The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast With Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you ever wonder why some people bounce back quickly from anything life throws at them, while others struggle mightily to get back to baseline, even after minor setbacks? The difference is resilience, a trait that every therapist knows can make a major difference in the trajectory of your life.    Resilience is influenced by your personality, your relationships, the skills you’ve had a chance to develop, your style of thinking, and your approach to problem solving, to name just a few factors. It can also be heavily influenced by your genes. In this podcast episode, we’re exploring the nature of resilience, and how you can build the “protective factors” into your life that will help you manage stress, recover from difficult experiences, and adapt to change — so you can thrive no matter what.    xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com   P.S. — I have a library of free content available for you on becoming more resilient. Check out our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.   

Many people find meaning, comfort, and connection through religion or a spiritual practice. But it’s also not uncommon to have negative religious experiences that can complicate your relationship with spirituality.    As kids, we all need to be encouraged and affirmed as we explore our identities and develop into our true selves. Unfortunately, many of us are subjected to guilt, shame, and pressure to conform with belief systems that aren’t authentically ours. Some children receive the message that if they think or act in ways that don’t match up with these belief systems, they’re bad people, unworthy of love within their families and communities. Some even experience physical or sexual abuse at the hands of religious leaders, which is a profoundly traumatic betrayal that leaves a painful and enduring scar.    If you’re interested in cultivating emotionally healthy spirituality in your life, especially after a negative religious experience, this episode is for you. I’m joined by my colleague Jennifer C., a therapist and life coach on our team at Growing Self. One of Jennifer’s many specialties is helping clients explore big, existential inquiries — and arrive at their own answers through a process of meaningful self-discovery.    I hope you’ll tune in.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com   P.S. — For more information on building an emotionally healthy life, check out our “emotional wellness” collection of articles and podcasts.   

Is conflict avoidance causing trouble in your relationship?  As an experienced marriage counselor, I can tell you that not having any conflict in a relationship isn’t as positive as many people think. When couples tell me they “never fight,” usually that means they aren’t addressing any of their friction points, or sharing their feelings openly and with vulnerability. When I scratch the surface of these relationships, I often find that each partner has an internal stockpile of resentments that are chipping away at their loving feelings for each other. Over time, these relationships can start to feel disconnected, hollow, and lonely.   Perhaps worst of all, couples who avoid conflict miss out on all of the opportunities for growth, connection, and relationship renewal that healthy conflict affords. Really!   If you or your partner have a tendency to avoid conflict in your relationship, this episode will help you explore why that is, why it’s a problem, and what you can do about it. Exercising your healthy-conflict muscles will not only help you create a stronger, deeper connection with your partner, it will help you feel more confident and competent when you’re faced with conflict anywhere in life.    I hope you’ll join me!   With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby   PS — You can find more advice on building the skills to keep your relationship healthy and strong in our “Communication that Connects” collection of articles and podcasts. 

Having a child is one of the coolest, most meaningful experiences a human being can have. It’s also a mind-blowingly huge responsibility. How can you decide if you want to become a parent? And if that is your heart’s desire, how can you know when you’re ready for a baby?    As a longtime marriage and family therapist, I know that many individuals and couples can remain stuck at this particular crossroads for years. It’s one thing to want a baby, but getting all of the pieces in order to make that dream a reality can be complicated. Not to mention all of the uncertainty and anxiety you may feel about this decision if you’re not sure whether you want kids (but you hear the ticking of the biological clock regardless).    If you are contemplating parenthood in the near future, this episode of the podcast will help you find clarity about your next steps. It’s a conversation between myself and my fellow Growing Self marriage counselor Brittany S., M.A., LMFT. Brittany has coached and counseled many parents and prospective parents along the journey of building a family, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.    I hope you’ll join us.    Xoxo,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com  P.S. — I’ve created dozens of free resources that you may find helpful. You can find them in our “Happy Family” collection of articles and podcasts.

