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Pillow Talks

Author: Vanessa & Xander Marin

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Meet Vanessa and Xander Marin, your new BFF couple friends! She’s a sex therapist with 20 years of experience and he’s a regular dude. Together they’re the shockingly open, slightly nerdy, and seriously funny couple you want to grab sushi with. They share the ups and downs in their relationship while giving you step-by-step techniques for improving yours. Subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally do-able sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors, and so much more. It’s the sex education you WISH you’d had!
89 Episodes
Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation. Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code! Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you covered. This episode is jam packed with tips for rekindling the connection, how to get your partner on board with creating more intimacy, and even some real-life feedback from couples who have used our advice to find their way back to each other. Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (available for preorder until Feb 7th) Challenge: Intimate or Nasty (Preorders get $30 off this challenge) Thanks ZocDoc. Go to and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at
When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now. After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to Thanks Cozy Earth. and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at
If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book? In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Thanks RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Thanks Cozy Earth. and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at
It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal. We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Dirty Talk Initiation 101 Thanks RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at
What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet. Links & Resources: Sex Talks The Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process Go to and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to Check out the show notes at
What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it! So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything. We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book Preorder Check out the show notes at
Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection. Links & Resources: Mental Load Workbook Check out the show notes at
On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do. Check out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book
It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit. Links & Resources: Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide Episode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around Mental Load Workbook A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule? Check out the show notes at Go to and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free!
Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes. In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one! Check out the show notes at Links & Resources: Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?
Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know. So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time. Check out the show notes at Links & Resources: Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.
Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day. In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around! Check out the show notes at Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner? Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at
There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”. Links & Resources: Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business! Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Finishing School Check out the show notes at Go to and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box—and your 1st box ships free!
Do you want a higher sex drive? Bet you said, “yes!” without thinking twice. 74% of our Instagram audience did. Most of us feel self-conscious about how rarely we desire sex, and believe that we’re supposed to have a stronger libido. But if you’re really honest with yourself, do you truly want more desire? Only 8% of our Instagram audience said they’d do whatever it takes to have a higher sex drive. And we’ve found that whenever we offer sex drive resources to our community, very few people actually use them. (This episode contains a fascinating sneak peek at one of the biggest flops in our business!) So what’s going on here? In this episode, we dive deep into the sex drive disconnect so many of us are struggling with. We’ll bust some of the biggest - and most damaging - sex drive myths, and give you the honest truth about libido. You’ll walk away with a deeper understanding of what you truly want, and a clear path on how to get there. Links & Resources: Rediscovering Desire Sex Drive Types Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Butt Stuff Better, Hotter, More Episode 73: Do You Ever Owe Sex To Your Partner Survivor’s Guide Check out the show notes at You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.
You love your partner, for better or worse, but there’s just that THING that gets under your skin. Maybe it’s something they say all the time, maybe it’s a bad habit that they refuse to address, or something bigger like house duties. Whatever it is, you just can’t seem to “get over it” and you have found yourself wondering, “Am I being unreasonable?” We reached out to our Instagram audience for their biggest pet peeves and frustrations, and damn did you guys have some good ones! In this episode, we’ll help you uncover possible missing perspectives, give advice on how to move forward, and even validate some the worries because spoiler alert: so many of these are not as unreasonable as you would think! Links & Resources: Episode 46: The Hygiene Episode: What To Do If Your Partner Isn’t Taking Care Of Themselves Mental Load Workbook Thanks Cozy Earth. and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
You come home after a long day, you see your partner, but you don’t say anything more than “hi” to each other. Something hilarious happened at lunch, but you don’t see the point in sharing it with your partner. You sit down to dinner, but have nothing to say to one another. You find yourself thinking, “How did this happen? Is this normal? This can’t be what a relationship is supposed to be like…” Well guess what? Not only has 90% of our Instagram audience admitted to growing apart in a relationship, but 1 in 3 of them are going through it right now. Growing apart is so scary. You can’t understand how this happened, especially because you used to be so close. You wonder if you’ve already drifted too far to fix it. You’re afraid of the possibility of breaking up. If you’ve ever found yourself feeling more alone with your partner than without, or if you miss them even when they are right next to you, then you HAVE to listen to this episode. Check out the show notes at Links and Resources: Check out our 30 Day Connection Challenge at Connection Challenge Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Thanks Cozy Earth. Go to and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS
Have you ever had your partner initiate sex and thought to yourself, “I should probably just do it because I’ve said ‘no’ so much”? Or has your partner been the one reminding you of your track record of responses? Or maybe you’re the one wishing your partner would say “yes” a whole lot more often.  Spoiler alert: You should never feel pressured (or pressure yourself) to do something you don’t want to do with your own body. But this issue can get surprisingly complex. Intimacy is one of the foundations of a relationship, and it’s understandable for partners to have needs. How can we honor what our partner wants, while also staying true to ourself and our boundaries? Let us walk you through how to identify the real issue in all this gray area and some simple ways to tackle this touchy subject.
Have you ever been having intercourse and thought to yourself, “Oh, this hurts, and not in a good way…”? Research shows that a whopping 1 in 3 vulva owners said this happened to them the LAST time that they had intercourse. But sexual pain is something that is rarely discussed, leaving so many to suffer in silence. Nobody deserves to feel pain during sex. While the source can be complicated, sometimes a few simple tweaks can make all the difference. Let us walk you though what you may be overlooking, so we can take you from groaning in pain to moaning in pleasure. Check out the show notes at Be sure to pre-order our new book, Sex Talks, by going to Ultimate Foreplay Guides: Sex Position Playbook: Thanks Cozy Earth. Visit and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS. Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at
You saw the question box. You dug deep and swung for the fences. Now buckle up, because it is our turn at bat and we are gonna get SPICY in this episode! That’s right, it’s time for “Ask Us Anything”- extra spicy edition 🔥 On Instagram we asked you to challenge us with your most personal questions, and boy did you deliver! Our team gave us a list of questions, and we sat down to record without discussing any of our answers first. We really go there, deep diving into our dating history, favorite positions, fantasies, burst ear drums, and more. It’s a roller coaster of emotions as we get vulnerable, admit some hard truths, and reveal some things we have never said to each other, much less on air. Check out the show notes at Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to
Most couples believe that trying to get pregnant will be one of the sexiest, most intimate periods of their relationship. But if you don’t get pregnant right away, things can quickly take a turn - worrying that something is wrong, fear that it will never happen, the medical appointments, the pressure, the schedules… With all that stress, it’s no wonder that your sex life can really suffer while trying to conceive. Today we’re sharing 5 ways to protect your relationship during your TTC journey. It’s a heavy topic, but we’ll try to make you laugh along the way. Check out the show notes at Get $400 off all mattress orders plus 2 free pillows at 
Comments (2)

Chris Glazik

I cannot play the butt stuff episode.

Sep 20th


I cannot play this episode, could you re-upload it please?

Sep 15th
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