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Making a return to the Samrat, Peter, Chris and Tom host the inaugural Shysters celebrating the best acts of ‘housery’ nominated by the listeners. There’s a very special guest to kick things off, Clive Tyldesley is your MC for the evening and Chris has pulled out all the stops when it comes to the entertainment. There’s ten awards, some chat from the toilet and the Laouts are flowing on what is a fitting end to the series.
That Nominations Episode

That Nominations Episode

2021-05-1948:2819

Peter, Chris and Tom lay out their plans for the SHYSTERS awards ceremony and go through the best listener messages for the final time this series. Ryan Shawcross, anti-doping officials and David Blaine all feature and there’s an update on something that had gone quiet, until now.
That Mark Noble Episode

That Mark Noble Episode

2021-05-1253:0316

West Ham legend Mark Noble joins Peter, Chris and Tom to discuss Eggy Boff, playing under David Moyes and the Premier League Captains’ WhatsApp group. The boys discuss West Ham’s ‘Parched’ and there’s an important statement regarding the end of series awards.
That SHAFTAs Launch Party

That SHAFTAs Launch Party

2021-05-0545:0818

Peter, Chris and Tom get together to plan the inaugural SHAFTAs which will take them back to the Samrat and aims to celebrate ingenious acts of skulduggery in all walks of life. They name their categories, go through a few more nominations and lay out plans for the entertainment and ceremony itself.
Leeds' Patrick Bamford joins the pod as the first guest since Crouchy and the boys visited Kensington Palace. Chris and Tom try to work out how they’d cope working with Marcelo Bielsa and Patrick helps the boys to launch the big series finale.
That Messages Episode

That Messages Episode

2021-04-2153:2513

After reaching uncharted territory this series it’s time to reset. Crouchy and the boys want to devote this episode to best contributions from the listeners. You’ll learn about footballers’ favourite game that nobody knew about, how Fridays become sacred for players and a strange 30 seconds in Pete’s living room.
That Club Staff Episode

That Club Staff Episode

2021-04-1455:2521

Crouchy shines a light on the more unfashionable roles at a Premier League football club including the press officer, the physio and the assistant manager. Chris makes a huge pledge to Peter, and Tom suggests an old Stoke team-mate to take up a role that nobody knew needed filling until this podcast was recorded.
That Hotels Episode

That Hotels Episode

2021-04-0752:3920

Crouchy tells us what really happens when an entire football team pitches up at a hotel. From issues with wi-fi, strict managers banning things from the kitchen and players who crash weddings, here’s your guide to staying in hotels as if you’re a professional footballer. Chris and Tom discuss more Dragons Den ideas and Peter thinks we’ve found ‘the one’.
That Set-Pieces Episode

That Set-Pieces Episode

2021-03-3151:1614

Deemed by some as an ‘ugly’ way to score a goal, it’s our job to highlight the beauty of a set-piece. Crouchy describes how much work goes into them, the different roles everyone plays and how best to exploit them. Chris updates us on more Dragons debating the best player in the world and Tom has a plan for the ‘Crouch Olympics’
This is the episode where Crouchy hopes to persuade Tom, Chris and everyone listening that playing up front is the most difficult position to play. The long-awaited billboard is finally in position - though not without a few issues - plus the boys analyse more potential money-spinning ideas from listeners.
That Rivalries Episode

That Rivalries Episode

2021-03-1752:4829

There are rivalries everywhere in football; local derbies, competition for places and battles between managers all contribute to the game’s biggest rivalries. Crouchy discusses why strikers all legitimately hate each other and what it is like playing in a game where two huge rivals are on the pitch. The boys also hear from the Dragon’s Den about some business opportunities.
That Stats Episode

That Stats Episode

2021-03-1047:5618

Peter Crouch details how stats and analysis have become ingrained in football, which results in players taking a huge interest in how their data is interpreted. The boys analyse some of Crouchy’s own stats including the controversial XG or ‘expected goals’ and we get more details on the pod’s new billboard which is designed and produced by Crouchy himself.
That Entourage Episode

