The Fifth Column

* The title is correct: everyone will hate something in this episode!* Moynihan is dying?* GPT as your GP* Choc and Chiclet * $$$ for TV* J.D. says Trump won in 2020* Jack Smith could have asked Moynihan * You hate him. But not enough.* A goomba union boss is going to choke America out* Rich and “working class”* Create jobs! End EZ-Pass!* Remembering the execrable Harry Bridges* Why is the government still mailing free Covid tests?* (MM fact-checks himself)* Lebanon and beyond This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comKmele’s voice is craggy; Moynihan is on the precipice of illness; Hasan Nasrallah has been delivered to a fiery “paradise,” last seen with his hand up own skirt, desperate to locate 70-odd sexually inexperienced coreligionists. Also: * Pat’s “thugocracy” * Hockey fights. * Johnny Turkey* Your legacy is one bad Twitter prediction* Ranking the least badly governed…

* The return of the Boss POC * The veep sits for an “interview”* That’s all she had to do…* Will Michael Cohen be assassinated?* Not if he escapes the country (and his family)!* The return of Tennessee* 10 days in an uncomplicated land* That conflict is just like all things I care about (except it’s nothing like the things I care about)* Disassociating yourself from the freaks and terror supporters* So we finally got to Diddy* Sure, he’s a monster! But the Mann Act?? This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* When you think you’re right about everything * Alternate episode title: Candace Owens Discovers a New Fact Every Day—This Time, She Didn’t Blame the Jews* “The incentive for her is to be more mentally ill, because she seems to be doing quite well by losing her mind in public”* It will be like leaving a 70’s cult * Nude Africa has gone offline :(* Nobel laureates …

Yet again, AI has done a bang-up of summarizing a Fifth Column episode, which mostly covers the insane economic policies of both idiot candidates and why members of Hezbollah are having their balls blown off. But according to the half-sentient supercomputers, the lads discuss how “Melania Trump's new book is a focal point, with humorous commentary on its content and implications.” True enough. And also, there is apparently some conversation about how “evidence is often disregarded in political claims.” Well yes, that’s pretty much every segment on every episode. “The speakers critique the absurdity of political discourse and the influence of social media on public narratives.” Is it odd that the AI episode summary failed to note that Moynihan yet again makes fun of Sam Altman? Only as odd, we suspect, as Snowden not tweeting negative things about Putin… And remember, if you want an extra episode every week, want to interact with the boys on the members-only “Second Sunday” episodes, or just want them to answer your pressing (emailed) questions, be sure to subscribe today! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comFirst: Our remote recording software uses AI to create text “soundbites” from every episode episode. They are best ignored. But this week, it came up with this: "Music is crazy.""This is about Indians.""I want to be black.""You must have a white wife."Yes, all of those important issues are discussed. But the conversation is mostly about the latest faile…

* This tattoo definitely wasn’t a horrible mistake * Matt has dementia* Pim Tool: tool of the FSB?* The $400,000 plagiarist* Brain “interference” vs. election “interference”* Did Trump acknowledge that he lost in 2020?* The childcare word salad* Plastic straw journalistic DISGRACE* Having principals versus having “a position”* Dumb neo-Nazi realizes he’s been cheated* More on the rise of junk history * An overlooked bit of Tucker’s controversial interview* Hitler was very, very, very evil. And the migration crisis came with many negative consequences for Europe. Both of the things can be true, you dopes! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Illness fakers* Medium fakers* Ok, so let’s warm up with some music stuff * Does any band have a perfect four-album run?* “I’ve read a lot of books on WWII!!”* On the Martyr Made controversy* Baby Irvings* The bad guys are the good guys, and they have no agency* “The Holocaust was basically a housing issue…”* The Theresienstadt “documentary”* The “terror” bombings* Incidenta…

* Kamala finally submits to an interview* A Cascade of Disappointment)* A softball interview* Flip, flop, flibbedy flop* Wasted questions * Just a question of grammar* Code switch that racist wall * Trump in the cemetery * Trump in the bible * Trump impressions * Noel, Liam, Kmele * Matt and Moynihan reveal a secret, racially segregated text thread This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

