You came to the right guy; as it just so happens, I work at the foundry.

What's 'the foundry'

I think we're about to find out.

But— don't you already know?

Ag

H—!

You ‘work‘ there?

Yes, I ‘work' there.

The star gets his gun out at dawn to shoot crow

The crown dropped to floor, just as sure as the gun went missing

The same gun as in window;

Same gun as before,

Just remember, you're forward—

Remember, you're four of them.

Oh good, yeah. I forgot about

—that one.

And that one,

And that one,

And that one.

And this gun,

And this gun,

And this gun—

And this god,

And this god,

And this god.

Yeah, I forgot

The festival project ™

Yes, I forgot about Jon Lovits

I forgot all the songs that I wanted to talk about

Yes, I forgot just a sure as the sun forgot New York this morning

But I was so sure of my self at the turn of the hour

How now, you say?

Not now, gone times;

Just gone, New York,

All about none for Sunday

And I picked up a quarter

(I picked up a quarter,

I picked up a quarter,

I picked up a quarter

I'll be gone till Sunday,

Till sundown,

Move forward

Fuck!

Make sure not to turn down on a hardcore

Make sure to come down off the hard times,

Not god, but you're acting a good one

Not now, but you're acting on our time

(On our time!)

DOC

I never stretch!

I don't feel it's appropriate!

Gisselle doesnt talk much.

Giselle is a proud mouse

Were coming on hard times

The harp was a purist

And then, I got wisdom

Again, with this, witness?

I told you, don't come home

I asked you: where's Skrillex?!

Ooh. Watch this!

No!

Where's— what?

You know what I'm talking about

I'm pretty sure I do not!

I—

Oh.

Oh no.

No. This is good.

{Enter The Multiverse}

I told you already, I'll kill you!

Okay, Bathsheba!

“Bathsheba”

Wtf.

I told you, that's exactly what you're supposed to do.

What!

Read my contract!

What.

It's in my contract, read the clauses.

Do what!?

Lil bitz

Does anybody here believe in the Illuminati?

I do, but not in the way you would think .

I think the main purpose of the Illuminati is just to mindfuck with you.

That's it.

That's all they do.

Like , true, it's probably a like helm of ancient wisdom and knowledge,

But also, probably—

I think they practically exist,

Just to blow your mind.

There's no big secret.

It's just,

“Wtf.”

And they're like

“Ahaha” ”I know right?!”

That's basically the whole thing.

L E G E N D S

I really liked you.

Yeah, I… I know .

I really wish I didn't have to kill you.

Yeah, I—wait a second.

Oh shit!

Add more weight.

I'm sure I only got this way by soully having sex with

Just myself.

This is causing problems.

That's probably not going to help that whole holding in a fart issue, is it?

Can I get some two-year continuity in this bitch?

Some gratuity for no incontinence,

Some incongruity rooting for you in this bitch?

A table for two in this bitchz.

{Enter The Multiverse}

{Ah, we meet again.}

A table for two is set center stage;

The spotlight shines dead center the round table, and its centerpiece, a single throned rose, at peak bloom.

The rest of the room is a blurred shambles,

The two just offstage and unseen in the wings, preparing to duel.

We only hear their quick witted exchange of words as the table sits alone, and briefly, ever so slightly, the teardrops of a chandelier begins to shine with the prismatic glow of a swirling…

Hmm, wait a second .

This is genius at play,

But the thing is,

It's not work when you love it,

And I don't,

It's just slipping through the prisms

As I just begin to see them

I'm sunsure whether the circumstances are.

Aromantic or quite ardent

And I forget

I don't know what day it is

Or the seconds counting,

As I slip between dimensions

And the parallels

Are real I guess,

But something stressed in this m-theory,

Really, do they fear me

Or are they all just here to hear me

Recently,

I see nothing

Blind as a bat and I've been so depressed

But the stressed is repressed as expressions,

Ten seconds in and it only get deeper,

I'm keeping her secrets.

Guess what.

WHAT IS IT CONAN?

What a red headed hot mess

Do not come closer!

I will call the cops on you.

Guess what?

What!

We s ted.

Goddamn bro, you are sloshed.

I have never seen you this wasted, Jimmy, and that's saying something.

Like really saying something.

[the festival project ™]

You used me as a human shield!

Did I—?

Yes!

Oh, yes I— I did. I forgot.

You forgot?!

It served its purpose!

I guess,

*shrugs*

Well, jokes on you, because guess what!

I'm Tina Fey!

What? No you're not.

[looks directly in the eye]

Oh my god, you're Tina fey.

Yes, I am!

Okay! So who's Tina Fey then?

That's the problem! We don't know!

All this and that's the problem?

Amongst others!

Obviously.

Honorable mentions:

Sketchers “the uno”

As campaign is double zero models with extremely pretty faces- pretty little things that could kill you

Pretty Tiny things, as seen on tv

Target is winning with their QR code on the commercial, ad game next level

Dishonorable mentions

I hate the FaceTune ads

Nurse ratched's description

Lil bitz

Man, I love midtown

I came out the Equinox

It smelled like summer camp and shit

No doubt cause something within proximity is on fire,

But still.

Brooklyn smells like —different than that..

Bruh.

Has anyone been to union square lately?

All week the whole shit smells like vomited popped corn.

All week.

Not vomit alone.

Not popped corn alone—

But actually a perfect polyblend

Of vomited popped corn.

Lil bitz

I just got a cat—

Do you understand what it's like

To drag a cat through Manhattan?

I realized I just became

“That guy”

For possibly the first time since I even got to New York .

It's been a while, so that's good, but—

“Cat on a train”

Is a whole different level of like

“Oh.”

I'm like

“That's right.”

Don't get me wrong,

This is not an every day thing.

This is just to my apartment

Then he's trapped there forever.

But let's be serious—

“Cat on a train” is like—

People aren't exactly happy with you

Or think good things about you

They're like

“Oh”

Wel first off,

I'm sure they don't know it's a cat,

So it's just a box with holes in it

Could be anything.

“Weirdo”

True;

I see an indiscriminate box with holes in it that just says “adoption” I'm like

“Oh for real that could like; be whatever.”

“Omg where are you going with that—thing.”

Right?

This is my magic guard animal.

I brought him for two reasons—

One: cause I got a badass cat tree like too long ago

And I was sick of looking at it

And the litter box it came with just taking up space in my closet;

Those two things make up one reason

The second reason

Is as a suicide deterrent

Because at this point,

I'm obviously lonely,

And so this way,

I know I'm less likely to kill my self

If I know this fool will just eat me.

I'll think about it a little longer

And a little harder

Before I actually do it.

I'll be like

“But…which part