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We may not always agree with the parenting styles of our relatives and friends, and that's okay. Get-togethers can still be enjoyable, positive social experiences for us and for our kids. In this episode, Janet offers her perspective on some of the common challenges that arise in gatherings with friends, family, and in public situations with other kids and parents. Her suggestions include: How to set ourselves up for successBeing proactive, rather than reactiveEffective interventions with other parents’ children (as well as our own)Thanks to our sponsor BetterHelp for supporting this episode. Get 10% off your first month of professional online therapy at www.BetterHelp.com/RESPECT.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ.Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ATFwkb Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
A concerned parent writes that her 3-year-old seems to be in a constant state of frustration or anxiety, and she makes outlandish demands and cries when she doesn’t get her way. While this mom tries to be compassionate, it’s getting more and more difficult, and she worries that her own postpartum anxiety may have modeled the behavior. She’s looking for healthy ways to help them both cope.For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (adbl.co/2OBVztZ).Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet's guest is psychologist, writer, researcher, and Harvard lecturer Susan Linn. For decades, Susan has been a passionate advocate for our children and a steadfast fighter against the infiltration of Big Business and Big Tech into kids' lives (and parents' pocketbooks). In an eye-opening discussion, Susan describes how digital culture is designed to indoctrinate children into consumerism and brand loyalty, and how it's geared to create dependencies on games and devices for stimulation and soothing. She explains how games and devices teach values that are often diametrically opposed to our own, how they can affect learning by shrinking our children’s world and even interfere with parent-child relationships. Ultimately, Susan and Janet focus on the positive actions we can take to lessen the impact of manipulative marketers while realistically acknowledging the role of digitized culture in all of our lives.More to learn in this episode:How to choose the most beneficial toys and programs for our kidsHow advertisers capture children's attention and encourage them to nag us for more, more, moreWhy combatting commercialized culture isn't only a family issue, but a societal oneWhat Alexa offers to "bored" childrenComputer games are less "active" for kids than we might believeFor more on Susan, her work, and her books, visit: www.https://www.consumingkids.com/For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books.Thanks again to Ritual Vitamins for sponsoring this episode. Get 10% off your first 3 months when you shop online at ritual.com/respect.Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Many of us imagine late afternoons or evenings with our children as the perfect time to wind down and connect after a busy day. Unfortunately, this is often precisely when our children need to unload the day’s stresses. Which means that instead of enjoying restorative quality time together, we're faced with challenging behavior, high emotions, and discontent. Janet unpacks some of the reasons why evenings can be so difficult for kids and what we can do to help them (and ourselves!).  Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/RESPECT.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet is joined by Nedra Tawwab: therapist, relationship expert, and author of the NY Times best-seller “Set Boundaries, Find Peace.” Nedra and Janet discuss how our personal boundaries with friends, family, co-workers, and children are crucial for building positive, healthy relationships. Nedra emphasizes how boundaries begin with being kinder to ourselves. "We are in relationships from the time we're born,” Nedra says, “and the biggest relationship, the most consistent relationship we have is the one with ourselves. And that is the relationship that I'm constantly trying to improve." Ultimately, the boundaries and self-image we nurture for ourselves teach our children what they deserve in their relationships, now and in the future.For more information and resources from Nedra, including her best-selling book "Set Boundaries, Find Peace," go to: https://www.nedratawwab.com/Thanks to Better Help for sponsoring this episode. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at BetterHelp.com/RESPECT.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ.Paperbacks and e-books are available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
