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Wolf 359

Author: Kinda Evil Genius Productions, LLC

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Life's not easy for Doug Eiffel, the communications officer for the U.S.S. Hephaestus Research Station, currently on Day 448 of its orbit around red dwarf star Wolf 359. He's stuck on a scientific survey mission of indeterminate length, 7.8 light years from Earth. His only company on board the station are stern mission chief Minkowski, insane science officer Hilbert, and Hephaestus Station's sentient, often malfunctioning operating system Hera. He doesn't have much to do for his job other than monitoring static and intercepting the occasional decades-old radio broadcast from Earth, so he spends most of his time creating extensive audio logs about the ordinary, day-to-day happenings within the station. But the Hephaestus is an odd place, and life in extremely isolated, zero gravity conditions has a way of doing funny things to people's minds. Even the simplest of tasks can turn into a gargantuan struggle, and the most ordinary-seeming things have a way of turning into anything but that. Wolf 359 is a radio drama in the tradition of Golden Age of Radio shows. Take one part space-faring adventure, add one part character drama, and mix in one part absurdist sitcom, and you get Wolf 359.

97 Episodes
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Hello Dear Listeners!  We're re-activating the Wolf 359 feed for a very special announcement from the man of a thousand voices himself, Zach Valenti. The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio drama anthology series called Zero Hours.  We think it's pretty neat, and so we wanted share the first episode, which features a couple other voices you're probably familiar with...  We hope you enjoy, and you can check out the rest of Zero Hours at www.zerohourspodcast.com.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Hello Dear Listeners!  We are revisiting the Wolf 359 feed for a very special, very exciting announcement! The creative team behind Wolf 359 has just released a brand-new audio fiction fantasy series called Unseen.  The premise behind the show is simple: in a world where magic is real but invisible to almost everyone, the few magical beings that do exist struggle, every day, just to be seen. We're very proud of this new series, and so we wanted share the first episode with all of you. We hope you enjoy "Never-Ending Circles," written and directed by Gabriel Urbina, the creator of Wolf 359!  And if you do enjoy this first installment, and you can check out the rest of Unseen at www.Unseen.Show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
New to Wolf 359? Don't know where you should start listening? Here's the orientation you need for your deep space adventure: how to get started, what to look out for, and how to get the best Wolf 359 experience. For a text version of this guide, please visit www.wolf359.fm/starter-guide Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Making the Final Episode

