Struggle Care

If you’ve thought about finding a counselor or therapist, you know it can seem overwhelming. Remember that those first few sessions are essentially a time for YOU to interview the therapist to see if there are good vibes and a good fit for you. Don’t be intimidated by the process! I’m breaking it down with tips and advice about finding the right therapist for you. Join me for this episode! Show Highlights: The basics: What is the difference between therapy and counseling? A breakdown of different providers and what they do: psychiatrist, psychologist, therapists, and counselors How to find a provider–with and without insurance (Visit my Shop at www.strugglecare.com to download my FREE pdf file, Finding a Therapist.) How to contact a provider when you’ve chosen one and what to say (Hint: It matters whether your private insurance is a PPO or HMO.) What to ask during the first phone call about scheduling constraints, experience with your specific issue, typical sessions, etc. Why it is OK to go into the first session with questions of your own What you should communicate to the provider during the first session How to ask the provider about their supervision, cancellation policies, emergencies sessions or phone calls How to tell the provider that they aren’t a good fit for you Probing questions you can ask to determine any biases/prejudices your provider might have around religion, spirituality, interventions, faith, LGBTQ people, gender identity, sexuality, psychiatric medications How to figure out the therapist qualities that matter most to you  Safety resources in the US (See Resources below for details.) Resources: If you are in a domestic violence situation and need safety now, call the 24-hour hotline 1-800-799-7233. If you are under 18 and need help, safety, counseling, or services, text “Safe” with your address, city, and state to 44357. The Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) is America’s largest anti-sexual violence organization. If you’ve been assaulted and need help, call their hotline at 1-800-656-HOPE.   Lifeline Suicide Help can be reached at 1-800-273-8255. They provide 24-hour free and confidential support to people in distress who need crisis resources. The Trevor Project is a chat, text, and phone support line for LGBTQ youth in crisis. They provide peer programs and resources. Reach them at www.thetrevorproject.com.  NEXT Distro is an online and email-based harm reduction service designed to reduce the opioid overdose death rate, prevent injection-related disease transmission, and improve the lives of those who use drugs. Find them at www.nextdistro.org.  Never Use Alone can be reached if you choose to use drugs alone. Their operator will stay on the line with you while you use and notify emergency services if you stop responding. Find them at www.neverusealone.com and 800-484-3731.  Connect with KC:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Find the FREE pdf, Finding a Good Therapist, under the “Shop” tab.) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

We are focusing on one particular aspect of self-care today with therapist and professional organizer Amanda Dodson of Nesting Your Life. I love learning more about how these two roles intersect in helping people with real-life problems. Join us to learn more from Amanda! Show Highlights: Why Amanda became interested in “low-energy care of self” Why it is difficult to accept that you aren’t physically, mentally, and emotionally capable of doing the things you want to do How Amanda explains the “Spoon Theory” of energy An explanation of diminished energy and the blame and frustration that come with it Why resources for self-care should think outside the box regarding the unseen rules we live by Why budgeting your energy differently requires a sort of “mourning” the death of your able-bodied self as life changes occur How societal messages about dealing with low-energy cater to the well people Why neurodivergent people tend to have off-balance eating habits How Amanda helps her clients aim for regular eating routines to be in touch with their hunger and fullness cues Where to start if your home is not functional (Just take the first step!) How sensory issues factor into low-energy self-care—and how to address them  Why motivation pairing can be a real game-changer in making undesirable tasks more tolerable Why Amanda sees it as an important part of her work to help men become more involved in the care of their homes  Resources: Connect with Amanda Dodson: TikTok and Website Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a conversation in which Ellie Pike, host of the Mental Note podcast (this episode first aired on 2/27/23), and I discuss my adult ADHD diagnosis and the workarounds I’ve learned to get things done and function in my life. Join us! Show Highlights: KC’s background as a messy person whose life changed dramatically when her two children were born How KC had to learn how to keep a functional home in a totally new phase of life How an ADHD diagnosis as a young mother made sense of her whole life Why KC’s ADHD diagnosis was “missed” during childhood and youth because she didn’t “fit the mold” Why ADHD is NOT simply the inability to pay attention How success in school changed for KC during college when most of the work was to be done outside of class How ADHD affects what is going on in the brain, regardless of external behavior that may appear normal What KC has put in place to help her finish necessary tasks, even when they don’t interest her The difference between motivation and task