A parent with a family in transition writes about a series of mischievous and sometimes destructive incidents perpetrated by her toddler. She’s wondering how to address these situations, especially after the fact when the deed is already done.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ.Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com).Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Sleep is an essential element of our happiness and well-being. If our child is not sleeping, then chances are good that we aren’t either. Many families are content with the sleep situations in their households, and more power to them. Others seek advice and solutions because they struggle night after night. Still others fear that making any kind of change in their approach could threaten their attachment bond and are resigned to waiting months, even years, for their children's sleep patterns to improve. They've been led to believe that this is the only natural, gentle, or respectful way. Sleep specialist Eileen Henry's perspective is neither "cry it out" nor "wait it out," but a middle way that prioritizes attachment and is rooted in science and nature. "We don't train children to sleep,” she says. “We create a physical and emotional environment that allows sleep to come naturally." Visit Eileen's website at: http://compassionatesleepsolutions.com/Thanks to Ritual Vitamins for sponsoring this episode. Step up your gut health with Ritual's new Synbiotic+ for 10% off during your first 3 months by going to www.Ritual.com/RESPECT.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet responds to a mother who writes that she tries to sportscast disagreements between her older two children, but since the 2-year-old isn’t verbal yet, “it’s hard when I don’t really know what he’s thinking.” She’s wondering how to sportscast situations effectively without making assumptions about what her boy may be thinking or feeling in that moment.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com).Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
A frustrated parent who describes herself as “desperate for help” seeks advice about her persistent, high-energy 2.5-year-old, who dominates her and her husband's time and energy with relentless demands to be the focus of their universe -- all day, every day.For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brandsPrivacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Our children's impatience and low tolerance for frustration can… well, test our patience! In this week's episode, Janet responds to a question from a listener about how to teach a toddler to be more patient. Janet considers what patience really means to a child, how it develops, and how our expectations as parents and caregivers may get in the way. Her recommendations (as is often the case) may be surprising and counterintuitive. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Get 10% off your first month of professional online therapy at www.BetterHelp.com/RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ATFwkb Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
A parent who’s always been her toddler’s playmate helps her child over the hump to flourish in independent play. Another parent learns to set boundaries, shift her perspective, and accept her child’s meltdowns. Janet shares a special milestone and much more in this latest episode of Unruffled. Thanks to Ritual for sponsoring this episode. Step up your gut health with Ritual's new Synbiotic+ for 10% off during your first 3 months by going to www.Ritual.com/10RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet responds to a parent who wonders how to react to her daughter's consistently stubborn behavior. "I feel like I have a set of tools to handle my 4-year-old daughter's outbursts of emotions, but I am at a loss for what to do when she stoically disobeys or ignores me altogether." For more on respectful parenting solutions, please check out "Sessions", Janet's collection of recorded consultations with parents: www.SessionsAudio.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet responds to an email from a parent who says that lately, she has found herself yelling at her 3-year-old, who’s been having a difficult time since the birth of her brother. She realizes that yelling is not helping her daughter, and it’s not the parent she wants to be. “I’ve really lost control of this parenting thing and need a reset.” For more advice on common infant/toddler parenting issues, please check out Janet's books at Amazon and Audible (adbl.co/2OBVztZ). Also available for download, her audio series "Sessions" -- recorded consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Clinical psychologist Jean Cheng joins Janet to discuss the puzzling, painful, and self-defeating feelings that our children's behaviors can bring up in us as parents. No matter how well educated and prepared we are for this role, we might find ourselves overwhelmed and viscerally reacting by yelling, threatening, or "checking out." Often the answer lies in our own childhoods, in subtle wounds and traumas we may have had no awareness of before becoming parents. Dr. Cheng describes the myriad of ways our parents and caregivers – while often doing their very best – may have left wounds. She illuminates “this inner landscape of feelings” that our brains tend to minimize but which can manifest in a lack of self-confidence, an