Pillow Talks

You’ve had a fight over text message with your partner, right? Most of us have! Maybe you sent a text to your partner that was a little too snarky, or maybe you read too much into a message. Odds are your text fight did not end well… Today we’re breaking down a real text fight one of our followers sent in. It started off as a fight over facial hair, but like most fights do, evolved into something much deeper. We covered topics like body confidence, broken trust, and validation. We point out the things they did right, and the ways things went oh so wrong. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into another couple’s conflict, plus tons of communication tips along the way. Links & Resources: Our Instagram: @vanessandxander If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had! Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

If you’re a Pillow Talks listener, you’re probably on board with the idea of talking about sex openly. But what do you do if your partner is a lot more hesitant?   In this episode, we’re going over why your partner might be feeling resistant, and how you can encourage them to open up. You’ll learn our secret to intimacy-building conversation, plus tons of creative (and even sneaky) ways to get your partner to talk about sex.   Links & Resources: Book:  Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

We really went there…   It’s time for another round of Smash or Pass! The series where we find the internet’s weirdest sex tips, try them out, and report back to you with all the details.   We dug deep to find the craziest ideas for us to try, and what we found was well… interesting. We’re even taking you into our bedroom during one of the tips so you can hear our live reaction!   The Countdown Method… using a glove… the Nose Dive method. Are any of these new tips Pillow Talks Approved? You’ll just have to tune in and find out!   Links & Resources: Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Guide:  Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Guide:  Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (http://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (http://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

“This, uh, isn’t working…” Most of us have experienced a partner having some performance issues in the bedroom, and feeling wildly confused about what to do. How do you react? What do you say?   And let’s be honest, most of us women take these moments personally. We get into our heads thinking things like, “Am I not attractive enough? Am I bad at sex??”   Today we’re breaking down for you why penis performance issues happen, and how men need you to respond in those extra-sensitive moments. Xander is also helping us non-penis owners understand what’s really going on inside men’s heads, and the pressures men feel around sex.   Links & Resources: Guide: Sexual Mastery Package (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-mastery-package/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

“I just don’t understand where you’re coming from.”   Have you ever been in the heat of an argument with your partner, and felt totally unable see their perspective on the issue?   We put up a question box on Instagram and asked people to tell us about a conflict where they’re experiencing that kind of genuine confusion. Now, we’re breaking down the trickiest situations to help you see your partner’s point of view in a brand new light. You’ll get a fascinating sneak peek into what other couples fight about, and tons of useful relationship advice you haven’t heard before!   Links & Resources: Guide:  Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!

Have you ever wondered what everyone secretly fantasizes about? We anonymously polled our audience, and we’re spilling all the secrets today!   We’re also doing a deep dive on all your fantasy questions. Where do they come from? What do they mean? Is there something wrong with you if you don’t have any?   Links & Resources: Guide:  Sexual Bucket List (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/sexual-bucket-list-29/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

75% of people say that nagging is an issue in their relationship. So we thought it was time we gave our take on this controversial topic.   We’re talking about the differences between nagging, reminding, and micromanaging. When is it nagging versus your partner not carrying their share of the mental load? What do you do when you can’t trust your partner to get something done without nagging?   We also got into a pretty vulnerable conversation about the role nagging has in our day-to-day relationship.   Plus, we’re walking you through specific steps to help stop nagging because the reality is, no one likes to nag and no one likes to receive nagging…   Links & Resources: Workbook:   Mental Load Workbook (https://vmtherapy.thrivecart.com/mental-load-workbook/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Get 15% off OneSkin with the code PILLOW at www.oneskin.co (https://www.oneskin.co/)   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Have you ever wondered what your partner REALLY thinks about your performance in the bedroom?   Well, it turns out there are a few things they secretly wish you’d stop doing…   We turned to Instagram and asked people to anonymously share all of their bedroom pet peeves and red flags. The responses were fascinating. We’re breaking down the most common answers and giving you tips to start the conversation with your partner about what you actually want and like from each other during sex.   Links & Resources:   Course:   Art of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Course:   Ultimate Foreplay Guides (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/foreplay-guides-2022/) Course:   Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/) Guide:   Dirty Talk 101 (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/dt-101/) Guide:   Butt Stuff (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/butt-stuff/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow  (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.

