family.  Get the kids involved!  When they own traditions, it strengthens your family culture when they take on responsibilities for the holidays.   Couple Discussion Questions What are the traditions that we want to double down on and make sure they happen this year?  How are we going to reduce stress and delegate work to the kids?  What is our plan to get them involved?   Resources Throwback Friday: Toys! by Regina Schmiedicke MFP267: Toys and the Imagination  MFP036 Holidays with In laws and Out laws Donate to the Messy Family Project  

Graces can flow into your home when nature is in its proper place.  - Connor Gallagher, The Well-Ordered Family   Summary Do you yearn for more order and clarity within your family? Is the chaos and busyness of modern life unsettling the harmony of your household? In this podcast, we interview Conor Gallagher, CEO of multiple businesses and father of sixteen, to talk to him about a transformative system that will restore peace and joy in your household.  We love using business principles to improve family life, and in the Well-Ordered Family, Conor does just that!  Join us for this conversation and find out why its good to realize that we all have systems in our home, how to get control of those systems, and why it is essential that parents not fall into a victim mentality.  Find more about The Well-Ordered Family at https://wellorderedfamily.com/  Key Takeaways We all operate with systems in the home whether we realize it or not.  The question is, are these systems effective?  There are many policies that families need to implement, but if you have to start with one, start with your tech policy!  When you are trying to get control of your family life, start by asking the question Why?  Why are we trying to live a certain way?  Parents need to be the architects of their family’s life and habits.  No one else can do it for you.     Couple Discussion Questions What are the systems in our home that most need attention right now?  Are we falling into a victim mentality when it comes to running our home?  How can we break out of that cycle?  

In this episode, we dive into the beauty and power of family history. Mike shares the incredible story of his journey to Ireland—a dream rooted in a deep love for his heritage and a promise to pass it on to his children. From the ruins of his grandfather’s cottage to the windswept cliffs of the Aran Islands, the trip becomes a testament to the importance of staying connected to the past while building a legacy for the future. As we reflect on the stories of those who came before us, we’re reminded of the sacrifices and struggles that shaped who we are today. Alicia and Mike discuss how understanding our roots can ground us in our present and inspire us to leave a rich legacy for those who will follow. Whether it’s through reclaiming a family cottage or sharing stories with your kids, this episode is a call to embrace the sacred work of family. We also explore how the holiday season offers a perfect time to reconnect with family traditions. From meaningful Advent meditations to practical tools like the Family Board Meeting course, we’re excited to help you create a home that is intentional and full of life. ✨ A Few Takeaways: The power of family stories to shape our identity and inspire our future The importance of honoring both the joys and struggles in our family history How to talk with your kids about their roots in a meaningful way 🌟 Featured Resources: Beautiful Advent books with Jesse Tree meditations and ornaments The Family Board Meeting webinar on December 8th Exclusive Advent bundles to enrich your holiday traditions 🙏 Let’s pray together for the grace to live lives worthy of those who came before us, and to build homes filled with faith, hope, and love. 💖 If this episode speaks to you, consider supporting the mission of the Messy Family Project. Your generosity makes everything we do possible—from free resources to life-changing events. Together, we can strengthen families and inspire faith. #FamilyStories #HeritageAndHope #MessyFamilyProject #RootedInFaith

“Guided and strengthened by God’s grace, husband and wife advance their own perfection… and contribute jointly to the glory of God” ~ Gaudium et Spes   Summary You should never marry someone with the idea that you can change them, but we do need to help our spouses become the best version of themselves.  We all should have a vision, a belief that our spouse can be amazing and then work with them for their good.  In this podcast, we hear the inspiring story of Dan and Brenda - a couple from two different families, faith backgrounds, and life philosophies. Though they were different, they were able to learn from each other and build an incredible life together by the grace of God.  Through their story, we were able to draw out lessons that all of us can learn from.  

Show me your checkbook and your datebook and I will show you what you value   Summary So much of what we talk about on this podcast really hits home when it comes to how we spend our time.  Family dinner, date nights, prayer time, even mass comes down to making time to do it.  Four things determine how we run our lives and our family - talent, money, energy and time. Every one has different amounts of energy and talent and money, but we all have the same amount of time!  How we use it is what matters.  In this podcast we discuss how to evaluate the activities in our home and what we need to prioritize.  This is a re-release of the podcast “Busyness” originally aired in the summer of 2017.    Couple Discussion Questions   Where in our life are we too busy?  Where do we need to make time for what is really important?  Where do we need better routines in our home to bring peace?    

“Genuine humility never disturbs the soul.  Rather it is accompanied by peace, joy and calm” St. Theresa of Avila   Summary What is the biggest problem in Catholic marriages?  Although we appreciate good communication tools, marriage insights, and mentors - at the end of the day the biggest problem is simply a lack of holiness.  One essential tool in our quest for holiness is learning how to ask for forgiveness.  When we have conflict in our home, we all need to ask ourselves the question - what could I have done differently?  When we take ownership in this way, we can repent to God and then ask forgiveness of our spouse or children in order to repair that relationship.  Often we will focus only on our sins and try to amend our lives, but in addition to those good things, we also need to seek to reconcile the relationship and ask for forgiveness.     Key Takeaways When there is conflict in the home, we always need to ask ourselves how have I contributed to this situation and what could I have done differently?  Taking extreme ownership means that you don’t make excuses, but instead recognize that the past does not have power over you any more.  You always have a choice. When you are aware of your weakness, you are more open to asking for forgiveness and growing in holiness Asking forgiveness also repairs the rupture in the relationship that happens as a result of our actions. When you ask forgiveness and make your heart pure through Confession, then you are able to more clearly see God.  “The pure in heart shall see God” Matt 5:8 A daily examen should include asking for forgiveness of family members we have sinned against.     Couple Discussion Questions Reflect on your marriage and children and ask God to show you areas in which you need to change.  Go to your spouse and children and ask their forgiveness.  When can we do a daily examen in our household?  How can we incorporate regular asking of forgiveness? References: Dealing with Failure podcast:  MPF 140  Forgiveness MP 060  Forgiveness and Transformation MFP 165 Romans 12 Matthew 18:21-35 Guide to Parenthood:  Forgiveness in the Family

