25: How I Changed My Child's Angry Behavior with Becky Wells
Contrary to many people’s beliefs, medication is not and should not be the first and only answer to your child’s mental health problem. There are other solutions available for you and your child. You just have to decide which one is appropriate for your child and works effectively.
For today’s episode, we’ll be discussing with Becky Wells, who is one of my good friends, all about what to do when your child struggles with behaviors at school.
Moms need each other to learn from each other.
Having children who struggle with their mental health impacts every aspect of life and of being a mother. That is why moms have to help each other out. However, like what we always say, not everything works for everyone; what may work for one mom may not work for you.
We truly have to treat home as an environment of connection and of nourishing our families and not stressing so much about things that don't matter.
I’m doing all the right things but why is my child having a hard time?
No matter how careful we are in raising our children, things will not work out as planned all the time. In some cases, we try to walk on eggshells to avoid outbursts that would cause a ripple effect to everyone around us. Although sometimes, we can’t control things from happening.
When your child makes an outburst, don’t panic. It is most probably because his nervous system was activated and he could not lower his stress levels to be able to rest.
Many people don’t understand that the magic is in the little pieces.
The hesitation of some people in continuing with their treatments is understandable considering that they can’t see themselves in the solution. They usually only see the gaps and never the game.
Get rid of the belief that you’re doing something wrong that’s why your child is not recovering faster. You have to trust the process. It may take a long time to see positive changes but it’s going to be worth the time, effort and money you’ve spent.
To reiterate what we’ve mentioned in our previous episodes, we shouldn’t think that our children are acting the way that they do on purpose. Their brains were just triggered to be in an overdrive state and they don’t know how to regulate their system.
Behaviors don’t change without being reinforced and practiced.
One of the most important insights that Becky got was that the road to recovery and progress starts within us. Nobody is immune to stress but we have to remind ourselves that if we’re on edge and we’re not taking good care of ourselves, our nervous systems are activated.
It’s important to have a vision of what you want to achieve. For Becky, within a couple of days to a week, she had a clearer understanding of what’s happening. She knew about the factors that were hurting her child.
The reality is that mothers are just as happy as their happiest child. And as much as we want to see instant progress or treatment for our children, it’s not going to happen immediately.
It may cause some parents to doubt or blame themselves and the treatment their child is getting but that shouldn’t be the case. Parents are not to be blamed.
Set your mindset and believe that your child is going to get better. You also have to make micro changes as behaviors don’t just change without them being reinforced and practiced the same way.
Steering away from the mentality of instant gratification.
We’ve been led to believe that if we take medication, we’ll see changes immediately. That’s a wrong mentality. We have to shift our mentality to affirming to ourselves that nature takes its time but it accomplishes everything throughout a long period.
You have to believe and honor the process. And we also have to honor ourselves and our children. Let us not put so much pressure on ourselves and expect for these changes to suddenly happen. That’s not how it works.
After all, you won’t get to the summit of the mountain without having to go to the base camps. Though we may have been trained as a nation of instant gratification, we can step out of that. And once we successfully do that, that’s when the magic happens.
We’ve been trained to bottle it all up.
The sad reality is that we have been trained to bottle everything in. We don’t get to express ourselves much. That’s how we were conditioned but that’s the biggest cause of mental illness.
At present, what we have to do is to train ourselves to be able to have a way of releasing these pent up emotions and unprocessed energy that have all been bottled up. That’s how we’ll be able to heal ourselves.
The further we disconnect from our emotions due to accepting stress in our daily life, the more our children will struggle. Our children have to have emotional languages other than anger, anxiety and worry.
What is Natural Parents Solution Community?
Natural Parents Solution community is a safe space for everyone. We want them to have a tribe that’s going to be there for them without any judgement.
People are afraid and don’t know what to do or even who to ask. That’s why we’re opening a door to the community especially to those who are in need of a lifeline. We’re here to help every step of the way.
Catch more episodes and let’s explore more about many things as we go on this journey!
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