How to Become Securely Attached

How to Become Securely Attached

Update: 2023-07-031


In today’s episode, Forrest and Dr. Rick focus on one of the most common, and most important, questions they get about attachment theory: can we heal our attachment wounds, and become more securely attached? 

They explore the basics of attachment theory, whether people can change their attachment style, and how much change is truly possible. They then discuss some common frameworks for change, the power of positive experiences, and how we can break out of the “catch-22” of attachment wounds. The episode ends with practical advice for what an anxiously or avoidantly attached person could do to become more securely attached over time. 

Watch the Episode: Prefer watching video? You can watch this episode on YouTube.

Key Topics:

0:00 : Introduction

1:55 : An overview of how attachment develops

7:40 : Four components involved in changing your attachment style

10:50 : The difference between our tendencies and our behavior

12:40 : The four stages of growth, and developing “conscious competency”

17:35 : Recognizing the ways you’re included, seen, appreciated, liked, and loved

25:00 : The role of individual effort, and the real driver of motivation

29:10 : What helps anxious people become more securely attached

41:35 : And what helps avoidant people

49:55 : How to ground ourselves when people are unreliable

55:25 : Recap

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How to Become Securely Attached

How to Become Securely Attached

Rick Hanson, Ph.D., Forrest Hanson