Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam

In this powerful and heartfelt episode, Dr. Cam sits down with three courageous moms—Heather, Lara, and Maria—who open up about the emotional rollercoaster of raising teens through tough issues like self-harm, emotional regulation struggles, vaping, and academic burnout. These women, all members of Dr. Cam’s Inner Circle, share what it was like before they found support, and how everything changed when they stopped trying to control their teens and started learning how to truly connect. If you’re feeling frustrated, scared, or unsure how to help your teen without pushing them away, this episode offers real hope and practical guidance from parents who’ve been there.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How to reconnect with your teen when communication has broken down Why letting go of control can strengthen your relationship with your teenager The impact of emotional regulation challenges on teen behavior—and how to respond What a supportive parenting community can do for your confidence and peace of mind   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Letting go of control builds trust and makes space for connection with your teen Choosing one parenting value helps guide consistent, intentional responses Allowing natural consequences helps teens learn from experience without constant lecturing Empathetic listening without jumping in to fix builds emotional safety Having a parenting support group offers relief, encouragement, and real-life strategies   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dr. Cam's Inner Circle - A weekly support group for parents of teenagers where they can share challenges, learn strategies, and receive guidance from Dr. Cam and other parents. Join us at: https://www.askdrcam.com/innercircle   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcam #parentingteensupport #reconnectwithyourteen

Worried about the impact your teen’s friends are having on them? You’re not alone—and it’s not as simple as “good” or “bad” peer pressure. In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, I sit down with peer influence expert Dr. Brett Laursen to unpack how friendships actually shape teen behavior (often for the better!) and how parents can stay influential without being controlling. Dr. Laursen, who has decades of research tracking teen friendships across multiple countries, shares surprising insights that can help you guide your teen through the tricky world of social dynamics, middle school transitions, and online influence. If you’ve ever wondered, "Am I losing my teen to their friends?" — this conversation is a must-listen. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why peer pressure isn't always a bad thing and can actually drive positive behavior in teens How to stay relevant as a parent even when friends seem to have more influence What to do (and NOT do) if you're worried about your teen's friends How online and real-world friendships impact vulnerable teens differently 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Friendship first, influence second: Teens choose friends who are similar to them, not the other way around. Middle school changes everything: The shift from adult-centered to peer-centered social life demands a new parenting approach. Stay connected, don't compete: Your teen needs a supportive parent, not a rival for attention. Opportunities, not ultimatums: Help your teen find better friendships by fostering their interests, not forcing social changes. Humanize yourself: Teens respect advice more when they see you as a real person, not just an authority figure. 🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Brett Laursen Website: https://www.fau.edu/science/psychology/laursen-lab/ Email: laursenbrett@gmail.com CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Understanding Peer Pressure in Teens 03:01 The Dual Nature of Peer Influence 05:46 Navigating Friendships: The Parent's Dilemma 08:53 The Shift to Peer-Driven Social Structures 12:12 The Importance of Positive Relationships 15:10 Managing Friendships: When to Intervene 18:12 Supporting Kids Who Struggle to Make Friends 21:08 The Role of Online Influences 23:54 Building Trust and Communication with Teens 27:01 Humanizing Parental Relationships 29:55 Final Thoughts on Peer Influence and Parenting ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #teenpeerpressure #parentingteenfriendships

When you lose a child, everything changes. In this powerful episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, we meet Kristen Schindler, a courageous mother who shares her journey through the devastating loss of her 21-year-old son, Gavin, to suicide. Kristin opens up about navigating grief while parenting her other children, how undiagnosed physical and mental health issues played a hidden role, and the steps she’s taken to find healing, hope, and purpose. If you're a parent terrified of missing warning signs or struggling to support a grieving family, Kristen’s story reminds us that love alone can't shield our kids from life's hardest battles—and that healing, while messy, is possible. This conversation offers real tools, deep compassion, and hope for anyone touched by loss. Kristen Schindler is a passionate advocate for suicide awareness, a mother of faith, and a living example of resilience. Through her story, she helps other parents navigate the unimaginable with grace, honesty, and strength. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why even the most attentive parents can’t always predict or prevent teen suicide How hidden physical health issues (like undiagnosed heart problems) can impact mental health Why “grief masking” hurts more than it helps—and how to truly process loss How to create new family traditions that honor lost loved ones and foster healing 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS You can be a great parent and still face unimaginable loss: Kristen’s story removes shame and blame from grief. Physical health affects mental health: Undiagnosed conditions can silently worsen depression and anxiety. Grief isn't linear or tidy: Healing doesn't follow a timeline—and that's normal. "Grief masking" backfires: Hiding your pain for others' comfort only deepens long-term wounds. Honoring loved ones through new traditions brings hope: Small acts of kindness can keep memories alive and help families heal together. 🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌 RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Space for Grace Workbook Gavin’s Celebration of Life Tribute Watch on YouTube CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Kristen Schindler Website: www.kristenleeschindler.com Facebook: @kristen.schindler.3 Instagram: @all.the.things.kls LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristen-schindler-2a8b755/ YouTube: @kristenschindler9786e CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell EPISODE CHAPTERS: 00:00 Navigating Grief: A Personal Journey 03:02 The Impact of Loss on Family Dynamics 06:04 Understanding Mental Health Challenges 08:58 The Role of Faith in Healing 11:59 The Complexity of Grief and Healing 15:00 Lessons Learned from Loss 18:14 The Importance of Open Communication 21:04 Finding Joy Amidst Grief 23:59 Empowering Parents in the Face of Loss 32:06 Navigating Grief and Loss 34:55 The Impact of Addiction on Families 37:04 Finding Purpose in Pain 39:54 The Importance of Community and Support 43:14 Transforming Grief into Empathy 48:00 Honoring Loved Ones Through Kindness 52:39 Lessons for Parents in Grief ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam #grievingaparent #suicidelossawareness

Ever feel like your kids are growing up in totally different households—even though they share the same last name and dinner table? Your oldest follows all the rules, your middle child avoids conflict like it’s their full-time job, and your youngest? Total chaos with a side of charm. In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Dr. Kelly Jameson, a therapist, speaker, and expert on birth order psychology and sibling dynamics, to decode what’s really going on behind your kids’ clashing personalities—and what to do when fairness feels impossible. If you’ve ever second-guessed how you parent each child (spoiler: you're not imagining it), this episode is packed with eye-opening truths and practical solutions.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How birth order shapes your teen’s personality and behavior Why sibling rivalry is normal—and how to handle it without picking sides What “fair” parenting really looks like (and why it’s not the same for every child) How to parent your firstborn, middle, and youngest without losing your mind 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Birth order isn’t just theory—it deeply influences how each child behaves, connects, and competes Sibling rivalry often stems from a fight for limited parental attention—not bad behavior Fairness in parenting means meeting each child where they are developmentally, not treating them identically Older siblings shouldn’t be forced to parent younger ones—it breeds resentment, not responsibility Creating rituals, one-on-one time, and shared experiences helps reduce tension and build sibling bonds 🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Dr. Kelly Jameson’s Website   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Kelly Jameson Website: drkellyjameson.com Instagram: @drkellyjameson   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   EPISODE CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Birth Order Dynamics 06:11 Sibling Rivalry and Parental Attention 08:47 Navigating Fairness in Parenting 12:38 Intervening in Sibling Conflicts 18:05 Supporting Siblings Through Challenges 20:39 The Dynamics of Sibling Relationships 24:49 Navigating Sibling Rivalry and Conflict 29:36 Understanding Birth Order and Its Impact 32:35 Tailoring Parenting Strategies by Birth Order 39:45 Key Takeaways for Parents   ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #birthorderpsychology #siblingrivalrytips

Tired of fighting over screen time with your teen?  Then this episode is for you. Dr. Cam sits down with digital wellness expert Nicole Rawson, founder of Screen Time Clinic, to tackle one of today’s biggest parenting challenges: teen screen addiction.  Nicole shares why traditional limits don’t work anymore, how to spot warning signs early, and what a real digital detox looks like (hint: it’s not just unplugging the Wi-Fi).  If you're ready to take back control, reconnect with your teen, and restore peace in your home, don’t miss this conversation. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How excessive screen time rewires your teen’s brain and behavior Why some teens are more sensitive to screen addiction than others What actually works when a teen is addicted to their phone or gaming How to do a digital detox with your teen instead of against them   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Complete digital detox is more effective than moderation for addicted teens Structure and planning are essential for a successful screen break Withdrawal is a red flag—not just “normal teen stuff” Parents must model healthy digital habits to help their teens reset Replacing screen time with meaningful, engaging activities is key to long-term success 🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Reset Your Child’s Brain by Dr. Victoria Dunckley ScreenTimeClinic.com Free Digital Detox Newsletter & Guide   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Nicole Rawson Website: ScreenTimeClinic.com Instagram: @screentimeclinic   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Understanding Screen Time Concerns 03:04 The Impact of Screen Time on Teens 05:53 Identifying Sensitivity to Digital Media 08:54 Implementing Digital Detox Strategies 12:00 Navigating Resistance from Teens 15:02 Recognizing Signs of Addiction 18:12 Healthy Coping Mechanisms for Teens 26:54 The Impact of Screen Time on Family Dynamics 31:10 Understanding Teen Addiction to Screens 36:49 Building Healthy Structures for Teens 41:54 The Role of Parents in Digital Detox   ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #screentime #digitaldetox #parentingteens #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam

In this compelling episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, host Dr. Cam interviews Cam Adair, the founder of Game Quitters and a renowned expert in gaming addiction recovery. Drawing from his own experience as a teen who once played video games for 16 hours a day, Cam shares invaluable insights that every parent needs to hear. This episode tackles the pressing concerns parents have about their teens' gaming habits and provides practical, actionable strategies to help foster a healthy relationship with gaming.    WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Understanding the spectrum of gaming addiction and how it affects teens. Effective communication strategies to engage your teen about gaming. Practical tips for fostering a balanced relationship with gaming. The importance of family values in guiding discussions around gaming behavior.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Recognize Gaming Disorder: Understand the criteria defined by the World Health Organization to identify gaming addiction. Focus on Overall Functioning: Assess your teen's engagement in school, friendships, and family activities beyond just gaming hours. Create Safe Communication Spaces: Have important conversations outside the home or away from gaming devices to ensure openness. Educate Yourself on Games: Learn about the games your teen plays to set realistic expectations and boundaries. Facilitate Smooth Transitions: Allow your teen time to decompress after gaming before switching to other activities.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Game Quitters: A comprehensive resource for parents and teens dealing with gaming issues Cam Adair's TEDx Talk   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Cam Adair Instagram: @GameQuitters Facebook: Game Quitters LinkedIn: Cam Adair X: @GameQuitters YouTube: Game Quitters   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   EPISODE CHAPTERS: 00:00 Understanding Gaming Addiction 03:01 The Spectrum of Gaming Behavior 06:00 Identifying Healthy vs. Problematic Gaming 08:58 Finding Balance in Gaming 11:59 Effective Communication with Teens 15:05 Navigating Power Struggles 18:08 Building Family Values Around Gaming 21:09 Collaborative Solutions for Gaming Limits 24:09 Setting Up for Healthy Gaming Habits 26:45 Transitioning from Gaming to Other Activities 30:00 Handling Meltdowns Over Gaming Limits 33:03 Encouraging Exploration Beyond Gaming 36:00 Modeling Healthy Tech Use 38:51 Resources for Parents and Final Thoughts   ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam #GamingAddiction #TeenParenting