“My husband doesn’t listen to me. He just tells me whatever he thinks I want to hear so that I’ll go away and leave him alone.”   “I’m sick of not being heard in my relationship. Whenever I try to have a conversation about a problem we’re having, she just waits until it’s her turn to talk so she can tell me I’m wrong.”    I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard complaints like these from new arrivals to couples counseling. It’s no secret that “listening to each other” is a vital skill for healthy relationships, and it certainly sounds simple enough. Yet so many of us go wrong here. Something about the way we communicate, especially during important conversations with the people we love, leaves one partner feeling unheard and the other feeling confused and defensive. When you can’t get through to your partner, it can feel like there’s no path forward, leaving you both feeling stuck and dissatisfied.    But there are some little-known principles of communication that will help you get through to your partner and overcome communication blocks in any relationship. In today’s episode, we’re sharing them with you.    My guest is Jennifer C., a marriage and family therapist on our team at Growing Self who has helped so many couples overcome this frustrating issue. We’re discussing the reasons you don’t feel listened to in your relationship, and some tips that will help you both feel heard (spoiler: Getting progressively louder is not the solution!).    I hope you’ll check it out.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com P.S. — If you’d like more content on strengthening your relationship through effective communication, check out our “communication that connects” collection of podcast episodes and articles.

You’ve hired the caterer, booked the venue, and spent hours curating a playlist that is danceable and family friendly, while also conveying the story of your love. You think you should be feeling excited for your wedding — you love your partner deeply and this is supposed to be the best day of your life! But instead you’re feeling a little bit nauseous, and considering possible escape routes à la Julia Roberts in “Runaway Bride.”    If this is sounding familiar, then you my friend have a case of cold feet before the wedding. It’s a common occurrence, and something that premarital counselors even expect. When thoughtful, responsible people prepare to make the biggest commitment of their lives, they’re bound to feel some uncertainty and apprehension. The good news is, these thoughts and feelings probably don’t mean that you’re making a big mistake. But they’re also not something that you should ignore.   This episode of the podcast will help you get to the bottom of cold feet before your wedding, so you can gain the tools to walk forward into marriage with joy and confidence. My guest is my Growing Self colleague Brenda F., a marriage and family therapist, premarital counselor, and teacher of our “Lifetime of Love” premarital counseling class. Brenda has helped countless engaged couples address their cold feet and lay the foundation for a strong, happy marriage together. I hope our conversation will help you too.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

Toxic relationships are more than unhealthy. They can be an addiction.    During the early stages of romantic love, our brains light up with flashes of ecstasy and excitement. The same chemical reward systems that are implicated in a cocaine habit also get us “addicted” to romantic partners, even when they’re inconsistent, unavailable, or downright destructive to our wellbeing.    Unfortunately, toxic relationships can be even more addictive than healthy relationships. Being in a toxic relationship feels like swinging wildly between anxiety and relief, and living for honeymoon periods that feel even more blissful because of all the terrible things that are happening the rest of the time. Unlike the calm waters of a healthy relationship, the choppy waves of a toxic relationship leave you off balance, and often deeply hooked.    If you are addicted to a toxic relationship, I hope this episode of the podcast sheds some light on the dynamics at play. I’m sharing the true story of a client I worked with years ago (after changing the identifying details, of course) who was in the grips of a toxic relationship he could not seem to end, no matter how much pain it caused him and his family. Eventually he found his way out, back to true love and grace. I wish the same for you.    xoxo,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com 

Do you believe being single is a bad thing? Or that it’s a problem that needs to be resolved as quickly as possible?    I hope your reflexive answer to these questions is “absolutely not!” But, even if you’re not aware of it, you may have echoes of these cultural attitudes boomeranging around your brain, and they can make it hard for you to feel fulfilled and happy outside of a committed relationship.    Now, don’t get me wrong — I think loving relationships are absolutely fabulous. In fact, I’ve devoted my life to helping people create and maintain healthy relationships through services like counseling, dating coaching, and more.    But I also know that there are many people who are searching for a partner while living with a deep anxiety about their status as a single person. Many single people tell me they’re kept up at night by worries about the possibility of never finding love. Ironically, this kind of desperation can undermine your chances of building the kind of life that would make you authentically happy — and that would invite healthy love into your life in a sustainable way.    If you are single and worried about never finding a partner, I hope this episode of the podcast helps you find greater meaning and happiness. My guest is John Kim, a marriage and family therapist and the author of “Single on Purpose: Redefine Everything, Find Yourself First.” He’s sharing tips on being single and happy, while also making room for real love in your life. You won’t want to miss this conversation!   With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

