In this heartfelt and insightful episode, Dr. Cam sits down with Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the "Just Breathe" podcast, to discuss the journey of parenting an LGBTQ+ teen. Heather shares her personal experience with her son Connor’s coming out at 16 and how it inspired her mission to support parents of LGBTQ+ teens. In this conversation, Heather offers valuable advice on how to navigate your emotions, avoid common pitfalls, and create a safe, inclusive space for your teen.

What You'll Learn in This Episode:

• Why your LGBTQ+ teen is often already sure of their identity when they come out—and what that means for you as a parent.


• The #1 question you should never ask your LGBTQ+ teen (and what to ask instead).


• How to support your LGBTQ+ teen through their coming out journey without unintentionally causing harm.


• Why your teen’s social media activity isn’t “influencing” their identity, but rather helping them find community and support.


• The importance of processing your own emotions with trusted friends or professionals, rather than relying on your teen for emotional support.

Top 5 Takeaways for Parents of Teens

1. The most important thing parents can do is provide unconditional love and support, making home a safe space for their LGBTQ+ teen.


2. Parents should process their own emotions and questions with professionals or trusted friends, not with their child.


3. Social media isn't "influencing" teens to be LGBTQ+; it's helping them find community and understand themselves better.


4. When you make mistakes (like using wrong pronouns), acknowledge them simply and move on without making a big deal about it.


5. Focus on who your child is as a whole person rather than fixating on their LGBTQ+ identity
   
   

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Resources Mentioned in This Episode:

• Podcast: Just Breathe, Parenting Your LGBTQ Teen (available on all podcast platforms)


• PFLAG: https://pflag.org/


• Trevor Project: https://www.thetrevorproject.org/


• GLAAD: https://glaad.org/

Connect with the Guest: Heather Hester:

• Website: https://chrysalismama.com


• Instagram: @chrysalismama


• TikTok: @chrysalismama

Connect with the host: Dr. Cam Caswell

• Website: AskDrCam.com


• Instagram: @DrCamCaswell


• TikTok: @the.teen.translator


• YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam


• Facebook: @DrCamCaswell

About the Show:

The Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam Podcast is your go-to resource for navigating the challenges of raising teenagers. Hosted by Dr. Cam Caswell, an adolescent psychologist and certified parenting coach, this podcast offers practical parenting strategies, expert advice, and real-world insights to help you build a stronger relationship with your teen and support their emotional growth. Whether you’re struggling with teenage behavior or looking to improve communication, each episode provides actionable tips to make parenting teens easier and more rewarding. Perfect for both new and seasoned parents, this podcast helps you build the confidence to handle teen challenges and thrive together. #theteentranslator #drcamcaswell #parentingteenswithdrcam

Chapters

00:00 Navigating the Challenges of Raising LGBTQ+ Teens

02:59 The Journey of Acceptance and Support

05:58 Understanding the Coming Out Process

09:05 The Importance of Unconditional Love

12:02 Addressing Parental Concerns and Misconceptions

15:03 The Role of Social Media in Identity Formation

17:51 Creating a Safe Space for LGBTQ+ Teens

21:03 The Path to Resilience and Acceptance

22:54 The Importance of Self-Education

25:04 Navigating Identity and Relationships

28:50 Understanding Loss and Expectations

30:32 Fluidity in Identity

33:14 Challenging Social Norms

36:01 Embracing Authenticity

39:12 Letting Go of Control

42:17 Supporting Resilience

FULL TRANSCRIPT

Dr. Cam (00:02 .402)

Welcome back, parents. Raising a teen is tough, but raising an LGBTQ+ teen comes with its own unique challenges. How do you create a safe, supportive space where your teen feels seen, heard, and empowered? Today, I'm joined by Heather Hester, founder of Chrysalis Mama and host of the Just Breathe podcast. With two LGBTQ+ kids of her own, Heather understands the importance of showing up with love, unlearning bias, and embracing the messy journey of parenting with pride. Hi, Heather.

Heather Hester (00:44 .509)

Hi, it's great to be here. Thank you for having me.

Dr. Cam (00:47 .016)

Of course! I love starting with a backstory. What inspired you to support parents of LGBTQ+ children?

Heather Hester (01:03 .539)

The short answer is having one, then two of my own. When my first came out, it was eight years ago—time flies. He was 16, the oldest of four, and we had no idea it was coming. The first 18 months were really rocky for him and for us. We struggled to find resources and support. Once we got through that, I realized that there were thousands of other families going through the same thing. I had to do something about it. So, I started a website to share the resources I found, like PFLAG, the Trevor Project, GLAAD, and others. From there, it grew. When he graduated and was about to go to college, I thought starting a podcast might help reach more people, and it’s been such a rewarding experience.

Dr. Cam (03:14 .955)

That's amazing.

Heather Hester (03:26 .227)

The podcast has allowed me to connect people with wisdom to an audience of parents and allies hungry for information.

Dr. Cam (03:42 .338)

I love that. Turning your story into help for others is so powerful. What went through your mind when your son first came out?

Heather Hester (03:57 .507)

It was a defining moment. My son came out in a dramatic way, running away while my husband and I were out of town. It was terrifying. I had been raised in a very conservative Christian home, so my initial reaction was, "There's no way my child is going to hell." That led to the realization that I had a lot to learn. The first thing my husband and I did was ask, "What does he need from us?" We had no idea where to begin. The first 30 minutes were a blur, and we realized we were completely underprepared.

Dr. Cam (05:55 .096)

What advice can you offer parents just starting on this journey?

Heather Hester (06:15 .399)

We tend to overcomplicate things, but the most important thing is to show your child unconditional love. They need to know we’ve got their back no matter what. Everything else comes from that space.

Heather Hester (she/her) (15:03 .131)

Yes, that’s a very common concern. I have two thoughts on that. First, it’s great that our kids now have access to find their people. When we were growing up, the reason many of our peers didn’t come out was because they didn’t know where to find others like them. They didn’t know who was safe to talk to or come out to. Now, with social media, they have that access.

Dr. Cam (15:38 .51)

All those connections.

Heather Hester (she/her) (15:38 .51)

Exactly. It can be a double-edged sword, though. Yes, social media has its dangers, but this access allows kids to find the communities they need. It helps them connect with others who understand their experience, even if those connections are online at first.

Dr. Cam (15:56 .036)

Right, and I think that fear parents have of social media influencing their child to "join a trend" is more rooted in a misunderstanding. It’s not about jumping on a bandwagon—it’s about their child coming to terms with who they’ve always been, just having the words or the space to express it now.

Heather Hester (16:14 .001)

Yes, exactly. And it’s important to remember that when a child comes out, they’ve often been thinking about it for a long time. They’ve already processed it in ways we may not have been aware of. And when they finally open up, they’re not looking for validation or attention—they just want to be seen for who they truly are.

Dr. Cam (16:28 .365)

Right. The idea of this being a "phase" can be damaging. It diminishes their experience and makes them question themselves. That’s why it’s so crucial for parents to approach this with openness, trust, and patience.

Heather Hester (16:42 .303)

Exactly. The last thing they need is for us to minimize their experience. They’re already dealing with a lot, and our job is to support them, not make them feel like they have to prove themselves our kids are able to find community and they are able to look at others and say, like they see representation, they see themselves and they're like, that's