Rabbit Troop Sucks

Through a series of moments in time, we learn about Connor MacLeod (Christopher Lambert) who was born in the highlands of Scotland. He is an immortal swordsman who has been trained by Ramirez (Sean Connery) and prepares for “The Gathering” in NYC. The winner will obtain “The Prize.” As the end battle approaches, the Kurgan (Clancy Brown) is going on a murderous rampage – immortals or not. He is determined to be the only one, “there can be only one.” In addition to this immortal battle, Brenda (Roxanne Hart) is working forensics and is trying to get a peek at Connor’s mythical sword (all puns intended). RTS sets up an amazing multilevel antique shop/home. You never know where the elevators will take you. Jeremy starts calling everyone a “haggis.” La-Mar hangs out with Macleod’s cousin Dougal. That guy knows where to get a drink. Collin whips up some baked goods for “The Gathering.” It’s nice to have refreshments at a time like this. Sharpen your blades, watch your necks and let Queen drive the music in this 80s fantasy adventure. “Who wants to live forever?”

John Matrix (Arnold Schwarzenegger) is a sweet, ex-military man trying to live his retired life with his daughter, Jenny (Alyssa Milano). When he’s not logging or walking around with logs, he’s eating ice cream and feeding wild deer. Now, Arius (Dan Hedaya) and his number one thug, Bennett (Vernon Wells), pull John back into the game by kidnapping Jenny. John is all Command-NO about it! He somehow teams up with Cindy (Rae Dawn Chong) to fly planes and get things done. Is Cindy the new mom? RTS checks out some brochures to Val Verde. Between the warlords, plotting and potential alien monsters, this place has something for everyone. La-Mar tells a bunch of people they’ll die last. He lied about it. They’re taken out rather quickly. Collin starts wearing his own chainmail vest. The trend has started to take off. Brent makes his Rabbit Troop Sucks debut by jumping out of a plane and leaving bodies along the way. Also, he’s going full commando! ‘Tis the season!

We’ve got a bonus episode, birthday boy Jeremy and more Christmas Fun! Carol Vanstone (Jennifer Aniston) is going full Grinch and is planning to shut down the Chicago branch of the tech company her brother Clay (T.J. Miller) runs. To combat this, Clay, with his CTO Josh (Jason Bateman), tries to land one big client, Walter Davis (Courtney B. Vance), to save the day, the jobs, the spirit of the season, the world, etc… A real Christmas miracle is that Tracey (Olivia Munn) develops magical internet technology that connects to the power grid. While all of this is happening, there is one hell of an office party going on in the city. RTS straps on some cash and makes it a party to remember. Jeremy swings from strands of lights and does obscene things to laser printers. La-Mar finds out that Cronuts are a “bastard pastry.” Collin learns that God drives a Kia just like Mary (Kate McKinnon). Buckle up! There are MANY amazing cameos throughout this film. Jillian Bell and Randall Park are tying this season together! Happy Holidays!

Happy Holidays! We have exclusive tickets to the Nutcracker Ball for you and your loved ones. Just don’t let Miley Cyrus talk you into anything you don’t want to do. In 2001, Ethan Miller (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) loses his parents in a tragic car accident. Ever since, his two best friends, Isaac (Seth Rogan) and Chris (Anthony Mackie), celebrate the holidays so Ethan isn’t alone. Now, as the trio have grown and have more life obligations, they decide this is the last year for their traditions. And, they have tickets to the mythical Nutcracker Ball. On the surface, the rest of the night is a drink/drug-fueled series of shenanigans. At its core, the night is about rediscovering what real friendship is. Can Ethan figure things out with Diana (Lizzy Caplan)? Is Isaac ready to be a father? Can Chris find himself amongst his growing fame? RTS rolls around with Mr. Green (Michael Shannon) and healthily maintains within the “Christmas present.” Jeremy crucifies the “messiah.” Whoops! La-Mar starts Home Alone-ing people on the streets. Collin befriends all the statues at a nativity scene. Rami, after a church debacle, earns his wings. Be merry! Be safe, and have fun! Remember to appreciate the family you have made along the way.

