Do you and your partner go to bed at the same time? In the same bed? In the same ROOM? It’s easy to get stuck in the stereotypes of what a couple “should” be doing, and what it means if you and your partner have unconventional sleep habits. After polling our Instagram audience, we found that many of you are worried that “different” is spelled t-r-o-u-b-l-e, so in this grab bag episode, we address a collection of sleep-related topics that we hope will put your minds at ease. We’ll tell you all about the choices we’ve made about bed times, bed arrangements, to cuddle or not to cuddle, and what to do with the dogs when it’s time for lights out. Now, we couldn’t talk about sleep habits without talking about the ever-popular subject of sex dreams, so don’t miss out on the hilarious revelations of what really gets our subconscious motors running and how we feel about not always co-starring in each other’s fantasies. (Heads up: At the very end of the episode, we define sexsomnia, how it can be a game-changer, and how it can bring up tricky issues around consent.) Links & Resources: YouTube Video: What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? Our Instagram: Vanessa + Zander Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode96

Mental Load sucks. But are you accidentally making it even harder? We originally talked about Mental Load way back in episode 4, and in today’s episode, we’re going to zone in on two nuances that can make or break your attempts to balance your partnership: perfectionism and male Mental Load. Do you have a specific way that you like tasks to be done around the house? Maybe you find yourself feeling frustrated at your partner because they never do things the way you would do them. Or you get upset when they try to “help” because they bombard you with so many questions that you end up just doing it yourself? Perfectionism is hard enough to deal with on its own, but when you combine it with Mental Load, it’s a recipe for disaster and resentment. Or maybe you’ve tried to talk to your partner about your Mental Load, but now you find yourselves in a competition about who is carrying more. You could list all the things you do for the house, for him, for the kids, but what would he have on his list? We asked the men in our community to talk about their Mental Load, and some of their answers may surprise you! (One answer was shocking enough that you’ll get to hear first-hand how to navigate a Mental Load conversation when your male partner carries a Load that’s invisible to you.) Men may not always know how to put into words what they carry, but the weight is still there, and it’s throwing off the scales of your partnership. Let us guide you through the minefield of gender roles, socialization, and the burden of perfectionism in this second edition of Mental Load. Grab your partner or play it loud enough for them to hear it in the other room, because this is the one episode your relationship can’t afford to miss! Links & Resources: Guide: Mental Load Workbook Podcast Episode Callback: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Podcast Episode Callback: Fine, I’ll Just Do It Myself: The Danger of Weaponized Incompetence Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode95

Welcome to Pillow Talks! Is this your first time listening to our podcast? Maybe you bought our book Sex Talks and you’re just starting to dig into our episodes. Or maybe you’ve been listening for a while, but still don’t really know our story. Whatever the case may be, we’re so glad to have you and can’t wait to tell you a little more about who we are and what we do! It seems like a good time for a reintroduction into our backstory and all the content we have to offer. Ever wonder how a sex therapist and a regular dude partnered up to change to world one orgasm at a time? We’ll go into all of that and more in this episode, as we talk about building our brand on IG, spilling our secrets on the podcast, and changing as many relationships as possible with our classes and guides. So whether it’s your first time or your 50th, take a listen as we stroll down memory lane and share some great advice from the OG’s that have been here with us from the beginning. We promise, it’s gonna get weird! Links & Resources: Our #1 recommended guide : The Foreplay Guides Our most comprehensive course: Better, Hotter, More All our courses: The Courses Page Our book: Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode94

Ready for the most epic game of Would You Rather? We’ve done Would You Rather on Instagram a few times, and it was such a hit that we decided to bring it to the podcast. We asked you for your best Would You Rather questions, and sat down to play without discussing our answers beforehand. You’ll get to hear our genuine reactions and honest responses as we giggle our way through the submissions you’ve sent in. Stay tuned to the end to hear our immediate buyer’s remorse that sent us over the edge. Spoiler alert: Would You Rather is a silly game, but it’s also a sneaky and effective way to start genuinely useful conversations with your partner! Would you rather listen to a sex therapist and a regular dude dig into some thought (and laughter) provoking questions, OR miss out on the funniest hour of your life? Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks Guide: Next Level Intercourse Past Episode: Episode 83 How To Fight Fair In A Relationship: Breaking Down A Listener Argument Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. Rocket Money could save you hundreds a year! Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode93