initiation–and why we treat them differently How ADHD medication changed everything for KC Why late-diagnosed adults with ADHD usually hit some kind of barrier, event, or transition that brings everything to a crisis point The connection between KC’s depressive episodes and isolation, under-stimulation, and boredom KC’s advice for listeners about creating systems that work WITH your brain: “Do a little, and do it as a person that deserves to function.” Why KC’s message is that “care tasks are morally neutral” and have nothing to do with someone being a worthwhile human being  Resources: Connect with Ellie Pike and find out more about the Eating Recovery Center and Mood and Anxiety Center: www.mentalnotepodcast.com   Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to have Danita Platt on the show today. I didn’t know anyone of color in the field of care tasks until I met her. Her content resonates with me and my views around care tasks, so I hope you’ll enjoy hearing more from Danita! Show Highlights: Who Danita is and how she became an expert on gentle care tasks How our society over the last two generations has moralized care tasks and tied them to the worth of a woman Why we need to rethink our views about care tasks and “being a good woman” that go back to the founding of the US, historically speaking How the concept of “invisible labor” has carried over from colonial days even to today How many white people were able to live the lives they did because of the cheap, exploitable labor of Black women How the Great Migration happened to move many Black families to northern cities from the South How the shift happened to push Black (and white) women to work industrial jobs while men were away during the war How the push is recurring for 1950s homemaking to be viewed as the superior role for women What we DON’T talk about in the fulfilling life of a homemaker How Danita chooses to honor the Black women who had to wash clothes, clean house, and cook meals under duress–with no freedom or choice of their own What Danita would say to women who want to live more joyfully in their homes and experience more freedom and quality of life  Resources: Connect with Danita: TikTok and Instagram Mentioned in this episode: Sisters in Hate: American Women on the Front Lines of White Nationalism Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’ve never been a perfectionist. I’ve never cared if my bed is made or my handwriting is neat or if a picture on the wall is hanging perfectly. I’m not bothered by things being a little “out of place.” So imagine my surprise to discover that my whole life is run by perfectionism–a different kind of perfectionism. That’s today’s topic on the show. Join me to find out more! Show Highlights: How an 18-month-stint as a teenager in a long-term rehab facility turned me into a moral perfectionist How a militaristic 12-step program and an evangelical church forced me to examine every daily decision for pure, altruistic motives How this type of perfectionism told me that I had to be “good enough” to be loved and accepted How even self-improvement is approached differently with moral perfectionism Why it’s impossible to live with moral perfectionism The first step toward change: recognizing that I am a moral perfectionist who is trying to earn my worth through altruism and unselfishness Why you are not alone if you feel like a moral perfectionist An excerpt from my book, How to Keep House While Drowning, chapter 3  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s discussion is about high-control groups. If you aren’t familiar with this phrase, think of it as the clinical term for a cult, and most of us are familiar with that word. Let’s talk about it with my guest, Chris Wilson, who has spent many years studying this topic. She has a Bachelor’s degree in Sociology, a Master’s in Religion, and is working on a Master’s in Industrial and Organizational Psychology. Join us to learn more from Chris! Show Highlights: Why a high-control group is usually toxic, with the abuse of power and control that induces trauma in people How Chris witnessed abuse and experienced trauma in her religious upbringing–and became passionately determined to help others KC’s story of teenage drug addiction, rehab, and exposure to high-control groups How a recovery group that helps a person can also be a high-control group What makes a group a high-control group They use control tactics and don’t teach coping mechanisms. They prioritize predatory collectivism. Why not all religions with strict rules and regulations are high-control groups How high-control groups function with behavior control and punishment How high-control group tactics can show up in the toxic workplace How high-control groups implement information control and use thought-stopping cliches to stop people from evaluating what is happening to them How high-control groups remove a person’s ability and opportunity to make all decisions about even the most mundane things in daily life Tips from Chris and KC for joining a group and being aware: Balance your passion with rationality. Connect with others in the group and ask specifically about the “downsides” of the group. Beware if the group touts themselves as the ONLY ONE doing things right. Beware if the group leader claims to be clairvoyant, infallible, or claims to know you better than you know yourself.  