It’s the final night of the convention and in the hours before everything kicks off, the lads convened at the Substack loft to chat with Axios’s Alex Thompson, our old pal and arguably the most plugged in political reporter in America. We could offer some conversation bullet points but…just trust us. This is a really good one. Alex dishes on his reporting about the campaign to dislodge Biden’s from ticket, the enormous and quiet political power of the Obamas, and the behind-the-scenes war between Michelle Obama and the Biden family. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Moynihan, Welch, and Kmele’s Chicago misadventures continue in this dispatch, recorded just before night three of the 2024 Democratic National Convention. Joined by the incomparable Mike Pesca (host of The Gist), your favorite podcast triumvirate dissects the week’s events so far, their implications for the 2024 presidential race, and the future of the Democratic Party. Plus, a brief meditation on proper etiquette when dining at celebrity steakhouses—with a pair of reformed gangsters.Recorded: August 21st, 2024 (at the bustling Substack Loft)Published: August 22nd, 2024 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Why waste time with discursive show notes when you can just say two very simple words? Steve Kornacki. One of People’s “Sexiest Men Alive” returns to the Fifth (for his fourth appearance??) to breakdown the latest polls, prognosticate on what happens to the Republican Party if Trump loses, and subtly reveal that he might be a degenerate blackjack player. Just listen. It’s a good one. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* An ethereum veep bet (Note: U.S. customers are banned, so no $1,000 on Shapiro bet was made) * Watching the Olympics* Supporting Ukrainian athletes for non-political reasons* Lil’ Moyn is still in it to win it* An old, prescient email…* “What did I do?” - Gerald Ford* The drug excuse is not that convincing, TBH * Dave, Buster, and Trump* Yeah, no, it’s not going to be…

* Anything happen since we left?* La Bubblewrap * The media will do it for you* Everyone will forget about that NABJ appearance* Every journalist in that room is Audie Murphy* Who’s black?* Not in defense of Thomas Eagleton (soz) * The polls changed so let’s attack Nate Silver for noticing * Every one in politics is “weird”* The child will never fly coach again * The honorable resistors * JD Vance’s amazingly stupid economic ideas, which he cannot actually believe* The end of the Venezuelan dictatorship* Killing bad guys in Tehran and Beirut* Resistance vs. escalation This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

In April 2023, while producing a documentary series for The John Templeton Foundation (JTF), I had the distinct pleasure of interviewing legendary punk/rock musician and producer audio engineer Steve Albini. Portions of that interview appear in the sixth installment of the doc series (which is phenomenal, and you should watch every episode immediately), but most of our conversation has remained unreleased—until now.On May 7th, 2024, Steve passed away at 61 after an illustrious and influential life and career. With special thanks to JTF (and in honor of Steve Albini Day), we’re pleased to publish the full audio of that interview here.Steve engineered audio for artists like Nirvana, Bush, and the Pixies, helping each bring some of their most authentic and celebrated works to grateful fans the world over. Steve’s dedication to capturing the natural essence of a band's performance without excessive studio manipulation has left a lasting legacy in the music industry.In this wide-ranging exchange, Albini shared insights into his philosophy on music production and anecdotes from his time working with some of the biggest names in rock. And given the uniquely ontological focus of our documentary, Steve also served up some fascinating meditations on:* communicating with aliens* being a ‘vector of history’* the modern music scene* and the mathematics of musicAlbini's approach to his work wasn’t just technical but deeply philosophical. He believed that the role of a producer was to serve the artist's vision rather than impose their own. That ethos resonated throughout our discussion, a testament to his principled commitment to artistic integrity. His passing is a significant loss, but his legacy will undoubtedly continue to inspire future musicians and producers.- KmeleNOTE: This release includes a brief cameo from my friend and sometimes collaborator Jason Mojica — the indispensable producer/director of Dispatches from The Well.Interview Recorded: April 28th, 2023Published: July 27th, 2024 This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* HOF weekend * The Talented Ms. Jewhater* Notes from the RNC* The black Republicans who don’t care about ideology * The 33 person BBQ in North Milwaukee * Losing their religion * The Great Resignation * “She’s not Joe Biden on foreign policy, buy who is…”* Why they hate us * There’s no Kamala bump * More Project 2025 nonsense * The rise of the mentally ill pundit * To win, Dems…

Moynihan calls in from GOP Ground Zero in Milwaukee. Kmele threatens to dish about Silicon Valley support for Donald Trump. Welch only slurs as much as Reince Preibus. Topics include J.D. Vance’s political philosophy, Joe Biden’s deteriorating public appearances, and—as ever—Kmele’s mangled naughty bits. Who the hell knows when the Adderall shortage will kick in, but we’re squeezing the last drops out of Moynihan’s productivity before the vape-seizures finally do him in. Let’s gooooo!!!! This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comA rebroadcast of our increasingly popular Second Sunday edition, during which you, the listener, get to interact with the Fifth, berate them, flatter them, hit on them, and endlessly praise their wisdom and prescience. And thanks to all of you who showed up this week…so many, in fact, that we were forced to pay Zoom to increase the number of attendees. …

The lads make it through Biden’s presser, watch a bit of state television after, listen to the Mike Tyson’s Punch Out soundtrack, and limbo below the lowest bar in the history of low bars. This is a public episode. If you’d like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Wizards of Transnistria * Checking the box* A festival of freedom?* More old stuff* France and the media * Brain dead v. Hitler * It didn’t end in 2008, but it proved a lot * What a dictator is… and isn’t* An accent free pass * The best video ever: Fuck you bloody