In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, college admissions coach Dyllen Nellis reveals the secret to crafting standout college applications—authentic storytelling. Forget obsessing over GPAs—top schools want students who can articulate their core values, intellectual curiosity, and unique experiences. Dyllen shares expert strategies to help your teen write compelling essays, develop passion projects, and stand out in a competitive admissions landscape—without parental hovering.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why authenticity matters more than perfect essays How to help your teen find their unique story The role of passion projects in top college applications The right way to support your teen—without taking over   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Story Over Stats – Grades alone won’t get your teen into top schools. Their story and values matter more. Authenticity Wins – Admissions officers can spot fake or forced narratives. Encourage honesty. Passion Projects Stand Out – Schools want students who create real impact through their interests. Curiosity is Key – Support your teen’s genuine interests instead of pushing “impressive” activities. Guide, Don’t Hover – Give your teen space to explore, make mistakes, and develop their own voice.   ❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share this episode and leave a rating & review. Your support helps other parents find expert advice to help their teens thrive.   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Masterclass: The Top School Admissions Formula Dyllen’s Website: NextGen Admit   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dyllen Nellis Instagram: @nextgenadmit YouTube: Dyllen Nellis TikTok: @nextgenadmit LinkedIn: Dyllen Nellis   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:00.942) Hey parents, Dr. Cam here. College admissions are no joke, trust me. I'm right in the thick of it with my own teen and it is stressful. And if you're like most parents, you're probably think that the GPA and your test scores are the golden ticket to getting into the top school. But what if I told you they're not the most important things? In this episode, I'm joined by Dyllen Nellis, a college admissions coach and founder of NextGen Admin who helps students craft applications that make them stand out beyond just grades. After getting accepted to every single school she applied to, including Stanford, yes, parents, she now helps students around the world to do the same. So we're gonna talk about the number one thing that gives your teens a competitive edge. You wanna hear it? Keep listening, welcome Dylan.   Dyllen Nellis (00:52.595) Thank you for having me.   Dr. Cam (00:54.698) This is such a hot topic, especially now. I know right now my daughter's waiting back to hear back from school. She's hearing from schools and a lot of juniors are in that like frantic mode of, my gosh, grades, grades, grades, grades, grades, building my resume. Why are you telling us that's not the most important thing?   Dyllen Nellis (01:16.501) Well, I think people are so focused on grades, especially parents, you know, when putting a lot of pressure on their kids to do well in school. That's a very normal thing. And it is important, yes, to have good grades, but they are not the thing that's going to help you stand out at a top school, especially, you know, I know a lot of people are really excited about hopefully getting into a really competitive school. That's what I help people do. And what they have to understand is that the people applying to those schools will have those top grades and top test scores. Maybe not perfect, so you don't have to be ultra perfect in terms of grades and scores. the thing is, it's not going to be like, what's the difference between you and some other kid who has the same exact score? So the stats don't show the admissions officers who you are as a person or what you're going to contribute to their university. And that's what they want to know. So what I teach students is that their superpower is their story and it's their unique core values and how they can effectively articulate them in standout, powerful college essays.   Dr. Cam (02:40.396) Right? So now parents are going, okay, so how do I craft a great story for my teen? How do I make sure my teen has a great story? What do you say to that?   Dyllen Nellis (02:51.143) The first thing they need to do is understand who they are. A lot of students will think, okay, what do I write my college essay about? Let me just pick the worst thing that's ever happened to me and write about that. Or the parents will force something onto them and be like, well, you did that one leadership thing that one time, right? So shouldn't you write about that? I guess. And then a lot of times there's this, like, this force in a way that you try to contrive a narrative that doesn't quite express who they really are. And so that's why I say don't don't just start writing the essay, you have to do all of this work that comes beforehand. And so that work is first really sitting down and reflecting, reflecting on who you are, what makes you unique why do you do the things that you do? I think that's the most important part. Like I will get on a call with a student and they'll tell me they're interested in a certain major. And I'm like, okay, that's awesome. Why? Why are you interested in that? And they freeze and they have no idea what to tell me. And then sometimes they'll answer with like experiences that they had or clubs that they were in or things that they did. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, I'm not asking you what you did. I'm asking you like something much deeper, like what is it about this thing that makes you so excited, that makes you intellectually curious? So those are the questions we have to start asking. And that takes a lot of reflection that I think students at that age are not used to. They're not thinking about what are my values as a person? What's my identity?   Dr. Cam (04:42.606) They're trying to figure it out, they don't know yet.   Dyllen Nellis (04:45.873) Exactly. And especially like, it's really cool once they start to understand this, because when they see the patterns of like, all of my experiences in my life actually line up in a way that made me the way I am today. And that's super cool. And I help them identify those patterns and what the values are that like connect all of their experiences together. And then those values become the themes or their college essay. So that's something that I don't think is talked about enough, or like rarely at all, is that college essay should have a theme. Like every single essay needs to have a different theme and that theme is whatever the core value is or whatever the main lesson or you know, how their mindset shifted, how they grew. That is what the essay needs to focus on. So not entirely about a certain challenge that they went through or a certain experience. It's more about what they learned from it because those values and skills that they gained are the things that they are going to contribute to the university. So then the university is like, oh, that's how you're going to make me look good.   Dr. Cam (05:58.85) Right? I want to work backwards from this. So what you're saying is the essay and even the interviews, like my daughter has a lot of interviews, which I think is a similar thing, where they're asking her who she is, what she's passionate about, why she wants to go to that school. And the challenge that I'm seeing with a lot of the kids I work with is they don't know because a lot of them are going where they're supposed to be going and doing what they're doing because that's what they're told they should be doing. And that's what they, so they don't have an inner passion value, everything else. It's like the bottom line is cause my parents told me, right? So do you hear this? Do you see that answer?   Dyllen Nellis (06:31.146) Yes, and that's honestly the hardest part, like especially if they're a senior in high school, that's when things get really hard because we're trying to like pull from nothing, or not nothing, but like there's not much there. And of course, when I work with a student, I can only work with what is actually inherently there because I care a lot about telling authentic stories. So I think this is a really good point to mention, especially for parents of students who are younger, you know, like younger in high school, freshmen, sophomore year, it's important that they're doing things that they actually care about and that lights them up. Because yeah, as we see later down the line, if they don't have that like inner motivation or passion, then it's really hard to craft stories. I actually have an anecdote of this quite recently I worked with a student, she booked a call with me and she presented me her essay and I was like, okay, cool. Let's look at it. But I could tell something was off about the essay. was about like a leadership experience. But for some reason, the story wasn't quite, it didn't seem real to me in a lot of ways. And it didn't seem like we didn't get to those deeper core values as I've been mentioning. So I started asking her about it and suddenly she starts breaking down and crying in front of me and she's like, you know, I don't know like this wasn't a good experience at all for me. Actually, I didn't learn much and my parents just told me that I should write about this and I don't know what I should do. And I was just like, my gosh, it made me so sad. Honestly, I will say I don't think that students in that case are like a lost cause. We can revitalize it, we can fix it. And that's why it takes someone who can help them realize the amazing qualities that they do have, the amazing experiences that they have gone through. Because I don't think, you know, it's exclusive to pe

Is your teen struggling in school, but you’re hitting roadblocks trying to get them the support they need? The IEP (Individualized Education Program) process can be overwhelming—especially for minority parents facing additional challenges. In this episode, I sit down with Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and founder of Autism in Black. Maria shares her personal journey navigating the special education system for her neurodivergent children and exposes the hidden biases that often prevent Black and minority children from getting the right diagnosis and accommodations. She also provides practical strategies for parents to advocate effectively, empower their teens, and navigate the IEP process with confidence.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE The biggest mistakes parents make when advocating for their child’s IEP—and how to avoid them Why Black and minority children are often mislabeled as behavioral problems instead of receiving proper support How to involve your teen in their IEP process and teach them self-advocacy skills The hidden biases in school support systems that every parent should know about 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Know Your Rights – Understanding the IDEA (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act) is crucial for effective advocacy. Cultural Bias Exists – Many minority children are misdiagnosed or overlooked, making advocacy even more critical. Empower Your Teen – Teens who participate in their own IEP process develop stronger self-advocacy skills for the future. Leverage Their Strengths – Connecting accommodations to your teen’s interests can make learning more engaging. Give Yourself Grace – The IEP process is challenging, but you are your child's best advocate.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Maria Davis-Pierre Website: autisminblack.org Instagram: @autisminblack   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   ABOUT THE SHOW The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding.   ✅ Follow for expert guidance on parenting teens   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Navigating the IEP Process: A Personal Journey 02:49 Cultural Responsivity in Autism Support 05:52 Advocacy: The Unique Challenges for Minority Parents 09:04 Understanding the Special Education Process 12:00 Identifying Signs of Learning Difficulties in Teens 14:58 Overcoming Stigma: Supporting Teens with IEPs 17:52 Empowering Teens to Advocate for Themselves 20:54 Leveraging Interests for Learning 23:52 Finding Support and Resources 26:53 The Importance of Grace in Parenting   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:00) As a mom who's been through the school IEP process dozens of times at least, I can tell you it's quite overwhelming. Whether it's figuring out the process, understanding what support is available, or just trying to advocate for your teen or help them advocate for themselves, it's a lot. That's why I'm so excited for today's episode. I'm joined by Maria Davis-Pierre, a licensed mental health counselor, autism advocate, and the founder of Autism in Black. Her work has been featured in Forbes, USA Today, PBS and more. Today she's gonna do, give us the insight we need to navigate IEPs with confidence. Welcome Maria.   Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:39) Thank you for having me. I'm so excited.   Dr. Cam (00:42) Me too. So especially as someone that's been through this process a lot, I know that is so challenging. But let's first start with you. Tell us a little bit about you and how you got into just autism and black, especially.   Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (00:57) Sure. So our story starts with our oldest child, Malia, who is now 12, almost 13, my goodness. And it started when she was about 10 months. I started to see the signs of characteristics of autism in her. And I knew with my experience as a licensed therapist, I was like, we need to get you know, in front of this and my husband who is a internal medicine physician, first he was like, you know, keep that over there with your patients. Don't come over here and diagnose my kid. But we started the process, went to our pediatrician, went to early steps program, which you know, every state has just might not be called early steps. And then eventually went to the pediatric neurologist trying to get this diagnosis for her.   And it ended up with me actually boycotting in the pediatric neurologist office for a week because everybody was agreeing she was autistic, but nobody wanted to give her the official diagnosis because she was young. But we're all agreeing, we know it, we can't get certain services through insurance without this official diagnosis. And now you're saying wait a year and a half when we know she's still gonna be autistic. So boycotted in his office, he gave me the paperwork after a week of seeing him from the he came in to the time he left. And then, you know, started the service process. My colleagues start coming into our house and not understanding cultural responsivity, not understanding that you need to incorporate your client's culture into the work that you do. So it was, they were making it seem like we were resistant when in fact, they just weren't using interventions that were culturally responsive. And in talking to other individuals, we found that this was a norm, that we weren't the only ones experiencing this. So that's how we initially started Autism in Black. And now here we are, many years later with our podcast, our conference, our webinars and trainings. Now I have twins as well. have twins who are also neurodivergent and I got my own diagnosis.   Dr. Cam (02:49) It's a family affair that you have turned into helping everyone else, which I love so much that you take your own story and your own pain and frustration and you help other people with it. And I know, I mean, I just talked to so many people that are so frustrated, not only with the system, but just as you were saying, the diagnoses and knowing what to do and finding people that they relate to and understand. I'm curious too, let's just dig in a little bit. Like what do you see as some of the differences that we may not know? Because I know there's a lot of microaggressions, there's a lot of little things that people are just not aware of that people should be aware of.   Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (03:52) One, when it comes to Black children in the school system, we are often not categorized as we should be, and we are deemed then a behavioral problem. So we are not even getting to the point to where we can get IUPs and 504s because it's not being seen as this child has a disability. It's more this child has behavior problems, they're bad, they're a bad seed type of thing biases that get in the way of thinking that black people can have disabilities, know, these children have disabilities that need supports in the school system. So that's one of the major factors as we see is that getting to the point to where we have the, can get the supports is a struggle.   Dr. Cam (04:46) Yeah, I think this is such a big thing and I see this across many different cultures, right, where we just, we look at the behavior and we're very quick to make an assumption that there's something behavioral really destructive about them and not that there's a learning need, right, or not that there's neurodivergence and the system's not working for them. I mean, again, I've been through this with my daughter too and it's hard as a parent because you're like, is this just behavior that I should be dealing with or is this something different that they need support that they need? So when you're in that line, even as a parent, you're going, I'm not sure either. How do you know or how do you move forward with just that uncertainty?   Maria Davis-Pierre, LMHC (05:16) One, we have to advocate differently than the typical parent who isn't a minority, have to advocate completely different. That means we have to go above and beyond. Like me sitting in that office for a week, you know, to get the paperwork, you know, us constantly staying on the schools, making sure that, you're going through this process, reading the actual paperwork and looking for any of those kind of adjectives that describe our children in a manner that can then hurt them down the line, right? So we have to make sure that we are going above and beyond every step. For any parent in general dealing with special education process, you're advocating in a different manner. You're having to go in there. You add in intersectionality and it just makes that process much, harder. It makes the advocating much, much harder because oftentimes we're not understanding if it's racism or ableism that we're dealing with because they're so intertwined with us. So having to tease that back and know what point we're advocating from is also something that, you know, is a difficult process.   Dr. Cam (06:49) So you're sitting there going, I'm not an expert, so I don't even know if they have a diagnosis, let alone what they need for it. But

Is your high-achieving teen secretly battling self-doubt? 😔 Mental health expert Jason Phillips joins Dr. Cam—The Teen Translator—in this powerful episode to decode the hidden struggles of perfectionist teens. Learn how to support your teen without adding pressure, embrace failure as growth, and balance achievement with well-being. Get actionable strategies to build their confidence and foster a positive self-perception, as Jason and Dr. Cam unpack self-doubt, academic pressure, burnout, and teen anxiety.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why embracing failure might be the best thing you can do for your teen’s growth. How you can support your teen’s drive for success without adding to their stress. What role parents play in teaching healthy self-care and boundaries to their teens.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Failure is a Key Part of Growth: Allowing teens to experience failure in a supportive environment helps build resilience and emotional strength. Model Healthy Boundaries: Parents need to show their teens how to balance work and rest to prevent burnout and foster healthy habits. Validate, Don’t Solve: Instead of offering solutions right away, parents should listen and validate their teen’s feelings, which builds trust and connection. Give Teens Agency: Empowering teens by encouraging them to make decisions and advocate for themselves promotes independence and self-confidence. Maintain Your Own Identity: Parents should avoid losing themselves in their role as caregivers and should continue pursuing their own interests and well-being for a healthy family dynamic.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫  🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution—packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Confidence Guide: stepstoconfidence.com Podcast: Peace and Prosperity Podcast (available on Apple, Spotify, and other podcast platforms)   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Jason Phillips, LCSW Website: jasonlphillips.com Instagram: @JPhillipsMSW   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   EPISODE CHAPTERS:  00:00 Understanding Self-Doubt in High-Achieving Teens 05:09 The Role of Failure in Teen Growth and Resilience 10:38 Balancing Achievement, Rest, and Mental Health for Teens 15:06 Building Teen Confidence and Self-Worth: Practical Strategies 20:11 The Pressure on High-Achieving Parents and Its Impact on Teens 25:34 Navigating Parental Involvement in High-Achieving Teens’ Lives 30:20 Modeling Healthy Behaviors for Teens: Leading by Example 35:39 Encouraging Positive Self-Perception and Self-Esteem in Teens   About the Show: The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam: Welcome back, parents! Today, we're diving into how to support high-achieving teens through self-doubt and burnout. Many teens push themselves to the limit but still feel like they aren't measuring up, even though their parents see their amazing potential. It's frustrating when parents try to help, but their words seem to have the opposite effect. To help us unpack this, I’ve invited Jason Phillips, a therapist and mental health expert who specializes in guiding high achievers to overcome self-doubt and build real confidence. Jason has worked with Fortune 500 companies, law firms, and universities, and today he’s here to help us understand how to support our teens through perfectionism. Welcome, Jason! Jason Phillips: Thanks for having me, Dr. Cam. I'm excited to have this conversation! Dr. Cam: So, Jason, tell us about your journey. How did you end up focusing on helping high achievers? Jason Phillips: It really happened organically. After graduating from the University of Michigan, I worked with military populations at the Ann Arbor VA and later served as the clinic chief at Fort Bragg. Over time, I noticed that corporate executives and leaders were drawn to my approach because I specialize in helping them overcome anxiety. That led me to helping high achievers break free from self-doubt and build confidence. Dr. Cam: That’s amazing. It’s so ironic that high achievers often struggle with self-doubt. From the outside, they seem so confident, yet many of them are riddled with anxiety. I see this a lot with the teens I work with, too. They’re getting straight A’s and excelling, but they still feel like they’re not enough. Their parents tell me that no matter how much they express their love and support, it doesn’t seem to help. So, where do you think this drive for achievement comes from? Jason Phillips: A lot of it comes from external pressures—parents, teachers, peers. I can relate to that pressure myself. I was a high achiever growing up, constantly pushed to excel. While straight A's were celebrated, they came with their own anxiety, because I felt like I couldn’t ever drop below that standard. External pressures, even from well-meaning sources like teachers and family, can make teens feel like they have to be perfect. That’s often where the self-doubt begins. Dr. Cam: That’s such an important point. Parents want to encourage their teens and help them live up to their potential, but the way they say things can sometimes have the opposite effect. How can parents motivate their teens without adding pressure? Jason Phillips: The key is to make room for failure. When we constantly tell our teens how great they are, they might think anything less than perfection means they’re failing. Allowing them to fail is essential, as it helps them see that mistakes are just part of the learning process. They need to understand that not being perfect doesn’t mean they’re not enough. Dr. Cam: I love that. It’s one thing to allow failure, but I try to encourage my teen to embrace it. The idea is that failing at something difficult means you’re pushing beyond your comfort zone, which is where true growth happens. So, it’s not about being perfect; it’s about challenging yourself and learning from those challenges. What do you think about that approach? Jason Phillips: Absolutely. Embracing failure is one of the best ways to help teens develop resilience. By pushing themselves outside their comfort zone, they’ll encounter setbacks, but that’s where growth truly occurs. It’s about focusing on what you tried, not just whether you succeeded or failed. Dr. Cam: Exactly! And that mindset shift can make all the difference. Thanks so much for sharing this insight, Jason. It’s such a helpful perspective for parents trying to support their teens. Jason Phillips: I don't know if you're into exercise or weightlifting, Dr. Cam, but there's this term where you'll ask, how many reps are we doing? Ten, twenty? And sometimes it's until failure, which means pushing yourself until you can't anymore. Jason Phillips: Because we know that's when the growth happens. It's not in staying in a comfort zone. I want you to push yourself to failure until you just can't do anymore. Jason Phillips: And then we've got kids who are constantly pushing themselves and never feel like it's enough. How do we balance that, where it's okay to be just okay and not amazing at everything? How do we communicate that without making them feel like we just think they're okay? Jason Phillips: It goes back to balance. As much as we want to push to failure, we also need time for rest. We can't just go, go, go, or we'll get exhausted and burned out. We need to carve out time to relax, watch TV, play video games, or sleep in. Jason Phillips: Make sure you're not just filling your calendar with things you have to do. You can put so much on there and never feel done. Dr. Cam: I want to emphasize that because I see a lot of parents who don't understand why their kids feel that way, but when you look at their schedules, they're packed. Every time the kids try to relax or scroll through TikTok, they hear, "You're being unproductive." Dr. Cam: You can't do that. If you have time for that, you have time for this. You should be doing this, doing that. We have this belief that we need to be productive 24/7, and that’s exhausting. It leads to burnout. We need to prioritize sleeping in and taking naps. Why is that so hard for us to prioritize? Jason Phillips: For high achievers, it’s almost like feeling guilty—what am I missing or not doing? You're good at so many things, but just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. We need to incorporate rest, too. Parents need to be mindful and let kids pick a couple of things, but not everything. Jason Phillips: Parents really have to model that same confidence and boundaries. If mom and dad are constantly stretched thin, saying yes to everything, how can we expect our kids to do otherwise? When we model it, it's much easier for them to follow. Dr. Cam: Yeah, modeling is huge. And when we see our kids doing different things, we often need to look in the mirror and ask, "What are we modeling?" Often parents say, "My teen is amazi

