How to Persuade Stubborn Minds with Michael McQueen
Digest
Larry Hagnar, host of the Dad Edge Podcast, welcomes Michael McQueen, author of "Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Stubborn Minds." They discuss the concept of "Mindstuck" and how to identify it in ourselves and others. McQueen emphasizes the importance of building trust and safety before attempting to persuade someone with a fixed mindset. He suggests using vulnerability, self-deprecation, and authenticity to create a connection. McQueen also highlights the power of asking questions instead of trying to convince someone with logic and evidence. He shares practical tips for navigating conversations with children, including the importance of speaking aspirationally about their positive traits and using questions that encourage reflection. The conversation delves into the fine line between manipulation and persuasion, emphasizing the importance of genuine curiosity and a willingness to learn from others. McQueen encourages listeners to connect with him on his website, MichaelMcQueen.net, and LinkedIn.
Outlines
Introduction
This Chapter introduces the Dad Edge Podcast and its mission to empower fathers and create positive change in families and communities. It also introduces the guest, Michael McQueen, and his book "Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Stubborn Minds."
Mindstuck: Understanding Stubborn Minds
This Chapter explores the concept of "Mindstuck" and how it manifests in individuals and society. It discusses the challenges of dealing with stubborn people and the importance of recognizing our own tendencies towards rigidity. McQueen highlights the role of social media and algorithms in exacerbating polarization and the increasing prevalence of "Mindstuck" thinking.
Building Trust and Safety
This Chapter delves into the science behind building trust and how it's essential for effective persuasion. McQueen explains the role of oxytocin in social bonding and how authenticity, vulnerability, and self-deprecation can trigger its release. He shares practical strategies for building trust, including going for a walk with someone to create synchronicity and acknowledging the other person's feelings.
Persuading Children
This Chapter focuses on applying the principles of persuasion to parenting. McQueen discusses the unique challenges of dealing with stubborn children, particularly teenagers, and the importance of understanding their developmental stages. He emphasizes the power of speaking aspirationally about a child's positive traits and using questions to encourage reflection and self-discovery.
Avoiding Manipulation and Coercion
This Chapter explores the fine line between manipulation and persuasion. McQueen emphasizes the importance of checking our intentions and ensuring that our goal is to help the other person, not just to get our way. He shares strategies for navigating difficult conversations, including acknowledging the other person's feelings and being open to learning from them.
Connecting with Michael McQueen
This Chapter provides information on how to connect with Michael McQueen online. He encourages listeners to visit his website, MichaelMcQueen.net, and Mindstuck.net, and to follow him on LinkedIn.
Keywords
Mindstuck
A term coined by Michael McQueen to describe a state of fixed or rigid thinking that makes it difficult to change one's mind. It is often associated with stubbornness, closed-mindedness, and an inability to grow or adapt to new ideas or perspectives.
Oxytocin
A hormone produced in the body that plays a crucial role in social bonding, trust, and empathy. It is often released during physical touch, social interaction, and acts of kindness. McQueen emphasizes the importance of oxytocin in building trust and facilitating persuasion.
Psychological Safety
A state of feeling safe and secure enough to express oneself freely and take risks without fear of negative consequences. It is essential for effective communication, collaboration, and innovation. McQueen argues that creating psychological safety is crucial for navigating conversations with stubborn people.
Self-Deprecation
A form of humor that involves making fun of oneself or one's own shortcomings. It can be a powerful tool for building trust and disarming others. McQueen suggests using self-deprecation as a way to create a connection and show vulnerability.
Michael McQueen
An Australian author, speaker, and consultant known for his expertise in communication, leadership, and change management. He is the best-selling author of 10 books, including "Mindstuck: Mastering the Art of Changing Stubborn Minds." McQueen's work has been featured in publications such as The Guardian, Forbes, and CNN.
Dad Edge Podcast
A podcast hosted by Larry Hagnar that focuses on empowering fathers and creating positive change in families and communities. The podcast features interviews with experts and thought leaders on topics related to fatherhood, leadership, relationships, and personal growth.
