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Are you inadvertently allowing negativity into my mind and body? When someone puts you down or mistreats you, is it possible you are unintentionally enabling this behavior? You shouldn't be blamed for other people's bad behaviors, but you should also not be too tolerant of it either.
We can walk around with beliefs that lead us down the same road every time. When you know for sure what's true, yet you still get terrible results, maybe it's time to question what's true and look for what might be a possible new understanding that changes everything.
It's bad enough to get punished by someone else when you make a mistake, but to compound the suffering by punishing yourself can make things so much worse. Sure, we can beat ourselves up for our own actions, but when we make a habit of it, our quality of life decreases and it's hard to enjoy the present moment.
How many times do you hear I'm sorry and I promise I'll never do it again" before you realize nothing is going to change?  What if they do change? Can you reunite and start fresh and be good again? Today I talk about apologies, promises, relationships, and so much more.
You've called them out. You've had your arguments. You've tried everything to get someone to take responsibility for their words or actions. But you still can't get through to them.  Some people are impossible and there's no hope.  Is that true with certain people? Let's explore that.
Sometimes no matter what you do for someone, they just don't have the capability to reciprocate. Love and connection can be welcome, but what if it isn't returned? The first segment addresses this challenge between a daughter and a mom.   The second segment takes a little turn to share a story of a man dealing with a divorce he didn't expect.
It was the perfect marriage. She came home to her warm, comfortable home to be with her best friend - her husband - and everything was great... Until his kids moved in full time. Now she no longer has a quiet, peaceful home and she doesn't know what to do.
If you've tried everything with someone and they are still awful to you, perhaps you're trying too hard. Or maybe they don't care enough to change for you or anyone else. What happens when one or both parents are unloving and unsupportive, and also mean... and a bully... and more. There's a lot to unpack in this episode.
Going about your life shouldn't be a constant stress on your system. Sometimes we let our fears override our values. When that happens, we end up with results we don't want more often than not. I talk about that in today's episode and I also answer a question about how to respond to the emotionally abusive person who may not realize they are being emotionally abusive.
Is there a part of you that you can't necessarily feel fully? Do you think you could be happier than you are? Sometimes we stuff emotions down so far that we forget they're there. When that happens, a part of us can actually shut down or become numb. It's important to restart that part to give ourselves the opportunity to experience the full spectrum of who we are at the deepest level.
What can you do if someone is holding something over your head and you feel stuck unless you kiss their butt? Is there a solution to this kind of abusive situation? It's a "do what I say or you'll never get what you want" scenario that can crush your soul if you're not careful.
Hundreds of emails, so little time. I tackle three messages. One from a woman stuck in a codependent relationship wanting to know how to find peace. Another from someone trying to connect with people at a new job. Then I talk about steps to take to get a raise. Then finally, the third email from someone getting ambiguous signals while dating. This episode is packed!
It should be celebrated when you start honoring yourself and standing up for yourself. It should be seen as a gift you give yourself that leads to happiness. But some people see your empowerment as a threat and aren't ready for you to change. When that happens, you might have to start changing the rules to show others just how worthy of healthy behavior you are.
Sometimes the friendship is so great, you wish you could feel this way all the time. So perhaps the thought of taking the friendship further comes to mind. But are they interested in you? And if they aren't, will the friendship be awkward moving forward? Also, is there a way to tell that perhaps it's a good or bad idea to move forward with a relationship? Whether you're in a relationship or not, this episode has something for everyone.
A toxic relationship is one where at least one person is hurtful to another when there is supposed to be love, kindness, respect, and support. A woman wrote to me and said she was in a toxic relationship for far too long and is now trying to figure out how to forgive herself and move on. That's a great idea. I do my best to help her do that in this episode. We talk about that and more so I hope you get a chance to listen to the whole thing.
A listener was told she was passive-aggressive and she didn't realize it. She asked how to identify it in herself and how and why it comes about. I address this great topic in today's episode. I also talk about a very difficult situation where a disabled partner is also an abusive partner and his wife doesn't know what to do about it. It's a packed episode today.
If you acted badly toward someone in your past, is it a good idea to reach out and apologize years later? What if they're a past romantic partner you hurt and they've moved on, do you think they'll want to hear from you?   I try to answer that question and also talk about judgment in relationships in this packed episode.
A woman blocks her mom because of her years of toxic behavior. When she unblocks her, the mom reaches out, never mentioning being blocked, and never apologizing or taking responsibility for her hurtful behavior. Is it time to accept someone like that back into your life? What if they send you gifts but no apology? Is it worth taking the risk?   I talk about that and more in this packed episode.
When you say what you mean, you get a lot more done than most people because you leave little room for interpretation. Is there a way to do this elegantly and effectively so you don't sound like a total jerk? Sometimes when you show up as the person you want to be, some people may not want you to be who you are.   I talk about that and apologizing for messing up when things have been going so well.
When you are mistreated in some way and made to feel less than dirt, do you accept that you are as you are treated or that you are as you choose to be? Don't let other people's perceptions of you define you. Hold yourself to a certain standard and watch everyone else change or leave. It's not easy, of course. But it is very useful.
Comments (174)