In this heartfelt and insightful episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the "Just Breathe" podcast, to discuss the journey of parenting an LGBTQ+ teen. Heather shares her personal experience with her son Connor’s coming out at 16 and how it inspired her mission to support parents of LGBTQ+ teens. In this conversation, Heather offers valuable advice on how to navigate your emotions, avoid common pitfalls, and create a safe, inclusive space for your teen.   What You'll Learn in This Episode: Why your LGBTQ+ teen is often already sure of their identity when they come out—and what that means for you as a parent. The #1 question you should never ask your LGBTQ+ teen (and what to ask instead). How to support your LGBTQ+ teen through their coming out journey without unintentionally causing harm. Why your teen’s social media activity isn’t “influencing” their identity, but rather helping them find community and support. The importance of processing your own emotions with trusted friends or professionals, rather than relying on your teen for emotional support.   Top 5 Takeaways for Parents of Teens The most important thing parents can do is provide unconditional love and support, making home a safe space for their LGBTQ+ teen. Parents should process their own emotions and questions with professionals or trusted friends, not with their child. Social media isn't "influencing" teens to be LGBTQ+; it's helping them find community and understand themselves better. When you make mistakes (like using wrong pronouns), acknowledge them simply and move on without making a big deal about it. Focus on who your child is as a whole person rather than fixating on their LGBTQ+ identity   Enjoying the Show? Help others discover this episode by leaving a rating and review! Your feedback means the world to me and allows us to bring even more valuable insights to parents like you. Don’t forget to hit subscribe so you never miss an episode. Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫    Resources Mentioned in This Episode: Podcast: Just Breathe, Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen (available on all podcast platforms) PFLAG: https://pflag.org/ Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/ GLAAD: https://glaad.org/ Connect with the Guest: Heather Hester: Website: https://chrysalismama.com Instagram: @chrysalismama TikTok: @chrysalismama   Connect with the host: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   About the Show: The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam   Chapters 00:00 Navigating the Challenges of Raising LGBTQ+ Teens 02:59 The Journey of Acceptance and Support 05:58 Understanding the Coming Out Process 09:05 The Importance of Unconditional Love 12:02 Addressing Parental Concerns and Misconceptions 15:03 The Role of Social Media in Identity Formation 17:51 Creating a Safe Space for LGBTQ+ Teens 21:03 The Path to Resilience and Acceptance 22:54 The Importance of Self-Education 25:04 Navigating Identity and Relationships 28:50 Understanding Loss and Expectations 30:32 Fluidity in Identity 33:14 Challenging Social Norms 36:01 Embracing Authenticity 39:12 Letting Go of Control 42:17 Supporting Resilience   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:02.402) Welcome back, parents. Raising a teen is tough, but raising an LGBTQ+ teen comes with its own unique challenges. How do you create a safe, supportive space where your teen feels seen, heard, and empowered? Today, I'm joined by Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the Just Breathe podcast. With two LGBTQ+ kids of her own, Heather understands the importance of showing up with love, unlearning bias, and embracing the messy journey of parenting with pride. Hi, Heather. Heather Hester (00:44.509) Hi, it's great to be here. Thank you for having me. Dr. Cam (00:47.016) Of course! I love starting with a backstory. What inspired you to support parents of LGBTQ+ children? Heather Hester (01:03.539) The short answer is having one, then two of my own. When my first came out, it was eight years ago—time flies. He was 16, the oldest of four, and we had no idea it was coming. The first 18 months were really rocky for him and for us. We struggled to find resources and support. Once we got through that, I realized that there were thousands of other families going through the same thing. I had to do something about it. So, I started a website to share the resources I found, like PFLAG, the Trevor Project, GLAAD, and others. From there, it grew. When he graduated and was about to go to college, I thought starting a podcast might help reach more people, and it’s been such a rewarding experience. Dr. Cam (03:14.955) That's amazing. Heather Hester (03:26.227) The podcast has allowed me to connect people with wisdom to an audience of parents and allies hungry for information. Dr. Cam (03:42.338) I love that. Turning your story into help for others is so powerful. What went through your mind when your son first came out? Heather Hester (03:57.507) It was a defining moment. My son came out in a dramatic way, running away while my husband and I were out of town. It was terrifying. I had been raised in a very conservative Christian home, so my initial reaction was, "There's no way my child is going to hell." That led to the realization that I had a lot to learn. The first thing my husband and I did was ask, "What does he need from us?" We had no idea where to begin. The first 30 minutes were a blur, and we realized we were completely underprepared. Dr. Cam (05:55.096) What advice can you offer parents just starting on this journey? Heather Hester (06:15.399) We tend to overcomplicate things, but the most important thing is to show your child unconditional love. They need to know we’ve got their back no matter what. Everything else comes from that space. Heather Hester (she/her) (15:03.131) Yes, that’s a very common concern. I have two thoughts on that. First, it’s great that our kids now have access to find their people. When we were growing up, the reason many of our peers didn’t come out was because they didn’t know where to find others like them. They didn’t know who was safe to talk to or come out to. Now, with social media, they have that access. Dr. Cam (15:38.51) All those connections. Heather Hester (she/her) (15:38.51) Exactly. It can be a double-edged sword, though. Yes, social media has its dangers, but this access allows kids to find the communities they need. It helps them connect with others who understand their experience, even if those connections are online at first. Dr. Cam (15:56.036) Right, and I think that fear parents have of social media influencing their child to "join a trend" is more rooted in a misunderstanding. It’s not about jumping on a bandwagon—it’s about their child coming to terms with who they’ve always been, just having the words or the space to express it now. Heather Hester (16:14.001) Yes, exactly. And it’s important to remember that when a child comes out, they’ve often been thinking about it for a long time. They’ve already processed it in ways we may not have been aware of. And when they finally open up, they’re not looking for validation or attention—they just want to be seen for who they truly are. Dr. Cam (16:28.365) Right. The idea of this being a "phase" can be damaging. It diminishes their experience and makes them question themselves. That’s why it’s so crucial for parents to approach this with openness, trust, and patience. Heather Hester (16:42.303) Exactly. The last thing they need is for us to minimize their experience. They’re already dealing with a lot, and our job is to support them, not make them feel like they have to prove themselves our kids are able to find community and they are able to look at others and say, like they see representation, they see themselves and they're like, that's how I feel on the inside. Like I'm not alone in feeling that way. And so it's very validating for who they are and it helps give them the courage then to come out to you, right? To come to you and say, this is who I am, right? I had another thought on that and now it's going away. I'll have to circle back to that.   Dr. Cam (16:35.182) One thing as you, yeah, one thing when you're thinking about that too, and I think we find, I actually think that's a bigger plus of the social media talking to teens. A lot of them have found that that has actually saved their lives because they have found community and support where they can't find it in real life. The other thing is from what I hear too is that it's not that they come to them and change their mind. It's that they find the people that they relate to and then explain who they are. And that's why they're drawn. So parents see it as a cause this way. And really it's a cause of I'm finding you because I already feel this way. And now you're explaining to me how I feel and showing that I'm not alone and that there's others like me. And so you're not changing me. You're helping me accept me. And that's what I see a lot. Heather Hester (17:05.885) Correct. Correct. That is a thousand percent correct. And that was so beautifully the way you just said that was p

