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Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak
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Poog with Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak

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Wellness is a trillion-dollar industry full of scams and snake oil salesmen but comedians and best friends Kate Berlant and Jacqueline Novak just can’t get enough. Join them as they try products and practices, consult healers and experts, and ask the ultimate question: is it truly wellness they’re after or just the thrill of the chase?
180 Episodes
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It's Just a Life

It's Just a Life

2024-04-0955:33

A low dose of adderall and the unexamined life… I’m listening! Kate is asked to explain what POOG is, while Jacqueline’s zealousness is often mistaken for sarcasm. The cord is not the problem, but the annuals aren’t what they used to be. No flashlight in the eye, nor in the ear. Who’d want a girl like that to get sick? Water for wellness and the perfect protein. The presence of Eggo Waffles and Raisin Bran, when the family doesn’t integrate the gifted lifestyle change. Jacqueline dreams of a room for celery and Kate never forgets God. Revelling in the honeymoon phase of new products, and contemplating the tenability of daily juicing. It’s always a woman.   Brands mentioned: Perfect Amino, Magic Mind, HigherDOSE, Charlotte Tilbury, Caraway, Pendulum  Begging for: NIRA Pro Anti-Aging Laser, Hurom, OneSkin, Aesop Sublime Replenishing Night Masque & Blue Chamomile Facial Hydrating Masque, and a reup of Dr. Diamond and LYMA serum and creamSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Stewing Separately

Stewing Separately

2024-04-0252:00

Attacking the face with hydrafacials and the velvety sleep that can only come from action thrillers. Jacqueline naps like a soldier and Kate waits for two açai bowls that never come. The wide flavor of banana is recalled, while a gentle beat causes confusion. Sitting side-by-side at Jar... something is different about the lychee-tini. How did the nose not hit the door? Practicing astral projection and preparing for a work meeting while on a work call. When’s the last time you had cherry garcia? ‘We have to leave in 30 minutes’ = ‘We don’t have to leave now’. No one has to be worried for Kate Berlant. Meat Festival is on the third Saturday of every month.  Brands mentioned: HigherDose, Charlotte Tilbury, OGEE, Lyma, Siete, Soom, Magic Mind Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Reset the Room

Reset the Room

2024-03-2658:24

Lying in repose and sailing through the air. Preparing for the bleed and the implications of resetting a room. Are oysters just vessels for vinegar? Woman's Stomach Swells, Chris is sent out for Diet Coke. Pump it out, or get it out! The JAR menu is studied ahead of a monumental dinner. All according to plan... Kate is an Academy Awards Attendee and Jacqueline is calling Banana Republic. Lifting weights while watching the Bachelor, and dreams that held paradigms that could not follow through to conscious life. Shoes for who you are, shoes for who you want to be... I can’t live like this! The POOG water bottle is large and of high quality—don’t doubt our merch.  Brands mentioned: Magic Mind, Fatty15. Hatch, Lyma, Banana Republic & Marion Parke   Edited by Adam Wand; Produced by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Ugly Duckling

Ugly Duckling

2024-03-1957:48

Strutting down Sunset Boulevard drinking the juice of another store. A cradle on wheels and baskets that don't fit cause confusion. Refusing the culture of weekend vs weekday and watching The Bachelor as sport. Skinny Nation rise up? Oprah will not be ridiculed for loving Ozempic. Tales of Wellbutrin Girl and the CVS coupon system. He’s not acting, but what a performance! Dreams of lychee martinis and whether or not to acknowledge spit on the cornea. Kate’s reason for a lifetime of no up-dos silences Jacqueline. Bifurcate and see inside.  Brands mentioned: Vegamour, Chanel, Erewhon, Dr. Diamond, Lyma, OneSkin and Soom Tahini Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
All dogs are puppies and all cats are kittens. You have to sit with dignity to meditate. The question of the retinol bump and when to judge the day. Who cares if years lie fallow? Kate calls a club a spade, and Jacqueline offers the idiot take of an outsider. Could they put on a magic show to save their lives? Maybe it’s time for Movie POOG… That’s Greg, for ya!  Brands mentioned: Dieux Skin, Lyma, Celsius, The Ludlow Hotel, Pat McGrath, Armani   Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Warm in the Hand

Warm in the Hand

2024-03-0501:08:25

One week you’re gorgeous…the next week? You’re hideous. Waking up to pee and Shark Tank raw to the dome. ADD 2.0 was heard in full on the road. Blinds shut, curtains closed, not even looking at the view. Jacqueline believed the hours — of course she did! Kate had a day of huge euphoria and has never been more dehydrated. $83 dresses and the detail of 6:30 at night are discussed. Theatre doesn’t pay, and Jacqueline shows off a bruise from escaping an escalator. The beautiful sign of death and dumping it all out onto the floor. A strange moment when Kate drives by Jacqueline’s house…but doesn’t go in. What have we lost to goofy graphics? Top to bottom, Kate had taken the note. Discussed: Saie Beauty, Burrow, Hatch, PAIGE Denim and Free People Movement.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
The body just wants yesterday, again. A stranger's office. Kate became the awareness. Jacqueline remembers the crystal shops. To ask, will that ever be me again? Holding the jade egg. Sensing what aisle to turn down. Imagine knowing dawn & yearning for a pendant. You know what it's not? A fucking migraine. The new guy is not the son. Are we fighting wildly, violently, and against our own best interest? Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
REMIX: The Road to GOYK