Brick Bardo (Tim Thomerson) is a tough cop living on some trash world of Arturos. After proving, yet again, how rad he is, he tells the mayor to shove it. Rules be damned! Crime doesn’t take a day off. Unfortunately, Bardo’s long-time and now disassembled baddie-rival, Sprug (Frank Collison), zaps them both to the Bronx on Earth. In comparison, Bardo is only thirteen inches in height to average Earth adults. Good thing he has his "Groger Blaster.” Once on Earth, Bardo meets and helps out Debi (Kamala Lopez). He realizes that her and her son are up against Braxton Red (Jackie Earle Haley) and his local neighborhood gang, and he shows everyone how they do it from Arturos. RTS smashes a floating space head upon sight. Most didn’t realize that was an option. Jeremy refuses to take his sunglasses off – even at night! “Tell me size doesn’t count.”

In a sort of what if, youthful versions of Sherlock Holmes (Nicholas Rowe) and John Watson (Alan Cox) meet at an English boarding school. After quick introductions, Holmes demonstrates his legendary sleuthing abilities (based on the writings of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle). We see a tender side of Holmes as well. Elizabeth (Sophie Ward) lives on the school grounds with her uncle. When the game is not afoot, Holmes is usually, flirtatiously, hanging with her. Unfortunately, the game is afoot! People are getting blow darted! There is a string of recent deaths that may be related. A cloaked Jawa is lurking around. There is an Egyptian cult! RTS takes on a stained-glass knight come to life. We’re all poker pals now. Jeremy checks out the Egyptian wrap and wax. It isn’t for him. La-Mar relies on “perception, intelligence, and imagination [and whiskey].” Collin fights some crazed cream puffs in a graveyard. “Life is infinitely stranger than anything which the mind of man could invent." Let’s solve a mystery together in this winter tale written by Chris Columbus.

Combat Black Friday! You have all that you need. Learn from this couple. You don’t need excess when you have each other. Alice (Juno Temple) and John (Michael Angarano) are trying to improve their lives. Unfortunately, it seems no matter what they do, they’re more or less stuck. But, they do love each other. After Alice makes off with a teapot from an antique shop, she quickly learns that pain, in all forms, causes the teapot to spill out cash. John has lost his job. Arnie (Billy Magnussen) is demanding the rent. Payton (Alexis Bledel) is making everyone feel as if they are in high school. How far will this couple go to buy the lives they desire? Dr. Ling (Steve Park) cautions them against this. RTS joins a local fight club to fill that teapot. Jeremy rides the lightning! That’s a real cash generator! La-Mar cartwheels down a flight of steps. Collin does things with candle wax that will occupy your dreams for weeks to come. In the end, you don’t need to buy anything. Also, we are currently accepting your donations. <3

T-Grande! Let us lend you a helping hand this year. While you are prepping your heart out or chowing down all hog wild, let us share with you a very fantastical tale on this very special T-Grande episode. Everything is getting mashed, and there will be gravy! Tango (Sylvester Stallone) and Cash (Kurt Russell) are supposed to be the best in the LAPD. There are newspaper articles coming out every few moments indicating this. And, when these two get framed by Perret (Jack Pallance) and sent to prison, oh boy! There will most certainly be newspaper montages! These two are able to escape and then go on a series of adventures to clear their names, seek justice, get a souped-up RV and we all get to meet Kiki (Teri Hatcher), and we see why “they’re real and they’re spectacular.” RTS dresses by the rules but doesn’t play by them. Jeremy learns what can be achieved when you tape a hand grenade to someone’s mouth. La-Mar builds and displays an elaborate mouse maze. Thanks to everyone who suggested this film over the years. We are grateful for you! Enjoy some T-Grande trivia and our offtrack/on brand discussions of pies and all things seasonal.