Making the Final Episode

2021-10-2523:161

This is a behind-the-scenes look into the making of the final episode of Wolf 359, produced by Rebecca Seidel. Featuring interviews with its cast and crew, and never-before-heard audio from the studio recording sessions for Brave New World. Note: This special behind-the-scenes extra contains spoilers for Episode 61, Brave New World. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
We finally broke through the last of our technical hiccups, friends, and could not be more excited to share with you the brand new(/old) Wolf 359 Ad-Free feed. To access the whole run of the show without ads, head on over to wolf359.fm/support. Or just keep listening to the show on your podcatcher of choice. We're not the boss of you. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Merry Christmas, and Happy 4-Year Anniversary to the finale of Wolf 359! To celebrate, Commander Emma Sherr-Ziarko gathered (most) of the cast and crew of the show for a reunion on her own podcast, Pairing, and we wanted to bring it directly to all of you. We reminisce about our favorite memories of making this show, what episodes we loved most, and we discuss what we think our characters would drink. Plus: Noah's slates, Zach Valenti breaking into song, recording at Spaceman, building and living in a character, Hilbert's commercial reads, forgetting episode titles, Horse Wines, predicting the future, Alan's track titles, Gabriel the master synthesizer, How Could Dare You, and, of course, Funzo. This episode features: Julian Silver, Scotty Shoemaker, Zach Valenti, Ariela Rotengold, Noah Masur, Michelle Agresti, Sarah Shachat, Zach Libresco, Michaela Swee, Cecilia Lynn-Jacobs, Alan Rodi, and Gabriel Urbina. It also features music by Alan Rodi. Special thanks to Zach Valenti for helping edit this episode! Zach is doing a Wolf 359 re-listen starting December 25th, 2021, at 3:59pm EST. Join him at wolf359.fm/relisten! Check out more of Pairing - including many episodes featuring members of the Wolf 359 cast and crew as guests - at the show's website! If you would like to access an ad-free feed of Wolf 359, check out the newly relaunched Wolf 359 patreon. Emma humbly asks that you sign up for the pre-launch of Moira Katson's new book, A Sundered Throne, which Emma is on deck to narrate if we raise enough money from the kickstarter. It's free to sign up, and you get a sneak peek of the first 8 chapters! You can also find Emma as an acting coach on SkillsHub, a website founded by another commander (Jennifer Hale). Check out her website and patreon for more info on what she's up to! If you enjoy Pairing, follow us on social media and tell your friends! Follow us on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, & Tumblr! Pairing was created, hosted, and produced by Emma Sherr-Ziarko, with music and audio recording by Winston Shaw, and artwork by Darcy Zimmerman and Katie Huey. This episode was edited by Emma Sherr-Ziarko and Zach Valenti. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Want to write great fiction podcasts but don't know where to begin? You're not alone! Wolf 359 creator Gabriel Urbina is offering a new and updated version of his acclaimed online workshop, Writing Stories For Sound this February. Join Gabriel on a guided tour of his own journey into understanding audio, as he retraces his steps and revisits the questions he asked as he was taking his first baby steps into the medium with the first episodes of Wolf 359. He's teaching the workshop twice this month - once on Thursday February 22nd at 7:00 PM Eastern time and once on Sunday February 25th at 2:00 PM Eastern time! For more information or to sign up, please visit wolf359.fm/learn. * * * TRANSCRIPT OF TODAY'S MESSAGE: (sounds of Eiffel fidgeting, while tense, dramatic music plays) Eiffel: Come on come on come on... where is he? Doctor... (door opens) Eiffel: Ah, Doctor Hilbert! Thank goodness, there you are! I need help.  Hilbert: Officer Eiffel. What seems to be the problem? Eiffel: I - I don’t know. I feel like nothing I do sounds the way it ought to. The funny parts aren’t funny. The exciting parts aren’t exciting. It’s like I’ve lost the script on my whole life.  Hilbert: I see. Do not be worried, Officer Eiffel. Problem is serious but there is simple solution.  Eiffel: Is the great clown Pagliacci in town? Hilbert: Even better. (music abruptly changes, replaced by a more playful melody) Hilbert: Podcast creator Gabriel Urbina is offering online workshop on how to write the great audio fiction.  Eiffel: He is? Hilbert: He is. Is comprehensive journey through the building blocks of gripping podcast stories.  Eiffel: Does it cover the basics of how to write scenes without any visuals? Hilbert: Absolutely. But it goes beyond that. It explains how audio fiction can do things no other medium does, such as making the audience imagine visuals that cannot be seen.  Eiffel: You mean like that weird room in the back of the station, where the walls are painted a color that’s darker than black?  Hilbert: Precisely. Or the way you can introduce a new detail into scene and completely change audience’s understanding of what was happening.  Eiffel: Oh! Is that why you’re dressed up as a Teletubby? To illustrate that concept? Hilbert: Uh... no. I am wearing this for... my own purposes. Do not ask any more questions about the outfit.  Eiffel: I am not going to ask any more questions about the outfit. Well, Doc, I have to say I’m sold.  (a laminated card is placed on the table) Eiffel: Will my insurance cover this? Hilbert: Eiffel, you know very well that Goddard Futuristics does not offer health insurance to independent contractors such as yourself. Eiffel: Awww man... Hilbert: This is Dave and Busters gift card.  Eiffel: But it's still valid!  Hilbert: But: more good news. There are scholarship opportunities available for students and others who need them. Visit website for more information.  Eiffel: (leaving) Amazing. Doc, this sounds exactly like what I needed. How can I repay you?  Hilbert: No need, happy to be of assistance. (lower) Besides, genetic materials nanobots collected while you were in laboratory will be perfectly adequate display of gratitude.  Eiffel: What was that, doc? Hilbert: Nothing, Officer Eiffel, nothing! Enjoy the class! (music changes again, replaced with a bouncy, happy theme) Old-Timey Radio Announcer Voice: Writing Stories For Sound, a workshop by Gabriel Urbina. Seats are now open for sessions on February 22nd and 25th. Visit wolf359.fm/learn for more info and to secure your seat today! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Our premiere episode. Officer Doug Eiffel, communications officer on board the U.S.S. Hephaestus Station, is willing to go to any lengths to procrastinate his work. Tasked with a pointless hunt for alien intelligence, Eiffel would much rather spend his time complaining about the station’s malfunctioning autopilot system and making sure his stash of contraband cigarettes doesn’t fall into the wrong hands. But when his instruments start picking up a mysterious radio signal from an unidentified source, Eiffel begins to wonder if someone - or something – could be trying to communicate with the Hephaestus. Plus, explosions, dangerous experiments, non-destructive hair driers, handy-dandy tips for surviving in outer space, and creative interpretations for the word coffee. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
When Eiffel discovers that there’s only one tube of toothpaste remaining on board the Hephaestus, he realizes that a delicate situation is upon the crew. His solution? Steal the toothpaste, barricade the door to the comms room, and hope for the best. How far are Commander Minkowski and Doctor Hilbert willing to go to recover the vital hygiene product? Plus, subzero temperatures, unique negotiating tactics, hydrochloric acid, Winston Churchill misquoting, and Peter Sellers playing a Gameboy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The time arrives for another one of Dr. Hilbert’s infamous biannual physical and wellness checks, causing Eiffel and Minkowski to descend into a state of panic. With life and limb on the line, they each find creative ways to delay the inevitable: Eiffel through one of his patented mendacity-filled schemes, Minkowski through a very unusual discovery in the station’s greenhouse. Plus, manual resets, meditations on the effects of sticks and stones, anesthetics, the limits of anesthetics, and spinal fluid samples.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel takes a quick trip to the exterior of the Hephaestus in pursuit of a cleaner reading of one of the mysterious space transmissions. Things seem to be going well – until an unexpected stellar flare leaves Eiffel stranded outside of the station. Will Commander Minkowski be willing to launch a dangerous rescue mission to save her communications officer? Plus, air guitar solos, dramatic irony, complimentary electroshock therapy, jetpacks, and the realm of the Alpha and the Omega. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
A mysterious illness strikes Eiffel, quickly leaving him out of commission and bedridden. It falls on Dr. Hilbert’s medical expertise to find some way to get the Communications Officer back to full health. But as the days go by, Eiffel begins to suspect that something more sinister is afoot and starts to question whether Hilbert is curing the disease or causing it. Plus, medicinal lozenges, morbilliform, the full Nick Riviera, swollen glands, and looking on the bright, sunshiny side.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
The Hephaestus Mission reaches its 500th day since launch, and Eiffel is determined to make the most of the occasion. His celebration is cut short, however, when a power outage knocks out Hera and all of the station’s automated systems. The crew must find a way to get the station’s central processor back online, and Eiffel stumbles onto a new mystery in the process. Plus, homemade walkie-talkies, Hammer Horror, dance cards, Stephen King FM, and barreling towards certain death.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
When Minkowski and Hera get into a fight, Eiffel decides to stay out of the way until the dust settles. But the station’s deadly mutant plant monster stowaway somehow gains control of Doctor Hilbert’s mind, and it soon becomes clear that the crew has an emergency on their hands. Can Eiffel and his dubious interpersonal relationship skills patch things up between the Commander and the operating system before something goes disastrously wrong? Plus, Olympic obstinacy, wire-tapping, the peril-o-meter, mustard, and Doug’s Swiss Ass.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel takes some time from his busy schedule to answer third graders' questions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Episode 8: Box 953