inability to maintain boundaries, and “reactions that are different from the kind of parents we want to be.” Janet and Jean discuss ways to recognize and acknowledge our childhood wounds and address them with empathy and compassion. Thanks to Ritual Vitamins for sponsoring this episode. Step up your gut health with Ritual's new Synbiotic+ for 10% off during your first 3 months by going to www.Ritual.com/RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ATFwkb Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. You can contact Dr. Jean Cheng on these platforms: https://instagram.com/jeanpsychologist https://www.facebook.com/jeanpsychologist/ Website: https://www.talithakoumpsychology.com Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet helps a struggling parent understand her spirited toddler’s aggressive behavior and offers suggestions to respond more effectively. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ATFwkb Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
How do we help our children benefit from the privilege of extracurricular activities? At what age should we enroll our kids in lessons and sports? Janet has a child-centered approach that not everyone will agree with, but she believes is "too good not to share." She discusses how parents can discern their child's readiness and describes the benefits and challenges of making readiness our priority. She shares how her approach keeps the big picture in mind while also saving time and money and alleviating many of the concerns and frustrations that parents have expressed to her over the years. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Get 10% off your first month of professional online therapy at www.BetterHelp.com/RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon: https://amzn.to/3ATFwkb Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
It can be so hard to separate from our children sometimes! Particularly if they cry, seem anxious, or strongly object. How can we prepare our children (and ourselves) for a successful transition? Janet responds to emails from two different families struggling with goodbyes at school drop-off and offers recommendations for a helpful and respectful approach to handling all transitions and separations. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
The practice of acknowledging our children's feelings and struggles can provide healing, calming messages of safety and acceptance. With a genuine tone and a few words, our acknowledgments can help children share pent-up emotions, feel seen and heard, and gradually regulate, which in turn eases problematic behaviors. However, parents commonly share with Janet that validating feelings doesn't work for their child and feels more like an exercise in frustration. Janet speaks to some of the common reasons this practice might feel less effective, what to do instead, and why we shouldn't give up on acknowledging as a powerfully empathic relationship-building tool. Step up your gut health with Ritual's new Synbiotic+ for 10% off during your first 3 months by going to www.Ritual.com/RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
The mother of two boys feels they are constantly testing her limits and always at her side demanding attention. They won’t allow her a moment to handle daily chores like laundry or cooking, never mind her personal needs. “They think it’s funny, “ she writes, “and I undoubtedly lose my patience. I feel like they just don’t listen to whatever limit I’ve set.” For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Janet shares an exchange she had with a parent who wonders how anyone can possibly live up to the extreme idealism of "gentle parenting." She writes: “It sounds so lovely… but it’s also crushing to never be able to live up to despite having all the tools and knowledge.” While "gentle parenting" is not a term Janet uses, she understands that it's a catch-all for recent discussions and news articles about parenting philosophies. In response, Janet shares her own mental and emotional struggles as a new mother striving for perfectionism as she tried to put Magda Gerber’s teachings into practice. She describes moments of frustration, feelings of failure and being judged, and how through her own experiences of self-doubt and criticism, she learned to give herself permission to be an imperfect parent in a process. Thanks to BetterHelp for sponsoring this episode. Get 10% off your first month of online therapy at www.BetterHelp.com/RESPECT. For more advice on common parenting issues, please check out Janet's best-selling books on Audible, FREE with a 30-day trial membership if you use this link: adbl.co/2OBVztZ. Paperbacks and e-books are also available at Amazon, Google Play, Barnes & Noble, and Apple Books. Janet's exclusive audio series "Sessions" is available for download. This is a collection of recorded one-on-one consultations with parents discussing their most immediate and pressing concerns (www.SessionsAudio.com). Advertising Inquiries: https://redcircle.com/brands Privacy & Opt-Out: https://redcircle.com/privacy
Comments (48)

