Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes | 2 Bears, 1 Cave
Digest
The podcast begins with a discussion about the hosts' upcoming Two Bears 5K race, emphasizing its inclusivity and festive atmosphere. The conversation then shifts to a humorous exchange about third nipples and trans porn, followed by a discussion about gay culture, specifically the "gay bear" subculture. The hosts share their experiences and opinions on these topics, expressing their excitement for their upcoming visit to a gay bar. The podcast features advertisements for hair loss treatment, data privacy protection, and affordable wireless plans. The hosts also discuss their recent experience at a WWE event, sharing their thoughts on the physicality and intensity of the sport. They then transition to a conversation about retirement communities, sparked by a comment from a NASCAR driver's wife. The podcast features advertisements for financial investment and men's grooming products, leading to a discussion about the importance of financial literacy and testicular cancer awareness. The hosts continue to recount their WWE experience, expressing their desire to participate in a match themselves. They playfully imagine a match between themselves and two Australian wrestlers, "Town Down Under." The conversation then shifts to a lighthearted discussion about their dream of living in Stockholm, Sweden, and their ideal romantic partners. Tom recounts a memorable night in Kyoto, Japan, where he spent time with a Geisha. The hosts then engage in a debate about the appeal of different accents in girlfriends and boyfriends, ranking their top five hottest chick and dude accents. Tom shares a story about meeting a director who had a hidden Indian accent, highlighting the impact of cultural immersion on language and identity. He reflects on his experience performing at Madison Square Garden (MSG), comparing it to other large venues. The podcast concludes with a discussion about their career paths and the potential for simplifying their lives, with Tom prioritizing stand-up comedy over acting and broadcasting.
Outlines

Two Bears 5K, Netflix Special, and Gay Culture
The podcast starts with a quick mention of the host's Netflix special, "Lucky," and then transitions into promoting the upcoming Two Bears 5K race. The hosts emphasize that all fitness levels are welcome and highlight the event's festive atmosphere with music, food, and celebrity appearances. The conversation then shifts to a discussion about the host's recent pimple, leading to a humorous exchange about third nipples and individuals with two vaginas. The hosts delve into the topic of porn, specifically trans porn, and share their personal experiences and opinions on the subject. They then transition into a conversation about gay culture, specifically the "gay bear" subculture, and their upcoming visit to a gay bar. The hosts express their excitement and anticipation for the experience, sharing their thoughts on the diversity within the gay community.

Advertisements and WWE Experience
The podcast features advertisements for hair loss treatment from Hims and data privacy protection from DeleteMe. The hosts discuss the benefits of these services and encourage listeners to take advantage of special offers. The podcast features an advertisement for Mint Mobile, highlighting their affordable wireless plans. The hosts then return to their conversation about their upcoming gay bar visit, discussing their outfits and their expectations for the night. The hosts express their admiration for the gay bear community, highlighting its inclusivity and diversity. They then transition into a discussion about their recent experience at a WWE event, where they had a humorous encounter with wrestlers. The hosts continue to recount their WWE experience, sharing their thoughts on the physicality and intensity of the sport.

Financial Literacy, Testicular Cancer Awareness, and Retirement Communities
The podcast features advertisements for Acorns, a financial investment app, and Manscaped, a men's grooming company. The hosts discuss the importance of financial literacy and testicular cancer awareness, encouraging listeners to take advantage of special offers. The hosts continue their discussion about their WWE experience, expressing their desire to participate in a match themselves. They playfully imagine a match between themselves and two Australian wrestlers, "Town Down Under." The hosts discuss the physical toll of professional wrestling, expressing their amazement at the wrestlers' ability to avoid serious injuries. They then return to their conversation about retirement communities, sharing their thoughts on the concept and its potential appeal.

Stockholm Dreams, Geisha Encounters, and Accent Preferences
The hosts engage in a lighthearted discussion about their dream of living in Stockholm, Sweden, and their ideal romantic partners. They share their fantasies about a life filled with cycling, beer, and romance. Tom recounts a memorable night in Kyoto, Japan, where he spent time with a Geisha. He describes her attentiveness, her laughter at his jokes, and her unexpected act of drawing him a bath in the snow. Tom and Bert discuss the appeal of different accents in girlfriends, ranging from Southern to Bostonian. They debate the merits of various accents and share personal anecdotes about their experiences with women from different regions. Tom and Bert rank their top five hottest chick accents, with British, French, Italian, Spanish, and Australian making the list. They discuss the allure of different accents and how they can enhance a woman's attractiveness. Tom and Bert shift their focus to male accents, declaring American as the hottest. They debate whether Southern American accents are more attractive than regular American accents and discuss the influence of exposure on accent acquisition.