In this episode, Dr. Cam is joined by parenting coaches Kyle and Sarah Wester to explore the challenges of co-parenting and the conflicts that arise from differing parenting styles. They dive into the importance of communication, understanding, and personal accountability, offering real-world strategies for resolving conflicts and strengthening family dynamics. The Westers share personal experiences on how external voices can facilitate change and how intentional conversations can lead to a more connected and harmonious parenting approach.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE The hidden reason parenting conflicts escalate—and how to stop it Why your past shapes your parenting style (without you realizing it) The single most powerful shift that improves co-parenting communication How to stop blaming each other and start working as a team The surprising way external perspectives can transform your parenting approach   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Parenting conflicts often stem from unconscious beliefs and past experiences Open and honest communication is crucial to resolving disagreements Setting shared parenting goals creates a more unified approach Kids often feel responsible for their parents’ conflicts—without realizing it Taking personal accountability leads to positive change in family dynamics     🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Help other parents find the support they need! 🚀 Share your favorite episode, leave a rating and review, and let me know what topics you’d love to hear next. Your feedback fuels more practical, insightful episodes just for you! 🙌 🔔 Hit Follow so you never miss a solution-packed episode!   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE FREE WORKBOOK: Parenting Together: artofraisinghumans.com/together    EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Navigating Parenting Conflicts 04:37 Understanding Parenting Styles and Backgrounds 10:44 The Importance of Openness in Communication 16:02 The Role of External Voices in Parenting 18:43 Setting Goals for Parenting 23:20 Taking Accountability in Parenting 24:50 The Role of Encouragement in Parenting 27:00 Understanding Parental Roles and Expectations 29:40 Modeling Behavior: The Impact on Children 31:12 Navigating Conflicts and Differences in Parenting 33:41 The Importance of Open Communication 35:20 Taking Responsibility for Parenting Styles 36:38 Empowering Parents to Change 39:20 Overcoming Blame in Parenting 41:25 The Power of Personal Accountability 43:28 Embracing Change and Growth in Parenting   CONNECT WITH THE GUESTS: The Westers Website: Artofraisinghumans.com Facebook: @artofraisinghumans Instagram: @artofraisinghumans YouTube: @artofraisinghumans   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:01) Hey, welcome back, parents. I'm looking forward to today's conversation because we're tackling a common challenge—getting on the same page as your spouse or co-parent. I talk to so many couples who have completely different approaches to discipline and communication, which, as you can imagine, creates resentment, frustration, and conflict—not just between the parents, but for their kids too. Today, I'm excited to introduce my guests, Kyle and Sarah Wester. They are licensed professional counselors, parenting coaches, and the founders of Art of Raising Humans, a podcast dedicated to parenting. They also have three preteens and teens, so they don’t just teach it—they live it. Welcome, Kyle and Sarah! Kyle and Sarah Wester (00:52) Thank you so much for having us! Dr. Cam (00:59) We love your dynamic. Tell us a little about how you got started with your podcast and The Art of Raising Humans. Kyle and Sarah Wester (01:07) Well, it really started with Sarah. She has an incredible way of helping kids and parents, and I was the one working with families daily in private practice here in Tulsa, Oklahoma. When I’d hit a wall with a parent, I’d come home, ask Sarah for advice, and she’d offer these brilliant insights. I’d take her suggestions back to my clients, and they’d say, "That was amazing! How did you come up with that?" Eventually, I started getting invited to speak at churches, schools, and events. I wanted Sarah to be part of it, but every time we tried speaking together, it was tricky—we kept stepping on each other’s words. That’s when I had the idea to start a podcast. We decided to record in our master closet, thinking, "Why not? Let's figure this out." Sarah Wester (02:03) It was a challenge at first because Kyle is so much more extroverted than I am, but we both have years of experience working with families in different ways. Our goal was to share our knowledge and support families in building stronger, more connected relationships. We also noticed that parenting conflicts were damaging relationships between couples. Parents were approaching situations differently, which makes sense because they’re different people. But instead of seeing these differences as opportunities to grow, they became sources of tension. We even struggled with this in our own parenting—questioning each other’s choices and feeling frustrated. Dr. Cam (03:08) Wait, you don’t have it all figured out perfectly? Kyle and Sarah Wester (03:24) Not at all! And it’s tough for kids too. No child wants their parents fighting over them. But so often, kids in therapy feel like they’re the problem because their parents are constantly arguing about how to handle them. Dr. Cam (04:13) I see that all the time—kids feeling responsible for their parents' conflicts. Opposites may attract, but when parents have opposite approaches to parenting, it doesn’t go well for anyone. I often feel like I’m doing marriage counseling rather than parent coaching! Kyle and Sarah Wester (04:19) Exactly. Every parent brings their own personality, upbringing, and automatic parenting habits into the mix—many of which are deeply ingrained from childhood. Often, parents don’t even realize how much of their parenting is on autopilot until conflict arises. This can create confusion for kids. They learn which parent will say yes and which will say no, which can lead to frustration and inconsistency. The household tension builds, and by the time kids are teens, patterns are already set. Teenagers are smart—they learn the "dance." They know how each parent will react and adjust accordingly. Parents often feel manipulated, but really, their kids are just figuring out the system. If they know Mom is more lenient about certain things, they go to her instead of Dad. It’s not manipulation—it’s intelligence. The challenge is that parents don’t always recognize these patterns until they’re deeply ingrained. The key is learning how to work together as a team, rather than feeling like you’re on opposing sides. Dr. Cam (05:45) Absolutely. So what are the most common parenting conflicts you see when it comes to raising teens together? Kyle And Sara Wester (05:59) Man, I wish I could have addressed this 10 years ago, but now we're dealing with it. The dance steps are so established among the couple and the family that it's hard to learn new ones. I don't think it's impossible, but one of the biggest challenges is that their brains have literally been wired to perceive the other person in the marriage or the child in a certain way. It's like those dance steps are just on autopilot. As soon as the conflict starts, it's like the music happens, and we immediately fall into those steps. Dr. Cam (06:30) Yeah, and then complain about it. "They always do this!" What I find is that each parent is determined to convince the other that they're right, rather than figuring out: What do I do that works well? What do you do that works well? And—most importantly—what works best with our teenager? Because that matters more than our parenting styles. We're coming in with different backgrounds and beliefs, fighting over this, fighting with our teens. We assume they're manipulating us because they're smart. But they can't manipulate us if we don't let them, FYI. So what's the first step? What do we do? Like, I'm right. How do I convince him that he needs to change? Kyle And Sara Wester (07:16) The first step is openness. If one of you is completely unbending, you've already hit a wall. Kyle uses this analogy a lot: open hand vs. closed hand. If I come in with a closed fist—believing there's no chance the other person is bringing value, that they're completely wrong, that my teenager is the one who needs to change—that's only going to lead to conflict. You have to come in with an open hand. What are they bringing to the table? What do I need to hear? What do I need to understand? I love this example because Sarah is not a yeller. But I definitely can be. In my home, yelling was completely normal. It was how we communicated. To me, not yelling felt like weakness. If you really care about something, you raise your voice. At first, Sarah was caught off guard by this. She didn’t expect it in our home. But what really helped shift me—this may not happen with everyone, so it’s not a magic wand—was that Sarah approached me with an open hand. She tried to understand that for me, raising my voice wasn’t about being aggressive or mean—it was a sign that I cared. Just like yelling for a sports team, right? Me yelling at the ref means I care about my team. It sounds silly, but that’s how I saw it. Dr. Cam (08:28) Weird. Kyle And Sara Wester (08:51) Yeah! But Sarah was able to say, "Okay, I can see that. I understand that’s how you think. But is there another way you could express that passion without yelling?" That opened my mind. I went from a closed fist to an open hand. I started to realize that my words had power—even when I didn’t raise my voice. In fact, my kids often listened more when I spoke calmly. Dr. Cam (09:50) What I’m hearing is that we often assume a negative intention. If your spouse yell

In this episode, Dr. Cam Caswell and Lindsay Cormack discuss the challenges of engaging teens in political discussions, the decline of civics education, and the importance of fostering critical thinking and open dialogue. Lindsay, author of How to Raise a Citizen, shares her insights on how parents can guide their children through the complexities of political discourse and media literacy. They emphasize the importance of parents modeling engagement, curiosity, and empowering their teens to become informed, responsible citizens in today's fast-paced media environment.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How to effectively engage your teen in political discussions and build open dialogue. Why civics education has declined and how parents can fill the gap in teaching their teens about politics and civic responsibility. The importance of critical thinking in the digital age and how parents can help their teens navigate information overload. How media algorithms impact teens’ political views and how parents can help their teens see beyond echo chambers. Practical tips for encouraging curiosity and helping teens develop a deeper understanding of political issues.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Engage in Political Conversations Early: Starting conversations with your teen about politics is essential for fostering critical thinking and helping them understand complex issues. Civics Education is Crucial: Civics education has been declining in schools, but parents have the power to teach their teens about the importance of voting and civic participation. Help Your Teen Navigate Information: Teens are bombarded with information on social media and news. By encouraging critical thinking, you can help them evaluate sources and form informed opinions. Model Political Engagement: It’s essential for parents to model curiosity and engagement in political issues. Your teen will learn by watching how you approach important topics. Practice Listening in Political Discussions: Active listening is a key component of meaningful political conversations. It’s important to not just talk but also to listen and understand your teen’s perspective   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Lindsay Cormack's book: How to Raise a Citizen How to Raise a Citizen: A Parent’s Guide to Teaching Political Engagement   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Navigating Political Conversations with Teens 02:29 The Decline of Civics Education in Schools 04:32 The Importance of Open Political Discussions 06:31 Building Critical Thinking Skills in Teens 10:08 The Role of Media Algorithms in Political Views 12:49 Encouraging Curiosity and Open Dialogue with Teens 15:54 Essential Knowledge for Young Citizens 18:14 Fostering Critical Thinking and Listening Skills in Teens 21:21 How Parents Can Empower Teens to Engage in Politics   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Lindsay Cormack Website: www.howtoraiseacitizen.com Facebook: @lindsey.cormack Instagram: @howtoraiseacitizen LinkedIn: Lindsay Cormack X: @DCInbox   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:01) Have you ever tried talking politics with your teen only for it to spiral into a heated argument or leave you wondering where in the world are they even getting these ideas? It's frustrating when their opinions feel so different from your own and you may worry that they are heading down the wrong path. But no matter how hard you try to tuck reason into them, nothing seems to get through. This sounds familiar, you're not alone, and we are going to talk about that I have Lindsay Cormack, an associate professor of political science with me today. And Lindsay specializes in helping teens think critically and engage thoughtfully with the world around them. She's even written the book on it, How to Raise a Citizen. Lindsay is here to share practical strategies to turn those tricky political conversations into meaningful and even peaceful discussions. Welcome, Lindsay. Lindsey Cormack (00:50) Thank you so much for having me. I'm looking forward to talking with you. Dr. Cam (00:53) Yeah, I'm happy to have you here. So tell us first of all, I love the backstory. What got you interested in talking politics, particularly with our kids? Lindsey Cormack (01:02) Well, I've been a college professor for 10 years and I work at a school that primarily serves engineering students called Stevens Institute of Technology in Hoboken, New Jersey. We do plenty of other things, but that's our general population. And so I have these students who are so bright and they're so good at doing school and they go on to like really great careers. But something that I've found as someone who teaches political science is that they come in really not knowing very much. They don't really understand how the government is set up. They don't know what their own powers are in it. And this is something where at first I thought like, you maybe that's just particular to engineering students. But, you know, after a decade of looking at that and talking with other people and doing research on, you know, how much our 18 year olds actually know, I've come to realize like it is a nationwide problem. We graduate most of our high school students without a rudimentary understanding of the government system that they're in. And so this became a project for me because I don't want college kids to feel not powerful. I don't want them to feel jaded already. I don't want them to feel turned off by a system because I know that say what you will about US democracy. It's one of the best decision-making frameworks that's ever existed in the history of the world. And our children will do better if they understand that system. So that's what got me inspired and involved to do it. I didn't know when I set out that this was going to be a parenting book. I thought this might be a book that was like, here's how some states do it, here's how other states do it. But in the course of researching it, I realized no state is doing it that well. And if we want to change things, we're really going to have to start in another level, and that's going to be in the home. Dr. Cam (02:24) Why do you think that kids aren't as informed now about, or have they ever been informed about how the government works? Lindsey Cormack (02:39) So it's a really hard question. It's not like there was this golden era of time where everyone was all conversant on how government ins and out were. That's not real. But it was the case that we did have more civics instruction time in our schools, and that has been decreasing over my lifetime, your lifetime, my mom's lifetime, and so it's been going down from the 1940s onwards. And so we are at this place now where if you look at test scores of eighth graders on their sort of like civic readiness, they are the exact same now as they were in 1998. And so the people who are in charge of parenting today are, you know, no smarter, no better. But I think a lot of us are all really frustrated and it's like, okay, well, if we haven't made any gains in how we're teaching you, we probably need to do something else because we see these same sort of results time after time where the adults in the room now, we can say we're going to prioritize this in a different way. So it is, it is the lowest that of all the classroom things, it is the one that gets the least amount of curricular time. And part of that trade off is STEM. Part of that is sort of this idea that we're going to be pushing other things into a day. And so it's not like there was a golden era, but we know that it's down versus the past and we were seeing the results in our indicators. Dr. Cam (03:33) Well, I'm wondering too, because the world obviously is very polarized right now when it comes to politics. And I know my daughter was talking about it she was taking a government class and she was so excited about talking. And my daughter is one of these kids that have been watching the news since she was like little. I don't even watch the news as much as she does, but she loves it. So she was so excited to go in and talk about it. And they would not talk about the current election going on right now because it was too politically divisive. And, you know, I think that right there is a signal of are we focusing on the wrong thing? Lindsey Cormack (04:32) Okay, so that is like something I hear all over the country is, and you know, and I kind of have a lot of thoughts on why that is the case, but here's the thing. We only get like four or five elections with our kids until they become voting eligible citizens themselves. And so we really only get like four or five windows of training opportunities. And if we say like, you can't talk about this, we can't learn about this, we can't think about this, then we're really sort of hampering their ability to do this when they're older. And we see this, we see this in sort of the data on like who's registered to vote, who turns out to vote, who sort of knows things. Everyone's playing catch up from the time they're like 20 to 60, and then they have 20 years where they're like in their like, you know, really powerful political place, and it probably shouldn't be like that. But I understand why schools have been hard sites to do this work in. I mean, part of it is to blame with ourselves. When we were doing the research for this book, we interviewed teachers in nearly every US state. And something that we heard throughout the country is that teache