In this special Q&A episode, we dive into some of the most heartfelt questions from our listeners. From the complex question of whether to expand the family to grappling with grief, boundaries in marriage, and integrating elderly parents into a household, these issues strike at the core of family life. We also tackle how to balance the call to evangelize in a world that often conflicts with our values—especially when raising children in today’s cultural climate. Join us as we explore these tough topics with compassion, real-life insights, and guidance for finding peace, strength, and unity in family life amidst life’s many challenges. Couple Discussion Questions Expanding the Family: How do we each feel about the possibility of having more children, and what are our hopes or concerns? How can we respect and support each other’s feelings in this decision? Emotional Connection and Boundaries: Are there areas where we hold back in sharing our emotions? How can we create a safe space to be vulnerable and open with each other? Navigating Grief and Hard Times: How have we supported each other through past challenges, and what can we learn from those experiences to better support each other now? Integrating Family Generations: If we needed to bring an elderly family member into our home, what expectations and boundaries would help create harmony for everyone? Raising Kids with Faith in a Secular Culture: What are our biggest concerns about raising children in today’s world, and how do we feel called to engage with those who have different values while protecting our family’s faith?

“It’s important that we remember to talk ‘to’ our kids, not ‘at’ them” - Mark Hart   Summary Parents are rightly concerned today about the influence of the culture on their teens.  As much as we would like to put our kids in a teflon bubble to shield them from the false fake culture of the world, it is just not possible!  What do our kids need from us to prepare them for life?  Join us in this podcast for a conversation with Mark Hart of Lifeteen - a speaker, author, and parent himself of teens and adult children.  Mark gives us some great insights (and laughs!) on how to talk to your kids, what they are REALLY looking for, and what not to be afraid of.   We were blessed in this conversation and we are thrilled to be able to share it with you!    Key Takeaways Keeping teens in a “teflon” bubble and trying to shield them from the world their whole lives doesn’t work.  We need to teach them and get them ready. Kids need space to ask questions and have conversations with their parents without feeling judged.  Pushing back is a natural part of maturation.  Teens demand authenticity!  They challenge us to be real and that is good for us and for the Church.  Talk “to” your kids, not “at” them.  Significant conversations with our teens allow our lives to re-echo across the generations.  Take time for conversations.   For parents, the 20 minutes you spend focused on your child and not on yourself is as spiritually beneficial as a Holy Hour!  Parents should be less concerned with WHAT your child knows and more concerned about WHO is teaching them and where they are getting their information from God entrusted these souls to you for a season. They will not be living under your roof forever.  See your child as a whole person.  You need to spend time with them and really “see” them.   A successful home has three altars: the dinner table to share life and food, the coffee table to gather with family and friends for ideas and fun, and the marriage bed that forms the foundation of the family.  Parents often think of themselves as a hose that ideas and prayer comes through, but we need to be like a fountain - filled up so much in ourselves that we spill over onto our spouse, children, and everyone around us.    Couple Discussion Questions Do we take time to have significant conversations with our kids?  How can we do this more?  Looking at the maturity of our children, are we protecting them too  much?  Not enough?  How are we doing in using the “three altars” of our home?  Are all three of them places that are giving life to our family?    Links: Ascension press - Bible Heroes Register for the Family Board Meeting WWM On Demand course  Listener Survey  

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop than in a mansion with a quarrelsome wife.  Proverbs 25:24 Summary All of us do things that annoy our spouse.  Occasionally, we do things that hurt our spouse and vice versa.  How do we communicate about these situations?  Is it effective to tell them what they have done wrong?  Is that what the scriptures tell us to do?  In this episode, we discuss what it means to take “extreme ownership” of our own actions and emotions before trying to “fix” your spouse.  We believe that the key to a strong marriage is finding how you can support each other on the road to heaven - and that means having the humility to see your own weaknesses first and embracing them.  Once you have sought forgiveness and healed the relationship, then a conversation about how things could have gone differently can be more productive.  Listen in to hear how you can move more intentionally towards unity through communication and forgiveness.  Key Takeaways Couples need to take the principles of “gentle parenting” and apply them to each other!  Skills like expressing empathy, giving guidance, and articulating feelings are all needed in marriage.  When you correct someone, you put yourself above them. This is appropriate in a parent/child relationship, or even a boss/employee relationship, but really not in marriage where you have two equals. We can help our spouses to be self-reflective about situations by asking questions that can help them think about what they wanted the outcome to be and what actually happened.    Couple Discussion Questions What can I do better to help you in areas that you want to grow in?   Who is challenging me?  Who do I look to as an example, as a mentor to progress in holiness?  How can my spouse help me?