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Games people play: we’ve all been guilty at one time or another, whether intentionally or not. I’m referring to the disingenuous forms of communication we use in daily life. There are various reasons why we alter our communication in certain situations, and it’s usually because we want something from another person. I’m joined by Heidi Smith, LPC, and one of my best friends, who just happens to be my former supervisor when I was learning to be a therapist. Let’s dive deep into games, manipulation, boundaries, and relationships. Join us for the conversation around this fascinating topic! Show Highlights: Is it disingenuous communication, manipulation, or something in-between? Why attention-seeking behavior might really be connection-seeking behavior The “games” people play: The trump card, (the “Ace of Spades”), is the issue, trauma, circumstance, or affliction that someone believes gives them carte blanche to never have to change and to always be accommodated by others. Examples: ADHD, PTSD, a serious illness Some people learn the script to say that excuses them from accountability, like “I’m working on it.” Even with their objectionable behaviors, people deserve and want to be loved and accepted.  Why, in our relationships, we have to be well and not allow others’ behaviors that damage us How different people have different tolerance levels for discomfort in relationships The most powerful, insidious trump card: “If you do/don’t do _______, I will kill myself.”  Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today I’m joined by one of my favorite TikTok creators, Ann Russell. She has 1.9 million followers and is the author of How to Clean Everything: A Practical, Down to Earth Guide for Anyone Who Doesn’t Know Where to Start.  Show Highlights: Why we all deserve to feel safe in our homes and unjudged on standards that we don’t deem important How Ann has come to know how to clean everything Why every cleaning task follows the same process: “Find the solvent that dissolves the stain without damaging the surface.” How Ann creates a safe space for people to ask their cleaning questions without shame Why much of our care/cleaning task knowledge is bound up in the romanticization of our identity How Ann approached housekeeping tasks at home when her four children were young How Ann responds when her career as a professional cleaner is belittled Why basic cleaning tasks shouldn’t cost a lot of money or take a lot of time How consumption and capitalism impact how we feel about our homes Why keeping a perfect home doesn’t protect you from bad things in life or bring success and happiness How “Cleanliness is next to godliness” has been used as a big stick against certain groups of people Why people grow up thinking they are “bad people” when they cannot keep house  How to tackle old crayon marks off walls  Resources: Connect with Ann Russell: TikTok  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s episode is a Q & A. While you listen, I invite you to relax and unwind or use the time to care for yourself gently in whichever way you prefer.  I received questions from a working neurodivergent mom struggling to maintain a functional space, grappling with whether or not she should hire a housekeeper, and from someone living with a messy boyfriend with ADHD, looking for a way to establish a cleaning routine without creating resentment. I share some strategies to help people with ADHD become more functional and explain that struggling to keep your home clean and tidy has nothing to do with your character, work ethic, or who you are as an individual. Let’s get into it!  Show highlights: Is it beneficial or detrimental to hire a housekeeper if you’re working full-time and struggling with ADHD, RSD, anxiety, and major depression? Why paying someone to keep your home clean does not make you a failure. How taking a different perspective can make asking for help much less distressing. How can you establish a cleaning routine without resentment when your partner has ADHD and often forgets his promises to clean up? What happens in the brain when someone has ADHD? What is working memory? Why is it sometimes hard for people with ADHD to complete one-off under-stimulating tasks? How task-bundling and ritualization helped me (someone with ADHD) become more functional. How isolating the bottleneck, or the step in a task they dread most, can help people with ADHD become more functional. Links and resources: Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter

Julie Lause, AKA the Bossy Mom, joins me today! She and I met and became friends on TikTok. Most new parents face the pressure of trying to make sense of things and figuring out how to get everything done. When Julie had her daughter, she was a school principal three years into a school turnaround project. Yet she still managed to keep her home organized by setting up systems. The Bossy House project started because she had friends who were bosses at their jobs, but things at home were a mess. So they needed help.  Julie is a Co-founder and Chief of Schools of a small charter school organization in New Orleans. She does the Bossy House project on the side to help families put systems in place at home. Let’s dive into how she does that! Show highlights: How the Bossy House started. The conflicting feelings Julie had after becoming a mom. How Julie’s daughter’s “table bedroom” came about. How the pandemic inspired many of those who took Julie’s Be the Boss of Your Home course re-imagine their homes in the wackiest of ways! The life-changing benefits of customizing your home in any way you choose! What keeps most people from making creative and functional changes to their houses? What you need to consider when re-imagining your house. How Julie helps moms develop the courage and confidence they need to create a personal area in the home that allows them to feel calm and happy. How Julie deals with people who have anxiety around clutter and clearing up. Why I believe that anxiety disorders are underdiagnosed in women. Links and resources: Connect with Julie: TikTok (@The Bossy House) and website Send in your email to get Julie’s free workshop on setting up and customizing your command center at your house. Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Get KC’s decluttering workbook when you sign up for her newsletter

