Episode 385: Sex Tips For Gay And Queer Men
Digest
This podcast episode, hosted by Dr. Justin Namiller, a social psychologist and author, provides comprehensive sex education for gay and queer men. It tackles common concerns such as penis size anxiety and erectile dysfunction, offering practical advice and dispelling myths perpetuated by pornography. The episode covers various topics, including the concept of "genital fit" (how bodies and genitals align during sex), the realities of anal sex (emphasizing communication, preparation, and pain management), and the importance of sober sex for increased body awareness and connection. It also addresses the pressure to prioritize orgasm (the "orgasmic imperative") and the challenges of desire discrepancies in relationships, suggesting strategies for open communication and seeking professional help when needed. Finally, the episode highlights the value of masturbation for self-exploration and expanding one's sexual repertoire.
Outlines
Introduction & Sex Education for Gay Men
Introduces the podcast and its focus on sex education for gay and queer men, covering topics like anal sex, penis size anxiety, desire discrepancies, and the benefits of sober sex. It emphasizes the importance of communication and realistic expectations, dispelling myths often perpetuated by pornography.
Genital Fit and Sexual Adaptability
This segment discusses "genital fit" and offers solutions for various fit issues, emphasizing adaptability and creativity in sex. It also includes a sponsored segment on Shan Boodram's Masterclass on the Art of Sex Appeal.
Anal Sex: Reality vs. Pornography
This section addresses the inaccuracies and unrealistic expectations of anal sex portrayed in pornography. It provides practical advice and do's and don'ts for pleasurable anal sex, emphasizing communication, preparation, and the importance of stopping if pain occurs.
Addressing Sexual Disappointments & Body Image
This segment tackles the normalcy of variable penile function and anxieties surrounding penis size. Strategies for managing sexual disappointments and addressing body image concerns are discussed, emphasizing communication and avoiding self-blame. The importance of sober sex and its benefits are also highlighted.
Masturbation, Self-Exploration, and Desire Discrepancies
This section emphasizes the importance of masturbation for sexual self-exploration and expanding one's sexual repertoire. It also addresses the pressure to prioritize orgasm and the challenges of desire discrepancies in relationships, offering strategies for managing these issues.
Keywords
Genital Fit
The way bodies and genitals align during sex, impacting pleasure. Solutions involve adaptability and creativity.
Anal Sex
Sexual act involving anal penetration; requires communication, preparation, and pain management. Pornography often misrepresents it.
Penis Size Anxiety
Insecurity about penis size; addressing this involves understanding average size, individual preferences, and building self-confidence.
Orgasmic Imperative
Societal pressure to prioritize orgasm; a healthier approach focuses on overall pleasure and connection.
Desire Discrepancy
Differing levels or types of sexual desire in relationships; requires open communication and potentially professional help.
Sober Sex
Sexual activity without substances; increases body awareness, deeper connection, and helps identify underlying issues.
Gay Men's Sexual Health
Comprehensive sex education addressing common concerns and misconceptions specific to gay and queer men.
Sexual Communication
Open and honest communication is crucial for addressing sexual concerns and enhancing intimacy.
Masturbation
A valuable tool for sexual self-discovery and expanding one's sexual repertoire.
Erectile Dysfunction
Addresses concerns and offers strategies for managing erectile dysfunction in gay men.
Q&A
What are some common misconceptions about anal sex perpetuated by pornography?
Pornography often omits crucial aspects like preparation, communication, consent, pain management, and realistic variations in experience.
How can couples address concerns about penis size and body image in a healthy way?
Educate yourselves on average sizes, challenge unrealistic media expectations, and recognize that preferences vary. Focus on communication and exploring different techniques.
What are some strategies for managing desire discrepancies in a long-term relationship?
Open communication is key. Understand the reasons behind desire changes and seek professional help if needed.
Why is it beneficial to try having sober sex?
Sober sex increases body awareness and connection, helps identify underlying issues masked by substance use, and allows for a more authentic sexual experience.
How can masturbation be used as a tool for sexual self-discovery?
Explore different sensations, techniques, and fantasies to expand your sexual repertoire and understand your preferences.
Show Notes
Porn is the predominant way that gay and queer men learn about sex. That’s a problem because porn is entertainment, not a how-to guide. In today’s show, we’re discussing what gay and queer men need to know when it comes to having positive and pleasurable sexual experiences, including tips for anal sex and dealing with performance problems.
I am joined once again by Tom Bruett, a licensed marriage and family therapist, trainer, and consultant who works extensively with the queer community. He is the founder of the Queer Relationship Institute and author of the new book The Go-To Relationship Guide for Gay Men: From Honeymoon to Lasting Commitment.
Some of the specific topics we explore include:
- What does porn get wrong about gay sex?
- What are the dos and don’ts when it comes to having pleasurable anal sex?
- What should you do when you or your partner experience erectile difficulties?
- How can gay men manage self-consciousness about penis size and body image?
- Why is it worth trying sober sex?
You can check out Tom’s website to learn more about his work.
Got a sex question? Send me a podcast voicemail to have it answered on a future episode at speakpipe.com/sexandpsychology.
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Thank you to our sponsors!
Tap into your natural sex appeal, attract the person you’re looking for, cultivate meaningful connections, and re-ignite the spark in your relationship with The Art of Sex Appeal class by Shan Boodram on Masterclass. Sex and Psychology listeners can get an additional 15% off any annual Masterclass membership at masterclass.com/sexandpsychology
Passionate about building a career in sexuality? Check out the Sexual Health Alliance. With SHA, you’ll connect with world-class experts and join an engaged community of sexuality professionals from around the world. Visit SexualHealthAlliance.com and start building the sexuality career of your dreams today.
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Credits: Precision Podcasting (Podcast editing) and Shutterstock/Florian (Music). Image created with Canva; photos used with permission of guest.
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