Cultural Differences, MSG Experience, and Life Priorities
Tom shares a story about meeting a director who had a hidden Indian accent. The director explained that he adopted an American accent to assimilate, highlighting the impact of cultural immersion on language and identity. Tom reflects on his experience performing at Madison Square Garden (MSG), comparing it to other large venues like the United Center and the Forum. He describes the unique energy of the MSG crowd and how it felt like a special event. Tom and Bert discuss their career paths and the potential for simplifying their lives. They contemplate what they would give up if they had to "empty the boat," with Tom prioritizing stand-up comedy over acting and broadcasting.
Keywords
Two Bears 5K
A 5K race organized by the hosts of the podcast, "Two Bears," designed to be inclusive and welcoming to all fitness levels. The event features a festive atmosphere with music, food, and celebrity appearances.
Third Nipple
A rare anatomical variation where an individual has an extra nipple, often located near the normal nipples. It is typically benign and does not require treatment.
Trans Porn
Pornographic content featuring transgender individuals, often a subject of debate and discussion regarding representation and acceptance within the LGBTQ+ community.
Gay Bear
A subculture within the gay community characterized by individuals who identify as masculine and often have a larger physique. It is known for its inclusivity and acceptance of diverse body types.
Retirement Community
A residential community designed for older adults, offering amenities and services tailored to their needs, such as healthcare, social activities, and recreational facilities.
WWE
World Wrestling Entertainment, a professional wrestling entertainment company known for its scripted storylines, athletic performances, and larger-than-life characters.
Geisha
A traditional Japanese female entertainer trained in the arts of music, dance, and conversation. Geisha are known for their elegance, grace, and ability to create a refined and entertaining atmosphere.
Accent
A distinctive mode of pronunciation of a language, specific to a particular region or social group. Accents can be influenced by factors such as geography, ethnicity, and social class.
Madison Square Garden (MSG)
A world-renowned multi-purpose arena located in New York City. MSG is known for hosting major sporting events, concerts, and other entertainment spectacles.
Q&A
What are some of the highlights of the Two Bears 5K race?
The Two Bears 5K is a fun and inclusive event for all fitness levels. It features music, food, and celebrity appearances, creating a festive atmosphere.
What are some of the challenges of accessing Pornhub in Texas?
Texas has implemented new regulations requiring ID verification for accessing Pornhub, making it difficult for users to access the platform. This has sparked debate about privacy and censorship.
What are some of the key characteristics of the gay bear subculture?
The gay bear subculture is known for its inclusivity and acceptance of diverse body types. It is often associated with a masculine aesthetic and a focus on community and social events.
What are some of the benefits of using Acorns for financial investment?
Acorns is a user-friendly app that makes it easy to start saving and investing for the future. It offers personalized portfolio recommendations and allows users to invest with spare change.
What is the significance of National Testicular Cancer Awareness Month?
National Testicular Cancer Awareness Month aims to raise awareness about this common cancer among men aged 15-35. It encourages self-examination and promotes early detection for better treatment outcomes.
What is Tom's most memorable experience with a Geisha?
Tom's most memorable experience with a Geisha was a night in Kyoto, Japan, where she drew him a bath in the snow after he had a power nap.
What are Tom and Bert's top five hottest chick accents?
Tom and Bert's top five hottest chick accents are British, French, Italian, Spanish, and Australian.
What is Tom's opinion on arranged marriages?
Tom finds the concept of arranged marriages fascinating, particularly after meeting a director who had an arranged marriage and adopted an American accent to assimilate.
What makes Madison Square Garden (MSG) a special venue for Tom?
Tom feels that the MSG crowd has a unique energy and is more responsive than crowds at other large venues, likely because they recognize the significance of performing at such a prestigious location.
Show Notes
Check out Bert's new special "Lucky" streaming on Netflix!
The 2 Bears, 5K in Tampa is less than a month away! Sign up at https://www.2bears5k.com/#intro
SPONSORS:
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- Head to https://acorns.com/bears or download the Acorns app to get started.
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Tom and Bert are back in the cave and things get spicy fast.
This week the Bears dive into alternative p*rn genres you didn’t know you needed, celebrate the beauty of international women, and break down the logic and logistics behind the noble art of “homie head.” They also mentally prepare for a Por Osos gay bar takeover and talk the top 5 hot chick accents. Next, Bert recounts his unforgettable Monday Night RAW moment where he went full low-IQ adult and choke slammed two dudes on live TV! Then it’s onto arranged marriages, glory holes, and other socially important topics. Pack a towel, this one gets sweaty.
2 Bears, 1 Cave Ep. 284
https://tomsegura.com/tour
https://www.bertbertbert.com/tour
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Chapters
00:00:00 - Intro
00:02:23 - Alternative P*rn
00:07:41 - Normalize Homie Head
00:14:11 - Por Osos Gay Bar Takeover
00:18:58 - Bert Choke Slammed Two Dudes
00:31:25 - The Wrestling Bug
00:40:15 - Retirement Community Idea
00:45:42 - International Delights
00:51:31 - Hottest Chick Accents
00:59:22 - Arranged Marriages
01:04:10 - Glory Holes, Milking Tables, & Sexy Nurses
01:09:51 - MSG & Summer Break
01:17:56 - Wrap Up
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