Surprise! We’re in couples therapy.   We sat down and recorded one of our most vulnerable episodes yet all about why we’re in therapy and how it’s going. We talked about what to look for in a potential therapist (and where to look) and gave some tips on how to ask your partner to go to therapy with you.   We also got surprisingly deep about the resistance one of us had to going to therapy in the first place…   Links & Resources: Visit our Homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).   Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://www.babbel.com/pillow) for 55% off your subscription.

Today, we’re tackling a huge issue that so many people can relate to… feeling uncomfortable in your own skin during sex. We’re diving into the specific things that make you the most self-conscious, and how these thoughts can impact your sex life.   Xander clues us in on what most men are really thinking about bodies during sex and we get into a fascinating (and very personal) conversation about our own body confidence issues.   If you’re looking for guidance on how to build body confidence so you can stop worrying about your body and start having amazing sex, this is the episode for you!   Links & Resources: Visit our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://www.earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS

Today we’re asking a tough question… Are you lazy in bed? And an even harder one… Would your partner say you’re lazy during sex?   In this episode, we’re breaking down the specific things you’re doing that your partner thinks are lazy, the consequences of bedroom laziness, and the surprising reasons why you’re not putting in more effort.   Most importantly, we’ll walk you through our step-by-step process to stop being lazy and start having more fun in the bedroom!   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS 

79% of our community members want their partners to be more romantic. Romance seems to come so easy at the beginning of a relationship, but feels so much harder to sustain long-term!   In this episode, we’ll walk you through specific steps to get your partner to be more romantic. You’ll discover your toxic beliefs about romance, the ways you’re actually missing romantic gestures, and tons of specific romantic suggestions.   We also asked men to tell us why they’re not more romantic, and what their partners could do to encourage more romance. You’re definitely going to want to tune in for the answers!   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://www.dipseastories.com/pillow).

You might already know that you’re a 3 on the Enneagram, a generator in human design, or an ENTJ in Myers–Briggs. But do you know your personality type in the bedroom?    Today we’re breaking down our Sex Personality Types model. Our 11 types help you understand what great sex means to you, and what you’re really looking to experience. We’ll help you figure out your type - and your partner’s! We’ll also tell you what to do if your types are different, because - spoiler alert - you probably are!    Links & Resources: Instagram: @vanessaandxander (https://www.instagram.com/vanessaandxander/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://Zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.   Thanks Babbel. Visit Babbel.com/pillow (https://Babbel.com/pillow)for 55% off your subscription.

Snip snap! We’re back with part 2 of Xander’s vasectomy journey. (Start with part 1 if you want to hear his story.) This time we’re answering all your questions about the process from start to finish (literally, all 30 “finishes”).   Did Xander have any pain during sex after the procedure? Did his sex drive change? Do his balls hang lower? Is his semen a different color, texture, or volume, and does it smell funny now? Did his vasectomy make him feel less masculine?   Plus, we share tons of advice about how to talk to your male partner about getting a vasectomy!   Links & Resources: Check out our homepage (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Thanks EarthBreeze!  EarthBreeze.com/pillow (https://earthbreeze.com/pillow) to subscribe to Earth Breeze and save 40%!

We asked you to share your funniest foreplay fails, and you REALLY delivered! Today we’re sharing the dangers of jalapeños, why you shouldn’t chew gum during oral, and some bad Cosmo advice about armpits!   But we couldn’t leave it at just your stories; we had to include some of our funniest fails as well. Trust us, you definitely want to hear what happened the very first time Vanessa ever gave someone a blowjob, and the time Xander didn’t really make it to foreplay…   If you want to avoid your own foreplay fail, we’re also sharing our #1 resource for having the best foreplay experience of your life!   Links & Resources: Guide: The Foreplay Guides (https://vmtherapy.com/foreplay)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).

