Dr. Cam sits down with Leslie Cohen-Rubery, a clinical social worker, to tackle one of the toughest challenges parents face—handling teens with intense emotions. If you’ve ever felt like your child’s outbursts are out of control or completely illogical, this episode is for you. Leslie shares insights on emotional regulation, validation, and how to de-escalate heated moments. They also discuss why parents shouldn't try to "fix" their teen’s feelings and how reflection and repair after conflicts can strengthen your relationship.

WHAT YOU'LL LEARN IN THIS EPISODE

• Why your teen’s emotions aren’t as irrational as they seem


• The biological and social factors behind emotional outbursts


• How validation can calm a crisis and improve communication


• The power of witnessing emotions without rushing to fix them


• How to repair after a conflict and strengthen your connection

5 KEY TAKEAWAYS FOR PARENTS OF TEENS

1. Your child's intense emotions aren’t a reflection of your parenting. Feeling guilt or shame doesn’t help—understanding does.


2. Validation is a game-changer. Acknowledging your teen’s emotions without judgment helps them feel heard.


3. Your teen's brain is still developing. Their reactions may feel extreme, but there’s often a biological and social reason behind them.


4. Don’t rush to fix their emotions. Sometimes, just sitting with them in their discomfort is the best support.


5. Conflict can lead to growth. Post-conflict discussions should focus on solutions, not blame, to strengthen your relationship.

 
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EPISODE CHAPTERS

00:00 Understanding the 'Monster' in Our Teens

04:06 The Roots of Intense Emotions

09:45 Navigating Emotional Turbulence

14:00 Effective Strategies for De-escalation

20:01 Post-Conflict Reflection and Repair

30:09 Building a Strong Parent-Child Connection

 
CONNECT WITH OUR GUEST: Leslie Cohen-Rubery

• Facebook: @lesliecohenrubury


• Instagram: @lesliecohenrubury


• YouTube: @lesliecohenrubury


• TikTok: @lesliecohenrubury

 
CONNECT WITH YOUR HOST: Dr. Cam Caswell

• Website: AskDrCam.com


• Instagram: @DrCamCaswell


• TikTok: @the.teen.translator


• YouTube: Parenting Teens with Dr. Cam


• Facebook: @DrCamCaswell

 
THE FULL TRANSCRIPT

 

Dr. Cam (00:01 .902)

Hey parents, if your teen is prone to outbursts or dramatic reactions, this episode is for you. Joining us today is the insightful Leslie Cohen-Ruberry, a licensed clinical social worker with 39 years of experience supporting families. Leslie is the creator of the podcast, Is My Child a Monster? Where she helps parents navigate the often rocky waters of parenting.

 

In this episode, Leslie is going to share some effective strategies for addressing our teens' monstrous emotions. Welcome, Leslie.

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:35 .759)

Well, hello, thank you Dr. Cam for having me today.

 

Dr. Cam (00:39 .264)

Absolutely, let's start with, I always like to start with the backstory. How did you come up with the title and the idea of, is my child a monster?

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (00:48 .987)

Well, it's very real. And that's actually a piece of advice I might talk about later when we talk about how to be with our kids. It's about being real. So parents would come to me and in that very first session, they'd sit down and they'd say, is my child a monster? Like they really were upset and it upset them to ask that question. They felt guilty, they felt shame. Sometimes it was even more extreme. Is my child sociopathic? And I'm like, my heart broke. And I said, no.

 

And that is what I say every time I have not met a monster, every time a parent comes into me and says, is my child a monster? So it was very real. I heard it over and over again. And then when I thought about doing a podcast, said, I can't do anything but that title because you know, it's so powerful. And what it is, it's no, your child is not a monster, but they may be misunderstood. And that's the whole premise behind the podcast. That's where it came from.

 

And that's what therapy is about. some parents don't feel like their child's a monster, but many, many parents worry about their child and they don't understand their child. So it includes really all parents, not just the ones who think their child's a monster.

 

Dr. Cam (02:01 .482)

I love that and I think that is this ongoing fear that parents have saying, my gosh, did I mess my kid up? Is there something wrong with my kid? Is this normal? What are some of the behaviors you see the parents group into the term monster?

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (02:08 .15)

Well, the biggest one is what you sort of announced in the introduction, which is these big, intense emotions. Like a child having, one of my episodes is where the child is having a meltdown because the parent threw away or lost their acorn. And so from a parent's mind is you've got to be kidding me. You're having a meltdown over an acorn where there's literally thousands outside, we can go get another. So parents would, it's that's very typical. So intense emotions, like you wanted to go see that movie, why can't, why are you having a meltdown before we go in? These are all examples from, you know, podcast is like, parents get confused over, it feels like illogical, intense reactions and intense behaviors. So throwing things.

 

You know, withdrawing, won't talk, won't, you know, anything like that. When we get to teenagers, the behaviors get a little more scary and so do the emotions. So we're talking about teens who may be self-harming, may be extreme in their language to the parent. These power struggles get very intense. So it's usually intense behaviors or intense emotion.

 

Dr. Cam (03:39 .212)

First of all, parents, if your kids are acting this way and you have this fear, which I know a lot of you do, take a deep breath. We're going to talk about it and there is an explanation behind it. And when there's an explanation, there are solutions. So let's start first with some explanation. Where are these big overreactions over something seemingly ridiculously small? Where are they coming from?

 

Leslie Cohen-Rubury (04:06 .883)

Well, that's a long answer, but the short answer is your child is in emotion mind. And much of the skills that I'm going to talk about today come from dialectic behavior therapy. I am an intensively trained dialectic behavior therapist. and these skills are incredible for regulating emotions and disray and, also behavior. So dial the first thing is we want to recognize when our child is in emotion mind, because in that moment.

 

When the child is feeling that they are an emotion mind, which is an illogical, intense, often hot, heavy, you know, kind of experience. For the question that's a little bit larger context of where is this coming from, we have both a biological makeup and an environmental or social component, which is, you know, who your child is when they're born. And that part, we don't change. That part, we need to accept that this is who they are. We're not fixing their biological makeup. So some children are born highly, highly sensitive. They feel things intensely, whether they notice someone crying three blocks away or, you know, at the other end of the room or in the classroom or something like that. They take on, they feel other people's emotions. get, they may get overwhelmed by stimulation, by just being in a crowded place, why are they hesitating to go to a birthday party that they really wanna go to or go visit their friend. And so there's the biological piece that parents often wanna change, but we really need to remember acceptance is one of the more important strategies to actually teach and use. And then there's of course the social environment.

If your child, if you have one of these sensitive children and you're trying to get out of the house with your teenager and you're screaming at them, come on, I gave you 15 minutes, let's go, let's go. And you just like, there's nothing in your mind that says, why is this kid not getting out of the house? It's time to go to school. They're always late. When you get that kind of frustration and then you convey that because we're all human and it is frustrating. So when the parent is feeling that kind of frustration,

 

they may be conveying to the child unintentionally, you are bad, what is wrong with you? How come you can't do this? Or even if there's not that there may be a few siblings in the house and that child is the only one that's struggling. you know, everybody else is out the door catching the bus, whatever, they're there, they're doing it, they're struggling. And so they may think that they are a monster. They may think that they are bad. And that's the environment which is what does the fit look like between the environment and who this person is?

 

Dr. Cam (07:01 .342)

And Leslie, I think it's really important to point out that when we start reac