Parenting teenagers untangled. 🏆 Award-winning podcast for parents of teens and tweens.

58: Deciding to split can be an incredibly challenging time for any married couple, but knowing the impact it can have on our kids can make it even harder to navigate the complex untangling of a life together. We were asked by one listener to talk about it, because she has a family member who's planning to divorce once their teen has finished their main exams, but keeping it quiet in the meantime. It's a tricky question; do we stay together for the kids, when do we tell them, and how? In this episode we talk about a news article that claims teenagers are the ultimate marriage wrecker, the impact on teens who live with parents in an unhappy marriage, and whether they are better or worse off than those in a single parent family. We talk about the best way to tell your teen you are splitting, an innovative way of dealing with it called nesting, which allows the kids to stay at home whilst the parents move in and out, and the new apps that can ease the burden of communication.Whatever path you choose, one of the best bits of advice I always give divorcing couples, is to try and choose a legal service that's trained in reconciliation to reduce the fighting, and cost, of going through such a difficult process.THINGS THAT MIGHT HELP:A few apps; but there are many out there:https://supportpay.com/https://www.cozi.com/https://www.custodyxchange.com/https://www.onwardapp.com/www.separatespace.co.uk Legal and mental health professionals who specialize in divorce.www.restoredlives.org online courses for people going through break-upshttps://raisingchildren.net.au/grown-ups/family-diversity/parenting-after-separation-divorce/helping-teens-adjust-separation#:~:text=If%20you%20and%20your%20partner%20separate%2C%20the%20ups%20and%20downs,not%20coping%20with%20the%20transition.https://www.custodyxchange.com/topics/divorce/worst-divorce-age.php#:~:text=The%20school%2Daged%20years%20are,feel%20like%20a%20personal%20attack.https://evolvetreatment.com/blog/divorce-impact-adolescents/#:~:text=Effects%20of%20Divorce%20on%20Children&text=During%20and%20after%20the%20separation,show%20increased%20irritability%20and%20aggressiveness.https://cadivorce.com/california-divorce-guide/parenting-through-divorce/should-you-stay-together-forSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

57: Stacy messaged to tell us that her son had come home with a hickey for a second time, and she wasn't sure whether her reaction was the right one. My goodness, parenting can be hard.Remember when you had your very first date? The butterflies, the nervous laughter, and the constant fear of saying the wrong thing? Now imagine your teen going through the same rollercoaster of emotions. In our latest podcast, we take a look at the words being used for dating, what teens are getting out of it; which is a lot of personal growth, excitement, and status.Don't miss the top tips on how to be the best parent possible to a teen who's started dating.  RESOURCES:https://srcd.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/cdev.12930https://www.taylorfrancis.com/books/mono/10.4324/9781315102023/gender-linda-lindseyhttps://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/j.1532-7795.2011.00737.xhttps://www.onlinedivorce.com/blog/percentage-of-high-school-relationships-that-last/https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/empowering-teens/teenage-love/https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7557791/https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/living-single/201710/teen-dating-and-sex-hit-record-lows-recent-decadeshttps://www.betterhelp.com/advice/love/is-teen-love-real-can-it-last/https://www.researchgate.net/publication/230230368_The_Salience_of_Adolescent_Romantic_Experiences_for_Romantic_Relationship_Qualities_in_Young_Adulthoodhttps://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/teenagers-lovehttps://study.com/academy/lesson/teen-relationships-psychology.htmlhttps://quizlet.com/66713147/adolescence-emerging-adulthood-ch-9-love-and-sexuality-flash-cards/#https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2017/love-actually-science-behind-lust-attraction-companionship/#:~:text=According%20to%20a%20team%20of,lust%2C%20attraction%2C%20and%20attachment.https://www.bodyandsoul.com.au/relationships/what-is-three-love-theory-and-how-could-it-change-your-relationships/news-story/fe088627a70e02bcba1962ae1040bb89#https://www.onlinedivorce.com/amp/blog/percentage-of-high-school-relationships-that-last/https://www.thehivelaw.com/blog/what-percentage-of-high-school-relationships-last/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