Xander got a vasectomy!   By popular demand, we’re walking you through the entire process - how and why we decided to go this route, finding the right doctor, the procedure itself (including the truth about how painful it really was…), aftercare, and so much more.   We also share some hilarious details about preparing for the procedure (including some truly bizarre pictures), Xander’s rant for the haters, and the post-procedure test that had Xander PANICKING!   If you’ve ever wanted the inside scoop on vasectomies, this is an episode you won't want to miss.   And stay tuned for part 2, where we’ll answer all of your burning questions about the procedure.   Links & Resources: Check out our website (https://vmtherapy.com)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks, Green Chef! Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://www.greenchef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off, plus 20% off your next 2 months

2023 has been one wild ride! This podcast - all 136 episodes so far - has been a major part of our year, so what better way to celebrate than counting down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks in 2023? Take a stroll down memory lane to the moments when we couldn't stop laughing or could barely believe the words coming out of our mouths.   Your support means the world to us and we can’t wait to keep growing this community. Happy New Year from all of us to all of you!   Links & Resources: Check out our podcast page here! vmtherapy.com/podcast (https://vmtherapy.com/podcast/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS 

The first time we did Am I The Asshole it was a major success, so we knew we had to bring it back for a part two! In this special holiday edition, we’ve got more fiery takes on your craziest seasonal stories. We’re talking about in-laws, gift exchanges gone wrong, and a workplace Christmas party with a very important side note.   Plus, a special guest joins us to weigh in on whether or not Vanessa is actually the holiday asshole…   This is an episode you’ll definitely want to put on in the car on the way to your family dinner. Or play at your family celebration and start some conversations! Once you’ve listened to the episode, come back and let us know which story was your favorite and whether or not you agree with our opinions.   Links & Resources: Podcast episodes: Episode 37: The Truth About Why We’re Child Free (https://vmtherapy.com/episode37)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow (https://storyworth.com/pillow)    

We all feel like we’re supposed to just be naturally good at intercourse, but there are so many dynamics that can trip us up! What positions are best? How do you MOVE during it? What do you do if one of you can easily orgasm from intercourse, but the other can’t?!   We asked our audience what their biggest frustrations are when it comes to intercourse, and we got back some surprising, and some not-so-surprising, answers. We struggled with intercourse early in our own relationship, so we related to a lot of responses.   In this episode, we’re sharing exactly what to do to fix these common challenges. And Xander even gives us the inside scoop on the male perspective when it comes to the challenges and pressures of intercourse.   Links & Resources: Guide: Next Level Intercourse (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/next-level-intercourse/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com (https://cozyearth.com/) and get up to 35% off when you use the code PILLOWTALKS   Go to GreenChef.com/60pillow (https://GreenChef.com/60pillow) and use code 60pillow to get 60% off plus 20% off your next 2 months.

“We’re just not having sex anymore...”   If you’ve found yourself uttering (or even just thinking) this line, you’re not alone. So many couples will experience a loss of not just their sex life but intimacy altogether.   When we released Dead Bedrooms Part One earlier this year, it instantly became one of our top episodes of all time. So we decided to bring it back for a Part Two with a brand new couple.     In this episode, you get to take a peek into another couple’s bedroom as we help them navigate how to resuscitate their sex life. We’re giving our top pointers for reconnecting inside the bedroom and out, tips on how to move through the difficult conversations, and a few suggestions for resources that can help the process along. A dead bedroom can feel draining and never-ending but we promise you there is a light at the end of the tunnel if you’re willing to keep going!   Links & Resources: Book: Sex Talks: The 5 Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life (https://sextalksbook.com/) Course:  Art Of Initiation (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/the-art-of-initiation/) Course:  Rediscovering Us (https://shop.vmtherapy.com/pilfs/) Website: Home Page (https://vmtherapy.com/)   If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe for your weekly double date full of totally doable sex tips, practical relationship advice, hilarious and honest stories of what really goes on behind closed bedroom doors and so much more. It's the sex education you wish you had!   Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow (https://DipseaStories.com/pillow).   Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow (https://www.zocdoc.com/pillow) and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor.   Thanks Uncommon Goods! Get 15% off your next gift at uncommongoods.com/PILLOW (https://uncommongoods.com/PILLOW)