We begin with a powerful example of breaking generational cycles: Brian shares a breakthrough moment with his daughter, helping her process bullying instead of telling her to "toughen up" . This shifts to an exploration of Brian's own history—the "very good reasons" for his perfectionism and "hard outer shell," tracing back to a critical teacher and feelings of abandonment .

We unpack the concept of "running on empty." Brian realizes his "short fuse" isn't just malice; it's the cost of a lifetime of over-functioning and burning the candle at both ends . The session culminates in a pivot toward accountability, with Brian owning "50%" of the negative cycle and acknowledging that his survival strategies are now sabotaging his marriage .

This week's prompt: Look at your own "bad behavior" in the relationship. How often do you allow yourself to really sit in "this is mine," without drifting back into explaining "why" it exists? Try to sit with the actual pain—the unresolved grief or shame—that the behavior is trying to manage .

Send your responses to this prompt or any questions/comments you have about the podcast via email or voice note to support@thesecurerelationship.com. Your submission might be featured on a future episode.

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