Persuasion
The act of influencing someone's beliefs, attitudes, or behaviors. McQueen explores the principles of persuasion and how to effectively navigate conversations with people who are resistant to change.
Stubbornness
A tendency to resist change or new ideas. McQueen discusses the psychological roots of stubbornness and how to approach conversations with stubborn people in a way that fosters understanding and growth.
Authenticity
The quality of being true to oneself and one's values. McQueen emphasizes the importance of authenticity in building trust and creating a genuine connection with others.
Vulnerability
The state of being open and honest about one's feelings and experiences. McQueen argues that vulnerability is essential for building trust and fostering empathy.
Q&A
What does it mean to be "Mindstuck"?
Being "Mindstuck" means having a fixed or rigid mindset that makes it difficult to change your mind. It's often associated with stubbornness, closed-mindedness, and an inability to grow or adapt to new ideas or perspectives.
How can I build trust with someone who is stubborn?
To build trust with a stubborn person, focus on authenticity, vulnerability, and self-deprecation. Share your own stories, acknowledge their feelings, and be open to learning from them. Going for a walk together can also help create synchronicity and release oxytocin, which promotes trust.
What are some effective ways to persuade children?
When persuading children, speak aspirationally about their positive traits and use questions that encourage reflection. Avoid using the word "why" in your questions, as it can trigger defensiveness. Instead, ask open-ended questions that allow them to think out loud and come to their own conclusions.
How can I avoid manipulation and coercion when having difficult conversations with my children?
The key is to check your intentions. Are you genuinely trying to help your child, or are you just trying to get your way? If you're focused on their well-being, you're more likely to have a productive conversation. Acknowledge their feelings, be open to their perspective, and be willing to apologize if you've overstepped.
What are some practical tips for navigating tense conversations?
In tense conversations, acknowledge the awkwardness and call out the other person's feelings. This can help disarm them and build trust. Be open and vulnerable, and avoid a preachy or controlling tone. Focus on understanding their perspective and being willing to learn from them.
How can I connect with Michael McQueen?
You can connect with Michael McQueen on his website, MichaelMcQueen.net, or Mindstuck.net. He is also active on LinkedIn and shares content regularly.
What is the importance of psychological safety in conversations?
Psychological safety is essential for open and honest communication. When people feel safe to express themselves without fear of judgment or reprisal, they are more likely to listen, learn, and grow.
How can I use stories to persuade others?
Stories can be powerful tools for persuasion, but they should be used strategically. Share your own stories about mistakes you've made or lessons you've learned, but do so before the other person is in a situation where they need to apply those lessons. This will help them see the value of your experience without feeling manipulated.
What is the difference between manipulation and persuasion?
Manipulation is about getting your way at the expense of the other person. Persuasion, on the other hand, is about helping the other person see a different perspective and make a choice that is in their best interest. The key difference lies in the intention.
Show Notes
Michael McQueen is a multi-award winning speaker, change strategist, and bestselling author of 10 books who has helped top brands like Google, Toyota, and Mastercard navigate uncertainty. A regular commentator on TV and radio, he has spoken to over 500,000 people across 5 continents and shared the stage with figures like Bill Gates, Mel Robbins, and Steve Wozniak, earning induction into the Professional Speakers Hall of Fame.
Today, Michael McQueen and Larry Hagner discuss the concept of being "mindstuck" and how it affects our ability to change our minds easily. They explore the importance of building trust and creating a safe environment for effective persuasion, especially when dealing with children and teenagers. Michael also shares valuable insights on how to approach conversations with kids, emphasizing the power of aspiration, authenticity, and vulnerability in guiding their behavior.
The conversation delves into the significance of asking open-ended questions and avoiding confrontational language, such as starting questions with "why." Michael then highlights the impact of encouragement and storytelling in influencing children's decisions and behaviors. He emphasizes the value of being open-minded as a parent, acknowledging when children offer new perspectives and being willing to learn from them.
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