Clutter is something we all have to deal with at times. The biggest problem with clutter is not the item itself, but it’s in the emotional attachment we feel. This episode comes in response to a recent question I received: “Do you have any advice for going through boxes of stuff I’m emotionally attached to?” Let’s take a closer look at this important part in your functional space journey. Show Highlights: The only reason to declutter How to identify what you can do with items you don’t plan to keep Why your decluttering goals are important–and may differ from someone else’s The steps to decluttering by categories: Is it broken, expired, incomplete, or unusable? What do I want to keep? When it comes to keeping or getting rid of items, which is more important to me–the freedom of having it gone or the security in knowing it’s there? For sentimental items: Will this person know I’ve gotten rid of this item? If I get rid of this item, will I feel guilty momentarily or for a long time? Is the guilt I feel for getting rid of this item heavier than the weight I feel from having it around? Why you have to honor your emotional context while aiming for functionalism When you might need extra support in decluttering Why it’s better to keep sentimental items out of joy–not guilt Workable solutions for excessive sentimental items What I’ve learned about getting rid of clothes Resources:  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Click the “Hygiene” tab under “Resources” for more information about teeth brushing!) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Dental hygiene is a Struggle Care issue that elicits very strong feelings, as evidenced by the number of responses I receive to any social media post on this topic. Why do so many people feel strongly about brushing their teeth? Let’s talk about it with today’s guest! Taylor McFarland is a pediatric dentist, wife, and mother who creates content on social media about dental care. She and I follow each other on TikTok, and I knew she was the perfect person to help us dive into the problem of why brushing teeth is a big Struggle Care topic for many people.  Show Highlights: How Dr. Taylor, as a pediatric dentist, came to the unique viewpoint of understanding why mental health issues cause people to struggle with teeth brushing Why everyone who experiences this struggle thinks they are THE ONLY ONE Helpful tips on how to find a dentist who will most likely be more understanding Why it helps to be honest about your specific barriers to brushing The purpose behind brushing—and why it’s OK to skip the toothpaste! How to “pick the pain” that will increase your functioning The purpose of toothpaste–(Fluoride is the key!) Why sodium lauryl sulfate is usually the ingredient that bothers most people who have toothpaste sensitivity Dr. Taylor’s tips for people bothered by toothpaste, and toothbrush bristles How apps can make brushing more tolerable, especially with electric toothbrushes Why it sometimes helps to brush your teeth in a different place, like in the shower or the kitchen Why charcoal toothpaste is NOT the best option for daily use Resources: Connect with Dr. Taylor: TikTok, Instagram, and Website  Connect with KC: TikTok, Instagram, and Website (Click the “Hygiene” tab under “Resources” for more information about teeth brushing!) Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Today’s topic is weaponized incompetence. If you aren’t familiar with the term, stay tuned and learn more with us. I’m thrilled to be joined again by Dr. Lesley Cook, who is a psychologist and good friend. She lives in Virginia and works mostly with neurodivergent kids, adolescents, and adults. Join us for the conversation! Show Highlights: An explanation of “weaponized incompetence” and what it means How weaponized incompetence applies to the division of household labor  The key to analyzing weaponized incompetence: Why is it happening? Why this is a tricky topic, especially for those who are neurodivergent and feel challenged Why dignity should be preserved in these conversations with a partner Why it’s OK to set boundaries even if someone is unintentionally hurting you Ways to solve problems without shame or blame The difference in functional barriers and weaponized incompetence How to talk through solutions and support for a partner How “maternal gatekeeping” plays into the dynamic Why couples need to have conversations about care tasks, household chores, and childcare BEFORE they have kids Why there is a difference between weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness Dr. Lesley’s tips: “Approach your partner in good faith, open up the conversation, and ask for collaboration in finding something that works better for BOTH partners.” Why the question should be, “Is exploitation happening?” Why you can’t go on appearances regarding a division of labor How to begin the approach with a partner or child: “This isn’t working for me; how can we figure this out together?” Resources: Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning Helpful resources mentioned in this episode:  How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn  Fair Play by Eve Rodsky       The Sensory Child Gets Organized by Carolyn Dalgliesh      Ready for Take-Off by Theresa E. Laurie Maitland and Patricia O. Quinn                  A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden, Michelle Frank, and Ellen Littman

