Hosted by Dr. Sarah Hensley, Specialized Social Psychologist, Attachment Theory Expert, and Founder & CEO of The Love Doc Relationship Coaching Services with Co-host Raina Butcher, Owner/CEO of Joyful Consulting, LLC. 

Welcome to "The Love Doc Podcast" Season II, where Host Dr. Sarah Hensley and her co-host Raina Butcher dive deep into the intricacies of love, attraction, attachment, relationships, and self-awareness. Dr. Hensley brings a wealth of knowledge and experience to help listeners navigate the complexities of modern romance. In each episode, Dr. Hensley tackles burning questions about love, relationships, and the mind’s complexities, drawing from her psychological research, real-life experiences, and her own individual expertise, to provide insightful perspectives and practical advice.

Episode 26, Season II: “Inside the Pain of the Fearful Avoidant”

This episode takes listeners into the complex and often misunderstood inner world of the Fearful Avoidant, and this conversation is especially powerful because both Dr. Hensley and Raina share openly from their own lived experiences as former FA’s. This episode blends psychology, attachment science, and deeply personal storytelling as the hosts break down why the Fearful Avoidant carries some of the most profoun, and most painful emotional wounds out of all the attachment styles. 

Together, they explore how the FA’s lifelong push-pull pattern begins in childhood, where one or both caregivers were emotionally inconsistent, unpredictable, or unavailable. Many Fearful Avoidants grew up in homes where they had no idea which version of their caregiver they would get on any given day—loving and attentive, or distant, overwhelmed, unstable, or even frightening. This led the FA child to live in a constant state of hypervigilance, subconsciously scanning the environment for emotional danger. At a very young age, they began asking a silent but devastating question:
“If the people who are supposed to love me can’t show up for me consistently… who ever will?” 

Dr. Hensley digs into why this early inconsistency wires the FA nervous system for contradiction: craving closeness while bracing for pain, longing for love while fearing it may not be real or safe. The episode highlights how this attachment style becomes the most emotionally aware—attuned to every shift, every tone, every expression—yet often feels the least emotionally secure. That heightened awareness becomes both their superpower and their deepest source of suffering.

Throughout the discussion, Dr. Hensley and Raina reflect on their former FA behaviors. These stories help listeners feel seen, understood, and far less alone. The episode also unpacks how emotional pain lands differently for the Fearful Avoidant—often as intense overwhelm that triggers shutting down, lashing out, or pushing away the very person they love. Yet behind these behaviors lies a person with deep emotional intelligence who never learned consistent emotional safety.

By the end of the episode, listeners gain a compassionate and clear understanding of why the Fearful Avoidant is both deeply sensitive and deeply guarded, highly intuitive yet profoundly unsure of their own worthiness, and why healing requires a blend of emotional safety, self-awareness, and stability. This episode offers a rare blend of science and lived experience that will give every fearful avoidant, or the partner of a fearful avoidant, a deeper sense of understnading and compassion for this attachment style.  

Tune in to "The Love Doc Podcast" every Tuesday morning for candid conversations, expert guidance, and a deeper understanding of life, love and relationships in the modern world. To see all of Dr. Hensley’s services please visit the links below and follow her on social media. 

Patreons link: patreon.com/TheLoveDocPodcast

Dr. Hensley’s Hybrid Group Coaching: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/group-coaching

Book one on one with Dr. Hensley or one of her certified coaches: Virtual Coaching

Purchase Dr. Hensley’s online courses: https://courses.thelovedoc.com/courses

Tik-Tok: @drsarahhensley

Instagram: @dr.sarahhensley_lovedoc

Facebook: Dr. Sarah Hensley

Youtube: @Dr.SarahHensley

Disclaimer: The content shared on this podcast reflects personal experiences, opinions, and perspectives. The stories told are based on real-life events as remembered and interpreted by the hosts and guests. While we may discuss past relationships, custody matters, or personal dynamics, we do so from our point of view and with the intention of healing, education, and advocacy.

Identities are not disclosed unless already publicly known or permitted, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental unless explicitly stated. The information provided is not intended to defame, malign, or harm any individual or entity.

We do not offer legal advice or psychological diagnosis. Listeners are encouraged to consult with professionals regarding their specific circumstances.

By listening to this podcast, you agree that the hosts are not liable for any losses, damages, or misunderstandings arising from its content.

Become a supporter of this podcast: https://www.spreaker.com/podcast/the-love-doc-podcast--6390558/support.