It’s official… Sex Talks is a New York Times INSTANT Bestseller! But to be totally up front with you, the process of getting here has been pretty wild. There have been SO many surprises, frustrations, and downright heartbreaks. So we decided to pull back the curtain and get brutally honest about this journey has really been like. We’ve been keeping a secret journal of all of the ups and downs of the last few months. Stories we couldn’t tell you here or on Instagram. Stories we’re finally able and ready to reveal. So pull up a seat and sip your tea while we spill all of ours! Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode92

Have you ever had a question that you were too embarrassed to even Google? You know, the kinda stuff that you don’t even talk about with your best friend. The stuff that makes you ask, “Is this normal?” Well we have, and that’s why we decided to make an episode covering all the topics you can’t ask anywhere else. We asked you for your most embarrassing questions, then polled them all on Instagram. We collected enough evidence to prove, definitively, that no matter how you feel about any of these topics, you are certainly not alone! Tune in to hear us reveal some surprising outcomes, some hysterical hot takes, and the truth about what it means to be “normal”. Links & Resources: Guide: Butt Stuff Guide Guide: A Year of Creative Dates Masterclass: How To Know What You Want In the Bedroom YouTube: Is Your Vulva Normal Podcast Episode 48: How To Get Out Of (And Prevent) Dry Spells Podcast Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Podcast Episode 43: How to STOP Getting Distracted During Sex! Podcast Episode 44: How To Get Your Partner To Open Up Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode91

Is it OK if you and your partner keep finding yourselves coming back to the missionary position during sex? Does that make your relationship - gasp! - vanilla? Missionary often gets judged as being boring, predictable, or beginner, and a lot of us feel embarrassed to admit that we like it. Well, take it from a sex therapist… vanilla is popular for a reason. Missionary can be wildly intimate, erotic, and even kinky when it’s done right. In this episode, we show you all the different ways to spice up Missionary. You don’t have to step outside of the box every night to have a smoking hot sex life; just a few tweaks can majorly turn up the heat! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode90 Links & Resources: Next Level Intercourse Dirty Talk Episode 53: How To Spice It Up In the Bedroom: Exploring Kink For Beginners Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year!

Do you want more intimacy in relationship? If your answer was, “Yes, but HOW?”, then you’re in the right place! We’ve been together for 15 years and know from personal experience how a relationship can ebb and flow right into a rut. You’re too tired, too overwhelmed, too embarrassed by how stale things have gotten, and you find yourself in the land of stagnation. Good thing we’ve come up with the cheat code! Whether you’re looking for more emotional or physical intimacy, or BOTH, we have you covered. This episode is jam packed with tips for rekindling the connection, how to get your partner on board with creating more intimacy, and even some real-life feedback from couples who have used our advice to find their way back to each other. Links & Resources: Our Book: Sex Talks (available for preorder until Feb 7th) Challenge: Intimate or Nasty (Preorders get $30 off this challenge) Free Guide: How To Get Your Partner On Board For Intimate Or Nasty Thanks ZocDoc. Go to Zocdoc.com/pillow and download the Zocdoc app to sign-up for FREE and book a top-rated doctor. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode89  

When we revealed in Episode 37 that we’re child free by choice, it became the most popular episode in Pillow Talks’ history, hands down. Talking about it publicly was challenging, emotional, and the most intimate we’ve ever been with our audience… until now. After listening to the episode, so many of you reached out to share that you’re struggling with whether or not to have kids. You’re having a hard time identifying your own desires under all the layers of pressure and expectation. In this episode, you’ll find a roadmap to guide you through this weighty, personal decision process, along with some great advice from those in our audience who have been on either side of the fence. Whichever way you go, we’re here to help make sure it’s the right choice for YOU. Links & Resources: Sex Talks Episode 37 - The Truth About Why We’re Child Free Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off site wide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode88

If you’ve been following us for a bit, you probably know that we have a book, Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, coming out February 7th with Simon & Schuster. We’re so excited for you to get your hands on this book, and bring more connection, pleasure, and fun into the bedroom! But do you want to know the real story behind the book? In this episode, we’re pulling back the curtains on what it really means to write a book, get it published, and then get it to your audience. There were moments that shocked us, some that terrified us, and some that completely changed the way we see our business. Join us as we break down the numbers, lay out the timeline, and explain just how much of a village it truly takes to publish a book. By the time you finish with this episode, there won’t be anything left to do but click the link to preorder! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Thanks Cozy Earth. CozyEarth.com and get 35% off sitewide when you use the code PILLOWTALKS Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode87