In this episode of Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam, Dr. Cam Caswell sits down with life coach and former teacher Kristi Simons to dive into the secrets of building teen confidence. They discuss why self-awareness is the foundation of confidence, how parents can encourage emotional expression, and why resilience matters more than confidence alone. Kristi shares powerful insights on shifting internal beliefs, fostering self-worth, and creating a supportive environment where teens feel seen, heard, and valued. If you're looking for practical ways to help your teen navigate self-doubt and embrace their full potential, this episode is for you.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE The connection between self-awareness and confidence in teens. How to create a safe space for emotional expression. Why resilience is the real key to long-term confidence. The power of positive reinforcement in shaping self-esteem. Actionable strategies to help your teen overcome self-doubt.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Self-Awareness Fuels Confidence – Teens who understand their emotions and thought patterns develop a stronger sense of self-worth. Encourage reflection and emotional awareness. Emotional Expression Builds Strength – Suppressing emotions leads to self-doubt. Let your teen know it's okay to express how they feel without fear of judgment. Kindness is a Confidence Booster – The way you talk to your teen (and yourself!) influences their self-perception. Kindness and encouragement go a long way. Resilience Over Perfection – Confidence isn’t about never failing—it’s about bouncing back. Teach your teen that setbacks are learning opportunities, not defeats. Believe in Them First – Your teen mirrors your belief in them. Show them you trust their abilities, and they’ll start believing in themselves too.     🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 – Unlocking Teen Confidence: A Journey Begins 05:54 – Understanding Teen Challenges: The Struggle for Self-Awareness 11:54 – Embracing Emotions: The Key to Resilience 17:52 – Reverse Engineering Confidence: Practical Steps for Parents 23:55 – Creating a Safe Space: Encouraging Open Communication 29:48 – Final Thoughts: Empowering Teens Through Kindness   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Kristi Simons Website: kristisimonscoaching.com Instagram: @confidentteenteacher   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   THE FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam Hey parents, are you ready to unlock the secrets to building your teens confidence? In today's episode, we're diving deep into how to help our teens tackle challenges with a strong sense of self, whether they're facing struggles at home or feeling the pressure at school. And we've got a special guest with us, Christy Simons, a former teacher turned teen life coach, who's on a mission to equip teens with the life skills she was she had growing up. Me too. Skills that build true confidence and resilience. So if you're looking for ways to help your team not only survive, but thrive, this episode is for you. Welcome, Christy. Kristi Simons (00:43) Thank you so much for having me. I'm so grateful to be here. These conversations energize me in the best of ways. So I just appreciate your time and the space to have them. Dr. Cam (00:53) Well, thank you for saying that. I appreciate that too. And I would love to start just by hearing your story. How did you go from a teacher to a teen life coach? Kristi Simons (01:02) Yeah, so I'll try to make this as short as possible. But what happened for me was my teen years is where all of, I would say a lot of my trauma was really rooted. And it wasn't something I realized until I became a mom for the first time. So that's when the shift really happened. I started to lean into things that I desired in different a different way of living, honestly, because I knew that a change needed to happen. And that change had to start with me. And I'm not even really honestly sure how I knew that but My son really changed everything for me, my daughter as well. After two mental health breakdowns, I finally decided that coaching was the right route for me. So I hired my own coach. I stepped into such an inspiring community with all of these incredible women. And I just looked around and I was like, my gosh, it's like there's a different way. And what started to come to me was that they were speaking like a completely different language. And it was this language of self-love, confidence and empowerment that I feel like I wasn't really surrounded by before. And so things slowly started to piece themselves back together. I mean, I really do feel like motherhood for me just shattered me into pieces. And there were pieces of myself that needed to fall away and others that were meant to stay. It's just, had to figure out how to put them back together. And so that's what coaching and community really did for me. And I found myself a little after four years starting my own podcast. And the reason that it ended up being, you know, teens specifically that I work with. Honestly, truthfully, I sit here today and I'm still like, how did this happen? Like to me, it's just, I look back and I can see all of the breadcrumbs. But honestly, I tell people like it just kind of happened organically. And there's something bigger at play here, I truly believe. But that's a different conversation. And so yeah, I started to initially help teens through the pandemic. A lot of them were just dropping out of high school for multiple reasons, mainly main one being like their mental health and just the way that they were actually feeling. And so I started helping them in that capacity. And then I realized how much coaching had changed my life and the trajectory of it. I became sober. I still am three years later. Like there's just so many shifts that have happened for me in such a positive way that I knew that I wanted to give back in that way as well. So I started doing like tutoring and life coaching, and now it's just moved into full life coaching. yeah. Dr. Cam (03:30) That's fantastic. And so what are some of the common, I guess, common challenges you're seeing that teens have today that is wearing on their confidence? Kristi Simons (03:43) You know what it is that I can see so clearly? Well, one, the first thing that's coming to me is just helping them to be more aware of what I am noticing, like helping them to recognize in themselves what's actually going on. But what I really see is they don't know how to reverse engineer how they actually want to feel. And they keep coming up against these blocks and these challenges in their lives that are really keeping them stuck where they are, because I hear that often from them. They do feel stuck. They feel like they need to constantly be comparing themselves to others. They're worried about others' opinions. So there's evidence just from the clients that I work with that there's people pleasing involved. So it's how do we now start to help them to understand that they are, in fact, their own person and that they can trust themselves. And so I would say a lot of it is that. It may seem like these external factors to them, but really what's happening is it's like the internal, it's the beliefs that they have about themselves. And so it's trying to get them to shift their perspective to that language of self-love, confidence, and empowerment that I feel like I learned later in life. But now that I know it, I feel like it's like my duty to teach it. So this is why I stepped out of the classroom to do this. And again, it's just to me, I'm still just like, wow, it's kind of like this like holy shit moment where I'm like, can't believe this is actually the work that I'm doing. Because you recognize like those qualities within yourself, like you can't do this work unless you actually have confidence and you feel empowered in your life, or at least you're moving in that direction. I mean, it's a constant evolution. And there's always going to be struggles and challenges. But you come to this place where you really do realize that you are like this machine that is capable of so, so much. Dr. Cam (05:06) And teaching teens how to embrace that when they're still in the process of like developing their self-confidence and developing those connections in their brains. Imagine if we can develop at the beginning their self-confidence built into their self-esteem or built into their self-concept because I do know a lot of adults that still mean like still struggle with confidence because our whole And as you said, as teens, we grew up with this belief that we weren't enough, and that was hardwired into who we think we are. And it's very difficult to change that once it's so set. It can be done. It's just a lot of hard work. So how do we as parents start building that foundation of confidence and positive self-esteem in our kids without the over because I know a lot of parents worry, my gosh, I don't want them to become egotistical. I don't want them to become narcissistic. I don't want them to become entitled. And so I think there's this fear of going there and we almost overcompensate for that fear. And I see a lot with parents where they're just putting their kids down a lot, but not because of that fear. Like they don't want their kids to have a false sense of ego. How do we balance that? Kristi Simons (06:41) Okay, so what's coming to me right now, and I'm all about simplicity, so I'm going to keep this super simple, but it really

In this episode, Dr. David Yeager, a psychology professor at the University of Texas, shares groundbreaking insights from his book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People. He challenges common misconceptions about teen motivation and presents research-based strategies for parents and teachers to encourage teens. Dr. Yeager explains how understanding the teenage brain, using autonomy-supportive language, and practicing "do-overs" can improve communication and motivation.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE The science behind motivating teenagers and turning procrastination into action. Why the teenage brain isn't "incompetent" and how it responds to different stimuli than adults. How to use autonomy-supportive language to connect with your teen and boost motivation. The importance of aligning your arguments with your teen’s values. How to use “do-overs” to repair communication breakdowns and strengthen your relationship with your teen.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Motivate by understanding, not controlling: The teenage brain is wired differently but isn’t "broken." Understanding their perspective and values leads to better motivation. Autonomy matters: Teens need to feel in control of their choices, so use autonomy-supportive language to encourage responsibility. Teen emotions are powerful: Harness the intensity of teen emotions instead of fearing them. These emotions can be a source of motivation if managed well. Communication is key: When communication breaks down, practice “do-overs” to repair the situation and strengthen your relationship. Don’t fear the challenges: The struggle to motivate teens is not a sign of failure—it's an opportunity to connect and guide them more effectively.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family! Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Remember to hit SUBSCRIBE so you never miss another solution-packed episode! 🙌   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE 10 TO 25, the Science of Motivating Young People by Dr. David Yeager   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction: Unlocking the Science of Motivating Young People 03:41 Understanding the Teenage Brain: A New Perspective 06:27 Motivating Teenagers: The Power of Autonomy Support 14:44 Building Stronger Connections with Teenagers: Practicing Do-Overs   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. David Yeager Website: DavidYeager.com Twitter: @DavidYeager   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:01.513) If you're like most parents, motivating your teen to do anything productive can feel like a daily struggle. But what if we could unlock the secret to turning procrastination into action, disinterest into engagement, and resistance into enthusiasm? That’s what we’re going to talk about today. I’m thrilled to be joined by Dr. David Yeager, a professor of psychology at the University of Texas at Austin, renowned for his influential research alongside esteemed colleagues like Carol Dweck, Angela Duckworth, and Greg Walton. In his latest book, 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating Young People, Dr. Yeager dives deep into the science of adolescent motivation. He’s going to share some of his findings with us today. Dr. Yeager, welcome to the show! Dr. David Yeager (00:46.424) Thanks for having me. I was a middle school teacher right out of college, teaching sixth through eighth-grade English at a low-income school. I also taught K through eighth-grade PE, meaning I had seven or eight preps a day. I struggled with all the challenges you can imagine—everything from getting third graders to line up for dodgeball to getting seventh graders to read The Once and Future King and The Outsiders, and turn in essays on time. I felt frustrated by the advice I was given by the scientific community and research, which led me to want to do better research. I’ve spent my career trying to conduct applied research that provides parents and teachers concrete suggestions on what to say (and what not to say) based on rigorous experiments. Dr. Cam (01:49.151) You’ve definitely piqued everyone’s interest. I’m curious, what was the advice you received earlier that didn’t work? Dr. David Yeager (02:02.478) Think back 20 years. The big ideas around motivation for young people were about their traits—some kids are motivated, others aren’t. Some kids are helpless, some are extroverted, others are reserved. Yes, there are individual differences, but that’s not useful for me. I’m not going to give a personality test on the first day of class and say, “Okay, you’re the type who’s just going to sit there doing nothing.” The other advice was abstract and didn’t have experimental backing. It would say things like, “Set a mastery goal” or “Promote intrinsic motivation over extrinsic motivation,” but real life is more nuanced. For example, if someone asked me how to motivate an eight-year-old, I’d say, “I use a lot of Pokemon cards and candy.” With younger kids, you need something to get them over the initial hump. Once they realize success feels good, you can build intrinsic motivation over time. The advice I received was either too simplistic or not useful. I wanted clarity on what to say to make kids more intrinsically motivated or persistent, and that’s what we’ve focused on in our randomized experiments. Dr. Cam (03:41.47) I love this and can’t wait to hear more. Let’s talk quickly about why it feels so hard to motivate our teenagers in the first place. Dr. David Yeager (03:53.74) A traditional narrative is that something’s wrong with this generation—brainwashed by phones, distracted by political unrest, and so on. While there are differences compared to when we were growing up, I think a lot of the complaints are overstated. For example, think about how much more attention we can give now with technology—like when you’re driving, you don’t have to worry about getting lost because you have Google Maps. We used to spend so much time with physical maps or printing out directions from MapQuest, hoping the printer worked. Sure, there are distractions now, but we wasted a lot of time in the past, too. Dr. Cam (04:30.849) Thank God for that! I remember getting lost a lot more. Dr. David Yeager (04:51.212) Right? I think a lot of what’s happening now is a net even. Older generations have always complained about younger ones—this goes back to Aristotle and Plato. What I want to focus on is the timeless aspects of the adolescent brain that haven’t changed over the course of hundreds of thousands of years, and how they respond to cultural and technological shifts. Fundamentally, young people’s brains, from the onset of puberty, start craving experiences of status. The feeling of earning a prestigious reputation in the eyes of someone they care about has never felt as good as it does during puberty. On the flip side, the humiliation of being rejected or failing publicly at something important never feels worse. Given the intensity of these emotions, we as parents can’t just tell kids to “get over it.” We have to understand it and figure out how to harness it. Dr. Cam (06:26.913) I love this because it speaks to how parents often say, “Well, this is how I was raised, and it worked for me.” But 20 years ago, we didn’t know nearly as much as we know now about the brain and teen development. We know so much more now that can help us avoid some of the trauma many adults are still recovering from. If we can prevent that, why wouldn’t we? Let’s talk about the teen brain. I’m with you—evolution doesn’t change that quickly. The world around teens today has changed drastically, and they’re doing the best they can in this world we’ve created. Dr. David Yeager (07:42.146) The most important thing to keep in mind is that there are different metaphors for what the teenage brain is doing. The metaphor we choose shapes how we deal with it. One common view is that young people are neurobiologically incompetent—that the moment puberty strikes, they get a “frontal lobotomy,” can’t plan ahead, can’t reason logically, are short-sighted, impulsive, and selfish. That view goes back to Plato’s Phaedrus, where young people were compared to unruly horses needing to be controlled by a charioteer. Neuroscientists have used this view, partly because it has served as a convenient legal argument for youth offenders. It’s true that kids don’t always think about the lifelong consequences of their actions, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t thinking. They’re just thinking about different things, not long-term self-interest. The updated view is a neurobiological competence model. Teens are really good at some things—just not what adults expect. The teenage brain is like the R&D engine for our culture. As society and technology change, teens have to adapt quickly and figure out how to succeed in our world—and they do this far faster than adults. What adults may see as a short attention span is often the brain at the frontier of innovation. Think about it: The same adults who complain about kids loitering at the mall might be served by an excellent 16-year-old waiter without even noticing. The teenage brain is paying attention to different things, and once we understand what those things are, we can communicate more effectively, inspiring independence and motivation in young people. Dr. Cam (10:46.249): That’s fantastic. It’s so true. Their priorities are different from ours, but that doesn’t make them wrong; it makes them different. My understanding is that the prefrontal cortex is still developing during adolescence, forming connections. So, complex skills like emotional regulation and problem-solving are still being devel