REMIX: The Road to GOYK

2024-02-0601:04:50

Look, folks. Kate’s in the midst of the final week of her sold out KATE run at the Pasadena Playhouse. Jacqueline’s doing rabid press for the Get on Your Knees premiere. So a remix is on offer. The theme is the road to GOYK, featuring Poog clips from the show’s touring days, the countdown to the taping aka the “wedding” and Jacqueline and Kate's reflections from the stage. Get pumped and then go watch Get on Your Knees on @netflixisajoke. Can Hag nation send the special to number 1? Edited by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Is the first thought best? Escrow and group munchausen by proxy. It’s radical, punk and brave to go anywhere alone. Somatic anger at the baby. Maps of restaurants and performing noticing. Kate is not Mariah Carey. Jacqueline is not interested in learning what a pilot light is. The apple doesn’t fall far, does it? Never be afraid to approach. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
POOG LIVE: Poet Blouse

POOG LIVE: Poet Blouse

2024-01-2301:13:59

I could go all night with you two. Six Feet Under. To see a twin without their twin… the vanity suddenly looked beautiful. Good girl syndrome and defending The Ritz like she built it. Don’t blow my brother! National Chair Day? Priceless.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
A case of diagonal interlopers. Ma’am, when you’re done on your phone, I’d like to get my coffee. Do not underestimate the stress of anything. AstraZeneca? Again, Kate was happy to pay… and a little tipsy off two margs. Jacqueline got a separate check and the pork belly skewers were not a main. First in line? We cannot accommodate you. Her bullshit is a dream. Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
POOG LIVE: The First Guest

POOG LIVE: The First Guest

2024-01-0901:08:19

Moments from The Road to Christmas' stops in Philly and Vancouver: Is there a woman in the room? Woah, woah, WOAH! The Blair Witch Project and other found footage. First guest and first sneeze. Pilots are poets. One has to suffer. Put on lipstick during turbulence. Kate insists it was turndown. The choreography of survival. Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Merch is live and the hags are on tour with the Road to Christmas. PoogLive.com for tix and gifts! Here’s a holiday medley of charming Christmas chatter from previous years. Everybody's waiting for the man with the bag. To be alone in New York for the holidays. Door prizes. Aesthetic sensibility. Regression. A party helper. Santa Mickey and narrative continuity. Practice receiving a gift. Gingerbread men and women. A bedazzled whistle left by an elf.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Go Back to Houston

Go Back to Houston

2023-12-0501:10:43

Soaring Poog! Solid seamless is luxury. Honoring your interests above my own neurodivergence. The spoons were dropped. Those with reverence and glory for flavors. A Hillstone Memory. There’s been an overall lack of voucher gifting. Under the guillotine toward the manicure table. Getting into clocks. We’re firmly in the holiday system. Release the neck. The search for the best silicone shampoo sudsing scrubber. Let’s do a scrub off. Begging for the Ceremonia scrubber, Our Place Wonder Oven (again) Hobonichi Techo 2024, Dr Diamond’s Metacine, FaceGym Purelift. Praise for Caraway, SkinSequence, Fend, FiveWits, Briogeo   Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Jelly Below, Jelly Above

Jelly Below, Jelly Above

2023-11-2801:08:08

Poog goes on tour next week! The Road to Christmas in Portland, Vancouver, Seattle, San Fran, LA, Philly, DC, NYC. You’ll want to bring a Santa’s sack to haul home your merch. It’s a girl’s trip of course. Hoping for jingle bells on the street. Trees in the lobby. The hotel gyms will be utilized. And still it’s okay to dread the tour. Angel Milk. A screenshot inventory. Kate gave away a key probiotic. A serious new skincare offering pushing the boundaries. Begging for: Angela Caglia, Mate the LabelDiscussed: Flowerhead Tea, Almond Cow, Thymes, Wear Ones At, Belle de Nuit, The Giving Moment, OneSkin, May Lindstrom, Violet Grey and the Tangle Teezer, Pendulum, Breville, Lyma… Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
It's All Abuse