56: Everybody knows intelligence is important, but until the 90's we relied on the testing of IQ to measure it. The problem was that IQ didn't really predict success. When the term emotional intelligence began being used it became clear that it may well provide the missing link for understanding what makes some people more successful than others.A teenager with a higher EQ will be better at communicating with others, and that helps them to resolve conflicts, understand where other people are coming from and support them. All of this helps them to manage their own emotions and overcome life's challenges.The REALLY good news is that, unlike IQ, it isn't fixed; we can grow our EQ, and we can help our teens to develop theirs too.  So, when Betty asked us to take a look at how she can do that for her twins we decided it was a great topic to discuss.EMPATHY VS SYMPATHY:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Evwgu369JwREFERENCES:http://drbarbaraklein.squarespace.com/twins-develop-differently-than/https://www.talentsmarteq.com/articles/11-signs-that-you-lack-emotional-intelligence/https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/2017/nov/03/emotional-intelligence-why-it-matters-and-how-to-teach-itSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

55: I'd never heard of a Gap Year until I took one, but it was life-changing; in a good way. Whether your teen is starting out at senior school, or about to hit a transition year, it's worth talking with them about whether taking a gap in their education or work life is a good thing, because the earlier and more they think about what they might like to achieve the more they might get out of it.  In this episode we discuss:When is the best time to take a gap year? The benefits and the drawbacks. How to structure and plan a gap year.Transitioning back to home and school after you've been away. RESOURCES:Www.gapyearassociation.comhttps://www.abroadinjapan.comhttps://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/work-experience-and-internships/internships#how-do-i-find-internships-in-the-ukhttps://www.ucas.com/undergraduate/student-life/gap-year/gap-years-ideas-and-things-think-abouthttps://www.prospects.ac.uk/jobs-and-work-experience/gap-year/7-steps-to-the-ultimate-gap-yearhttps://www.forbes.com/advisor/education/what-to-do-in-gap-year/https://www.businessnewsdaily.com/10236-productive-gap-year.htmlhttps://www.ef.com/wwen/blog/language/ultimate-gap-year-guide/https://www.nonstopsnow.com/journal/employers-universities-think-about-gap-yearshttps://www.christs.cam.ac.uk/how-apply-1/gap-yearhttps://gapforce.org/gb/why-take-gap-yearhttps://medium.com/illumination/thinking-of-taking-a-gap-year-think-again-85714e18e8bhttps://www.rasmussen.edu/student-experience/college-life/taking-a-gap-year/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

57: Parenting tweens and teens is challenging enough, but when someone in the family becomes seriously ill or dies, it can feel overwhelmingly difficult. In all honesty, we Westerners are terrible at talking about death, often avoiding it, so when it comes to talking with teenagers about the subject most of us don't feel equipped. Many who have suffered a loss, or are suffering a serious illness will tell you that friends often fall away just at the time when they are most valued, because they're embarrassed or uncomfortable about the situation. In this episode we draw on research, personal experience - and some incredible listener feedback - to discuss how to deal with a serious illness or death when you're raising a teen. We pass on some amazing tips that have made all the difference, and also some awful 'what not to do's'. The episode is dedicated to the wonderful mum, Sophie Baker and her loving husband and boys, who are doing an amazing job in very difficult circumstances. BOOKS:When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi The Bright Hour by Nina Riggs You Can Stop Humming Now by Daniela Lamas Being Mortal by Atul Gawande Smoke gets in your Eyes by Caitlin DoughtyThe Choice by Edith Eger PODCAST:https://audioboom.com/posts/6858679-talking-to-young-people-about-death-and-dyinghttps://hospiceofnorthidaho.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Supporting-a-Teen-When-Someone-is-Seriously-Ill.pdfhttps://www.hospiscare.co.uk/how-we-help/advice-support/children-and-young-people/how-to-talk-about-death-with-children-and-teenagers/https://yourteenmag.com/health/teenager-mental-health/how-to-talk-about-deathhttps://whatsyourgrief.com/helping-a-teenager-deal-with-grief-2/https://elunanetwork.org/resources/talking-to-teens-and-children-about-illness-and-deathhttps://www.strong4life.com/en/emotional-wellness/emotional-expression/talking-to-kids-and-teens-about-deathhttps://www.todaysparent.com/family/talking-about-death-with-kids/https://www.winstonswish.org/support-a-grieving-teenager/https://www.childbereavementuk.org/information-understanding-grieving-teenagershttps://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/two-takes-depression/201612/the-dos-aSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