Today’s episode is a Q & A, so chill out while you listen, and take the time to do something kind for yourself, whatever that may be. I’ve been asked for advice about habits and discipline for neurodivergent people, which may be difficult for neurotypical people to understand. My message is that you are not broken if you haven’t yet found what works best for your brain. Let’s talk about it. Show Highlights: Why we need to begin with an explanation of the terms neurodivergent and neurotypical Why it is very common for self-help motivation to fall short for neurodivergent people How a neurodivergent person approaches routines and habits in different ways Why I (as an ADHD person) am motivated by pleasure, projects, pressure/panic, patterns Why it’s OK to realize that morning routines don’t work best for you Why there is a difference between routine and rhythm/pattern How I work around my house in patterns–not routines that are time-bound How patterns can help circumvent “executive dysfunction” (Want to know more? Check out Episode 1 with Dr. Lesley Cook at www.strugglecare.com.) What to look out for when your care tasks always require “pushing a boulder up a hill” energy How I can make myself more “disciplined” when I have structure Why you are NOT a self-help reject if you haven’t found what works best for you Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning

Parenting has its moments. Some are good, some are bad, some fill you with heart-melting fuzziness, and some make you ask, “What in the world was I thinking?” We all have visions of our parenting ideal, but real life gives us way too many opportunities to turn into the kind of mom we don’t even recognize. To sum it up, parenting is hard! If you are that parent who needs encouragement today, join us for today’s episode–and I welcome you to join us even if you are not a parent. You might learn something valuable, too! I’m joined by Momma Cusses, aka Gwenna Laithland. She got her start as a writer at the age of 18 and soon branched out into content marketing and has worked with museums, professional sports teams, accounting firms, and universities to help refine their content. She started Momma Cusses in 2020 in hopes of normalizing modern motherhood and giving moms a place to connect and feel less alone. Show Highlights: Gwenna’s story: her history of parenting in reactive mode as a young mom who came out of an abusive relationship–and the realization that hit her about what she was doing to her daughter Why there is not a magic answer or therapy tool for those reactive parenting moments when you lose your mind The difference in responsive vs. reactive parenting Gwenna’s advice about handling endless questions from your kids How our past personal issues determine the behaviors that send us into “Reactive Parent Mode” Why gentle parenting is NOT about how you parent but about how you regulate yourself Why “gentle childing” should NOT be what you want for your child How to do “offline work” with your child when emotions are not elevated How to gain a new perspective on parenting under stress Why there is immense value in a parent who can say, “I’m sorry”  Why we should stop demonizing screen time and teach our 21st-century kids to use devices responsibly Why it’s healthy to realize that you do not have to accept every “invitation” from your child How to find the “middle ground” when you are reparenting yourself while parenting your child Resources: Connect with Momma Cusses: Website, YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook (Look for Gwenna’s book coming in Fall, 2023!) Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m joined today by Dr. Lesley Cook as we tackle some listener questions around various topics. Come and join us now! Show Highlights: Tips for someone with no energy due to chronic illness: take care of the basics, conserve your energy, and use whatever hacks work for you Tips for someone who struggles to cook dinner every night: switch things up, identify your mountain, and realize that a bowl of cereal for dinner is OK! Tips for how to study when no one ever taught you: experience the information in different ways, make a memory game, and share the information back and forth with a study partner  How to study when you don’t know what’s important to study How to use accommodations that are available to you How to ask a teacher or professor for study help How to take notes and encode the information in meaningful ways How fidget toys, drawing, and doodling can help you listen and learn Resources: Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m excited to introduce you to today’s guest. Imani Barbarin is a disability rights and inclusion activist and speaker who uses her platform for conversations around the disability community. I’ve followed her for a while on TikTok and appreciate the way she expresses her opinions and helps educate the rest of us. Come join us now! Show Highlights: How Imani explored and discovered her passion for advocacy for disability and inclusion rights How climate change and disability are linked Why environmental ableism is a real thing How people have become victims of