Kids these days! Out causing trouble! Always involved in some sort of mischief. Resurrecting into ghoul demons and trying to eat everyone around! Hey, don’t blame the kids. Blame the ancient curse. Jersey Callum (Ed Nelson) and his psychic partner with a case of the blues, Alley Oates (Deborah Rose), get caught up in this zombie madness. Can they get out? Shepard (Norman Fell) has a ponytail. Will that assist anyone? RTS casually walks out the front door and drives off. Those cursed demon children never see it coming. Jeremy takes on Miss Pooppinplatz (Phyllis Diller) after she eats some head goo. La-Mar explodes Floofsoms. Collin impales (via a forklift) all who stand in his way. If you get a psychic vision to hang out here, you just got bone-yarded.

Some people claiming to be scientists (they could be) are experimenting with dreams and deep sleep. They do this in an underground facility (as you do), and they open a parallel dimension (also, as you do). Because a test subject dies (explodes all over the place), Captain Hickock (David Beecroft) is called in to investigate the work of Dr. Erhardt (Louise Fletcher) and Dr. Van Fleet (James Hong). Now, there is an alien from another world running amok. Really, a bunch of stupid stuff is going on. Miguel A. Núñez Jr. is here but not as Dee Jay from Street Fighter. A nude woman is on display! There is a monkey named Bingo! RTS thinks Hickock is Tommy, but they are different people, but it doesn’t really matter. One is “Ginger Beard” with a shotgun! Where is Mike in all of this? Jeremy appreciates how everyone talks as if they have molasses in their mouths. La-Mar feels one droplet of water fall on him and he goes bonks! Between all the slow, nonsensical tech talk, the goo pipes and non-verbal transitions, the length of the movie is felt. How the hell are we getting out of this GD Shadowzone?

Emmett Fitz-Hume (Chevy Chase) and Austin Milllbarge (Dan Aykroyd) have been promoted! Congratulations! They will serve as decoys while other CIA agents take down a Soviet nuclear missile launcher. But, not everything in this mission is adding up. Along the way, there will be parachute drops! A metal briefcase with handcuffs is used. There is a secret underground base! Will Sam Raimi let you in? There is mention of codebreaking. There’s a lot of spy stuff happening here! Mr. Ruby (Bruce Davidson) and Mr. Keyes (William Prince) are trying to mastermind it. Karen Boyer (Donna Dixon) “spent the last two and a half years of [her] life preparing for this penetration.” So, there’s that! RTS trains with Colonel Rhombus (Bernie Casey) to become woods ninjas. Jeremy becomes an extra within the Ace Tomato Company. La-Mar smashes the hell out of the SatScram terminal with a rock! Rami hangs with Frank Oz while scrutinizing test takers. B.B. King is here! “Doctor. Doctor. Doctor. Doctor…”

It’s that magical time of year for another SUPER HALLOWEEN SPOOKTACULAR episode! Happy Halloween from everyone at RTS! We have a very spooky trivia quiz as well. Charley Brewster (William Ragsdale) should be grateful for the life he is living. While in his bedroom, between mom-approved sex sessions with his girlfriend, Amy (Amanda Bearse), Charley spies on his new neighbor, Jerry Dandrige (Chris Sarandon). Turns out that ol’ Jerry is a vampire. Instead of being cool about it all, Charley calls the cops and starts a bunch of trouble. He also enlists the aid of a television horror host, Peter Vincent (Roddy McDowall), and his friend with some horror knowledge, Evil Ed (Stephen Geoffreys). Jerry is not thrilled with any of it. He is thrilled with Amy though. RTS does play it cool and now has wealthy, well-connected vampire friends. Jeremy befriends Billy (Jonathan Stark), and they oversee the estate together. La-Mar bewitches us all as he lays down some slick moves at the 80s nightclub. We all hope you’re having a good time. If not, the master might be upset. Have more treats than tricks – but, really, whatever you’re into.