53: For most of our episodes I research a topic and discuss it with Susie. We covered anxiety some time ago in that format, and it's continued to be one of our most popular downloads. So, when I was given the opportunity to interview a specialist in the area, I jumped at the chance.  In this interview, Renee Mill talks about the model she uses to treat patients, called the Ebb Flow model. #We also covered:How important it is to avoid labelling ourselves and how just talking about anxiety, and understanding why you have it, won't necessarily fix it.How important it is to treat symptoms of anxiety as soon as possible, to unwire the track of thinking before it becomes entrenched. How our belief about an event will be one of the key reasons why we react the way we do.How to prepare our kids for their transition to a new school, and why it's so important to calm our own nerves about it and tune into the individual child and what they might need.How 'collaborative parenting', being a calm container, can really help our teens.How important it is to be clear about our values and beliefs with our teens.How important it is to be authentic with our kids.How choose to do things that aren't really important to us, but are things others are doing, set us up for failure.How articulating feelings can be very challenging for teens, and having a 'feelings' vocabulary can really support them.I loved Renee's point about having a list of emotions, and found this worksheet that we parents can use to try and identify our feelings, and those of our teens. https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/list-of-emotionsYou can find our previous discussion about anxiety here:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/Here’s a link to a very helpful, NHS, website.https://www.nhs.uk/every-mind-matters/mental-wellbeing-tips/self-help-cbt-techniques/reframing-unhelpful-thoughts/If you would like to read more about Renee Mill, and the services she offers, here's the link: https://anxietysolutionscbt.com/about/renee-mill/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

A holiday is when someone is free to do what they want, such as travel or relax. That's according to the Cambridge Dictionary. The problem with teenagers, is that what they want to do for several weeks over summer - such as sleep or use their electronic devices all day - may not fit with what we think they should be doing. Also, having them around, doing what they want, may not be very relaxing for others who're also on holiday, or trying to work. So how do we survive the school holidays in a way that leaves us, and our relationships, unscathed?Top tip: lower your expectations of yourself and them for at least the first two weeks, and avoid comparisons with other families.1:26 Review: a safe haven2:25 Review of Bigorexia episode2:51 Hope for parents of kids who fight4:31 Coaching resilience6:43 Holidays with teensRESOURCES USED:  https://www.harleytherapy.co.uk/counselling/surviving-the-school-holidays.htmhttps://www.nzherald.co.nz/lifestyle/opinion-how-to-cope-with-teenagers-during-school-holidays/VMGATMEQ6BK7LSYEPULSDHF464/https://www.chroniclelive.co.uk/whats-on/family-kids-news/holidays-teenagers-survival-school-summer-24233790https://genmindful.com/blogs/mindful-moments/helping-teens-cope-with-holiday-stresshttps://anteloperecovery.com/how-to-support-your-teen-over-the-holidays/https://www.youngminds.org.uk/professional/resources/self-care-support-over-the-summer-holidays/https://parentandteen.com/connect-holidays/https://www.liahonaacademy.com/how-to-deal-with-negative-teen-behavior-during-the-holidays.htmlhttps://anitacleare.co.uk/tempting-teens-off-tech-school-holidays/https://smudgedpostcard.com/holiday-inspiration-holidays-teenagers/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

The transition from junior to senior school can be thrilling; the chance to meet a much bigger group of kids, and gain more of the independence that's part of growing up. But change is always stressful, and when you combine a big shake up of friend groups with puberty, having to navigate your way around a larger school campus, and the immense pressure of having to study for endless exams, it's not surprising that the first year can feel very tricky. As one parent said, 'If your kid can get through that first year of senior school without wanting to stay home, or leave the school, then you're winning.' So what can we parents do to really help with the transition?OTHER EPISODES:TALKING WITH YOUR TEEN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-3-techniques-for-talking-with-your-teenager-and-teenagers-having-sex-in-your-home/SCREEN TIME MANAGEMENT: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-9-how-to-help-your-teens-manage-their-screen-time-and-talking-to-them-about-healthy-eating-without-giving-them-an-eating-disorder/FRIENDSHIP GROUPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/ANXIETY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/STAYING CALM: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-37-our-overreactions-make-us-feel-awful-and-dont-even-achieve-anything-positive-so-what-can-we-do-to-stop-them-from-happening/VAPING TEENS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-teenagers-35-vaping-teens-the-new-epidemic-and-what-we-can-do-about-it/TALKING ABOUT ALCOHOL: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-2-should-we-be-letting-our-teenagers-drink-alcohol-and-what-should-we-be-telling-them-about-it-also-how-to-stay-connected/RESOURCES USED: https://www.parentkind.org.uk/assets/resources/Be-School-Ready-Secondary-English-July-2023.pdfhttps://www.familylives.org.uk/advice/secondary/learning-school/starting-secondary-schoolhttps://raisingchildren.net.au/pre-teens/school-education/school-choosing-starting-moving/starting-secondary-schoolhttps://www.youngminds.org.uk/parent/blog/helping-your-child-manage-the-move-from-primary-to-secondary-school/https://www.madeformums.com/school-and-family/preparing-your-child-and-yourself-for-secondary-school/https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/6-months-send-how-emotionally-financially-prepare-your-child-college-ncna850771https://www.thepersonal.com/blog/-/preparing-your-child-for-college-or-university-8-tips-for-successhttps://educationendowmentfoundation.org.uk/education-evidence/teaching-learning-toolkit/parental-engagementSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