Episode 8: Box 953

2014-10-3123:262

In accordance with protocol and the need to maintain crew morale, Minkowski insists on holding another of her infamous talent shows. Both Eiffel and Hilbert come up with schemes to weasel their way out of having to participate, but neither of their plans goes quite as expected. The resulting day is more dangerous, more mysterious, and more musical than either one of them could have ever expected. Plus, eye-less Russian dolls, biochemistry, unnamed megafauna specimen 58, classics of 19th century opera, and homemade ice cream.   Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
As the Hephaestus begins a hazardous passage through an ion wind cluster, Eiffel is surprised to discover a message from the mission higher-ups waiting for him in the Communications Room. When the decoded message turns out to be a cryptic and unintelligible warning about something only identified as the “Empty Man”, the crew struggles to pick an appropriate course of action. What is Command trying to tell them? And who, or what, is the “Empty Man”? Plus, designation alpha, crazy wamajama, riders on the storm, flying blind, and going Big Bad Wolf on a straw house. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Eiffel decides that he wants to step up his game and play a more active role in documenting life on the Hephaestus. His newfound enthusiasm is soon tested when an unscheduled explosion puts a hole in one of the station’s walls and uncovers a mysterious, concealed laboratory on board the spacecraft. As the crew explores the hidden room and uncovers data on its previous occupants, Eiffel is forced to confront one of his fears. Plus, mobile reportage, Charlotte’s lab, the Creepus Maximus, slimy, hairy, and extremely high levels of toxicity.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In a set of short stories, we get to see what the Hephaestus crew does when they are by themselves. Doctor Hilbert tells a joke and ponders a question. Hera plays a game. Eiffel takes a test. Minkowski sends a message. Plus, floating on a tin can, magic lamps, disappearing terrarriums, programming loopholes, and the HAL 9000 touch.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Part one of two. It's Christmas Day on the Hephaestus. While Minkowski does her best to approximate a traditional holiday dinner, Eiffel decides he's going to try to smoke his last cigarette. Both plans are put on hold, however, when Dr. Hilbert stumbles upon a major discovery. Plus, impenetrable darkness, the blunt approach, sanitized pagan rituals, caller ID, and the last of the real turkey. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Comments (187)

Andrew Rouse

its sad i listened to this just to hear your voices again lol

Feb 5th
Reply

Habia Khet

💚WATCH>>ᗪOᗯᑎᒪOᗩᗪ>>LINK>👉https://co.fastmovies.org

Feb 5th
Reply

Tyler Elise

.....did i miss the part where Dc was saved?? i dont recall hearing a conclusion for that and the next episode...hes fine...

Jan 24th
Reply

Miki Williams

the intro of a future plot shoots straight in

Oct 9th
Reply

Miki Williams

theory: eiffel was already infected, this was a flare up of symptoms after last episodes injuries and recovery 👀 Decima what Hilbert darling?

Oct 9th
Reply (1)

Miki Williams

plant monster 💚🌱🦠 official dob: wolf 359 episode 3, 8/14/2014

Oct 9th
Reply

Derek Preece

authentication code vulcan. lmao

May 23rd
Reply

Kate

Playback on this one is SUPER busted

Dec 24th
Reply

Maryam

Wolf 359 was the first podcast I ever listened to. Back then I was going through a lot and your podcast was very therapeutic for me. I love you all and thank you for making this amazing series. Also, YOUR VOICES ARE BEAUTIFUL! Every single one of you!

Dec 8th
Reply

Alana

AUGH!!! OUGHHHHHHH

Nov 28th
Reply

Alana

in which Eiffel almost goes full Yellow Wallpaper

Nov 28th
Reply

Fuboo89 No Relation

fking seriously? don't start here. start at one. quality gets better. saved 3 mins of your life

Oct 14th
Reply

ana paskal

At first was skeptical but dang it is so good

May 19th
Reply

JC

love this podcast but does anyone else find it difficult to tell the difference between all the female voices?

May 18th
Reply

Jack Grant

Great podcast

Mar 16th
Reply

Jack Grant

Started recently

Mar 13th
Reply

DANY[D]GOD

Quick heads-up to all of the fans i suggest you to listen Special Live Episode After you finished the whole show cause its a full hour of joy and just comedy so as im sure the fans will feel a bit sad after the last episode its better to save the most comedy one for the last dance of the show in your mind and never ever skip any special or miny Episodes cause you miss them😪

Feb 8th
Reply

DANY[D]GOD

nonstop crying😭😭😭😭😭 this was a kinda evil genius product i'll miss that line

Feb 5th
Reply

DANY[D]GOD

when the f i reached to finally

Feb 5th
Reply

Shadowmunkey99

this episode cuts off before the ending

Jan 31st
Reply
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