It’s time for another one of your favorite episodes - Ask Us Anything! This time, let’s skip the business questions and keep it personal. We asked you to send in the questions you’ve been dying to know, and you delivered! Religion? Sex position burnout? The ways we still embarrass ourselves with each other? You bet! We cover it all and more, so make yourself comfortable and feel free to giggle along as we reveal all sorts of things for the sake of the podcast. We hope these topics (and our sometimes controversial answers) start some conversations that you never knew you needed to have! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Dirty Talk Initiation 101 Thanks RocketMoney.com/pillow. RocketMoney could save you hundreds a year! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode86

What makes a person sexy? We all want to be sexy, but most of us don’t feel that way very often (or at all). It can be hard to see yourself as sexy after long hours at work, taking care of kids, or watching your body change over the years. Even worse, we don’t know how to change that, because we don’t know what “sexy” even means! Google certainly isn’t helpful. What the heck are we supposed to do? Listen to this episode, that’s what! We want you to feel sexy and confident on a regular basis. In this episode, we teach you how to identify and create your own definition of sexy, so you can make 2023 your sexiest year yet. Links & Resources: Sex Talks The Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Episode 4: Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 12: How To Let Your Partner Love Your Body – Even If You Don’t Episode 65: How To Overcome Sexual Shame With Our 7-Step Process Go to GreenChef.com/pillow60 and use code pillow60 to get 60% off plus free shipping. Thanks Dipsea. Get a 30 day free trial when you go to DipseaStories.com/pillow. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode85

What a year 2022 has been!!! In 52 episodes, we’ve gotten more vulnerable than we’ve ever dared, tackled the topics we never thought would see the light of day, and busted more myths than we thought possible - and loved EVERY minute of it! So we thought it’d be a blast to count down our top 10 moments from Pillow Talks this year. Take a listen and see if your favorites made the cut! Revisit the times we laughed so hard we couldn’t breathe, the crazy things we still can’t believe came out of our mouths (much less put on the air), and the a-ha moments that changed everything. We can’t thank you enough for the support and the community we’ve built, one orgasm at a time. From us to you, Happy New Year! Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book Preorder Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode84

Be honest - if you look back at your last fight with your partner, are you happy with how it went? Was there anything you wish that you had said differently? Or would take back Maybe you were feeling defensive, a little misunderstood, or just plain hurt! It would be nice if there was a referee to throw a flag or call time out when we cross the line in an argument. We reached out to our Instagram audience and found a couple willing to share a fight that they recently experienced. In this episode, we go through their text fight line by line, calling out what worked, what didn’t, and different choices they could have made to communicate more effectively. You’ll get a sneak peek at the kinds of fights other couples really have, while learning how to manage relationship conflict in a healthier way. Learning how to fight fair can be a process, but with some practice, you can turn those moments of tension into opportunities for growth and connection. Links & Resources: Mental Load Workbook Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode83

On December 15th, 2007, a tired girl got dragged to a Christmas party and met a DJ with a heart of gold, and the rest is history. Here we are 15 years later, married and running a sex and relationship business, reflecting back over what it took to get us here. In this special episode, we celebrate our anniversary by sharing on the lessons we’ve taught each other, the revelations we’ve stumbled upon, and what we’ve had to learn the hard way. Join us as we take a walk down memory lane, share some laughs, get sentimental, and get, as always, just a little bit naughty. Stay tuned all the way to the end for some bonus lessons from the only people who talk about our relationship as much as we do. Check out the show notes (and see the infamous freak dancing photo) at vmtherapy.com/episode82 Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow Links & Resources: Sex Talks Book

It’s (supposed to be) the most wonderful time of the year! The time we get together with our loved ones and celebrate each other with presents, food, and quality time. But what happens when we start to see cracks in the perfect holiday picture we had in our mind? You and your partner start to bicker over budgets. Or maybe your mom’s disappointed that you’re going to your in-law’s this year. Or you’re just feeling like an enormous grinch this year. The truth is that the holidays are an incredibly stressful time, and many of us get swept up by inflexible family traditions, present-giving politics, and socialized gender roles. So we’re here to help you navigate the holidays with ease and grace. There’s a lot of laughter, tons of compassion (because BOY have we had our own holiday disasters!), and as always our very best advice, all so you can have the tough conversations without losing the holiday spirit. Links & Resources: Episode 4 : Mental Load: What It Is and How to Stop It from Destroying Your Relationship Episode 27 : Your In-Law Holiday Survival Guide Episode 30 : Sex With Other People…Around Mental Load Workbook A Sex Therapist Explains: What Is The “F**k First” Rule? Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode81 Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box — and your 1st box ships free!