50: In this interview with Danielle Winton of Memory Strategy we talked about: * Why we should care about memory stategies.* Key things parents can do to support their teens.* How to link a number to music.* Everyone can polish up their memory.* Using your body as a memory palace.* How to help yourself with memorizing names.* Using blurting to check what you remember.* Mind-mapping and memory.* Why to get students to be more creative about learning.For more about parenting teenagers listen to our podcast Teenagers Untangled, or go to the website www.teenagersuntangled.comFor more on improving your memory, and the work of Danielle Winton, go to www.memorystrategy.comSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

We've all heard about mean girls, and girl drama, but is it inevitable, or are there things we can be doing to prevent it?Kim McCabe is an expert on teen and tween girl development who runs a  programme called Rites for Girls which coaches groups of tweens and teens to help them learn how to support each other, and act as allies, rather than resorting to less pleasant ways to feel safe. We talked about the importance of good friendship, who decides what's beautiful, dealing with power bases, the value of the mother-daughter date, preparing your daughter for the summer and how to become a mentor to girls.Here's a link to my earlier discussion on this topic with Susie:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-10-helping-your-teen-navigate-friendship-groups-particularly-girls-and-how-to-get-your-teen-to-keep-going-instead-of-giving-up-at-the-first-hurdle/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

46: We all loose our cool sometimes. but teenagers can find it particularly challenging to stay calm or calm down when enraged. It takes self-awareness and skill, and a level of brain development that just isn't there for some of them. One listener contacted us for help  with her son who is being goaded by friends at school and getting into trouble for losing his temper. We talk about the brain development stage that makes this so prevalent in teens, and discuss top tips for how she can support him in managing his emotions. www.teenagersuntangled.com EXCELLENT WORKSHEET:https://www.therapistaid.com/worksheets/coping-skills-angerRESOURCES USED:Yale Medicine. (n.d.). Anger, Irritability and Aggression in Kids. [online] Available at: https://www.yalemedicine.org/conditions/anger-issues-in-children-and-teens#:~:text=For%20children%2C%20anger%20issues%20often.Myler, C. (2020). Understanding teen boys’ anger. [online] Maggie Dent. Available at: https://www.maggiedent.com/blog/understanding-teen-boys-anger/.‌Russell, D.L. (2023). Anger Management Techniques for Teenagers: A Parent Guide. [online] They Are The Future. Available at: https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/anger-management-techniques-for-teenagers/ [Accessed 12 Jun. 2023]‌Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

45: The term toxic masculinity has been gaining traction, and is often used to talk about the type of masculinity where men use dominance, violence and control to gain power and superiority over others.  There's also been an increase in efforts to educate boys in how to talk more about their feelings. But with the rise of Incels, Andrew Tate, free porn, and pick up artists, you could be forgiven for wondering whether we're really making progress at all. So I contacted Mike Nicholson, Director of a programme called Progressive Masculinity. He goes into schools to talk to boys about masculinity. My key aim was to ask him more about how we as parents can better support our boys to develop a healthy style of masculinity. Mike Nicholson: www.progressivemasculinity.co.ukOther useful episodes on this topic:Andrew Tate and the mansophere: 33Pornography: 13Teen male friendships and the 'man box': 16Great role model: Mark Lewis: https://www.marklewis.co.uk/Novak Djokovic https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=867mtHTsaDoRole models suggested by Mike:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/progressive-masculinity-and-great-models-for-our-boys/Boys in education:https://www.ted.com/talks/richard_reeves_how_to_solve_the_education_crisis_for_boys_and_men/c?user_email_address=261da4b3403e372197fe941147a78e48Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