Raine

Excellent advice. I am in the "thick of it", and you've certainly echoed many of my thoughts and sentiments. I just discovered your site last night while reading about deep loss. Teen daughter died a few years ago, unexpectedly, and my brain has certainly been overwhelmed ever since. Your podcast is already a breath of fresh air and a beacon of light for finally working on rediscovering me apart from the toxic F&F who've been unable to support me these past few years since my child loss. I have a lot of people I'm no longer "trying" with, and just- This episode could have specifically been for me. 100% Thank you for your writing, sharing, and this podcast. You've reminded me of my worth.

Aug 30th
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Sophie G.

This episode felt like a friendly pat on the back 'cause in order to move, my husband and I have to literally give up all of our stuff, including books that I had kept from my childhood. A friend told me that it would be a pity to loose them and thx to your show, I answered, my head held high, that it would be a pity to loose my chance of being a better person. She thought I was nuts but I feel the turtle inside me has turned into a bird. So thanks for all the efforts you're putting into this show.

Jan 13th
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Joe White

There is no defending a cheater no matter what. You can't blame the person you cheated on. Why is this hard to understand for some people???

Dec 6th
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Sophie G.

Hey much better pronunciation 😁 btw, since you get listeners all over the world, (I'm making sure about it in Iran😉) you can check forvo.com whenever you're in doubt. Sorry, the mom side of me is back🤣

Nov 11th
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Venice Rowe

no. everyone is on a journey and they have to be the best version of themselves.

Aug 1st
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Sophie G.

The sense of ever growing and improvement is established when the host genuinely has the same spirit. Immensely greatful for keeping life fresh all over.🙏🙏🙏

May 19th
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luhkeebae

Excellent episode Paul! I love the idea you put forth regarding seeing your future self at the grocery store and being overcome with joy--you knew life was going to be alright at that point. It runs parallel to the concept, 'change your thoughts, change your life,' in that all one must do is believe and heavy burdens can be genuinely lifted from your shoulders. If you can believe it and perceive it, then it truly becomes your reality. Perception is reality and that truly matters if you want to change your outlook on life. I can see how someone might try to say the concept is too cheesy and superficial, but it's really not. If internalized deeply, you can change your life for the good by understanding and utilizing this. Thanks Paul! 💯 💛JamieTheOverwhelmedBrain

May 14th
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Sophie G.

What I absolutely love about this show is that Paul doesn't deceive his listeners claiming he has the ultimate solution and leaves the decisions to those who should make them for their own improvement. That I believe is the meaning of Liberty.

Apr 4th
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Stacey Willard

very timely podcast! Thanks again!

Jan 30th
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Sophie G.

Yet more seriously, what proof is needed to say that this show and your helping hand is nothing short of wonder since you have avid listeners from literally the other side of the planet?

Jan 13th
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Sophie G.

psst, you ARE a superstar 😁

Jan 13th
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Kati Florida

I feel like fears are much different when we have children. Our thoughts as parents are mostly based around our fears For our kids. What will happen to them if something happens to me?

Jan 12th
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luhkeebae

What an excellent & thoughtful episode, Paul! 💯 I am so thankful for your podcast--I cannot thank you enough! I find myself at a loss of words when I try to articulate the profound impact your podcast has had on my life. You are appreciated, Paul! 💛

Jan 7th
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Stu Cook

Great episode and that closing thought was totally relevant to me! 👍

Dec 23rd
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Stu Cook

Another incredibly helpful episode today. Practical and insightful as always. 👍

Dec 16th
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Stu Cook

A really, REALLY useful episode for me today! 👍

Dec 2nd
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Irna Spigariol

I love the podcast apart from the introduction which reminds me of a tele marketing advertisement.

Nov 30th
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Irna Spigariol

I understand letting go and it's given me a lot of peace

Nov 30th
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Sophie G.

15min into the show I had to stop it to dry my face from all the mixed tears of joy and pain to say thank you so much. I'm sure a lot of your listeners feel the same, like they're in a conversation but this episode came up in one of my darkest hours. May you have Midas hands without the undesirable side effects. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Nov 29th
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Irna Spigariol

excellent podcast, although its very confronting to acknowledge all my defence mechanisms.

Nov 26th
Reply (1)
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