That Entourage Episode

2021-03-0347:4331

Crouchy and the boys discuss the key players in a footballer’s entourage. From mates on the payroll to family members helping out, you’ll hear about it all. Plus the vital role of a ‘Player Liaison Officer’ is finally given the credit it deserves. What would footballers do without them?
That Youth Team Episode

That Youth Team Episode

2021-02-2450:3115

Crouchy describes what a young player goes through in order to make it to the top, how David Ginola helped out and why garage tunes were so important. The boys set themselves a new implausible challenge and want some help submitting architect drawings to Mike Ashley.
That Milestone Episode

That Milestone Episode

2021-02-1746:3520

The boys are back with their fifth series of the pod and take the opportunity to catch up after six months apart. Crouchy had his 40th birthday, so there's discussion about how a footballer should celebrate such a milestone and the boys try to work out when Peter was at 'Peak Crouch'. After completing the 4th and 5th Round FA Cup draws, Crouchy reveals what really goes on behind the scenes and makes clear his ambition to progress to higher profile draws. Gianni Infantino, are you listening? Fiona Bruce is on the pod to help kick start the new series and poses one of the toughest questions Crouchy has ever faced, plus there's a new pod slogan to help with the nation's future return to the pub.
It's been a long time coming but the boys are back (stronger) with an announcement about Series 5 and Crouchy promises to bring a bit of 'sunshine' into everyone's life.
In a scenario almost impossible to imagine at the inception of this podcast, the boys head to Kensington Palace to eat Samrat samosas with the Duke of Cambridge. Slightly overawed and in inappropriate clothing, they hear from the future king of the realm about his love of Aston Villa, whether he could get the England manager sacked and if he would consider Crouchy for his six-a-side team. In return he offers beer, decent whisky and a special delivery from a podcast favourite.
A week before the pub finale, this update from Crouchy may not give you confidence that he can deliver - but have we ever let you down before?
Can the boys get back in the pub? Should doors be abandoned? And should Crouchy invest in a moat? Plus find out if we have found the nation's youngest Ian.
WFH: With Theo Walcott

WFH: With Theo Walcott

2020-07-0846:2827

Crouchy's former England teammate Theo Walcott joins the pod. Hear about why a camcorder played such a big role in his first World Cup squad and why he had to turn down a role in a Harry Potter film.
Comments (343)

Megan Colder

Luke Colder and Samantha Colder

Mar 31st
Reply

lee bray

where are the Euros episodes?

Jun 17th
Reply (1)

Scott Bryant

Loving these podcasts

May 25th
Reply

David Holmes

missed a trick on this one. Crouchy's longjohn story was classic shit-hosiery.

Apr 24th
Reply

dan Atkinson

Who are these people

Apr 2nd
Reply

Richard Cole

Just started listening to this..Absolutely love it..

Mar 25th
Reply

Aidan McCartan

What’s the tune luck and lee or something

Mar 6th
Reply

Jon Moger

FINALLY!!!

Feb 10th
Reply

Lily D'vil

I have put beef oxo cube in hot water, it's delicious.

Nov 9th
Reply

James Durbin

When will we get another episode?

Sep 3rd
Reply

Chris Wake

when will you be back...?

Aug 21st
Reply

Darren Timmis

First time listener. not a footy fan, but loving the banter and the camaraderie between you guys. Im now a follower and a fan of your podcast.

Aug 6th
Reply

Aidan Marley

Quality. Seemed up for a laugh

Aug 3rd
Reply

Nijesh Shah

Love it... cheers Gents!

Aug 3rd
Reply

Dan Shephard

This is amazing boys! Well done gents 👍👍👍

Jul 29th
Reply (1)

Dan Shephard

Pooooooolis

Jul 27th
Reply

Colm Keating

SatisfiedFool loves this AND Korma

Jul 25th
Reply

Colm Keating

Satisfied Fool absolutely loves this

Jul 25th
Reply

Jacob Owen

someone tell Crouchy that MIKE DEAN has grown a bushy beard and sported it during this weekend's Merseyside Derby

Jun 22nd
Reply

Sebastian Freear

Really, really funny. Adds a lot to the experience of being a football fan.

May 24th
Reply
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