J

saw play is in real life several times. definitely easier said than done.

Nov 17th
Reply

Hudson

Thanks for sharing, I found a lot of interesting information here. A really good post, very thankful and helpful that you will write many more posts like this one.https://www.mahealthconnector.me/

Aug 2nd
Reply

Franziska Scheumann

This is such a wonderful podcast with so many tips and explanations about children's development. It has changed my outlook on the whole parenting thing although I had been following a relationship oriented approach before but Janet and her calm way of talking about it helps me with a lot of real life situations. Thank you so much for your great work ❤

Feb 3rd
Reply

Concrete Angel

I needed to hear this today. thank you!

Nov 25th
Reply

Paulina Lach

This episode was dedicated especially to me, I have cried while listening. This woman described so well what I feel at the moment and my struggles. I have just started the therapy to fight off my childhood demons. Now I also know I am not alone in my experience. Thank you for all your amazing work Janet ❤

Oct 10th
Reply

Steph Rodrigues Bonyun

I just wanted to say that this podcast is one of the most important ones here and it brought tears to my eyes many times. It made me think about my chdhood, about me as a mom now, and about my kid 20 years from now. thank you for this. love Janet and everything you have been helping me understand about myself and hopefully about being a better human to my kid as well.

Sep 6th
Reply

Bri Keasbey

it's frustrating that you don't have examples for children that are not adjusting to a new sibling in so many of your podcasts.

Aug 30th
Reply

Danielle Delane

Many points I agree with. However, I feel on the topics of meltdowns and tantrums, I do not think it's good to let a child unravel the way its mentioned. Personally, I believe, yes, let your child feel what they feel; but help give them the tools to redirect them on HOW to process their feelings of anger and frustration in constructive ways. Tell them it's okay to feel angry, but allow them to explain why they're angry and give them the tools on what to do to healthily process that anger. It'll benefit the child as they get older. If it's a full blown meltdown (which is different than a tantrum as meltdowns are uncontrollable) then you put them in a quiet room until it passes.

May 28th
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Jennifer Thompson

I have to disagree with asking the child. I'm just in the process of getting out of the habit of asking a question or asking if it's okay when it's just the thing that needs to be done such as brushing teeth or going to bed. I say now it's time to do this. otherwise I was abdicating my leadership role and I am responsible for my kid. otherwise they would never brush their teeth or go to bed and they're too young to be able to take care of themselves in that way. using this phrase now it's time, has helped me gain some confidence and not be over attuned

Aug 28th
Reply (3)

Nicole Moreno Diaz

WOWWWW! the advertisement was extremely long !

Aug 18th
Reply

Caris Saceanu Poynter

I think kids need help to understand and learn earlier on about feelings and thoughts.. use cbt techniques early on to have the skills later on in life

Aug 11th
Reply

AshenFox

I tend to be color blind myself and I think it has influenced my views on racial police violence. Race has become like hair and eye color to me so I found it hard to understand or believe. However... As you discussed the carry over blame between minority students I realized that I had experienced something similar. Coming from a large family I often recieved blame and negative attitudes based on my siblings' actions simply because teachers grouped us together. Might be easier for majority groups to understand/believe when considering such analogs they can experience. Only this is in a massive scale where the authorities carry guns instead of textbooks.

Jul 15th
Reply

no need for a username

It is somewhat elitist to say that it is a choice for parents to work and not to stay home with their child. My partner and I both need to work in order to pay the bills, and I would love to be able to make the choice to stay home with our child, but I do not have that choice to make, financially speaking.

Jun 21st
Reply

Kristen Freeman

"when we learn to struggle we learn to live." love this.

Jun 14th
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Marie

Hi, I'm curious if there is an episode about toddlers and repeatedly saying things over and over? I've just started listening to latest episode

May 13th
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Erin McCracken Ferro

Please, please do an episode on how to talk to kids about Covid-19!

Mar 15th
Reply

Anitka Pena-Tomczak

Janet!hi!I absolutely love your approach,I needed to get some ideas what I can do to get my son out of situations where he needed his mama bear. And I did!keep on sharing 💞 I have got a question myself, how to convince my son to brushing his teeth? shall I make it in to a together activity or just wait and he will do it himself without me insisting etc.

Mar 12th
Reply

Anita Marković

Hi, I wanted to tell you that the sound is strange, like some echo, not pleasant for listening.

Feb 12th
Reply

Erin McCracken Ferro

Hi Janet, thanks for clarifying this parent's question. I'm still confused though. It sounded like a lot of the reason for the behavior was going back to the parent. I certainly don't go around hitting people and I'm not an aggressive person, nor do I speak harshly to anyone. I'm not sure what you mean by 'help your child' when they're taunting or hitting- what is the action one would take, a side from the words you described in the podcast? Thanks, I'm a big fan of your work!

Feb 7th
Reply

Taylor Drake

Love this episode and gave me such a wonderful perspective and new ideas for the approach I take with my son following the Holidays. Thank you for giving me the tools and power of understanding at his core what is going on when he is acting out and seems to expect and demand everything he wants. You're an amazing person and your lessons are priceless.

Jan 30th
Reply
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