It's All Abuse

2023-11-2101:19:142

Merch is currently in production and tour approaches. Password recovery as elder abuse. To die by the hand of your child. When they went after Sagan. ADHD and unfinished threads. A thirty year old who just doesn’t have it. Jacqueline peels the sticker off the Lyma on air with Kate’s encouragement.  “Strangely satisfying” can go. An event mere hours after a hydra facial? Begging for foundation from Lady Gaga. The home soaked reusable cotton rounds have proven their worth.  Brands mentioned: Celsius, Lyma, Beauty Shamans, Viome, Haus Labs, Soko Glam, HopTonic, HOP WTR, May Lindstrom, Aesop, OUAI, Soft Services, Ranavat, HigherDose, Avocado, Nectar, Casper, ThermaDerm, TempurPedic, Hastens, SleepNumber, Thuma, Cozy Earth, Leesa, Aromatech   Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Careful… You’ll Rust

Careful… You’ll Rust

2023-11-1401:14:21

What it means to wake up on the wrong side of the bed. Jacqueline has profoundly lowered her caffeine intake and is taking it 2 days at a time. Is water BAD FOR YOU? Caulk and grout, never the two shall meet. Safety on the couch. Screaming to the Gods at the intensity of daily life. Belay on, on belay. A hat was lost to a river once. How many flames? Punching a shark in the nose. Sugar is sugar. Starting to get serious about vinegar before meals. Reservations might be a modern myth. Hiring an engineering executive to mount the tv.  See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Losing the Thread

Losing the Thread

2023-11-0701:11:09

Jacqueline and Kate daydream about the upcoming Poog Tour (pooglive.com). ADHD 2.0. Wearing a sports bra as a top. We are born to mimic. The Liberace rule threatens the hags. Kate enjoys a romantic decaf cappuccino on the couch. Milk technology in the Bambino versus the Plus. Jacqueline has Kate's charger. The viral TikTok bark. JN’s sexual holiday cards gambit. An ADD approach, "Say it until you’ve done it." Brands mentioned: Lyma, Aromatech, Rainbo, Camino, Wooden Spoons, LifeBoost, Elmhurst, Breville, Our Place, Ranch Rider Spirits, High Noon, Bai, Swoon, Celsius, Seed, SuperGut, iota Body, Belle de Nuit, Live the Process Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Six is a Great Number

Six is a Great Number

2023-10-3155:45

With tickets on sale at pooglive.com, brands scramble to outfit the hags for their tour. An all-orange halloween party. Discount animatronics in fresh costumes. Not another recipe about how spaghetti squash is pasta. Popsicle stick snowflakes, frozen vodka in a milk carton, paper bags luminescent lanterns. This is a house of artists: nothing is gated. Reusable bamboo rounds in a jar of essence. Googling with a hand behind the back. A tag is a flag. A text from Jar. Mentioned: body serum and lotion from iota Body, the runsie from Free People, the underwear from ODDOBODY Mate the Label, LYMA Skincare, Pat McGrath, Retrouvé Luxury Skincare, Jolie Skin Co, LMNT, Aromatech, Tom Bihn and Away   Edited and mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
Through the Terminal

Through the Terminal

2023-10-2401:15:08

The Road to Christmas tour is here! Tickets go on sale tomorrow October 25th @ pooglive.com — use early access code ‘HAG’ to get your tickets before the general public. It’s Meal Prep Fall and Jacqueline’s praying to the bowl. Mother hands and product packaging for a ‘90s Beverly Hills’ billionaire widow. Jacqueline toweled off and did a little spritz, and the Gods of the Cars are very ready to strike you the fuck down. People subscribe because they want to believe they’re going to live. A crucifix made of broccoli and two iced pistachio matcha lattes. Non-organic veg? Prob ok. Non-organic dairy? Not ideal. Lunch in Seattle and a Heated Room On 3rd. Just a Small Town Girl, Living in a Lonely World... A bee lands on the fork. Do you suffer in silence? Mentioned: Supergut, ARMRA, Jolie, Kroger, Factor, HelloFresh, Porter, LIMA Begged for: Soft Services, Bandier, and Caraway   Edited & mixed by Allie Graham.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Comments (7)

Ashley hill

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Feb 5th
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Feb 5th
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Leslie bailiff

It is so hard to listen to Jacqueline struggle, but it was so life changing to hear how painful food..control and life are. Thank-you for sharing your struggles with us, you are helping so many that can relate to you.

Aug 1st
Reply

Leslie bailiff

It is so hard to listen to Jacqueline struggle, but it was so life changing to hear how painful food..control and life are. Thank-you for sharing your struggles with us, you are helping so many that can relate to you.

Aug 1st
Reply

Leslie bailiff

Sorry I am.a new listener so I don't know which one of you has a dad that can't hear the TV. I hear these really help! Thanks for a great podcast! https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B07HP1W7B2/ref=sspa_mw_detail_6?ie=UTF8&psc=1&smid=A26WLX1ZL82HN4p13NParams

Dec 27th
Reply

Suzanne Hubbard Gerken

#PoogHags

Jan 31st
Reply

Suzanne Hubbard Gerken

I saw you two self declared "hags" interviewed on a night show and you were fabulously hilarious! I'm so excited to listen to your podcast and to spread the word.

Jan 31st
Reply
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