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and his best pal Dale (Tyler Labine) are starting their dream vacation. Tucker just spent his savings by purchasing a fixer-upper cabin in the woods. They want to spend their time fishing, relaxing and drinking some beers. There are stories and rumors of some sort of a woodsy massacre from years past, but that won’t stop these two from living their best lives. What will try to stop them is a bunch of Chad-bros led by Chad (Jesse Moss). They mistake the harmless duo as a pair of backwoods psychos! When Tucker and Dale save Allison (Katrina Bowden) from drowning, Chad and the crew take their paranoia to dangerous levels (for themselves). RTS performs a lovely chainsaw ballet amongst the trees. Jeremy learns how heavy half a guy really is. La-Mar successfully escapes a swarm of bees. Emily sensibly decides to stay at a hotel up the road. It includes a pool and a continental breakfast. Be mindful of the woodchipper!

Written by Stephen King, we have three creepy tales guided (sort of) by a cat’s experience and perspective. And, we have our first anthology to discuss on RTS. In our first tale, Dick Morrison (James Woods) is trying his best (maybe) to quit smoking through Quitters, Inc. Dr. Vinny Donatti (Alan King) assures Morrison that he has a 100% success rate, and there will be results or else. In tale two, we meet Johnny Norris (Robert Hays) who has fallen for Cressner’s (Kenneth McMillan) wife. Worst part, he’s a crime boss about to end Norris. Good thing is he bets on everything. If Norris can shimmy around the outer edge of an entire penthouse, riches and love await him. What’s the pigeon have to say about this? Our last story is about a cat! A cat fighting a troll and winning over Amanda’s (Drew Barrymore) affection. RTS feeds the neighborhood cats only the best tuna and goat. Jeremy becomes a plume of smoke at an 80s party. La-Mar successfully circumnavigates the ledge of the first floor. Collin shuts down the troll hole for good. The life of a cat isn’t all playful yarn games and frolicking, at least not this season.

Cole (Judah Lewis) is a somewhat nerdy but good-natured boy who is turning into a young man. When Cole’s parents leave town for the weekend, he’s beyond excited to spend time with his mega-crush babysitter, Bee (Samara Weaving). Bee is the whole package for Cole. She’s funny, she’s pretty, and she can talk nerd culture with ease. When Cole stays up one night to see what the cool kids do, he is surprised to find out that Bee is dealing with the devil and her friends are crazy as hell killers. Cole, now being hunted down, runs, hides and gets assistance with his friend Melanie (Emily Alyn Lind). Blood and explosions ensue! RTS flips cars and burns demon books. Jeremy is insta-bewitched and spins a bottle. La-Mar shows the world the fat dragon! Collin dances himself out of the way of eggs and BMX bullies. Will we ever figure out why Max (Robbie Amell) is shirtless? Will this be your first question? Are you too old for a babysitter?

The struggle of a teen is real. This isn’t the story of a young republican banker to be or of a time traveler avoiding the affections of his mom. This is the howling tale of Scott Howard (Michael J. Fox). He wants to date the girl of his dreams, Pamela (Lorie Griffin), be a high school basketball star and just be popular and liked. Seems like average teen aspirations. He’s also surfing on vans with Stiles (Jerry Levine) and avoiding the affections of a much better local gal, Boof (Susan Ursitti). Wait, Scott is also a werewolf that can summon powers on command! Dad/Harold Howard (James Hampton) thought it could have skipped a generation. The town is super cool with it though. Just got to win some b-ball. RTS searches for Mike in this episode. His body is feeling the change. Jeremy sweats buckets upon buckets. Someone is going to have to clean this up. La-Mar avoids a card game with a guy who has the first name of a city, but he does go out with a lady with a dagger tattoo. Collin learns what really happens in the bleachers at the end of the game. You don’t need a full moon to have a good time here. It’s been inside you this entire time? That seems right. Go FULL WOLF!

