The Fifth Column

UPDATE: The initial version of this episode was missing two audio clips, both of them featuring exceptionally stupid people saying exceptionally stupid things. To be honest, you were be better off not hearing either of them. But the episode has been corrected, the punishing stupidity included, and now you’re worse off…* Notes from a live event (going live later today) * Fifdom represents* Spotify exposes!* RIP Swampy* India, Pakistan, and the American retreat* Ending power, hard and soft* Marjorie Taylor Chomsky * Israeli endgame* Portnoy’s NYT complaint* Piers Springer and the forbidden word* Don’t give money to meth head Nazis who yell at babies This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Tickets for tomorrow’s Moynihan-moderated debate at the Village Underground can be purchased here! And subscribe to the Moynihan Report YouTube channel!* Winnipeg land acknowledgements* Prison competition* Tariffs for erotic French movies* Traitorous Hollywood not paying enough to make movies* A listener wants to talk about Steph Curry * Rare books* Lying on the fact…

They’re all back. And they recorded a very fun, very long one…during the day…to minimize drunken regrets. So many topics are covered—the Koch brother, the last episode, bad interviewers, bad manners, the strange new media, the strange new Ukraine strategy, exit Walz, etc—that we might as well dispense with the usual bullet points and just get right into it…Enjoy! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comMoynihan couldn’t make it (we don’t know where he is, but if you see a shirtless man yelling at a parking meter in lower Manhattan, please let us know). In his absence, Kmele and Welch cover a wide swath: alien oceans and scientific hype cycles, the collapse of local journalism, the rise of YouTube basketball nerds, and why Luka Dončić is the people’s MVP. They also wade into darker waters—federal crackdowns on campus speech, student visa censorship, and the increasingly authoritarian posture of Trump 2.0.Plus: reader mail, a reluctant defense of David Hogg, a rant about scams and AI voice fraud, and a minor audio glitch that might actually be evidence of extraterrestrial life.

Errr….This one gets pretty heated. But we’re all still friends! We think. And Moynihan is now sober and his blood sugar is back to normal, so there’s that too. Either way, hats off to Batya for braving another episode with three people who disagree with her on pretty much everything. We talk Tariffs, Trump, lawfare, Ukraine, and everything in between. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* The Hungarian dentist and the prostitute theory* Your TV wife sees Hitler all the time, no?* Facilitate…* Dinners with politicians * A digression on Big Star (FYI: "Holocaust”)* Elder scams* Apple Watches and proof of life* Back to Rogan and Murray* A trip to Libya for a copy of the Green Book* #9 Fifth Dream * Doing an impression of a smart person / Paul believes* A theory …

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comOn May 11, 2020, as I was navigating personal collapse (“it’s been a really shitty two months,” I said on an interesting-to-listen-to-now Special Dispatch #20), my two daughters were wrestling unhappily with Zoom school, and all three of us lads were in the process of buying Covid cars, I came across a Wired article that landed like a Cher-style open-ha…

Moynihan is out with a “tooth thing” (which sounds lame, but is allegedly a “painful,” “very serious” dental emergency that definitely doesn't involve a tall, attractive blonde woman). Fortunately, our pal Jesse Singal (Blocked and Reported, Singal-Minded) is along for the ride, and outlines the plans for his heroic crusade to save THE REPUBLIC by beefing with JD Vance on X. We dive into Trump 2.0’s extra-constitutional improvisations, fail to steer clear of trade policy, and search desperately for a silver lining in our late-capitalist, national-populist, increasingly surrealist Idiocracy. Also in the mix: a little Elon drama, libertarian coping strategies, various flavors of executive branch lawlessness, and a surprising outbreak of informed optimism about the future.* Tooth decay, high-end prostitutes, and podcast logistics* Jesse Singal enters the chat (possibly still mid–Twitter beef)* Deportation by executive vibe* Due process is for losers* When JD Met Jesse: A Very Sexy Love Story (by Selena Montgomery)* The most important internet slap-fight in American history* Hotel El Salvador: now accepting unwanted Americans* Bannon’s “flood the zone” plan meets sheer incompetence* Shouting at Bill Hemmer* Campus protests, free speech, and DHS interns with tasers* Jesse accidentally agrees with libertarians?* And can Jesse say one nice thing about JD Vance? (And, “Thank you”!?)* To the Moon, and Mars, and WHERE ELSE BEYOND This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

