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Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled
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Respectful Parenting: Janet Lansbury Unruffled

Author: JLML Press

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In the 25+ years Janet Lansbury has worked with children and parents, she's learned a lot. She's here to share it with you. Each episode of Unruffled addresses a reader's parenting issue through the lens of Janet's respectful parenting approach, consistently offering a perspective shift that ultimately frees parents of the need for scripts, strategies, tricks, and tactics.

Janet is a parenting author and consultant whose website (JanetLansbury.com) is visited by millions of readers annually. Her work informs, inspires, and supports caregivers of infants and toddlers across the globe, helping to create authentic relationships of respect, trust, and love.

Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" is available at NoBadKidsCourse and JanetLansbury. Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.

Featured in The New Yorker, recommended 'Best Parenting Podcast' by The Washington Post, The New York Times, USA Today, The Cut, Fatherly, Today's Parent, and many, many more.

Please note: This podcast is for informational and entertainment purposes only. The views and advice presented on this podcast by Janet Lansbury and her guests are based on their training and experience. Opinions are offered in good faith but do not constitute professional, psychiatric, or medical advice, neither are they intended to be. You do not have to use this information, and it should not be substituted for qualified medical expertise.

Copyright JLML Press (2024) All Rights Reserved


329 Episodes
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Physician and author Gabor Maté joins Janet to discuss the importance of developing secure attachments with our kids and why it's crucial for us to continue nurturing these bonds into their adulthood. How do we remain our children's most trusted influences while also encouraging their natural drive toward individuation? Can we maintain our role as a primary attachment figure when our child is cared for by others? How do we help kids to develop healthy relationships with peers? What's the best way to handle exposure to digital media? Gabor addresses these questions among many others and offers suggestions for maintaining positive attachments throughout our kids’ lives.Gabor is the author of 5 books and most recently the re-issued Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers, co-authored with Gordon Neufeld, with a new chapter about how the Covid pandemic affected kids' relationships with peers and parents.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
We're trying to be there for our kids, let them know we care, and give them positive, healthy messages about their feelings. What could possibly go wrong? In this episode, Janet responds to a parent who worries that when she tries to comfort her upset 3-year-old daughter, the child seems ashamed about her feelings, even angry, and yells at the parent to go away. The parent asks, "Do you have any advice for helping her to be more comfortable with feeling sad or angry?"Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
We can be our kids' greatest fans, and they need us to be. How do we praise them in a manner that truly encourages them? We may have heard that "good job!" or "you're so smart!" aren't the ticket. In this episode, Janet shares her specific suggestions and a simple way we can find clarity on what can be a confusing topic. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Janet consults with a couple who feel at odds with their 4-year-old at bedtime. "She stalls, refuses or delays putting on her pajamas, brushing her teeth, getting in bed, and staying in bed." She's also uncooperative in the mornings. The parents have conflicting ideas about how they should handle her behavior and hope Janet can offer some guidance. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
How do we stay unruffled when our children are anything but? It's never easy, but in this episode Janet shares the personal mindset that has helped her most, and gets SO much easier with practice. She also shares a success story from a parent who is walking through her own fears to be the parent her daughter needs. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Do you sometimes say "yes" to avoid your child's negative reaction? You're definitely not alone! None of us wants to upset our kids, and when faced with that option, we tend to second guess our boundaries: Should I keep playing this game even though I’m busy, tired, or not in the mood? This week, Janet explores the reasons we doubt ourselves, particularly when it comes to personal boundaries, how to overcome our hesitancy, and why our kids really need us to.