44: What's better than falling in love again, particularly after a divorce or breakdown of a previous relationship? If you've managed to find someone special in the messy tangle of life as a parent it can feel like a miracle, but your teen may not be anywhere near as enthusiastic about you moving on. When Jamie asked us for help with how she can introduce her new partner to her teen we knew it was a great one for us to discuss. In this episode we talk about when to do it, how, and suggest ways to ensure your teenager sees it as a positive, rather than something that might ruin their life. Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

43: We all know that teenagers need their friends, and spending time with others protects against anxiety and all sorts of other mental health problems. At the same time, groups of teens are far more likely to take risks and behave in a delinquent manner, which is what one of our listeners has discovered. Aged 13, her son has already started doing things with his friends that have got him into trouble with the police, so she's come to us for help.In this episode we talk about long-term trends in teenage delinquency, what we know about the teenage brain, and the one key thing she can do to keep him from messing up badly whilst he's at this vulnerable age.BEHAVIOUR CONTRACT:https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/teenage-behaviour-contracts/RESEARCH STUDIES:The great decline in adolescent risk behaviours: Unitary trend, separate trends, or cascade https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0277953622009224#bib80  https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2396566/#:~:text=Changes%20in%20Neural%20Oxytocin%20at,takes%20place%20early%20in%20adolescence. https://www.theyarethefuture.co.uk/troubled-teen-boy/ https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.744794/full https://www.understandingboys.com.au/how-to-handle-your-sons-unhealthy-risk-taking/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/talking-apes/202003/why-do-young-men-engage-in-risky-behaviors#:~:text=Risk%2Dtaking%20in%20males%20is,genes%20into%20the%20next%20generation. https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/is-your-child-engaging-in-delinquent-behavior-4-ways-to-ma [Accessed 30 May 2023]. Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

42: An interview with Natasha Devon MBE: We parents often struggle with our fears about how to protect our teens when they're online. So when I received Natasha’s book written for teenagers, 'Clicks; How to be Your Best Self Online', I read it cover to cover.It's a great book to give your teens to help them navigate their online world in a way that's genuinely positive, because it covers things like avoiding tech addiction, swerving fake news, who to follow, online safety, and how to put your best self forward online.What I thought might be particularly useful for us parents was the Tips and Tricks section at the back. I'm going to use each heading to bring up discussions at the dinner table so that we can have  informed conversations about the issues involved.Book: Clicks: How to be Your Best Self Online by Natasha Devon MBEwww.natashadevon.comRachel’s blog post on handing your teen a device:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/mobile-phones-social-media-and-online-access-what-i-would-do-if-i-had-my-teens-or-tweens-again/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

41: Everything seems better when we've had enough sleep; our mood is more stable, our response times are faster, we can control our impulses more easily, and perform tasks more effectively.  For teenagers, who are growing rapidly and whose brains are going through a massive rewiring, that need for sleep is arguably even greater. But how many of us are certain that our teens are getting enough sleep?  Can we be sure that their moodiness, lack of attention, impulsiveness or poor grades are really a result of teenage hormones? Could they be caused by a chronic sleep deficit? In this episode we look at how much sleep our teens should be getting, how we can support them in reaching that goal, and the one tip for helping them to shift their sleep window.  ONLINE RESOURCES FOR PARENTS: https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/information-support/adults/adult-sleep-ebook/ https://teensleephub.org.uk/teens-young-people/RESEARCH REFERENCES:Sleep in adolescents and young adultsEllen S Bruce, consultant rheumatologist,A Laura Lunt, adolescent and young adult rheumatology research assistant,B and Janet E McDonagh, consultant in paediatric and adolescent rheumatologyC https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6143346/ https://neurosciencenews.com/chronotype-shifts-23279/ https://thesleepcharity.org.uk/understanding-your-sleep-new-free-ebook-as-part-of-our-letstalksleep-campaign/https://www.sleepfoundation.org/teens-and-sleep https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/news/20220914/lack-of-sleep-teens-may-lead-to-obesity https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6301929/ Mindell JA & Owens JA (2003). A Clinical Guide to Pediatric Sleep: Diagnosis and Management of Sleep Problems. Philadelphia: Lippincott Williams & Wilkins.  Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