What is the greatest obstacle standing between you and the things you want in life?    It’s easy to believe it’s bad luck, or some personal failing, or simply the hand you were dealt at birth. But in my experience helping people overcome their personal barriers in therapy and coaching, I’ve found there’s a culprit that’s much more common, though harder to detect: your mindset.   Your mindset is like the lens you look through to view the world. While it’s invisible to you, it has a big impact on what you expect from life, how you respond to stress, and the goals that you set for yourself. If your mindset is unsupportive, self-critical, or disempowered, everything you do will be more difficult than it needs to be. You’ll have to work harder to create change, because you’ll expend a lot of your energy battling an internal gatekeeper who wants you to stay right where you are.    By changing your mindset, you can break through plateaus, get unstuck, and begin to move forward on the path to your goals. But how can you change your mindset? This episode of the podcast will show you the way!   My guest is Megan Hyatt Miller, the president and CEO of Full Focus, host of the popular business podcast “Lead to Win,” and the co-author of “Mind Your Mindset: The Science that Shows Success Starts with Your Thinking.” Megan has helped countless people achieve their definition of success by changing their mindsets, and today she’s sharing her guidance with you.   I hope you’ll join us!   xoxo,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

Your body has changed radically since the day you were born, and your mind is continually growing and changing based on your experiences. But what about your emotional world? What does it mean to become emotionally mature, and how can you build your emotional maturity?    Unlike gray hairs and forehead wrinkles, emotional maturity doesn’t necessarily come with age. It’s something we have to cultivate with intention by building our self-awareness, empathy, and understanding. It’s not always easy work (in fact, our most difficult experiences are the ones that spur the greatest emotional growth), but the benefits are endless. Best of all, this work is never finished — you always have room to become more emotionally mature, and this episode of the podcast will show you how.    My guest is Dr. Harold P., D.Min., M.A., CCC, CPC, a marriage counselor, life coach, and therapist on our team at Growing Self. Harold not only helps clients build their emotional maturity (often through emotional intelligence coaching), he’s also someone who exudes emotional maturity himself, and today he’s sharing his secret with you.    I hope you’ll join us for this episode, all about becoming emotionally mature.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

Have you ever been told that “It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it?”    As maddening as this can be to hear (especially if it’s lobbed at you in the middle of a disagreement), it’s also true: The way we deliver a message impacts the way it’s received just as much as the message itself.  In fact, most of what we communicate to the people around us is not in the form of words. We are all constantly communicating through subtle cues that we give off unintentionally, running each other’s messages through the filter of our own experiences and beliefs, then forming judgments about each other that we rarely voice out loud.    This is what’s happening when someone gives you a “bad vibe” that you can’t quite put your finger on. It’s also why two people can walk away from the same conversation with completely different interpretations of what was said. To communicate effectively and avoid the kind of miscommunication that can damage relationships, you have to consider not only the words you’re using, but the spirit behind your message and the way you’re conveying that spirit.    The skills we’re discussing in this episode are components of emotional intelligence, and emotional intelligence coaching is one of the core services we offer at Growing Self. Emotional intelligence is the key to satisfying personal relationships, and emotional intelligence in the workplace is the foundation of professional success. We also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone.    While I know that many of the topics we’re discussing in this episode are of particular interest to career coaching clients, we also cover many of these skills in therapy, life coaching, and especially couples counseling. They’re useful for anyone who wants to become a better communicator — which I’m convinced is just about everyone.    I hope you’ll join me for this episode, all about “How do People See You?”   With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com  

Feeling invalidated is at the core of communication issues. When couples fight, they're usually fighting to be heard. Feeling shut down, or bulldozed by your partner is not just frustrating — if it happens routinely it can damage your relationship. Today, learn why emotional invalidation happens and what you can do to stop it. By the end of the episode, you’ll have some actionable takeaways to help you feel heard, valued, and understood. With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