In this powerful episode, Dr. Cam and Jamie Edelbrock explore the challenges of parenting teens, from managing anxiety and depression to overcoming parental guilt. Jamie shares her personal journey of advocating for her child, building trust, and embracing the power of connection over control. Discover practical strategies for balancing guidance with independence, prioritizing your own well-being, and creating a safe space for your teen to be their authentic self. This is the essential conversation every parent of a teenager needs to hear!   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How to navigate your teen’s mental health struggles – Tips on addressing anxiety, depression, and the importance of support systems. The importance of building trust and communication – How to foster an open and trusting relationship with your teen. How to balance control and independence – Why letting go and empowering your teen is crucial for their emotional growth. The significance of self-care for parents – How focusing on your own well-being helps you better support your teen. Creating a safe space for your teen to be their authentic self – The power of authenticity in building a healthier relationship with your child.   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Mental health challenges are not anyone's fault – Recognize that mental health struggles affect teens across all backgrounds, and it's essential not to blame yourself or your child. Parenting is about balance – Sometimes saying "yes" more often helps create a foundation of trust, making the necessary “no’s” more respected. Self-care is non-negotiable for parents – Taking care of your own mental health equips you to better support your teen. Empower your teen with autonomy – Give your teen the space to make decisions and take ownership of their actions, fostering independence. Worrying less about the future helps you enjoy the present – Instead of constantly stressing about your teen’s future, focus on building a positive, supportive relationship in the present moment.   ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating and review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical tips for you and your family!    RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline If you're in crisis or need support, call or text 988 for confidential help. Available 24/7. Psychology Today Therapy Directory: www.psychologytoday.com/ Search for licensed mental health professionals, including therapists, counselors, and psychiatrists near you. National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): www.nami.org/ NAMI provides a range of resources for mental health services and local support groups. Jamie's Books: Tangled Up: A heartfelt exploration of mental health struggles and the path to healing, designed to inspire families to stay connected during difficult times. Be the Sparkle: A guide for parents, offering practical strategies to help children feel empowered and spark their own resilience. The Adventure of Little Selfie: A children’s book that encourages self-love and mindfulness in young readers.   EPISODE CHAPTERS:  00:00 Introduction to Mental Health Advocacy for Parents 02:58 Personal Experiences with Teen Anxiety and Depression 05:59 Navigating Parental Guilt and Finding Support in Parenting 09:04 Building Trust and Effective Communication with Teens 11:51 Why Letting Go Is Crucial for Parenting Teenagers 15:00 Finding Joy and Fulfillment in Parenting Teens 18:02 Balancing Teen Freedom with Parental Responsibility 21:04 The Impact of Worry on Parent-Teen Relationships 24:00 Encouraging Authenticity and Self-Expression in Your Child 26:49 Trusting the Parenting Process and Letting Go of Perfection 30:49 Building Strong, Supportive Relationships with Your Teen 36:44 The Importance of Parental Self-Care for Mental Health 42:41 Empowering Your Teen Through Autonomy and Independence 48:56 The Power of Connection Over Control in Parenting Teens 55:57 Embracing Imperfection in Parenting Teenagers   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Jamie Edelbrock Website: www.jamieedelbrock.com Instagram: @tangledupbook Twitter: @TangledUpBook   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   FULL TRANSCRIPT   Dr. Cam (00:02.259): Welcome back, parents. Today, I’m excited to speak with an amazing author, mental health advocate, and a dear friend of mine, Jamie Edelbrock. Jamie was my very first podcast guest back in 2019, pre-pandemic. We were both stepping into new chapters of our lives, feeling scared but ready to take the leap. Since then, Jamie, you’ve become a powerhouse advocate for children's mental health. You’ve published three award-winning children's books: Tangled Up, Be the Sparkle, and You and Me, The Adventure of Little Selfie. And on top of that, you’ve been raising your three teen daughters. So, let’s get started. What have you been up to? It’s been forever. Jamie Edelbrock (00:43.342): It’s been a ride. We lived overseas in Indonesia for several years. My kids grew up there, and that’s affected their mental health in ways I’ve learned so much from. I’ve become a strong advocate for mental health, focusing on anxiety, depression, LGBTQ issues, and autism. One of my kids was diagnosed with autism and ADHD, and now I’m working to become an RBT, doing one-on-one work with kids and families in ABA therapy. It’s been an adventure. Dr. Cam (01:50.053): The one thing I love about you, Jamie, is that whenever you face a challenge, you don’t just ask, "How do I survive this?" You think, "How can I become an advocate for this?" You embrace it, learn from it, and then help others. That’s so inspiring. Jamie Edelbrock (02:04.65): Yes. Dr. Cam (02:18.843): It’s amazing. You keep getting new challenges, and you handle them with such grace. How has your advocacy evolved over time? Jamie Edelbrock (02:31.725): Something I wanted to talk about today is a story I haven’t shared much. It’s about my daughter and her struggles with anxiety, depression, and suicide. She gave me permission to talk about it. She went through a very tough time in Indonesia, and as parents, we thought, "Why would they be depressed? Why would they be anxious?" But I’ve learned that anxiety and depression don’t discriminate. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what kind of life you lead—it can affect anyone. Dr. Cam (03:12.809): It’s so true. Jamie Edelbrock (03:37.718): We ended up leaving Jakarta early to get her the help she needed because the right mental health resources weren’t available there. I didn’t get to see my oldest graduate high school, and there were a lot of sacrifices. But the most important thing was getting her the help she needed. Dr. Cam (03:51.806): I’m glad you were able to get her the support she needed. Jamie Edelbrock (04:07.102): When we returned to the States, my daughter’s depression deepened. She ended up in the hospital, and she had to stay away from us for a while to get the help she needed. There’s nothing that prepares you for hearing your child say, "I want to die," or having them say, "She has to stay here and you can’t come get her." That experience was incredibly difficult, but it’s something every parent should know about—how to cope with that as a family. Dr. Cam (04:45.343): That’s so hard to imagine. Jamie Edelbrock (05:01.482): And it’s something I want to talk about because, as we’ve seen, anxiety and depression don’t discriminate. There’s no way to predict it. No matter how great your child’s life is, it can still happen. We’ve also dealt with suicide loss. My oldest lost a friend to suicide in 2020, and she ended up saving her best friend’s life from suicide in 2024. These experiences, though tragic, have deeply impacted us, but they’ve also shown me how crucial mental health advocacy is. Nothing prepares you for the weight of it when it’s your own child. Dr. Cam (05:44.549)  You spend your life advocating for mental health, focused on your children's mental health, yet you're not able to escape it. Parents feel guilty, shameful, like they're failing. But you're evidence that no matter what you do, We can't always avoid it. So what did you go through processing it as a mom? Jamie Edelbrock (06:22.614)  Automatically I thought, I'm doing something wrong. I know all the tips, tools, tricks. She has a good life. We have this set up for her to succeed. I'm doing something wrong. Then I started going back, mom guilt. Maybe I shouldn't have yelled, or done this. That's not the case. I think the first thing besides getting her immediate professional help was getting myself help and professional help and realizing that it's not my fault. I've learned that through therapy. It can be environmental, but it's usually brain chemicals. It runs in our family. While thinking, "what did I do wrong?" I talked to my aunt and learned it runs deep. That was an important key. It's not my fault. Getting her help says you're doing something right. We halted our world, got her what she needed, and got the help I needed. Then I started researching, knowing it's literally her brain chemicals. It's literally how her body and brain are working and something isn't right there. So realizing it's not our fault. We made changes in our lifestyle to help her and us. Dr. Cam (08:42.815)  My heart goes out to you. Parents start parenting from fear. They want to prevent their child from going through something, or they don't want anything to happen on their watch. They become hyper-vigilant, constantly asking, "are you okay?" Kids say, "I'd be fine if my parents would just leave me alone." Parents can't let go, building a wall and distrust. Kids don't feel like they can be their authentic selves. How do we manage t

In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Elaine Taylor-Klaus to explore the challenges and strategies for raising neurodiverse teens. Elaine shares her personal journey as a mom of neurodiverse kids and how she became a coach to help other parents. They discuss the shifting perceptions of ADHD and autism, the increasing diagnoses, and why neurodiversity should be seen as an evolutionary adaptation rather than a deficit. The conversation focuses on collaborative problem-solving, trust-building, and fostering teen autonomy, as well as the role of medication in supporting neurodiverse youth.   WHAT YOU’LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How to shift your mindset around ADHD and autism The benefits of coaching for parents of neurodiverse teens Why collaborative problem-solving builds stronger parent-teen relationships The role of medication in supporting neurodiverse individuals How to empower your teen by meeting them where they are   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF NEURODIVERSE TEENS Coaching empowers parents and transforms family dynamics. ADHD can be an advantage when understood and managed properly. Medication is a tool, not a solution—its role varies for each child. Building trust leads to better communication and cooperation. Understanding neurodiversity benefits all kids, not just those diagnosed.   ENJOYING THE SHOW? If this episode was helpful, share it with other parents and leave a rating and review! Your feedback helps us create more valuable content to support you and your teen. Remember to hit Follow so you never miss an episode packed with actionable parenting strategies!   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to Neurodiversity and Parenting Challenges 10:03 Understanding ADHD in Today's World 21:01 Supporting Neurodiverse Teens: A Coaching Approach 29:57 Key Takeaways for Parents of Neurodiverse Children   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Elaine Taylor-Klaus Website: ImpactParents.com Instagram: @ImpactParents Facebook: @ImpactParents Twitter: @ElaineTKlaus LinkedIn: Elaine Taylor-Klaus Podcast: Parenting with Impact   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   FULL TRANSCRIPT   Dr. Cam (00:00) Welcome back to the show. Today we're diving into a topic that's close to my heart, supporting our neurodiverse teens. If you're parent navigating the unique challenges of raising a neurodiverse child, you don't want to miss this episode. Joining us is the incredible Elaine Taylor-Klaus, a master certified coach and a mom of six in an ADHD plus plus family. We're gonna explain what that is. Elaine is a true thought leader in the field of neurodiversity, co-founding the first global coaching communities for parents of complex kids through Impact ADHD and ImpactParents.com. She's dedicated her career to educating and empowering parents like us, and her insights are invaluable. Elaine is here to help us understand how to nurture our teens so they can thrive. So if you're ready to transform the way you support your neurodiverse teen, stick around. This episode is going to be packed with essential advice you don't want to miss. Welcome, Elaine. Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (00:58) Thank you. It is great to be here. I love your energy. I'm excited. Dr. Cam (01:02) I'm so glad to talk to you about this and I want to first hear about your story. A mom of six neurodiverse kids. Did I get that right? Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (01:09) Not six, actually. I have three neurodiverse kids myself and my business partner Diane has three. And so I think that somehow got lost in the translation. Now that they're young adults and they each have partners, it feels like a mom of six. Dr. Cam (01:18) is this what got you into this field or what really inspired you to focus on this?   Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (01:29) Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. This is what got me in. I was a mom of three complex kids under the age of 10. I didn't even know what that meant. I just knew that I was struggling. My eldest kid was really not an easy kid to raise, had lots of diagnoses, lots of health issues, medically fragile. It was complicated. And I remember going to my child's therapist, psychologist at about eight years old with this long list of like eight diagnoses and I'm crying. I'm like, what do I do? Where do I start? So she sent me to a nutritionist. said, with all this, you start with the metabolic. And so we were kind of getting a handle on that. went gluten free, had a huge impact. And somebody turned me onto coaching. And I was really struggling. There was a lot of support available for my kids and there was really nothing for me except for, you know, that five minutes with my hand on the doors, I'm walking out of the kids therapist office where I'm like, can I ask you one more thing? I like, it's so not fair. There was so little resource for parents at the time. And, and so the long story short, I was trying to go back to graduate school. took the GREs. I was going to go, you know, get a PhD and I discovered coaching and I fell in love. I I called my husband the first afternoon in tears and like, yeah, there were a lot of tears in those years. I found it. Like this is it. It was an empowering way to be. was, I had like used a midwife. I was all about wellness and health and, and, and I found that coaching gave me a framework for how I really wanted to be as a parent. I wanted to see them as whole and healthy and capable and not broken and needing to be fixed. And coaching was just, it was the answer for me. And so it really transformed me. which really transformed my family. Ultimately, my husband also became a coach. And when I asked him years later, like, what happened? He said, I just couldn't deny anymore that what you were doing was working. So I ended up kind of creating this, this new modality, blending coaching with neurodiversity awareness. And when Diane and I met, we had this similar experience, only I did have ADHD and learning issues that were diagnosed in my forties and she did not. And it worked for both of us. So we kind of knew we were onto something and it wasn't rocket science. We could teach it to other parents. So I started coaching and training parents of complex kids. And, you know, that was, that was a long time ago now. Dr. Cam (03:54) The rest is history. Do you see a change in what parents are coming to you about? Or do you feel like it's consistent?  . Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (04:19) Yes and no. Yes and no. mean, the world's changed a lot, you know, but by the time I started, we were already post 9-11, which is when I, and technology was already starting to become a part of the world. So I think that for me, part of what's changed is our understanding and awareness, the research, the clarity about ADHD, about executive function, about neurodiversity, mental health, that's shifted a lot in the last 20 years. So there is a little less stigma and a lot more awareness to the importance of really addressing these issues. I say a little less stigma, not as much as a little Well, there's less. But part of it is because the autism movement came in and autism kind of came in and said, we're not taking your stigma, forget that. And I really think it shifted people's frame of reference around difference and shifted because the autism movement really did say, I'm not coming to you, you got to come to me. And it changed. I think now that it's so interesting. One of the big things that's changed is in the early days, like when my kids were diagnosed and those days, the providers had to choose between an ADHD diagnosis or an autism diagnosis. You could have one or the other, but not both till about 2013. And so everybody wanted, you didn't want an autism diagnosis. That was like a death sentence in those days. Now a provider, first of all, a provider doesn't have to make the choice. Both can be diagnosed and are very frequently. The correlation is very high. But now a parent can get better services with an autism diagnosis than an ADHD diagnosis and better support and compassion from their peers and friends and family. So now you've got people seeking a diagnosis that they used that 20 years ago they were avoiding. And I was one of them, right? Dr. Cam (06:17) the avoider. What do you think is a stigma with autism? are people kind of feeling opposed to now?. Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (06:24) think there's less stigma with autism than ADHD now. mean, you know, nobody wants a diagnosis, but I think with autism, there's beginning to be an understanding that they can learn skills and tools and approaches and modalities, that they can learn how to adapt and modify and improve their capacity.because it's coming from a different part of the brain and it's a different, it's not as much about, if they don't have the overlapping ADHD, it's not as much about executive function. It's more about sensory and social. And you can actually, I think with people with autism, especially if you catch it early, you can really help them learn how to kind of integrate themselves into the world. With ADHD, there's still a lot, I think there's more stigma than anything in the ADHD space. Dr. Cam (07:17) I have some questions about that too, because one thing I've noticed is the diagnosis for ADHD seems to be going up and up and up and up. Why do you think this is? Please, I've got one too and I'm curious to hear what yours is since you're an expert in it. Elaine Taylor-Klaus (she/her) (07:29) Okay, here's my take on that. Okay, there a reasons. There are few reasons. One is that there is a lot more research. We understand it way better than we did. Like 30 years ago, ADHD only was hyperactivity in little boys. That is so not the case. Now there are all these adults who are not diagnosed and under diagnosed. So we understand what we're looking for better. The second is we are living in an interruption driv