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Eileen Henry is a pioneering sleep consultant who for decades has helped exhausted, concerned parents guide their infants and toddlers to more restorative sleep. As Janet's guest this week, Eileen shares her wisdom and detailed suggestions in response to emails from Unruffled listeners struggling mightily with their toddlers at bedtime. A one-year-old seems to get increasingly wound up as bedtime nears, escalating to biting her mother. A 23-month-old refuses to nap. An almost 3-year-old won't separate from her parent at any time of day, calls "mommy, mommy" whenever her parent leaves her side, making bedtime impossible. Eileen offers her experienced perspective, warm support, and actionable advice. “Sleep is not a problem to be fixed,” she believes. “It is a skill to be learned.”More about Eileen and her resources at: CompassionateSleepSolutions.com, or visit her on Facebook at: Facebook.com/compassionatesleepsolutionsLearn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Most of us wouldn't consider it part of our job to allow the small children in our care to grieve. And yet, our lives are filled with losses—some are significant, most are minor. The way we process feelings of loss can have profound, lasting effects on our mental health and overall quality of life. In this episode, Janet shares how we can encourage our children to experience and express loss in the healthiest manner from the very beginning, starting with the first type of loss our babies experience: momentary separation from a loved one. Our response can provide them the messages and experience they need to learn to deal with loss capably and, most important of all, know loss is survivable.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com. Her best-selling books "No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame" and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google PlaySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
"Mine! No, he can't touch that!" Does this sound familiar? No worries. In their early years, children commonly go through phases of possessiveness that can seem totally unreasonable and extreme. They may want everything their sibling or peer shows interest in and try to take it. They refuse to share.In this episode, Janet explains why this behavior actually makes sense and what we can do to help kids pass through these phases readily and in a healthy manner. She illustrates by addressing a question from a parent about his 5-year old’s incessant impulse to protect his territory and possessions from his baby brother. While he and his wife try to maintain an understanding, respectful approach to the behavior by acknowledging his feelings and his space, they're perplexed by their son's demands which seem unreasonable and often nonsensical. Worse, he can act aggressively toward his sibling, which is alarming. Janet offers specific advice and verbal examples for handling “mine” and other controlling behavior between siblings and peers.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
A parent writes that with her firstborn, she had listened to Janet’s advice and used many of her parenting methods with great success. To her surprise and relief, motherhood was relatively easy, and “I had friends comment how amazing I was as a mother.” After the births of her second and third child, however, things deteriorated. Tantrums, fighting, screaming, hitting, throwing, and all the typical toddler behavior. Gradually, she found herself yelling, threatening, using time-outs, and even spanking. She says she felt terrible and hated her life. As a veteran with 4 deployments to Iraq and Afghanistan, she says ironically, “That life was easy. Being a mom is hard.” Recently, however, she remembered “Unruffled” and the experience she had with her firstborn. She started devouring episodes and says that it all started coming back to her. Her letter describes how she adopted a new perspective and applied Janet’s methods and advice immediately—with miraculous results. “It has been an amazing shift in the household ever since I have adopted this approach… so many more hugs and them telling me they love me.” Janet uses this parent’s hopeful letter to illustrate how small alterations to our interactions, and especially our perspective, can transform our relationship with our kids and bring the joy we deserve to the parenting experience. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Do all human beings, even our babies, need time to themselves—freedom to make choices, initiate activities, think their own thoughts? In this episode, Janet and her special guest Hari Grebler say "yes" and explain why. Hari, a Magda Gerber proté​gé, was Janet's first parenting teacher. Thirty years later, Hari continues to introduce parents in her parent-infant classes to a new perspective—inspiring them to trust and become more attuned to their babies and to develop safe play spaces for them to freely explore at home. Hari and Janet discuss how this works and why it matters—not only for our children's healthy development (and even their sleep!) but for our mental health. Hari also addresses some of the common misunderstandings that can get in our way. More from and about Hari on her website HarisRIEStudio.com, and her Instagram page HarisRIEStudio. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Kids can wear down our patience when they seem to resist or stall us with everything we need them to do—even when we're only asking them to move through the predictable routines in their day like getting out of bed, going to or leaving school, brushing their teeth, and so on. The constant pushback and struggle make it feel impossible to stay unruffled. In this episode, Janet shares an easy-to-remember, viable alternative to the strategies, games, scripts, threats, patient waiting, or coaxing we may have unsuccessfully tried in the past (while also explaining why those responses don't tend to be sustainable). She offers examples through two letters. One parent, who resorts to eventually picking up her toddlers when they resist, shares: "My 3-year-old is getting much heavier, stronger, and faster, so the moments of resistance are becoming more difficult to overcome without struggle, and I don't know what I will do in a year or two when he becomes even faster and stronger." Another parent asks: "Is this level of dilly-dallying normal? If so, how should we deal with that? If the gentle ways don't work, threats don't work (or even make things worse in the long run), what else can we do?"Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