Ever wondered why the man in your life is so emotionally reserved? Ever been frustrated by how unwilling he seems to be to talk about his feelings? You try to work though an issue in your relationship, but he’s stone-faced and tight-lipped, with nothing to add to the conversation. Or worse, after holding all the feelings in for so long, he has a huge overreaction of epic proportions that leaves you both wondering, “What the hell was that?” You’re not the only one who wishes things would change. We asked the men of our Instagram audience if they wish they could be more emotionally intelligent, and 74% said yes. In this episode, we explain why emotional intelligence remains so elusive for men and what can be done about it. Xander shares some of the emotional skeletons in his closet, how he was able to develop a healthier relationship with his emotions, and how other men can too. If you’ve never listened to an episode of Pillow Talks together, this is the one! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode80 Links & Resources: Pillow Talks Episode 75: Am I Being Unreasonable?

Need a good laugh today? Everyone knows how stressful the holiday season can be, so if you need to lighten the mood or just chase away the cold weather blues, you’re in the right place. We crowdsourced anonymous sex confessions from our Instagram audience, and cherry-picked the very best ones to share in this revealing, hilarious, and sometimes shocking episode. Get ready for outdoor sex hijinks, dating app mishaps, on-the-job orgies, the trouble with technology, and more mayhem involving mothers than you ever wanted to know. So throw it on while you road trip to see the fam. Let it play while prepping your pies. Just make sure no one’s asleep in the house, because the “lol” is real this time. Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode79 Links & Resources: Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse What Does It Mean If I Have A Sex Dream? - YouTube Bisexual In A Straight Relationship - YouTube You can go to JULIECARE.CO to learn more or find Julie at your nearest Walmart today.

Initiation is SUPPOSED to feel sexy and enticing. When we see it on TV, it always looks so easy. One partner looks at the other from across the room, you can see in their eyes how much they want each other, one partner presses the other up against the wall and it’s game on! But for so many of us, initiation feels more like an annoyance than a seduction. We polled our audience on Instagram and discovered that at least half of our audience regularly gets frustrated by their partner’s initiation tactics. Initiation can be tricky because emotions can run high for both partners for very different reasons. One partner could be trying to feel connected, while the other is balancing cooking dinner, kids schedules, unreturned emails, and just not being in that headspace. Or maybe your partner waits to initiate until the 11th hour, when you’re desperate for sleep after a long day. In this episode, we examine both sides of failed initiation attempts. We share real life examples of some traps that we’ve personally fallen into along the way. And, most importantly, we offer simple solutions for both initiator and the exasperated partner. This is a fantastic episode to listen to with your partner - or to play loudly from the other room when they’re around! Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode74 Links & Resources: Bring Your Sex Life Back To Life Initiation 101 Foreplay Guides Next Level Intercourse Better, Hotter, More Mental Load Workbook Sex Drive Types Episode 38: You Want Connection, Your Partner Wants Sex. Who Comes First? Episode 73: Do You Ever “Owe” Sex To Your Partner? Thanks StoryWorth. Get $10 off your first purchase at StoryWorth.com/pillow

There are few things in life we’re more passionate about than orgasms! We want you to understand them, have them, give them, and enjoy them! With so much misinformation out there, it can be tricky to separate fact from fiction. So we decided to create The Orgasm Episode, vulva owner edition! We polled our Instagram audience for all the orgasm questions you want answered. We talk about everything from questions about clitoris size to squirting to wet dreams. Wanna know how to even identify an orgasm? Have you ever asked yourself why it seems so much easier for penis owners? We cover these hot topics and more as we dish the honest-to-goodness truth about the big O, and give you resources to help on your journey. And if you stick around to the very end, you’ll even get the answer to one of our more controversial questions - “Does Vanessa have an orgasm EVERY time she has sex?”. Links & Resources: Episode 11: How Vanessa Turned Her Orgasm Struggles Into A Sex Therapy Business! Episode 49: The Truth About Squirting (And Why Men Are Obsessed With It) Finishing School Check out the show notes at vmtherapy.com/episode77 Go to GreenChef.com/pillow599 and use code pillow599 to get $5.99 per meal on your 1st box—and your 1st box ships free!