What goals do you have for your relationship? If an answer immediately sprang to your mind, that’s fantastic. You already know what you’d like to work on with your partner, and doing that work together will help you create a stronger, happier, and more sustainable relationship.    But if you’re like most people, you might not have clear “couple goals” that you’re working toward. Even if you’re someone who sets goals for your career, your finances, and even your hobbies, you may not yet think about your relationship as an area where you can build skills, develop yourself, and work toward mastery.    That’s because even the most responsible, conscientious, and goal-oriented among us tend to be more reactive than proactive when it comes to our relationships. Much to the chagrin of every marriage counselor I know, many people believe that relationship growth work is only for couples who have significant problems. In reality, proactively working on your relationship a little bit every day is how you prevent significant problems from taking root in the first place.    Setting couple goals is a way to challenge yourselves and each other, and intentionally grow together into the best possible partners you can be. I hope this episode of the podcast gives you some insight into the kind of proactive, positive, growth-oriented relationship work that you and your partner can begin doing right now — while you’re still happy and in love and having a fabulous time together.    Joining me for this conversation is my Growing Self colleague Sara B., a couples counselor and a relationship coach on our team. Sara has helped many people create their ideal relationships, and on today’s podcast, she’s serving up some actionable advice you won’t want to miss.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com

We all want to feel happier, but pursuing happiness directly can be a self-defeating paradox. The more you chase happiness, the more it recedes over the horizon, never fully materializing. At least not for long.   And why do we find happiness so elusive? Because it’s a mood state like any other; it comes and then it goes, like water through your fingers. You may feel a temporary spike in happiness when something wonderful happens, like landing your dream job or falling in love, but before long the feeling will subside and you will return to your baseline. Soon you’ll start chasing the next thing that you hope will make you happy. And then the next.    I’m convinced that when high-functioning, growth-oriented people come to therapy or coaching in search of happiness, what they really need is something else: contentment.    Contentment is more than a mood state; it’s a mindset you can cultivate. It encompasses happy feelings, but also appreciation, gratitude, satisfaction, and peace. While happiness always wants more, contentment takes pleasure in what is. If contentment had a mantra it would be this: All is well in my world and I am so grateful to be exactly where I am.    Today’s episode of the podcast is all about cultivating contentment. We’re talking about how you can take greater joy in your life exactly the way it is, while still growing, evolving, and yes, even striving for more.     With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com 

“Allow yourself to feel.”    “All emotions are valid.”    “Get in touch with your feelings.”    If you swim in personal growth circles, you’ve probably gotten used to hearing phrases like these. Our culture is becoming more aware that feelings are to be felt — not denied, suppressed, or judged as “right” or “wrong.” This growing awareness is a sign of progress, but most of us still have questions about how exactly we’re supposed to be “feeling our feelings.”    Many people relate to their emotions with a sense of helplessness, believing they could be swept away by a negative mood state if they allow their feelings to come and go. Others may struggle to access their emotions at all, as well as the reservoir of wisdom they have to offer.   To feel your feelings in a healthy way, you need to be tuned into your emotions. You need to be able to take guidance from your feelings, just like you take guidance from the sensory information coming from your eyes and ears. You also need to develop some emotional intelligence skills so that you can stay regulated and balanced, within yourself and within your relationships.   Unfortunately, most of us don’t receive much help building these skills at crucial points in our development. Many people seek out therapy or emotional intelligence coaching in adulthood to learn how to relate to their emotions in a healthier way. I hope this episode of the podcast helps you think about feeling your feelings in a new light, and gives you some fresh ideas about how you can use your emotional guidance system to create the life you want.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby  growingself.com 

How can you make a hard decision when you have no idea what the future holds?    Should you quit your job? Cut off contact with your difficult friend? Buy the condo, or the house? Marry your partner? Dump your partner?   Some people swear by using a cost-benefit analysis, or a decision tree, or a patented Six-Step Decision Making Model for Tough Choices™. While tools like these may have their place in decision making, I think a lot of them miss the larger point…      Decisions are about feelings.    Does that surprise you to read? Maybe you’ve absorbed the popular idea that emotions are the enemy of sound, rational, goal-oriented decision making. In reality, having a good connection with your feelings is the only way to set meaningful goals in the first place, from which wise decisions can flow. Your feelings are a source of information, pointing the way toward the life you want to live. When you can tune into them, the right decisions become clear.    This episode of the podcast will teach you how to make hard decisions using your internal wisdom, and the incomplete information you have about the future.   Joining me are two of my Growing Self colleagues with a lot of experience with this topic. Alejandra P. is a marriage counselor on our team who helps people find clarity about their relationships, and Kristi H. is an experienced career coach and counselor who helps people navigate big, bold career changes.    If you’re facing a hard decision, I hope you’ll find our conversation helpful.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby growingself.com 