As parents, we are prone to worry, and a common concern is that our kids don't seem motivated enough. Perhaps they aren't mastering certain skills as quickly as we think they should or could—physically, cognitively, creatively, or socially. They might seem disinterested in doing things that we feel certain they're capable of, even when we've gently encouraged them. Naturally, this confuses us. We wonder what we can do to help. In this premiere episode for 2024, Janet offers a counterintuitive suggestion for what we might be missing and how our good intentions can backfire.  Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
In this encore episode, Janet’s daughters Charlotte and Madeline share candid memories from their childhoods and consider how Janet's respectful parenting style influenced their lives as toddlers, teens, and young adults. Using questions submitted to Janet's Facebook page as their guide, the sisters discuss intrinsic motivation, emotional health, independent play, sibling relationships, screen time and more.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Inspired by a listener's request and just in time to make a new start in the New Year, Unruffled revisits Janet's list of daily reminders for helping parents face the challenges of their day with more clarity, calm, and confidence.For a deep and complete understanding of ALL these points and much, much more, check out Janet's No Bad Kids Course—an awesome gift for the holidays. Janet's bestselling books No Bad Kids and Elevating Child Care make such helpful, thoughtful stocking stuffers! Happy Holidays!  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
No matter how we spend our holidays, we all hope to make the most of them. In this first-ever holiday episode of Unruffled, Janet offers ideas for encouraging even our youngest children to feel a part of the festivities, and perhaps be the ones to create family traditions. Janet's suggestions include thoughts on gift giving, how to frame the story of Santa Claus without "lying," and what we can do to help our little ones manage the changes in routine and overstimulation.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
Two discouraged, desperate families write to Janet for help with 4.5-year-olds who seem perpetually angry. These children are lashing out verbally, screaming and shouting at their parents and siblings, and seem particularly explosive at the end of the day. One parent writes that her child "seems like she is very intentionally trying to be hurtful," and adds, "It doesn't seem like she should be able to get away with treating us and her sister this way." The second family writes that when picking their daughter up from school "and the tiniest thing is not right, the screaming and shouting begins. Everything is catastrophic." Janet recommends specific adjustments these parents can make in the way they are perceiving their children's behaviors that she believes will bring relief. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
While it's flattering to be a toddler's chosen one, being prized can become a drain when our child's dependency gets out of hand. In this episode, a mom writes to Janet for help with her 2.5-year-old daughter, who she says has always had separation anxiety and continues to need the mom's constant presence to feel comfortable and happy. Whenever this parent tries to separate, even when it's only to the next room, her toddler cries. "She is never soothed or comforted by other family members (even her dad) and will only accept comforting from me." Janet offers a small adjustment this parent might make in her response and explains how this can help her toddler or a child of any age, even a baby, feel more trusting and comfortable when separating and in the company of others.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
A parent of a 27-month-old writes that her son refuses to come to the table when called and will not sit in his chair during meals. This parent says they’ve tried just removing his food when he isn't cooperating, but then “he ends up hangry… and it’s so difficult to get anything done.” So, they’ve resorted to feeding him through distractions and by following him around with food at home, in the park, and in his Yes Space while he’s playing. Eventually, he finishes a meal. Janet offers this family a shift in perspective and mealtime guidelines that not only encourage healthy eating but eliminate stress for us and our kids.Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
We all bring different perspectives to parenting that are borne of our upbringing, culture, or religion. Sometimes, we find these perspectives clash over basic parenting issues like sleep, healthy eating, crying, behavior, to name a few. Janet’s guest this week is Melina Gac Levin, a mother, parenting educator, and founder of Pueblo (parentpueblo.com), an educational and consulting organization that focuses on providing evidence-based advice for helping couples weave their various perspectives together. Through self-reflection, collaboration, and sometimes compromise, there's hope for all of us to find common ground. Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.Her best-selling books “No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame” and "Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting" are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, Google Play, and free at Audible (https://adbl.co/2OBVztZ) with a trial subscription.Please support our sponsors and take advantage of their special offers.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Comments (56)

