Episode 380: 5 Questions Sex Therapists Are Constantly Asked
Digest
This podcast features Dr. Justin Lemiller interviewing sex therapist Rachel Zarr about five common issues in sex therapy. They discuss the importance of clitoral stimulation for female orgasm, addressing discrepancies in sexual desire by focusing on managing the resulting distress rather than the difference itself. The podcast also covers how to suggest new sexual activities using an invitational approach, how to address declining sexual frequency in long-term relationships by prioritizing intentionality and maintaining mystery, and the normalcy of sexual fantasies, emphasizing the importance of addressing associated shame. The episode includes advertisements for Masterclass's "Art of Sex Appeal" class and the Paired app for couples. Finally, it offers advice on when to seek professional help from a sex therapist.
Outlines
Introduction & Common Sex Therapy Challenges
The podcast introduces Dr. Justin Lemiller and Rachel Zarr, a sex therapist, who will discuss five common sex therapy questions: orgasm difficulties, differing sexual desires, introducing new activities, declining frequency, and sexual fantasies.
Masterclass & Paired App Advertisement
This section features advertisements for Masterclass's "Art of Sex Appeal" class, focusing on sexual communication, and the Paired app for couples, emphasizing improved communication and understanding.
Orgasm Difficulties & Sexual Desire Discrepancies
The discussion begins with Rachel Zarr's background and addresses difficulties women face reaching orgasm (emphasizing clitoral stimulation) and differing sexual desires in partners (focusing on managing the distress caused by the discrepancy).
New Sexual Activities & Declining Frequency
This section covers how to suggest new sexual activities using an invitational approach and addresses declining sexual frequency in long-term relationships, emphasizing intentionality and maintaining mystery.
Sexual Fantasies & Seeking Professional Help
The final segment discusses the normalcy of sexual fantasies, the importance of addressing associated shame, and offers advice on when to seek professional help from a sex therapist.
Keywords
Clitoral Stimulation
Crucial for most women's orgasms; understanding its anatomy is key.
Sexual Desire Discrepancy
Managing the distress caused by differing levels or types of sexual desire.
Dream Weaver Dream Catcher
Communication technique for resolving sexual disagreements.
Sexual Communication
Open, honest communication about sexual desires, needs, and boundaries.
Sexual Fantasy
Normal and healthy; shame surrounding them is more problematic than the fantasies themselves.
Sex Therapy
Professional help for navigating distress related to sex life or sexuality.
Paired App
App for couples to improve communication and understanding.
Masterclass Art of Sex Appeal
Masterclass course focusing on improving sexual communication.
Q&A
What is the most common issue sex therapists treat?
Sexual desire discrepancies; focus is on managing the distress, not eliminating the difference.
How can I ask my partner to try something new sexually without causing conflict?
Approach it as an invitation, focus on positive needs, pre-plan the conversation.
Is it normal for sexual frequency to decrease in long-term relationships?
Yes, very common; intentionality and mystery can help reignite desire.
Are my sexual fantasies normal?
Almost certainly; shame and anxiety are more problematic than the fantasies.
When should I consider seeing a sex therapist?
When experiencing significant distress related to sex life or struggling to communicate these issues.
Show Notes
What are the most common questions that come up in sex therapy? In this episode, we’re going to dive into five questions that come up over and over again. We’re also going to address when you should consider seeing out professional help for a sex problem, as well as explore a few tips for maintaining a happy, healthy, and exciting sex life.
My guest is Rachel Zar, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT-Certified Sex Therapist. Dr. Zar is a clinical supervisor at Avid Intimacy, a sex and relationship therapy private practice in Chicago.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What should you do if you’re having difficulty orgasming during sex?
- How can partners navigate wanting different amounts of sex?
- How do you tell your partner you want to try something new sexually?
- If sexual frequency declines in a relationship, does that mean there’s something wrong?
- How do you know if your fantasies are “normal” or not?
You can check out Rachel’s website to learn more about her work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Thank you to our sponsors!
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