If you’re a hardworking, talented, and career-driven person, you probably aspire to be a leader some day. It’s easy to understand why. “Being a boss” can feel like a natural next step after years or even decades of hard work and professional achievement.    But being a good boss requires a number of skills that are separate from the ones that probably got you promoted. When you become a leader, your talents for writing code, or planning weddings, or stamping out widgets at the widget factory become insignificant overnight, and your career success begins to depend instead on how well you communicate, motivate, and connect with the hearts and minds of others.    Most people find this shift harder than they expected. They often end up feeling overwhelmed, burned out, and less sure of themselves than they felt before becoming a boss. Many seek out career counseling or leadership coaching to learn not only how to be a boss, but how to be a good boss, capable of leading a team of talented people to accomplish great things. They begin a process of personal growth that makes them more aware, more influential, and more courageous, at work and in every other area of their lives.    This episode of the podcast is for anyone who leads other people, or who hopes to someday. As a small business owner myself, I can tell you that being a good boss is not a destination, but an ongoing journey that will challenge you in unexpected ways. I hope this episode gives you some fresh ideas for where to begin.  With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com  

What hopes and dreams do you have for your kids?  Do you want them to do well in school? Have good friends who love and support them? Build a successful career doing what they love? Find a healthy, loving relationship some day and start a family of their own? As both a marriage and family therapist and a parent myself, I can tell you that these are the dreams that most parents, including myself, have for their children. And that there’s one skill that’s essential for making all of these dreams and many others a reality: empathy.  Empathy is the ability to understand another person’s emotional experience, and to connect with it from a compassionate place. Empathetic people have healthier relationships, a wider circle of support, stronger self-esteem, and greater success in every area of life. Fortunately, we all have the power to help our kids hone their empathy, and this episode of the podcast will help you do that.  My guest is Georgi B., a marriage counselor and parent coach on our team at Growing Self. Georgi is sharing some valuable parenting tips on teaching empathy to kids. You won’t want to miss this conversation — this topic is so important, and it goes so much deeper than you think! I hope you’ll join us.  With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

We have all been there… witnessing our Ex move on without us. As both a therapist and breakup recovery coach who has walked with many people through the breakup recovery process, as well as a fellow human, I know that if you’re in the early stages of getting over a breakup or recovering after divorce, it can feel like a flaming knife is stabbing you in the gut when your Ex moves on with someone else. What’s worse, it can feel impossible to think about anything else.    How are you supposed to focus on your own life and your own recovery when you can’t stop imagining your Ex cuddling up with a new partner? How can you let go and move forward when you’re stuck in a painful obsession?    I created this episode about “How to Deal when Your Ex Moves On” to answer these questions and others. You’ll learn why you can’t stop thinking about your Ex’s new relationship, and the powerful cognitive skills that will help you shift your focus.     I hope you’ll join me, and that you’ll find this episode helpful in your healing process.    With love,    Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby   GrowingSelf.com

“I want a divorce.”   It’s one of the most alarming sentences a married person can hear. And — in one way or another — it means that your marriage is about to change.  But it doesn’t always mean that your marriage is about to end. When your spouse asks you for a divorce, it breaks one of two ways: it either leads to a “transformational crisis” where couples make positive and often long-overdue changes to their relationship, or it’s the beginning of the end. I want you and your husband or wife to have the first outcome. That’s why I created this episode of the podcast for you. I wanted to give you some guidance for navigating this incredibly scary situation, based on my work with countless couples over the years who pulled their marriages back from the brink of divorce. I know from experience that it is often possible to stop a divorce and save your marriage, but only if you manage this relationship crisis effectively. My hope is that this episode of the podcast will help you do that.  Later on, I’m joined by Rich Harris, a family law attorney in the Denver area who knows a lot about the other side of this issue. Rich is offering advice about where to begin if you aren’t able to save your marriage (although his team at the Harris Law Firm has seen many couples reconcile, even after their divorce cases were well underway).  I hope this episode helps you find clarity, direction, and peace of mind.  With love,  Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com