their non-nuanced thinking, only wanting to be on the “right” side Why the COVID pandemic has become a “mass-disabling” event, especially regarding mental health Examples of ways in which the environmental movement has left those with disabilities behind Why society has a general disdain for disabled people and believes that they don’t (or won’t) contribute to society How the luxury of abled people trumps the necessity of the disabled What the function of capitalism is on disabled bodies How disabled people are used as pawns in the pro-choice/pro-life debate Why there is inherent racism in the pro-life movement What laziness is and is not Resources: Connect with Imani: Website and Instagram Resources mentioned: https://www.sinsinvalid.org, https://disasterstrategies.org, https://www.americanprogress.org  Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I have the perfect person to answer a question about “trauma cleaning” as a result of being raised by a parent who was emotionally and verbally abusive about keeping a clean house. This question came from Maria, a TikTok follower, and I’m jumping into this topic in today’s episode with my guest, Amanda Dodson. Join us! Show Highlights: Why this is a common feeling for many people when they sense barriers around care tasks A good first step: Try to separate the behavioral home care task from the interpersonal problem with the parent Why you have to decide how YOU want your home to be for your own comfort and safety–not how your parent would want it to be Why it’s important to have compassion for yourself and awareness of what you need in your space to function well How to identify what you need from your space and use a triage approach to get there How to have your environment and emotions “meet” at a halfway point How to take small steps toward organizing that work for you and your family Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

If you joined us for Episode 7, you heard the beginning of my series with Kate. If not, you can listen to Part 1 on the Restoring Relationships Podcast. Kate and I met because of our differing viewpoints as we interacted through TikTok videos. We have since taken the time for discussion, proving that disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life that should be approached with mutual respect and understanding.  I’m continuing the conversation with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore   relationships. Even though our relationship didn’t begin well, we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. The ability to gain a fresh perspective and engage with another person in the face of disagreement is an important topic in today’s world! Listen in and be the “fly on the wall” as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look! Show Highlights: Why KC’s initial reaction to Kate was aggravation The idea behind KC’s context: “How people treat you when they are angry is more revealing than how they treat you when they are happy.” The idea behind Kate’s context: “Anger isn’t necessarily the issue, but the lack of repair after the anger is the issue.” What our backgrounds and upbringings teach us about anger, hurt, abuse, relationships, and our worthiness Why it’s different trying to communicate to the masses, like online, rather than on a one-to-one basis in a relationship What Kate wishes she had done differently in her initial exchange with KC Why we should be able to expect creators, especially those with expertise, to be accountable for their words Why it’s tricky to make mental health content on social media Why therapy content can’t replace in-person therapy Thoughts on relationship boundaries, “gray areas,” and why “people are not disposable” The difference in “Setting boundaries” vs. “Being boundaried” Resources: Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning

I’m offering up an appetizer–because today’s show is a teaser for an upcoming two-part episode. Disagreements, conflicts, and drama are part of normal life, but there CAN be mutual respect and understanding at the same time.  I’m talking with Kate Leggett, a student in her final semester of graduate school to be a Marriage and Family Therapist. Kate uses her TikTok channel to help restore relationships, and we became aware of each other because of a video exchange on TikTok. Our relationship certainly didn’t begin well, but we are making strides in communicating with respect and understanding around disagreements and conflicts. Come along as we model real-life conflict, relationships, and reconciliation. Join us for a closer look! Show Highlights: How Kate felt the need to fill in the gray area in relationships around boundaries and toxic relationships How online interactions can be transactional, personal, and very different with someone with whom you have a prior relationship A look at the TikTok videos that started the interaction between Kate and KC–and the thoughts behind the comments How people hold conflict in different and vulnerable ways How KC and Kate made space for deeper conversations around their conflict The difficulties around communication and conflict in the social media space An overview of Kate’s podcast, RR The Podcast, which you can find on YouTube and Spotify (Part 1 of Kate and KC’s conversation is up now!) Kate’s perspective on the much-used phrase, “You teach people how to treat you.” How to listen to the rest of our “respectful drama” Resources: Connect with Kate: Website, TikTok, Podcast Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram Get KC's Book, How to Keep House While Drowning