40: Conflict is normal - but it often escalates during teenage years because our kids are trying to assert their own wishes, and probably aren't very skilled at it. As parents, it's easy to fall into classic conflict traps if we don't have the skills for resolving disagreements. In this episode we talk about the key techniques we can use - and teach - to ease tension and bust-ups at home and elsewhere. What's even better is that by learning techniques for being assertive - and listening until everyone feels understood - we can turn conflict into a positive that deepens our relationships and creates lifelong bonds of understanding.Blog:https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/Conflict-management-skills/RESOURCES:An excellent book:   Making Great Relationships by Rick Hanson Websites used:https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships/communicating/conflict-management-with-teenshttps://www.tandfonline.com/doi/abs/10.1080/00224545.1994.9923015 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0891524502883249Other sources of help:https://www.family-action.org.uk/what-we-do/children-families/familyline/https://www.keycharity.org.uk/help-and-support/resolve-family-issues/http://www.familylives.org.uk/https://www.relate.org.uk/get-helphttps://www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

39: It's pre-exam time of year again, and oh boy it's tough for our teens.Does yours have a colour-coded revision schedule, carefully-timed breaks, and a confident spring in their step? Maybe they don't seem to be doing enough revision, and you're the one panicking? Or are they losing their sh## with everyone in the house and struggling to stay on top of it?Both of us have teens currently revising for important exams, so we thought it might be helpful to chat about how we support them. We talk about the top tips from Jade Bowler, who went from a U in Chemistry to an A*, and how important it is for us to help our teens keep their perspective.Blog: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/revision-getting-to-why-1/JUDGEMENT-FREE EXERCISECLASS:www.boostfit.comRESOURCES MY TEENS LOVE:The Only Revision Guide You’ll Ever Need by Jade BowlerDrFrostAmoebasistersKhan Academywww.khanAcademy.orghttps://flora.appfinca.com/en/FLASHCARDS@quizlet @quizizz @getknowt Support the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

38: We all want our kids to do well at school, but when they become teenagers there's a tendency for both schools and parents to ease back on communication. The schools tend to be much bigger and our teens are trying desperately to distance themselves from parental control and show that they can make their own mark. In fact, most of us don't get to meet individual teachers until parent's evening when the feedback can come as rather a shock. So how much should we be talking with our teen's teachers, does it make much of a difference, and what's the best way of going about it?Resources used:https://community.today.com/parentingteam/post/9-tips-on-how-to-talk-to-a-teacher https://files.eric.ed.gov/fulltext/EJ1156936.pdfhttps://www.futurity.org/parents-teens-school-806392/https://www.parents.com/kids/education/back-to-school/the-smart-way-to-talk-to-teachers/https://www.scholastic.com/site/pam-allyn/5-easy-to-steps-to-great-communication-with-your-child-s-teacher.htmlSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk

37: Nobody likes blowing a fuse when their teen does something that triggers them, but we all do it at some point. Nicky asked us to discuss this topic after she felt she'd overreacted to bad feedback from her son's teachers. We know it fixes nothing and leaves us feeling worse than before, but can we keep smoothing it over with an apology?  Long term we run the risk of ruining our connection with our teens because they learn that the best way to manage us parents is to keep quiet, hide, or lie to prevent a repeat,  So how can we stop ourselves from overreacting? We talk through some mindfulness techniques that could make all the difference. This is also a VITAL skill to teach our own teens. BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS:When You Lose It by Roxy and Gay LongworthThe Chimp Paradox by Prof Steve PetersRESOURCES:How to Stop Overreacting to Everything by Patrick Allanhttps://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-stop-overreacting#recaphttps://theparentingreframe.com/the-4-steps-you-need-to-stopoverreacting-and-yelling-at-your-kids-for-good/ https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/surviving-your-childs-adolescence/201007/overreactions-in-adolescenceSupport the Show.Thanks for listening. Neither of us has medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. Please hit the follow button if you like our podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.Our website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:www.teenagersuntangled.comSusie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:www.amindful-life.co.uk