The mustachioed mythos of Jack Ramsay (Tom Selleck) is revealed and is in full force (full stalk) within this futuristic dream. Ram-Man does NOT like rogue robots. They really twiddle his stache. He also doesn’t like heights, and sometimes he becomes a real grump about it. Luckily, he’s partnered up with Karen Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes) to temper the crank. And, if Ramsay can’t grab a dinner with Jackie (Kirstie Alley), maybe it will work out with Thompson. Getting dinner seems like an integral plot point to this film. That and Dr. Luther (Gene Simmons) brandishing weapons and staring into your eyes like a madman. Well cast! Whatever! Machines are angry or something! Microchip! RTS fights off drones and tries future sushi. Jeremy dodges an array of heat-seeking smart bullets. La-Mar casually knocks around a horde of spider robots. Collin rides the corn-cutter bot to freedom. This future is bonks! And, in many ways, Michael Crichton, you predicted it well. Now, let’s talk dino DNA.

What do you have planned for your science project? Another show stopping volcano? Regrow some vegetable scraps? Solar powered something? How about submitting an unstable device that creates time warps? Let’s go with that! Michael Harlan (John Stockwell) has been told by ex-hippie turned professor, Bob (Dennis Hopper) that he needs to submit a science project or he will fail. Mike takes his friend/date Ellie (Danielle von Zerneck) to a military junkyard of wonders. Classic first date! They find a device that houses a glowing purple orb. Note: these are not sexual allusions. Once Mike and his friend Vince (Fisher Stevens) hook a car battery up to this alien device, time becomes unhinged. Is this project worth an A? What’s Cleopatra doing here? Get ready for Sherman (Raphael Sbarge) to quickly break away from nerdom. RTS outruns electricity! Jeremy makes sure you don’t forget about the school tax, jellyfish. La-Mar gets the device past the fuzzballs. Collin obliterates a dinosaur. History be damned! “In the ozone, blowzone,” make sure everything is “dyno-supreme.”

We received this super fun listener request. Thank you, Mike! In this tale of teenage heroism, viewers will learn the ways of fresh baby nugs and wheezing the juice and/or gigs. Dave Morgan (Sean Astin) is a grump with dreams of becoming the prom king, dating Robyn (Megan Ward) and hosting an epic end of year pool party. This party will be in the current backyard hole he is digging with his bestie, Stoney (Pauly Shore). During this pool-dig turned excavation, these lads find a human popsicle, Link (Brendan Fraser). After thawing him out and giving him a fly 90s look, it’s high school time! For Dave, this could be the path to popularity. Caveman shenanigans ensue. RTS makes their way through all the nugs and cones. Jeremy becomes infected with grooves and learns to “feed the monkey.” La-Mar gives a sincere and direct SHOOOOOOOSH to all the doubters of cave culture. Listen, bud-dy, give this a view and have a good time. “The cheese is old and moldy.”

The Harvey family from Chicago have inherited a yacht that was once owned by Clark Gable, and they want to give their kids an out-of-city sailing experience that they will remember. Oh, they’re going to remember this! Martin/dad (Martin Short) thinks he can do it all. He cannot. Katherine/mom (Mary Kay Place) is good spirited and skeptical (rightfully so). Leading the family is the fantastical Captain Ron Ricco (Kurt Russell). He might be a bit scruffy, and don’t trust him in Monopoly, but he’ll eventually get the family where they need to be – physically and spiritually. The kids take part in this family adventure. Ben (Benjamin Salisbury) strives to become promoted from swab to mate. Caroline (Meadow Sisto) is engaged but “it’s kind of informal. Like, not a problem.” So, everyone has goals. RTS takes on the pirates of the Caribbean. Jeremy carves out some boat shower time and something to do with a salami. La-Mar learns the way of the revolutionary. Collin dives into the ocean and becomes sea-foam. He is reborn into an air spirit. Hit play on some Bob Marley, grab some rum and come sail away.