Alexjendro Kafi

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Jan 13th
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Alexjendro Kafi

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Jan 13th
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Angel K

on the dot advice.. my teenage son is being irritated n frustrated n got angry on me now a days.. I think he is struggling at hostel.. first time he is away from me n home. may b home sick too. I luv your podcasts 😍 thank you.

Sep 22nd
Reply

Jules Le Tanneur

That's a lot of things to do and not much letting go of extra things that we do 😅 The main energy-saving message is to try to make it natural and free-flowing rather than considering it a job, I guess.

Mar 11th
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Thomas Nicol

this guy just rambles on and never actually explains what you DO

Feb 16th
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Nelson gri

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Feb 12th
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Nelson gri

Have you been looking for a chance to join the Powerful illuminati brotherhood and you have met the wrong people who pretended to be illuminati master, well here is your chance to join the Illuminati brotherhood to be rich , powerful,famous , wealthy, protected and respected . The Illuminati is a brotherhood were Loved is share and plans to establish new world order you are receiving a million dollars as your first benefits to start new life once you become a member of the great illuminati brotherhood.not kidding. Message via WhatsApp +1(631)714-2689.

Feb 12th
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J

saw play is in real life several times. definitely easier said than done.

Nov 17th
Reply

Hudson

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Aug 2nd
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Franziska Scheumann

This is such a wonderful podcast with so many tips and explanations about children's development. It has changed my outlook on the whole parenting thing although I had been following a relationship oriented approach before but Janet and her calm way of talking about it helps me with a lot of real life situations. Thank you so much for your great work ❤

Feb 3rd
Reply

Concrete Angel

I needed to hear this today. thank you!

Nov 25th
Reply

Paulina Lach

This episode was dedicated especially to me, I have cried while listening. This woman described so well what I feel at the moment and my struggles. I have just started the therapy to fight off my childhood demons. Now I also know I am not alone in my experience. Thank you for all your amazing work Janet ❤

Oct 10th
Reply

Steph Rodrigues Bonyun

I just wanted to say that this podcast is one of the most important ones here and it brought tears to my eyes many times. It made me think about my chdhood, about me as a mom now, and about my kid 20 years from now. thank you for this. love Janet and everything you have been helping me understand about myself and hopefully about being a better human to my kid as well.

Sep 6th
Reply

Bri Keasbey

it's frustrating that you don't have examples for children that are not adjusting to a new sibling in so many of your podcasts.

Aug 30th
Reply (1)

Danielle Delane

Many points I agree with. However, I feel on the topics of meltdowns and tantrums, I do not think it's good to let a child unravel the way its mentioned. Personally, I believe, yes, let your child feel what they feel; but help give them the tools to redirect them on HOW to process their feelings of anger and frustration in constructive ways. Tell them it's okay to feel angry, but allow them to explain why they're angry and give them the tools on what to do to healthily process that anger. It'll benefit the child as they get older. If it's a full blown meltdown (which is different than a tantrum as meltdowns are uncontrollable) then you put them in a quiet room until it passes.

May 28th
Reply

Jennifer Thompson

I have to disagree with asking the child. I'm just in the process of getting out of the habit of asking a question or asking if it's okay when it's just the thing that needs to be done such as brushing teeth or going to bed. I say now it's time to do this. otherwise I was abdicating my leadership role and I am responsible for my kid. otherwise they would never brush their teeth or go to bed and they're too young to be able to take care of themselves in that way. using this phrase now it's time, has helped me gain some confidence and not be over attuned

Aug 28th
Reply (3)

Nicole Moreno Diaz

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Aug 18th
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Caris Saceanu Poynter

I think kids need help to understand and learn earlier on about feelings and thoughts.. use cbt techniques early on to have the skills later on in life

Aug 11th
Reply

AshenFox

I tend to be color blind myself and I think it has influenced my views on racial police violence. Race has become like hair and eye color to me so I found it hard to understand or believe. However... As you discussed the carry over blame between minority students I realized that I had experienced something similar. Coming from a large family I often recieved blame and negative attitudes based on my siblings' actions simply because teachers grouped us together. Might be easier for majority groups to understand/believe when considering such analogs they can experience. Only this is in a massive scale where the authorities carry guns instead of textbooks.

Jul 15th
Reply

no need for a username

It is somewhat elitist to say that it is a choice for parents to work and not to stay home with their child. My partner and I both need to work in order to pay the bills, and I would love to be able to make the choice to stay home with our child, but I do not have that choice to make, financially speaking.

Jun 21st
Reply
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