In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Dr. Fiona Ghiglione to dive into the complex world of teen girl friendships. They discuss the challenges of peer pressure, loneliness, and relational aggression, as well as how parents can help their daughters build healthy, lasting relationships. Dr. Ghiglione shares practical strategies for navigating friendship drama, understanding the "seasons" of friendships, and teaching girls to handle social struggles with confidence. The episode also explores the impact of social media on teen friendships and why parents should focus on empowerment over rescue.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why teen girl friendships can be so challenging How to help your daughter navigate friendship drama without taking over The impact of relational aggression and social media on teen friendships How to recognize the "seasons" of friendships and support your teen through them Practical strategies to build your daughter’s confidence and resilience in friendships   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Teen friendships can be tough. Many girls struggle with peer pressure, loneliness, and relational aggression. Middle school is peak friendship drama. Understanding these challenges helps parents guide their daughters effectively. Friendships evolve over time. Teaching your teen about the different “seasons” of friendships can help them navigate change. Create a safe space for open conversations. Encourage your daughter to express her feelings without immediately jumping in to fix problems. Empower, don’t rescue. Equip your teen with tools to handle conflict, rather than solving issues for them.   ENJOYING THE SHOW? Help other parents find the support they need! Share your favorite episode, leave a rating and review, and don’t forget to hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode!   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Resource: Download 10 Mindful Practices for Preteens PDF Exclusive Offer: Get €20 off your first mentoring session by emailing Fiona directly at fiona@motheringgirls.com   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Navigating the Challenges of Teen Friendships 03:59 Understanding the Dynamics of Friendship Drama 09:59 The Seasons of Friendships: Navigating Mean Behavior 20:06 Supporting Our Daughters Through Friendship Struggles 27:59 Empowering Girls to Build Healthy Relationships   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Fiona Ghiglione Website: MotheringGirls.com Instagram: @motheringgirls LinkedIn: Dr. Fiona Ghiglione   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   THE FULL TRANSCRIPT Dr. Cam (00:02) Navigating friendships can be really challenging for our teen girls, right? As parents, it's tough to watch them struggle with feelings of loneliness, peer pressure, and the occasional friend drama or a lot of friend drama. All we want is for our daughters to feel happy, connected, and surrounded by friends who truly support them. I'm excited to introduce you to Dr. Fiona Giglione, an assistant professor, educator, and the founder of Mothering Girls.   Fiona specializes in coaching girls on building friendships, boosting self-confidence, and navigating the complexities of social media too. In our conversation today, we're going to dive into some effective strategies to help empower our daughters to build meaningful friendships, handle toxic friendships, and boost their confidence as a friend. Welcome Dr. Fiona, how are you?   Fiona (00:50) Very good. Thank you for inviting me today. It's wonderful to be here.   Dr. Cam (00:54) Absolutely. So Dr. Fiona, first start with how did you, what inspired you to start mothering girls?   Fiona (01:02) Well, my journey with mother and girls really started through my own experience raising my own girls. And there's one specific experience I had when my eldest daughter was nine and my youngest daughter was five. I was living in Singapore at the time and I just began noticing that the commentary and the way that people were interacting with our girls, my daughters and also their friends started changing quite radically. know, when they were five and six and they were running around in their frozen dresses, people's commentaries would be, aren't they wonderful? You know, I love her confidence and her spark or how wonderful is it to have girls? And I just found that when the girls started kind of edging towards the preteen years, so we kind of, eight, nine, sure, they had a bit more sass, you know.   But the commentary, just, was very aware of what people were saying and how it was changing. It was, it was kind of becoming more, you know, wait until she's in the teen years or, you know, girls are really emotional and, know, and I was hearing from boy moms saying, you know, I'm glad, glad I don't have boys, you know. And as a research psychologist, I suppose, like I,   I couldn't stop thinking about this. couldn't stop and wonder two questions in particular I had in my head. Like the first one was, what is this doing to our girls? Like our girls were hearing this, know, mom's talk in this way. And I'm thinking, what messages are they receiving from this? You know, about what it is to be a girl heading into these years, like you know what are the teen years going to be like, but also just their emotions, you know, is it safe to, you know, explore my emotions, say my emotions or not? Anyway, that was the first question. And then the second question that kept on my mind was, if we take this fear based approach, if we're really going into these years afraid and thinking they're going to be the worst, what's that doing to our relationship with our girls? I mean, we know about what happens in the prefrontal cortex or in our brains in general, when we are under, you know, a fear response, we close off, we change the way that we change what we're paying attention to. We change, you know, how we're feeling about each other and we're we're less curious. So I guess I just started leaning into this. started researching a little bit more and thinking about it a bit more and thinking we need a different way. We definitely needed a different narrative, but I wanted to be able to maybe fill the gap a little bit and help parents do it a bit differently and help, you know, kind of empower the girls. Yeah.   Dr. Cam (03:50) I love that. that's one thing too, Dr. Fiona, that I will talk about too, is that when we go into the teen years with this preconceived notion of what those teen years are going to be like, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Because we approach it already without understanding, we approach it with assumption, and it goes way south very quickly. So I love that you are out there correcting that assumption, changing that story so we don't approach it from that perspective and we give our girls a chance. That's amazing. So let's, today we really want to talk about friendships because I know this particularly is difficult for teen, tween and teen girls, especially middle school. Middle school is like friendship hell. Let's just put it real, right? This is where all the friendship drama comes. There's a lot of friendship, like emotional bullying.   Fiona (04:31) Yeah, absolutely. 100%.   Dr. Cam (04:58) My daughter personally went through a lot of drama and teen. She's 18. She's still traumatized by the experience of friendships and going bad. So first explain to us, why do friendships become so difficult at this age for girls?   Fiona (05:05) If we look at the research, there are a few things that we're seeing, okay. We're seeing, and some of them are quite concerning trends, I would have to say. We're seeing increases in relational aggression. We're seeing increases in a kind of narcissism, self-centeredness, increases in loneliness, and decreases in empathy, okay. So, when you put this all together and you put it in alongside the rise of technology, it makes for a very curious picture as to like, what is going on with our girls? And girls in general, like, they place a lot of emphasis on friendships. It's very important for them. And I think that there's all of that happening, but then there's also, when I'm talking to girls directly, girls want closer friendships. They want less drama. It's not like they want, you know, they're creating this because it's fun. So there's these two things happening in parallel. They want closer friendship, they want support, they want help, and they also want a good relationship with parents as well. It's hard to unpack exactly why this is happening. think technology is playing a big factor in it, in the way that it's changing relationships and the way that we communicate. But yeah, I guess alongside the challenges that we're facing, we also have girls who are willing to do it differently if they have the guidance and the support.   Dr. Cam (06:56) At this age too, the relationships become a lot more complex, right? It's no longer like, you like this toy and I like this toy, so we must be friends. The dynamics become much deeper and kids are trying to figure out. And as you mentioned, the need to belong becomes extremely important at this age. So making friends, basically kids look at them, their value based on do other people like me? And so when people, when they're struggling to make friends, they're getting this message, I'm not that likable. And so they kind of get deeper. But then there's also the kids. So we've got self-esteem issues there, but then we've got the kids, particularly the girls that are mean. Where does this meanness come from and this need to kind of gang up on other girls or to emotionally shut them out sometimes. Where does that come from?   Fiona (07:54) I just wanted to stop for a second and just say it is such a difficult thing to watch your child go through this. And heartbreaking almost to have girls come home and say things like, you know, I was alone on the

Dr. Cam and Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein take a deep dive into the impact of gender bias and sexism on young girls. They discuss how societal messages affect girls' confidence, self-worth, and opportunities. Dr. Finkelstein shares powerful insights on validating girls' experiences, teaching self-advocacy, and redefining their value beyond appearance. The conversation also highlights the importance of helping girls express emotions like anger, recognize microaggressions, and take up space in a world that often tries to shrink them. Plus, they explore how parents can raise empathetic sons who challenge gender norms.   WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE How gender bias and societal expectations impact girls' confidence Why teaching girls to express anger and take up space is crucial The power of validating girls’ experiences and building self-advocacy skills How to raise sons who recognize and challenge gender bias Practical ways parents can help their daughters navigate sexism   5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Girls receive constant messages of invisibility and unworthiness. Parents play a key role in reshaping these narratives. Validating girls' experiences is essential. It helps them feel heard and strengthens their self-esteem. Teaching girls self-advocacy starts early. Encouraging them to speak up and set boundaries builds confidence. Society often prioritizes masculine traits. It’s important to teach girls (and boys) that all traits have value. Empowering girls requires action. Parents must actively challenge bias, model emotional expression, and foster resilience.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode, leave a rating and review, and help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes filled with practical, real-world parenting strategies. Thanks so much for your support! 🙏💫 🔔 Hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode!   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Free Resource: Download 10 Mindful Practices for Preteens PDF Exclusive Offer: Work with Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein by visiting Jo-Ann Finkelstein   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Understanding Gender Bias and Its Impact 06:05 Empowering Girls in a Biased World 14:10 Redefining Value Beyond Appearance 19:07 Building Confidence and Advocacy Skills 22:11 Empowering Girls to Express Emotions 25:00 Teaching Girls to Take Up Space 28:25 Recognizing and Addressing Microaggressions 32:49 Navigating Gender Bias and Self-Advocacy 37:11 Raising Empathetic Sons 42:24 Key Takeaways for Parents   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Dr. Jo-Ann Finkelstein  Website: Jo-Ann Finkelstein Instagram: @JoAnnFinkelstein LinkedIn: Jo-Ann Finkelstein   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   THE FULL TRANSCRIPT   Dr. Cam (00:00) In today's episode, we tackle a critical issue that affects countless young girls, sexism and gender bias. Did you know that as of 2023, women still earn about 82 cents for every dollar earned by men or that women hold just 27 % of executive positions in Fortune 500 companies despite making up nearly half of the workforce? The reality is that gender bias starts early and can significantly impact girls' confidence, opportunities and futures. That's why I'm looking forward to talking to Dr. Joanne Finkelstein, a clinical psychologist and author of Sexism and Sensibility, Raising Empowered Resilient Girls in the Modern World. Dr. Finkelstein is here to share practical strategies for protecting our daughters from these pervasive issues, fostering their resilience and empowering them to navigate a world where gender bias still unfortunately exists.   Welcome Dr.. Finkelstein.   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (00:59) It's so great to be here, Dr. Cam.   Dr. Cam (01:02) So good to have you. So this is such an important topic. Let's start first. Why are you interested in this? What kind of inspired you to talk about and help girls deal with gender bias and sexism?   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (01:16) I grew up in Canada. You know, I live in the States, but I grew up in Canada with three brothers. Canada, know, hockey is a national obsession. So I like to tell this story because it didn't make it into the book, but it has become family lore. And my family was really surprised that it didn't make it into the book. In any case. My three brothers, like they love to play hockey and I wanted to play too. So I asked my parents for, you know, a hockey stick. And to my delight, they bought me one. But to my horror, it was bright pink and looked like a toy version of my brother's. And by the way, you will find out along the way, I don't have anything against pink, but that is not what I was looking for, right?   Dr. Cam (01:47) But it was a big statement.   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (02:09) It was a big statement and I've worked with girls and women for the last 24 plus years in my private practice. And what I discovered is that my pink hockey stick is every girl's story, right? Girls constantly get messages that make them feel unseen, unheard, not taken seriously. And I witness, right, on a daily basis how harmful these messages are to my patient's sense of self and sense of potential. The messages aret hey seem small, right? But they're like tiny psychological paper cuts that accumulate and become these festering wounds of self-doubt over time. And growing up, when I would get upset about gender differences, people insisted that they didn't exist or they'd say, you're too sensitive or stop being so dramatic. And all your listeners out there, they know this, right? Because they're classic comments. But at the time, I didn't know that. So in any case,   Fast forward to avoid criticism, I learned to hide my feelings and it wasn't until years later when I was doing a master's degree that I really began to understand that experience. And it happened because I mentioned in a paper for my developmental psychology class that I'd been accused of overreacting when I felt demeaned. And the professor scribbled in the margins, that's what people say to talk girls out of their feelings. It was such a validating moment for me.   Dr. Cam (03:34) That's great.   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (03:35) So basically, to get to a long story, validating girls' experiences and opening parents' eyes to the effects of sexism and gender bias are why I wrote the book. There two reasons why I   Dr. Cam (03:50) I love that. And I think awareness is so important because I see even women being biased and sexist to other women because it is so great, you know, just pounded in our head. And I can remember, because I mean, anybody that is an adult woman has either experienced most likely a lot or knows people that have experienced extreme sexism and gender bias. And I remember pointing out at one point at a job that the traits of a leader as defined of what a leader is are traits that define the typical best traits of a man and what defines a bitch as a woman. You're, you, you have no chance. Yeah, you have no chance of being a leader because if you're a woman and have the traits of a leader, then you are disliked so much. So it's,   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (04:32) That is exactly right. And it's true. I mean, it's bears out in the research. Right, or if you do become a leader, right, you are jumping through so many hoops to not be perceived as a bitch and then often you are, are, you know, sort of like what's happening with Kamala Harris and, you know, people are saying you're too soft. So you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place.   Dr. Cam (04:49) I think calling attention to these and also calling attention and they've shown so many times that actually some of the traits that are typical, there are gender differences. We've got to be real with that. But I think what it is is what we value is more of the masculine and what we use is insults. Like you fight like a girl, you run like a girl, you do this like a girl. They're insults rather than showing some of the strengths that are typical feminine traits actually are amazing in different roles, but we undermine them. So let's start with, we've got our teen daughter and she's living in high school and she's getting these messages already. We already know that STEM is still something that girls are kind of looked over on. We know that, again, the sports are separated, everything like that. So how do we as parents start empowering our girls to see their worth?   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (05:42) That's a great question. And that's sort of my whole book. So let's unpack it. You know, I think the most important thing to remember is that we're playing the long game here. We can't just say, you know, the culture's broken, you're not broken. Right. But we we want them to understand that many of the messages that they're getting are informing their choices.   Dr. Cam (06:08) Good! Let's go! Read to us your book!   Jo-Ann Finkelstein, PhD (06:34) For instance, clothing. I know a lot of people are really interested when their kids are becoming teenagers about their wearing crop tops and showing a lot of cleavage and wearing heels before parents are ready for the kids to wear heels and all of that. And so we're trying to help them understand, we're between wanting them to make their own choices, feel good in their own bodies, embrace their budding sexuality, or at least be unashamed of it. But seeing themselves through a system that values them, that values women packaged for a marketplace of male desire leaves little room for pimples and tummy rolls. So we're trying to help them understand that As I once said to my daughter, a crop top or a cigar is just a cigar, but a crop top Brazilian wax and something else is, you know, not as free choice as it seems. And so over time, we're trying to help them see that the culture doesn't always respect wome