Is this episode 500?? Well, not really. Likely a bit higher. There have been some numbering convention mixups over the years and we’ve also recorded almost 300 paywalled episodes (yes, you should subscribe now, ya skinflints). But let’s just pretend it’s 500 and say…happy 500th episode, Fifth Column! * Waymo through skid row* The dumb right* Dead cats bounce* They took brown doublewides from us* Nixon, but in the open * Where are the Dems?* Besides magic* The DEI trade off?* The sweet meteor of death episode This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Val, Tombstone, Top Secret* Top Gun takes it to 11* One the best Hollywood memoirs * RIP Capucine* African-American Monday * Johnny Depp, musician * OK TIME TO TALK ABOUT THE COLLAPSING ECONOMY* Spartacus moment? Once they start flipping…* “They couldn’t believe it. Ben Shapiro, of all people…”* A Norwegian. A Dane…and a guy who *isn’t Finnish, Matt** On the best fight of …

* We bring back the great economist Scott Lincicome to separate MAGA myths from inconvenient facts on trade, trade imbalances, ChatGPT math, and getting “ripped off” by our (former?) allies. * Note: watch Kmele and Moynihan (and Gerald Posner) on the latest episode of the Moynihan Report * Eli’s new Liberation Day jam* These tariffs are dumb* Really, really dumb* Ruinously dumb* Laura Loomer is dumb* Tom Sowell isn’t dumb* MAGA’s Iraq This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* Tomorrow on The Moynihan Report: Actor and former fat guy Ethan Suplee (American History X, Wolf of Wall Street, Mall Rats, Remember the Titans). You can watch live at 4pm ET here. Archived there too! * Muslims and parking * No turkeys in NYC * Matt to the mothership* Austin Fifdom* Kmele and a Complete Unknown* Our paranoid times* No MAGA, no paranoia?* When you’ve lo…

* FYI: If you want to join the Zoom for March 27 episode of The Moynihan Report at 4pm ET, use this link * The Legend of Gavin and Charlie * Bob in Tulsa * Moyn in Miami* The bumbling Signal Boyz* We hope our kids never lie like this * Defund NPR * Another 25% will save American industry* Remember the minerals deal?* The jury on whether we should execute the judiciary * Car swastikas * And much, much more! This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

* Live tweeting history* The importance of Jack * The “climate of hate”* Some of these goofballs are normal* RIP Manny* The fake ceasefire * If only were weren’t a democracy…* Back to Gaza * Civil liberties, due process, and magicians * And a bunch more…. This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.com* The golden age of Oaktown’s 357 ("I just put Juicy, Got Him Crazy into Chat GPT to determine what it's about and it is definitely a song about...."* Yes, we briefly talk about forgotten about rappers and their dumb lyrics* Pumps and the Bump* Grok has this to say about our Hammer convo: “The casual acceptance of MC Hammer’s Speedo situation is absurdly funny.”

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comA rebroadcast of our last subscriber-only Second Sunday episode. Thomas Chatterton Williams stops by. Everyone’s in the same room. Many bottles are emptied. Many offensive jokes told. Many careers destroyed. Enjoy.

* The one Jew she likes* The amateur crank historian* The cranks always end at…take a guess* Kmele isn’t interested in Ms. Macron’s dong* Show we draw some distinctions?* Congrats to the Buchananites* The weirdness of Gavin Newsom’s podcast* On Bannon* On Columbia, the first amendment, masks, and dangerous idiots* The Ukraine non-deal* And much, much more This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comI was very moved by friend & past guest Jeff Blehar’s Covid anniversary piece, so … I just read it out loud. And added related commentary for paying subscribers. Some links alluded to therein, in rough order of reference:* Reason Roundtable Covid look-back* Related Twitter thread* “The Great COVID Rupture: Three years after ‘15 days to slow the spread,’…

* A very long SOTU* Al Green meets Buju Banton, Tripadvisor objects* The most beautiful, terrifying word in the English language* The “deficit” you shouldn’t care about * The forgotten Foxconn boondoggle * The hopeless Democrats* Maybe look at, say, Dean Phillips and ignore the Squad* Asian finger cuffs* Two cheers for parliamentary democracy * Poor lil’ Marco * Who killed Gene Hackman’s dog? This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit www.wethefifth.com/subscribe

This is a free preview of a paid episode. To hear more, visit www.wethefifth.comThere’s some discussion of parenting. A tiny bit about the Oscars. And a bunch about the triumph of conspiracy culture. But this is mostly a subscriber-only episode about the Zelensky debacle and the ongoing U.S. foreign policy realignment. So why bother with bullet points?’