Dr. Cam sits down with Leslie Cohen-Rubery, a clinical social worker, to tackle one of the toughest challenges parents face—handling teens with intense emotions. If you’ve ever felt like your child’s outbursts are out of control or completely illogical, this episode is for you. Leslie shares insights on emotional regulation, validation, and how to de-escalate heated moments. They also discuss why parents shouldn't try to "fix" their teen’s feelings and how reflection and repair after conflicts can strengthen your relationship. WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE Why your teen’s emotions aren’t as irrational as they seem The biological and social factors behind emotional outbursts How validation can calm a crisis and improve communication The power of witnessing emotions without rushing to fix them How to repair after a conflict and strengthen your connection 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Your child's intense emotions aren’t a reflection of your parenting. Feeling guilt or shame doesn’t help—understanding does. Validation is a game-changer. Acknowledging your teen’s emotions without judgment helps them feel heard. Your teen's brain is still developing. Their reactions may feel extreme, but there’s often a biological and social reason behind them. Don’t rush to fix their emotions. Sometimes, just sitting with them in their discomfort is the best support. Conflict can lead to growth. Post-conflict discussions should focus on solutions, not blame, to strengthen your relationship.   🎧❤️ ENJOYING THE SHOW? Love this episode? Share it with other parents, leave a review, and help more families navigate the teen years with confidence. Your support means the world! 🙏💫 🔔 Hit Follow so you never miss a solution-packed episode!   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Understanding the 'Monster' in Our Teens 04:06 The Roots of Intense Emotions 09:45 Navigating Emotional Turbulence 14:00 Effective Strategies for De-escalation 20:01 Post-Conflict Reflection and Repair 30:09 Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Leslie Cohen-Rubery Facebook: @lesliecohenrubury Instagram: @lesliecohenrubury YouTube: @lesliecohenrubury TikTok: @lesliecohenrubury   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   THE FULL TRANSCRIPT   Dr. Cam (00:01.902) Hey parents, if your teen is prone to outbursts or dramatic reactions, this episode is for you. Joining us today is the insightful Leslie Cohen-Ruberry, a licensed clinical social worker with 39 years of experience supporting families. Leslie is the creator of the podcast, Is My Child a Monster? Where she helps parents navigate the often rocky waters of parenting.   In this episode, Leslie is going to share some effective strategies for addressing our teens' monstrous emotions. Welcome, Leslie.   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:35.759) Well, hello, thank you Dr. Cam for having me today.   Dr. Cam (00:39.264) Absolutely, let's start with, I always like to start with the backstory. How did you come up with the title and the idea of, is my child a monster?   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:48.987) Well, it's very real. And that's actually a piece of advice I might talk about later when we talk about how to be with our kids. It's about being real. So parents would come to me and in that very first session, they'd sit down and they'd say, is my child a monster? Like they really were upset and it upset them to ask that question. They felt guilty, they felt shame. Sometimes it was even more extreme. Is my child sociopathic? And I'm like, my heart broke. And I said, no.   And that is what I say every time I have not met a monster, every time a parent comes into me and says, is my child a monster? So it was very real. I heard it over and over again. And then when I thought about doing a podcast, said, I can't do anything but that title because you know, it's so powerful. And what it is, it's no, your child is not a monster, but they may be misunderstood. And that's the whole premise behind the podcast. That's where it came from.   And that's what therapy is about. some parents don't feel like their child's a monster, but many, many parents worry about their child and they don't understand their child. So it includes really all parents, not just the ones who think their child's a monster.   Dr. Cam (02:01.482) I love that and I think that is this ongoing fear that parents have saying, my gosh, did I mess my kid up? Is there something wrong with my kid? Is this normal? What are some of the behaviors you see the parents group into the term monster?   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (02:08.15) Well, the biggest one is what you sort of announced in the introduction, which is these big, intense emotions. Like a child having, one of my episodes is where the child is having a meltdown because the parent threw away or lost their acorn. And so from a parent's mind is you've got to be kidding me. You're having a meltdown over an acorn where there's literally thousands outside, we can go get another. So parents would, it's that's very typical. So intense emotions, like you wanted to go see that movie, why can't, why are you having a meltdown before we go in? These are all examples from, you know, podcast is like, parents get confused over, it feels like illogical, intense reactions and intense behaviors. So throwing things.   You know, withdrawing, won't talk, won't, you know, anything like that. When we get to teenagers, the behaviors get a little more scary and so do the emotions. So we're talking about teens who may be self-harming, may be extreme in their language to the parent. These power struggles get very intense. So it's usually intense behaviors or intense emotion.   Dr. Cam (03:39.212) First of all, parents, if your kids are acting this way and you have this fear, which I know a lot of you do, take a deep breath. We're going to talk about it and there is an explanation behind it. And when there's an explanation, there are solutions. So let's start first with some explanation. Where are these big overreactions over something seemingly ridiculously small? Where are they coming from?   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (04:06.883) Well, that's a long answer, but the short answer is your child is in emotion mind. And much of the skills that I'm going to talk about today come from dialectic behavior therapy. I am an intensively trained dialectic behavior therapist. and these skills are incredible for regulating emotions and disray and, also behavior. So dial the first thing is we want to recognize when our child is in emotion mind, because in that moment.   When the child is feeling that they are an emotion mind, which is an illogical, intense, often hot, heavy, you know, kind of experience. For the question that's a little bit larger context of where is this coming from, we have both a biological makeup and an environmental or social component, which is, you know, who your child is when they're born. And that part, we don't change. That part, we need to accept that this is who they are. We're not fixing their biological makeup. So some children are born highly, highly sensitive. They feel things intensely, whether they notice someone crying three blocks away or, you know, at the other end of the room or in the classroom or something like that. They take on, they feel other people's emotions. get, they may get overwhelmed by stimulation, by just being in a crowded place, why are they hesitating to go to a birthday party that they really wanna go to or go visit their friend. And so there's the biological piece that parents often wanna change, but we really need to remember acceptance is one of the more important strategies to actually teach and use. And then there's of course the social environment. If your child, if you have one of these sensitive children and you're trying to get out of the house with your teenager and you're screaming at them, come on, I gave you 15 minutes, let's go, let's go. And you just like, there's nothing in your mind that says, why is this kid not getting out of the house? It's time to go to school. They're always late. When you get that kind of frustration and then you convey that because we're all human and it is frustrating. So when the parent is feeling that kind of frustration,   they may be conveying to the child unintentionally, you are bad, what is wrong with you? How come you can't do this? Or even if there's not that there may be a few siblings in the house and that child is the only one that's struggling. you know, everybody else is out the door catching the bus, whatever, they're there, they're doing it, they're struggling. And so they may think that they are a monster. They may think that they are bad. And that's the environment which is what does the fit look like between the environment and who this person is?   Dr. Cam (07:01.342) And Leslie, I think it's really important to point out that when we start reacting to our kids this way and they start responding this way, we start actually defining who they are and how they see themselves. And so when we act like they're a monster, we start feeding into them becoming and believing they're a monster, which just makes it worse. So I, right. So I think.   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (07:27.865) And it's behaviorism. It's reinforcing exactly what they see.   Dr. Cam (07:31.028) It is exactly what we're trying to stop. And I think a lot of parents do because they're trying to say, I'm pointing out what's wrong with you, so you'll fix it. And the problem is that's not how it works. Because if they could fix it, they would have.   Leslie Cohen-Rubury (07:48.943) Right? No one wants to be feeling this way. No one wants to show up like that. I mean, no, I was the one in my family having those tantrums. there's, you know, it's not you. And yeah, it's not like we wanted to be that way. And that's what parents forget that.

Tired of constant arguments with your teen? You’re not alone! In this episode, Dr. Cam sits down with conflict resolution expert Hesha Abrams to reveal practical techniques for defusing conflict and improving communication with combative teens. Learn how power struggles fuel arguments, why emotional regulation is key, and how a simple “do-over” can repair relationships. If you’re ready to stop the battles and start connecting, this episode is for you! WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE The surprising role power dynamics play in teen conflicts Techniques to calm heated situations before they escalate Why validation is a game-changer in communication How to redirect destructive behavior before it spirals The power of modeling emotional regulation for your teen 5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS Parenting is tough—grace and patience go a long way. Conflict is often about power struggles—understanding this can help. Teaching teens to manage big emotions is essential. Modeling good behavior is more powerful than lecturing. Perfection isn’t the goal—building a strong connection is.   🎧 ENJOYING THE SHOW? Don’t keep it to yourself! Share your favorite episode and leave a rating & review to help other parents find the support they need. Your feedback helps me create even more episodes packed with practical tips for your family! 🔔 Hit Follow so you never miss another solution-packed episode!   RESOURCES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE Book: Holding the Calm: The Secret to Resolving Conflict and Defusing Tension by Hesha Abrams   EPISODE CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction to Conflict Resolution with Teens 03:35 Understanding Power Dynamics in Conflict 10:13 Navigating Teen Conflicts 20:54 The Importance of Modeling Behavior 32:52 Redirecting Destructive Behavior   CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Hesha Abrams Website: www.holdingthecalm.com Facebook: @HeshaAbramsHoldingTheCalm Instagram: @holdingthecalmbook   CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell Website: AskDrCam.com Instagram: @DrCamCaswell TikTok: @the.teen.translator YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Facebook: @DrCamCaswell   THE FULL TRANSCRIPT   Welcome back parents, Dr. Cam here. And in today's episode, we are diving into the secret to defusing conflict with combative teens with a renowned conflict resolution expert, Haysha Abrams. Haysha is an international acclaimed attorney and mediator known for her success in resolving high profile cases with some of the world's biggest companies, including Google, Amazon, Facebook, and Pepsi. I've heard of a few of those.    She's also the author of the popular new book, Holding the Calm, the Secret to Resolving Conflict and Diffusing Tension. Today, Hayshia is going to share some practical, easy -to -use techniques to diffuse tension and resolve conflict, not just for our teens, but with anyone. Welcome, Hayshia. Thank you so much for joining us. Can you just start with your backstory? How did you get start in conflict resolution?   Hesha Abrams (00:48) My pleasure. Well, what I want to start with, especially for a podcast like yours, because I do business podcasts all the time. But what I tell people is I'm a lawyer, I'm a mediator. I've done multi -billion dollar disputes at the highest levels of industry. And the hardest job I've ever had, being a parent.   Dr. Cam (01:03) Yeah, that is so good to hear. Yes, good to hear. Good and not good. What did we get ourselves into?   Hesha Abrams (01:19) It is so, well, you live with a tyrannical roommate who doesn't pay rent, right? So, and part of the problem is we want them to like us. And that is really a very dangerous, dangerous thing. So it becomes a really hard needle to thread. And that's what I want to talk about because I've learned techniques. have, first of all, I have great relationships with all my kids and my in -law kids. So I think that gives me some kudos right there. The techniques I'm going to teach, I use on them. And I have nine grandchildren and I use these on them earlier. I'm smarter now than I was when I was young, because I didn't have a me putting out a book like Holding the Calm. I had a lot of the touchy feely books in my day that don't work. They talk about all this good stuff that should happen and they don't work. So, you know, I'm a lawyer. I do big, hard, difficult cases. What's the difference between somebody saying, I want a hundred million dollars and somebody saying, here's 10 ,000, go drop dead. Right? How do you get that settled versus a teenager going, I hate you. You don't give me anything I want. My friends do this. You make me study. You don't understand me. Or whatever other nonsense happens. It's all the same.   Dr. Cam (02:29) It's all emotion, right? It's that big fight or flight emotion place. So, and I have a lot of clients and I talk to people that do because we're teenagers are so emotional and they push our buttons and we get emotional and then we just got this huge blow up and we get stuck in this loop of just really negative interactions and kids can get nasty, they can get mean, they can even get physically violent. And I have parents that are scared of their kids. They don't want to make the problem worse. So they're kind of walking on eggshells around them, not wanting to get them upset, but it keeps getting worse. So we would love to hear from you on how do we start approaching, if we're there. A lot of what I do is preventing us from getting there, but if we're there. And we're in that moment where we're just butting heads and it's starting to get ugly and we don't know what to do. Hey, what do we do?   Hesha Abrams (03:35) Yeah, so let's talk about that. because I want everything I do is very practical. I'm not a kumbaya kind of gal. I'm not interested in what should work or is a cool idea or rise above it or all that kind of junk. What actually works when this thing's happened? And I'm sure on your show, you've already talked about amygdala, fight or flight response. So I don't need to go into that again. Okay. So everybody knows that. So I have a theory. I think that all conflict and tension of any kind with anybody at any age or any time has to do with power. Either you're taking it, you're giving it, you're trying to hold onto it, you're trying to take it from somebody else. When power happens, the amygdala gets triggered and that is just a very dangerous thing. But the easy magic bean answer is you give power, but you give it in small little unimportant things because that's what calms the amygdala down. So let's say, and what I want to do is divide up our conversation into dealing with younger children, dealing with teenagers, and dealing with adults. Because techniques work with all of them, but you have to feed it slightly differently on how you do it. Okay? So let's start with the young ones and then we'll work our way up. So with the young ones, you have more power. Up until they're about what? 10 or 11? You know, you can actually physically restrain them if you need to.   You have all kinds of privileges you can restrict. You have a lot more power up to about 10 or 11. Part of the problem is parents don't use that power. So if you don't use it when they're young, you have a hard time using it when they're older. It's much harder to break an old dog than to start with a new dog. So there's that old saying that if you don't make them cry when they're young, they'll make you cry when they're older is an absolute, absolute truism. So let's start with the young ones first.   You want to teach kids how to handle big feelings. They big feelings. They have big feelings. We're all hungry, tired, cranky, don't get our own way, didn't get enough sleep. Every one of us has that. So one of the parenting life skills you as a parent need to teach your children is how to handle that. Now, part of the problem is we as adults, I wasn't taught that by my parents. Okay, I had to learn this through lots of therapy and lots of work and doing this.   Dr. Cam (05:37) Or we're taught, just stop it. Don't do it, not how to work through it. So I think a lot of parents are uncomfortable with that. So I love this. Let's go into how, when we don't know how to do it, how do we help our kids do it?   Hesha Abrams (06:04) Exactly. So that's the first thing I do is first thing I say to all parents when I'm talking to them is grace. For God's sakes, this is the hardest job in the world to raise another human being. It is a thankless job. Give yourself grace. Okay. So the issue is not, not making mistakes. The issue is correcting mistakes. You are going to make a million mistakes. How do you correct it? So this is what I have found.   Dr. Cam (06:35) Absolutely.   Hesha Abrams (06:39) acknowledging your, what a lot of people think is as a parent, I have to be tough and strong and always write, no, that's a completely wrong approach because you're not teaching the kids how to be able to do that. So what you do is you do whatever it is you're going to do. And let's say it's going badly. Something's, you can tell something's going badly. Try it. Part of the thing about holding the calm is why I wrote this book is I've got simple little techniques to catch it earlier. The longer you let it go, It's like spaghetti sauce on the counter. It's wet, you wipe it up with a sponge. Overnight, you're scraping it off with a knife, right? So the earlier you catch stuff, the better it is. So if you can catch stuff early, you, who has the power in that interaction? You do. So stop. You're the older, you're the adult. Stop and say, I'm getting angry. I'm losing control.   We're going to take a moment. And that's why I call the book, Holding the Calm. You can say, take a deep breath. You could say, think of grandma. I you can do whatever you want. I find Holding the Calm works because it's such an interesting thing to say to your amygdala. It says to your amygdala, you got some power here. Use it. So you seem to be very upset. I named the emotion. Clearly I don't